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Discussion Starter #1
Just a bit of a vent here.

I hate borrowing money from my mother.

I had to finally break down and call and ask her for money for part of my rent today. I'm so close to having a balanced budget but due to an issue with the late arrival of a rebate, I found myself $600 short on rent.

It was awful.

My mom is not a warm fuzzy person, first of all. Since Dad passed away she has been pretty tough to deal with.

When I called, I asked if she could please just say yes or no, not berate me. Fast forward to an hour and a half later, me in tears. I know that at 41 I'm too old to be begging for money. The need to ask for help in and of itself was humiliating.

She called me:

~ a loser
~ a fool with money
~ a bad mom
~ irresponsible
~ a terrible daughter

She reminded me of:

~ my failed "idiotic bead business"
~ that "shack" I bought
~ my car that I voluntarily gave back to Chrysler
~ my kids being "near starvation" (not sure when that supposedly happened)
~ quitting my job
~ being unable to work because of depression and anxiety issues that I apparently "made up" because I'm lazy
~ turning my back on my family and country because I live in Canada instead of the US

She told me I was a horrible disappointment to both her and my dad, my dad had been ashamed of me but didn't want to tell me, and that I threw all my "opportunities" in her face.

I suppose the pain and humiliation of this phone call is my interest on the loan. I feel so ill right now. If I was not on the verge of eviction, I would never have asked, but I can't let my kids be homeless
 

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Gee! That's about as harsh and hurtful as it gets. Times are so tough right now, and family is supposed to be "there" for us when they can be. I know I've been on both sides of the coin, and I know how hard it is to ask (my hubby was out of a job). But I've paid it forward in my family quite a few times. Some can repay, some can't, at least not yet. Others I knew needed it and I offered before they had to ask. But the point is we don't need to make people feel worse than they already do.

I'm sorry you went thru that, especially with your mom. My only advice is to only count on the money you're sure of, and be sure to pay your mom back asap. At least you can hold your head up knowing you did the right thing in the end. That stands for ALOT. At least in my book.

Hang in there!

Theresa :)
 

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I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can relate, my family isn't warm and fuzzy either.

Whatever she said, you know what the real truth is. Be very gentle with yourself today. (((hugs)))
 

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Wow! As a mother, I cannot imagine saying those things to one of my kids, no matter how frustrated I was with one of them. Looks like you're the type of mother that will break the cycle of abuse and not EVER talk like that to one of your kids, knowing how damaging it is to the individual and the relationship between parent and child. That is something positive to take away from the situation. If I was you, I'd send a letter back to her when you repay her, telling her how much her cruel words hurt you. I hope you find healing in your relationship with your mother. That's just really sad.
 

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I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Are there any assistance programs you could look in to? It sounds like you are over the limits of your budget.
 

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I'm so sorry! No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by their own mother. :hugz: Keep your chin up, you WILL get past this hard time!
 

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Your mom probably has other issues that she has yet to deal with and subconsciously she's taking them out on you. I'm sorry she's doing this to you. I'm going to guess you don't turn to her to borrow money often?

I think you did the right thing in turning to her in your time of need to provide for your girls vs asking for money to go on vacation or partying etc. It takes a lot of courage to ask to borrow money from family and in turn you swallowed your pride. I'd say you did the grown up thing here and sadly your mom couldn't be a grown up back to you. Judging from this situation...there will not be a next time b/c you will have your budget up to snuff and will be able to avoid situations like these.

Keep strong with your chin up...these are the roadblocks in life that will make you stronger.

:hug2:
I'm so sorry! No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by their own mother. :hugz: Keep your chin up, you WILL get past this hard time!
Actually my brother does deserve to be treated like that b/c all he's ever done is hold his hand out for money. He thinks its normal to borrow large sums of money to go on vacation and buy unnecessary 'things' for the heck of it vs repairing his own home which is collapsing/falling out from underneath him as we speak. He says there's intent to repay but not one effort has been made sincerely. Just wish my dad had a backbone to give him a reality check. Both my sister and I do it b/c we're tired of having to protect dad and his money from my brother.
 

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Hugs and Blessings to you, keep your chin up!
 

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Just :hugz:
 

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Just hugs.

I can't imagine why she would say such things, may she one day see the error in her ways and show kindness rather then cruelty.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Thank you for the kind words. I just turned the computer off and wallowed yesterday, but I'm up this morning feeling more optimistic.

Yes, she did send the money. Rent is paid and this month shall go on.

The rebate was a government thing, so it should have been definite money. However, because I moved, there was a mixup in addresses and I didn't recieve it.

My good news is this.

Now that the bank owns my house, today I am taking action. I am cancelling the utilities, which I had been paying so that it could be saleable. That is about $150 a month I will no longer be spending. I'm also canceling the insurance on the house, which was nearly $300. The rebate, which is because of my low income over the past couple of years, is a monthly thing, so this month I will get double. The day it arrives I am sending it via Moneygram back to my mom, with interest of 10%, so she will be paid back in full this month.

I see some light at the end of the tunnel. Without all of the house bills choking the life out of me, I can look forward to next month, paying everything on time, without undue stress.

I'm also going to see a bankruptcy attorney today regarding all of the financial chaos surrounding me, to see what my best option is.

Thank you for your kind words. I spent some time trying to wrap my brain around the situation with my mom. She really does have some deep issues, and the funny thing is, no one in her social circle would ever believe in a million years that she spoke to me like that. Everyone outside the immediate family thinks she is so much fun and so nice. But home was always like that, one guilt-inducing rant after another. My dad used to tell me this, and although it was harsh, it was so true. He always would shake his head when she launched into one of her tirades and say, "I want you to remember this, because it is a perfect example of how not to be. If you don't forgive others, God won't forgive you." So my battle is finding a way to forgive for the heart-breaking things she said. Paying back the money is easy. Letting go of the hurt is a lot tougher.

Your encouragement and suggestions mean the world. I feel very very hugged.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Did you actually get a letter that says the bank took possession of the house?
No, and neither did my realtor.

But the locks were changed and the shed has a chain around it.

My realtor (a close friend) is trying to get some information today - everything was closed yesterday for a statuatory holiday.
 

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Eh, at this point I wouldn't worry about it. Even if some bum got in and changed the locks and decided to take it over, I'd still let it go! You've got to much to worry about. No point in scooping buckets of water out of a sinking ship.

I'm sorry about your mom. I hope things start looking up for you.
 
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I hope your meeting with the bankruptcy lawyer go well...maybe you'll be able to file for a consumer proposal instead? Either way, sending you plenty of positive :vibes:
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I still have no answers about who locked up my house. I've left messages everywhere and am waiting to hear back. The financial trustee I spoke with said that it may have been done illegally since no one was notified. So I guess I'm paying the bills a little longer.

I filled out over 20 pages of financial info today - what fun! I also gathered up all of the supporting paperwork. I'm very ready to get some accurate information.
 
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