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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok I try to work things out in most situations, but I just kind of snapped at my sister today. I had a 20% off coupon for payless shoes. I was going to see if I could find some cheap, but nice looking flats for the two weddings I am in coming up. So I called her and asked if one of the two colors I found would work better than the other. She said you are going to wear either one to my wedding? I said well don't you think silver or black would look ok with brown? She said no it has to be brown, because the dresses are brown. I said really that is really asking alot since my feet went up a size after having my son and well paying for all this is putting some stress on me. I have some time for her wedding, but didn't want to have to buy two pairs.

I am so done being in weddings after this. I hate being in them and can't wait to be done. There I said it. I know that I should be more understanding it just really made me mad for some reason. I don't really have a question just venting.

Thanks
 

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Well, you do know of course that everyone is only attending the wedding for a chance to stare at your feet! At least, it's what your sister thinks! LOL!

No advice. I always feel for everyone involved in a wedding party.
 

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I narrowly avoided being in a wedding recently. I really feel for you. The brides are so focused on every detail being perfect that sometimes they have blinders on to everything else.

Personally, I think the silver shoes would be lovely with a brown dress. What colour is the other dress you are wearing? I suppose it is too much to wish for that it would be brown too!
 

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She hasn't picked out shoes for the bridesmaids? I would ask her to be specific about what she has envisioned so you can keep your eyes open for an inexpensive option.
 

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I think silver would look lovely with brown. You should talk to her kindly and tell her that the expense is stressing you out. I hate being in wedding parties so I feel for you. :hugz:
 

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Get the black shoes. The bride will be too busy to notice on the day of the wedding.
 
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~I sympathize with you. Being a bridesmaid can be an expensive burden. My attendants wore whatever dress and shoes they wanted. I truly didn't care.
BUT please please please don't wear silver or black shoes with a brown dress. I'm cringing just thinking about it.
Think of your new brown shoes as your gift to the bride. :thumb: ~
 

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Get the black shoes. The bride will be too busy to notice on the day of the wedding.
Second that. And don't even bring it up again. By the time she notices ( if she even does ) it's to late. Whichever pair that will go with both dresses. Black would be most "not outstanding" tho.
Daughter has been in a couple and what her friend or relative picks out for them is always something that she hates and will never wear again, shoes or dress. And these are not overly fancy weddings. If it had been something wearable again I wouldn't have minded paying a few dollars more for the ability to wear over and over. Just seems like a waste to me unless you're hitting the multi thousands of dollars for the wedding and everyone has the ability to buy the one time only stuff. Not everyone does.
 

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This bride would have noticed, especially black or silver with brown, sorry. However, I also paid for my attendants' clothing, shoes and hair, partly to make sure everything looked just how I wanted it to look, and partly so they wouldn't have to assume the cost of my wishes.
 

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This bride would have noticed, especially black or silver with brown, sorry. However, I also paid for my attendants' clothing, shoes and hair, partly to make sure everything looked just how I wanted it to look, and partly so they wouldn't have to assume the cost of my wishes.
Agree. No black or silver with brown. I would be paying as well if I wanted specific things...Being a bridesmaid el suckos sometimes.
 

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Do you have any friends with the same size shoe you might be able to borrow a pair from?

You could do a search over the internet to see if you can catch any clearance sales on shoes since brown tends to be worn more in winter.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Ok so I thought about it and really vented. I went ahead and bought the black shoes. Please don't hate me. (cringe) Now I am wishing that I had gotten the silver ones as the other bridesmaid dress is plum. Maybe I will just wear the black ones with the plum dress and really look for a deal on these brown shoes. I don't think I can say it enough times that I am not going to ever be in a wedding again.

If this wasn't for my sister and cousin I would have politely declined these last two.

Oh, by the way my mother thinks the black will be just fine with both dresses. Although I can see everyone's point on the black on brown debate. I made a decision to quickly I think.
 

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Are these long dresses? If so it really won't matter a bit!!
 

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I wouldn't wear black or silver shoes with the brown dress. But that's jmo! I would keep an eye out for inexpensive brown shoes.
 

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Neither black nor silver will look nice with brown. I understand your frustration with the situation, but unfortuantely, it comes with the territory when you agree to be a bridesmaid.

I disagree with hoping the bride is too busy to notice. It's her wedding and she will live with those photos for a very long time.

IMO, if you can't or are not willing to pay for what the bride requests, you should discuss it immediately upon being asked to be in the wedding. If you can't come to an agreement, then you should politely decline the "honor".
 

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This is your sister. Wear what she wants to honor her. Because its important to her, let it be important to you. Brides have so many details and therefore so much stress. Lessen her stress by doing as she asks. Let it be your gift to her.
Payless dyes shoes to match exactly. Not that expensive either. Just a thought.
 

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Neither black nor silver will look nice with brown. .
Yup. Doesn't work.

This is your sister. Wear what she wants to honor her. Because its important to her, let it be important to you. Brides have so many details and therefore so much stress. Lessen her stress by doing as she asks. Let it be your gift to her.
Payless dyes shoes to match exactly. Not that expensive either. Just a thought.
I saw a commercial that Payless is having BOGO. Buy the shoes and something for yourself half off! Score!
 

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I definitely wouldn't deliberately disregard the bride's wishes. It's quite common for a bride to specify shoe color (though usually they specify the actual shoe - like a dyed pump). She will indeed have to look at those pictures from now on and it will just piss her off over and over.
 

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Because its important to her, let it be important to you. Brides have so many details and therefore so much stress. Lessen her stress by doing as she asks.
Well, to be honest, most of the stress brides feel is needlessly self-inflicted (and yes, I am married and planned my wedding). However, once you agree to be a bridesmaid, you are sort of stuck with going along with whatever the plan is, unless you mention at the time of agreement that you have budget constraints and will need to compromise on some stuff.

Whatever shoes you choose, don't forget to look for some that are reasonably comfortable (you will be on your feet all day!) and that you can wear again to some event in your life (even if it's not to the other wedding you are in). Disposable shoes for any occasion are a waste, IMO.

Good luck reaching a compromise with your sister.

Kara
 

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I hate being told what to do. I tend to make my own rules. I especially hate being told how to dress and what's socially acceptable, and all that kind of thing.

But if I accepted an invitation to participate in a wedding, I would do what the bride wanted. I would realize before accepting that's the way it was going to be, and also accept that I might have to spend some money to meet someone else's expectations.

If I wanted to be in the wedding but didn't want to spend the money on the shoes, I'd find someone I could borrow a pair from.

And while I'm no fashionista, I wholeheartedly agree with the others who have said neither silver nor black would look good with brown.
 
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