[Rhiamon]

DD got bullied at school pretty bad on Friday. She was playing with another child when a boy came up behind her grabbed her and threw her down. Her knee connected with her jaw. The boy also made a motion of pointing at her and then running his finger across his neck. DD took this to mean that he was going to kill her. The school phoned me near the end of the day, and the principal gave me her version. When I saw DD after her after school program she was in tears and near a panic attack she was terrified to go back to school because she thinks this little boy is going to kill her. The principal never told me about that part of the indecent. The little boy I guess had some sort of consequence they never told me what it was but it was not suspension.
So here we are Monday and guess who I can't get to go to school. She has a course at the hospital today so I am going to try and talk to the person running it to see if they have any suggestions.
The kicker is I know this family, I ran into the mother taking her kids to school the one day and we knew each other from school. So I thought last winter that it would be great to reconnect and let the kids play together. This did not last very long for many reasons I choice to distance myself.
So how do I get DD to go back to school knowing she has to see this boy everyday because they are in the same class? I also am worried about sending her because I know what the other children in this family are capable of and I know that this boy has the same capability as his older siblings?
I am also spitting fire about the whole thing. I have emailed her teacher twice and am hoping he reply's today but I doubt it. This makes me so angry because we just had her IEP meeting a couple weeks ago and they said that they had no idea she was being bullied (bull crap because I have brought it up before) and that now they know they will put a stop to it. This school is supposed to have a zero tolerance so why did this boy not get suspended or expelled. If this had been the other way around because of my daughters issues you can bet she would have got suspended. I all ready had to switch schools once because the bullying got so bad. Her new Dr. said that she probably has a little PTSD because of the bullying from before. Now this!!!!!
GRRRRRR

 

[LuvMyHubby]

I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. As someone who was bullied as a child, I understand her fear and reluctance to go back to school.

I have no practical suggestions in dealing with the school or this kids parents and can only offer a huge hug. Is there anyone who may be a bit older that can maybe kind of look out for her during recess?

 

[LynnLC]

You know this family? Can you speak to the mother directly? I am the mother of 3 boys. If someone told me my child threw someone to the ground, my child would be dragged, by the neck, to your home to apologize and make things right...immediately.

Is there any other school of sorts your DD can attend that might be more in tune to her needs? I know both of you are really struggling.

 

[Spirit Deer]

If this kid threw your daughter to the ground, it's assault. Call the police.

Bullying is a fact of life. Personally, I don't think there's any way to stop it. That does not mean it should be tolerated in theory, but in reality, there's no way to completely stop it. No matter what you do, there are going to be negative consequences for your daughter.

Can you sit with your daughter through some of her classes to help her get back into the school scene?

Good luck. It's too bad this happened. Maybe a chat with your daughter's therapist would help.

I'm with you, Lynn. Our kids would have had similar consequences if I heard about such behavior.

 

[nuisance26]

~I'm going agree with SD. If you have an adult witness, than you absolutely should file a police report. The appearance of uniformed folks at the bully's home may well snap him back into shape. If nothing else, it will teach your daughter to be proactive about abuse and get the bully's name on file for any future incidents with her or another child.
((hugs)) ~

 

[LynnLC]

If this kid threw your daughter to the ground, it's assault. Call the police.

Bullying is a fact of life. Personally, I don't think there's any way to stop it. That does not mean it should be tolerated in theory, but in reality, there's no way to completely stop it. No matter what you do, there are going to be negative consequences for your daughter.

Can you sit with your daughter through some of her classes to help her get back into the school scene?

Good luck. It's too bad this happened. Maybe a chat with your daughter's therapist would help.

I'm with you, Lynn. Our kids would have had similar consequences if I heard about such behavior.

Yes, SD. My kids know that if I found out they assaulted another kid ( obviously not in self defense) I would be at the school in a NY minute, my head would spin off my shoulders and their world would come to a crashing halt. Instantly. What is wrong with this mother who assaulted Rhiamon's DD and has not called her immediately? What in the hell is going on in this world? Parent your kids, people. This frustrates me so...

 

[SueBee49]

No kids, but with the others in terms of notifying the police. And since the school principal gave you "her version" there is already documentation. And exactly what is "her version" and where did she obtain that "version."

I would like to think nothing long-term will happen to the little boy since, truth is, kids will bully. However, I think it's a lesson he needs to learn pronto...you can't terrorize people and get off scott free.

 

[Rhiamon]

Because of the reason of distancing myself I will not contact the parents. It very well could get dangerous for both DD and myself so I will not contact the parents.(Lots of stuff I found out) If she were contact me to say sorry or what ever that would have been great. If the bully was DD I would have made her write an apology letter take it to the child's door step and made her apologize to the chlid and family, and then she would be grounded for forever.
I had her write and apology letter to the people down stairs at one point because she had a tantrum stomped on the floor and woke them up. I made her take it down stairs and give it to them and say she was sorry. I am trying to teach her that there are other people in the world and you need to make amends for your behavior if it effects another person. If that makes sense?
I did get two emails from her teacher this morning and one from the principal claiming she had no idea about the boy making the "gesture" towards dd. The are telling me they are going to change some yard supervision and make sure DD is watched and safe and they are going to tell this boy to stay away from her. Kind of hard because they are in the same class and there is only one grade 4 class in the school. I will let the school know that if it happens again or this boy makes another "gesture" as they like to call I will be calling the police and pressing charges, I also let them know in the email that I have told DD to defend herself.
The problem was there was no adult witness. They were taking the boys word of what happened over DD's which I also told them in the email today was NOT what happened.
When I was a kid I was bullied pretty bad and beat up many times. My mom finally told me to defend myself, I started boxing and it stopped when the kids realized I could knock them on there a$$ or knock them out. I know from looking at me it is hard to tell I was ever in that good of shape but I was.
I all ready had to transfer her from one school because the bullying was so bad. I am just so angry right now that I have had to reread all my emails before sending them to make sure I came across as professional the school should also know by now (with the amount of times I am there talking to them plus they told me it was good to see a mother so involved and committed to their child) that I am an extremely involved parent and will not tolerate this happening again.

 

[shp1055]

I agree with SD, but I would add: documentation & more documentation; get everything & I mean everything in writing; when you go in to the school, lay a tape recorder on the table between you; create a journal in addition to emails; it's evidence. Also, if it continues tell the school that if it is not addressed to your satisfaction you will write a letter to the editor of your local paper & will provide them with your backup documentation.

 

[LynnLC]

Dangerous? If this family is dangerous then that boy doesn't have a prayer and will only continue to get worse... Considering DD has other issues right now, is she able to defend herself? I'd hate to see additional stress put on her in grade 4. JMHO

 

[SueBee49]

I have a hard time understanding the dangerous thing. Seems your daughter being knocked to the ground is dangerous in and of itself. Nonetheless, if you are really afraid of these people and the school doesn't seem to be very reactive to the situation, you might want to consider turning the issue over to the school board.

Bullying is not anything tolerated in this day by most school systems.

 

[imagine]

When we were dealing with Bullying of Little Miss. We wanted the school as an ally. We approached the situation as we need to be a team, that we needed their help. Which we did, we needed them to watching out of Little Miss, protecting her. We praised them for every step they made toward protection.

We tried very hard to stay calm and encouraging of their efforts ( no matter how small they were) we definitely did not want them to get on the defensive and feel they needed to protect themselves from us. Again we wanted them as an ally.

It ended up working very well for us.

I wish you and your DD good luck, good wishes, and positive thoughts as you travel though this trail in her life. (((HUGS)))

 

[FrabjousDay]

I would encourage you to ask the school for a copy of their written policies on bullying. It can provide helpful information on what you can/should expect in terms of response, and allow you to more effectively advocate for your daughter. Many times schools are not fully living up to what is outlined in their policies.

 

[oheoh's momma]

I am so sorry I have no advice just prayers...she has been through so much.. U too mom....

 

[Hamada]

Sending hugs to you and your daughter. Try to start encourage your daughter to start speaking loudly when someone touches her or makes a gesture. Such as I saw that, I saw the gesture you made, etc. Keep in contact with the school about your childs welfare, find out who your daughter should speak to immediately following any type of incident. This may help your daughter feel safer. Speak with your childs team and advise them she needs skills and tools to help her with handling the bully. Also, when she is allowed to defend herself and how to defend herself.

Most bullies need to know you will not put up with it anymore.

 

[Nana2two]

Sad part about all this is. The school knows your daughter has some behavior issues. They are more apt to take the other child side. I know with my son he is disabled but t had really bad outurst, to the point this one kid bullied him one to many times and my son picked up a chair and threw it at the kid. Of course they sided with the other kids. I seen this all the time. THe teachers and office people turn the other way when you have a "problem child" as my son was labeled. Im sure they seen what happen and im sure they were told what happen, but again they know the issues with your daughter they would lie so they don't get the police involved or a law suit filed. I hope things are better for your daughter,

 

[Nishu]

This is so infuriating. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I was bullied as a kid too, and there were times that I was completely unable to focus on my education because of it. That's a shame too, because your daughter is entitled to an education and that boy is keeping her from it in my view.

And my kid would also be dragged by the scruff of the neck and be forced to apologize. (I had to do that more or less... One time.)

In my case, the school did not act because the kid denied it. He was a repeat offender from a notoriously poorly behaved and violent family and I was a quiet introvert that barely spoke to anyone let alone make complaints... I can see how they'd be so conflicted. *eyeroll*

My kids are homeschooled so we don't have to deal with this, but when I hear stories like this I can't help but think that I would be calling the police. I know to a certain extent that children will be children and I respect that position, but on the other hand, if this had happened between two adults, this kid would be in jail. And children are even less able to handle that kind of treatment than adults are, so we do we tolerate that kind of bs when it happens to our kids?

If the school is not responding and you can't go to the other parents, I would tell them that your next step would be to contact the police. That will get their attention, if nothing else. I doubt at that point you'd actually have to call the police, you know? They don't want the police involved and they don't want a lawsuit or media attention.

Anyhow, good luck to you. I'm sorry your DD has to deal with this.

 

[FrugalKat]

If this kid threw your daughter to the ground, it's assault. Call the police.

I agree! And I wouldn't care how old the little bstard is. Let it be a lesson to him and his MOM. She obviously hasn't raised her brood very well.

 

[CrazyCat]

You need to empower your daughter. Show her some moves to defend herself.
You can't get away from bullies...even in adulthood.
I've taught both my boys...not to back down from bullies because if you do...it's a green light for them to continue the abuse. ~
Hve you ever watched the show with Vin Diesel where he's a bodyguard for a women with a bunch of kids....?(Can't remember the name)~but the brownie girls were getting beat up by the boy scouts...until he taught them some defense moves. I know it's only a movie, but it rings true.
Good Luck~!