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But what can I do????

2089 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  kita
I am hoping to adopt as a single parent. My financial ducks are not in a row so that MUST be done first. I know that. I would really like to have a 3-6 months EF before I start. It just makes sense to me.
But I really want to feel like I am working towards the goal of adoption NOW. The problem is that I am going to adopt through fostercare and I don't even know the ages or gender of my kids yet. What can I do to prepare?
Someone suggested that I read a few books on RAD. Hopefully it won't terrify me too badly...Does anyone have titles to recommend?
I also thought I could look around for sheets...even if a miracle happens and I get a baby, it will eventually be sleeping in a twin.
And books in the young adult genre. Can never have too many young adult novels is one of my mantras.
Does anyone have any other ideas?

ps. One of things I am going to do to keep my hands busy is scrapbooking a prayer journal using a second-hand copy of "What to expect when you are expecting" as pages, decorating it with found materials and personal prayers. A friend described something similar that she did in a women's retreat. I figure that even if are nine and ten now, God works backwards and forwards in time so...
And as I write this description it has struck me how appropriate it will be to use a secondhand book and found materials to make something beautiful and spiritual. A bit of a metaphor for adoption itself....
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Hi there - I'm also single and doing private adoption via a facilitator - I'm waiting for a newborn baby girl at least 50 percent Caucasian. A few questions for you:
I think I know the answer to most of these questions....

What age are you wanting to adopt? Usually when you start the homestudy process they want you to pick an age range. My sis adopted via foster care in L.A. - she had said she wanted a set of girl siblings between the ages of 3-8. She ended up with a four year old girl. She is now adopting the girl's older sister who is 11. Ideally I would like a sibling set under the age of five or so. Preferably with at least one girl. I would consider a sibling set with an older child in it if there is a younger child to "anchor" the family. I don't see myself adopting a couple of teens because it seems like the time for my influence and ability to create us into a family is so short.

Are you adopting interracially? If so, what races are you open to? You might start reading books about adopting interracially.When I started considering adopting I wanted to adopt internationally. But as I have realized that I am not goingto be able to get back into teaching I have also realized that it will be financially impossible.

Have you looked into the homestudy process? It can take a while, depending on how organized/good your social worker is and how fast you get your stuff done. You might want to start the homestudy process, knowing that you can be saving while you're doing it. My homestudy took about three months and I had a really good social worker and I was really on top of stuff - I think my sister's took six months or more. My concern with the homestudy processs is that I don't think I would pass it right now. I still have some debt and my income is only enough for one child. The homestudy forms I have seen have had the question "have you ever failed a homestudy for any reason?" Until I am comfortable that I can pass for two children, I dont' want to start the homestudy process.

Adoption can take a while -depending on your criteria. Have you thought about what emotional/physical challenges you're open to the child having? Something to think about. My sis was open only to very minor physical/emotional challenges because being a single parent is hard enough without adding the other issues. My sis took 2.5 years to adopt, although she rejected one adoption because it was a baby and she didn't want a baby. I am afraid I am with your sister on this. I am lttle terrified that they will look at my background and try to push a child with a lot of issues onto me. "But look, you have experience with autism and mental retardation and feeding tubes!! And wheelchairs. You can do Range of Motion exercises! We have the perfect child for you!" Of course I know exactly what those problems entail and think that it is not for this single parent. Some issues I am willing to work with. Aspergers maybe. Deaf okay. Clubfoot...great. I would take a baby in a heartbeat.

What drugs are you open to the birth mother having used/the child having been exposed to? I am only open to a child exposed to marijuana/light drinking. As a single person, I just don't feel I can take on a child who had a heavy drug exposure. It depends on the age of the child. I have heard that if you get a newborn, they are miserable for six months or so, but then the effects are lessened. When you combine drug exposure with poor parenting, that is when you get some real issues. So I have heard.

While you're waiting to adopt you can always be saving money. I am totally in favor of having EF, but adoption almost always takes longer than expected and you'll have lots of time to save. You may take the time to get your ducks in a row, only to find then that you're waiting and waiting and waiting. I've been waiting almost two years now...sigh...I jumped right into adoption after failed fertility treatments. Sadly,it isn't the saved money that i am concerned about. It is that my job doesn't have regular hours or steady hours. Daycare would be a nightmare. And my income would only support one child according to the stats I have seen.

If you aren't a member, you might want to join Single Mothers by Choice - lots of support there for single women who choose to become moms.
I have heard of them but I don't think there is one nearby. My oddball schedule makes it difficult to keep an evening open for meetings....

Thanks for the reply. I'll keep you posted as things change. First thing I know is that I need to get a different job....
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