[perSue]

i'll try to keep this short & to the point.

i have none of my own, but have a step son who i enjoy VERY much. i never wanted kids of my own... but i do get the not so subtle "when will i get a grandchild from you?" or the less than sympathetic "you NEED to have children to have a happy/fulfilled/etc life."
this sounds silly to me - as I've known many ppl who live wonderful, fulfilled lives w/out kids of their own.

i'm wondering if others in your life have made comments or hints about wanting YOU to have kids? are there any regrets w/not having any of your own? what is your response when people make these out of place comments?

 

[mommy4ever]

I can't speak for myself. I have 4 kids..lol. But my brother always said he didn't want any, and then later on they did change their minds, and couldn't have any, they have adopted 4.

I had a neighbor that at 23 had a tubal ligation and never regretted having it.

Dh has cousins that due to genetic conditions on both sides chose not to have kids. Don't know if they'll adopt later on or not.

It's a very personal choice. Some people may change their minds, others may not.

 

[thesightofoneself]

my mother wants grandchildren. :: shrugs :: time. she might get them or she might get a granddog.

 

[vigilant20]

I've never wanted children, am not shy about not wanting them around (kids aren't allowed in my house), and didn't even play with other children when I was one.

Even so, I get the grandchildren hints all the time...and I'm not even married! I'll have to bring up next time how upset they'd be if I really gave them one right now

 

[tbs727]

I occasionally hear comments from my family. DH's family never says anything. Well, his mom doesn't. The extended family does (as if it's any of their business!) but we don't see them very often.

I guess everyone has just accepted that we will have (adopt) children when we're ready. I'm 28, he's 38 and we've been married for 8 1/2 years. They've just gotten tired of hinting, I guess.

 

[The Muse]

Lucky for me, DH's parents think we're smart for not having kids, so no issue there. The only semi-issue I've had is DH's grandmother telling me that "all women want children", I gave her a snappy reply, DH backed me up, and that's last I heard of it.

I've gotten some less than enthusiastic comments from coworkers and such, but I usually just say something along the lines of "that's a personal topic and I'm not comfortable discussing it." Let them draw their own conclusions. I don't think it's anyone's business why I don't have children. How do they know I'm not desperately TTC. Thankfully, I'm not, but you just never know someone's situation.

With an estimated 250,000 people being born everyday, I don't know why it matters so much to people whether or not I'm contributing to population growth.

I do not regret my decision. I'm very happy with my life and do not feel like I'm missing out on anything. I actually have nightmares about being pregnant, being a mother, etc. It's just not for me, and I'm OK with that, even if other people aren't.

 

[fixer]

My Fil has made comments about wanting grandchildren. Dw pays no attention. The only regret I have about having no children is that we never really made a decision. When we married, we were both working like crazy at our respective jobs. During our first few years of marriage, I would tell people we don't have the time to make a baby much less raise one. I wish we would have talked about it instead of waking up one morning and realizing it was too late.

 

[Contrary Housewife]

Nobody ever asked me. My mom did say something to the effect of "You're not going to have kids are you," to me over Christmas, but it was more a statement of fact than a complaint. My brothers are busy making babies for her to play with, so I'm not under any pressure.

My in-laws never brought it up, with me anyway.

 

[madhen]

I knew from the time I was a kid, myself, that I didn't want any children. I send my mother Mother's Day cards from her "grandkids" (the parrots and the dogs), and she rolls her eyes, but I think she likes it. I don't think of my animals as pseudo-children, and no self-respecting dog of mine gets dressed up for Christmas card photos, but I do think the presence of so many other lives, albeit non-human ones, in my immediate environment keeps any desire for companionship satisfied.

My mother always says I am smart for not having children, because then they can't break my heart like her children have broken hers. (Did I mention that my mother is a a martyr?) But she also says I'll regret it some day, when I'm old and alone, and I have no family to which I can turn or to mourn me when I die. (Did I mention she is also REALLY a downer to be around?) I just tell her, Mom, I LOVE being alone. I have been alone pretty much all my life, and I can say, in all honesty, that while I have, at times, FELT alone, I have never, EVER felt lonely. So I think I will be okay without people in my life. And when I die, I won't really care much about whether anyone shows up to mourn me, because I'LL BE DEAD.

 

[MisaLady]

It has been six years since I've gotten my tubes tied and my mom is still sore about it. I'm just honest "I did not and do not now want children."

 

[JanieD]

I've found I can't win with most people. Doesn't matter what I say, it doesn't change how they feel about having children. I'm happy with my decision & I can't make most understand since they have children or want children. I try to change the subject, but sometimes I just have to walk away.

I just recently got the third degree from someone I don't even know well. She knows I'll reget it & hopes I change my mind... PLEASE get a life. People need to stay out of my business! I mentioned to several family members how I couldn't believe how this person went on & on. They seemed more understanding of the her view than mine. Others just don't get children aren't for everyone.

My family seems ok with our decision, but DH's mom is still holding out hope. She often says things to try & change my mind... like I haven't thought it through. I really thought since we have been married years now that people would accept we don't have kids. Seems some aren't happy to leave it at that. Its pretty annoying.

 

[lgw]

DH and I don't get comments anymore, since we're now in our early 40s. I have rare moments when I wonder what it would have been like to have kids, but usually I snap out of it when I realize how rich my life is without children. My folks are fine with DH and I not having children. My Brother and SIL also are not having kids, which means Mom and Dad won't be grandparents, which also is fine with them. But they have several "grandcats."

 

[MingKitty]

Oh Yeah...

umm - sorry - this posted twice. Deleting one post... :shrug2:

 

[MingKitty]

Oh Yeah...

Married 22 years now - and the insensitive questions about WHY I haven't had kids only stopped after my husband had cancer - it was well known his chemotherapy would likely make him sterile, not to mention he lost some of his *equipment* from surgeries.

Now? Now I get the stupid *why don't you adopt?* questions.

Here's how I have countered it before his cancer; When I was asked why we hadn't had kids by one of his immediate or extended family (mine knew better than to ask), I would reply with this: "I'll tell you what. When you are ready to discuss your finances with me, show me your bank accounts, give me a full detail of all your marital relations, THEN I will happily sit and discuss with you the personal and very private choices that we, as a married couple, have made."

Yeah. That pretty much killed the festive mood at a family reunion one year early on in our marriage. I made it clear that I considered that personal and private. I'll happily swap private things if they are willing to do so. :jabber:

Funny how most of it stopped from his family.