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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well I have been sitting here all morning looking at the computer and trying to decide whether to unload on you guys or not. If you have read my prayer request under April you know that I have been in a terrible mess - brought on by my stupidity - for quite some time. I have gotten so scared of this guy now that I am barely able to function anymore. I now know what truly terrified is.

Yesterday, I took the day off and went to the house that I am trying to get ready to rent out to do a little cleaning, some painting etc. I was there alone and so, so scared. I had made it until 1:00 when I hear someone beating the front door. I am in the basement painting with the sliding glass door and its broken lock. No safety there. I went upstairs and looked thru the peep hole and it was him and he was pounding the door. I just lost it. I jerked the door open and told him to leave me alone. yada, yada, yada. He went crazy, told me he loved me, I was his, etc. It was terrible. I literally begged him to go away and leave me alone, told him I didn't want to be around people, just anything to try and get him to go away. He got pissed, real pissed and told me that he would get me, dd and SO. That my life would be miserable, that he would not leave me alone, etc.

I shut the door and called a girl friend. I was completely hysterical. She got to me in about 10 minutes and I had to tell her everything. Everything about the affair, about all the years of stalking, everything. God bless her, she still stood by me. I told her I was afraid of SO and what he might do to me, etc. and then I decided I just did not care anymore. He could put me out on the street that day with the clothes on my back, I was going to tell him everything. I was sick and tired of being scared of both of them all the time. I woke up scared and went to sleep scared. My dd stayed with her and I told so the whole ugly story. It was terrible. He did go to the stalker and tell him to leave me alone, lots of angry words, I got called everything imaginable by the stalker and then we went to the police - they can't do anything until the guy actually hurts me - can you believe it. So it ended with SO following me home so that I wasn't killed on the way and now him and I are barely speaking. He told me I could stay at the farm but that we are basically finished. We now exist only for dd's sake. I can't say that I blame him but in the back of my mind, I still think that if he had been loving and decent to me, maybe this would have never happed. He is so cold and distant. He does not ever hold me, or kiss me or anything else. He never says he loves me or anything, he just cares for dd.

There I said it. It looks even worse when typed out. I am probably in more danger from the stalker now than ever. I am dead inside and can't even muster up enough strength to care. I have no idea what I will do, other than continue to watch for the stalker and to stay in my part of the house and away from SO as much as I can. I am just numb right now and I appreciate your letting me unload. I hope your opinion of me is not to terrible, my opinion of me is.
 

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Sweetie, my opinion has not changed about you at all. We all get into situations that may not be the same has yours but still are situations that play havoc with our lives. Thats all a part of life - there isn't one of us who hasn't I'm sure.

Were here for you and if you need to vent or talk, go ahead. You can pm me if you want.

Just know I'm sending lots of :hugz: Please keep safe.
 

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Oh Pat, my heart aches for you. To have so many emotions going on at once must be so overwhelming. I'm glad you have told others so they can help keep you and you dd safe. The stalker had more leverage when things were a big secret. Hopefully now he'll take the hint and leave you alone.
Please don't torture yourself over what if's and the past. Learn from it and go on. You are not a bad person and deserve to be treated with kindness and love. Please take good care and know I'm thinking of you.:heartsm:
 

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Heather Bob
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Pat, you are NOT a terrible person, please believe that!!!! I am so glad for you that everything is out in the open and issues can be dealt with. I am sending you tons of prayers and :hugz: Take care of yourself and we are always here for you!!:smball:
 

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Pat, I don't know what to say. Sending hugs and prayers of safety to you and your DD. You will get through this.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 

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I'm so sorry that this all is happening to you. Please go to court and get a restraining order. Then the police can do something if the stalker comes around you again. We were told to do this by our police dept when we were dealing with a stalker of our own. I pray that you and your daughter stay safe and that things get better real fast for you. :hugz:
 

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My thoughts and prayers are with you, it will be better with everything out in the open......

:hugz: :hugz:
 

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I will be praying for you, for your dd, for your SO, and for your friends and for the rest of your family and I will also be praying for this stalker.
 

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I agree with Debbie, see if you can get a restraining order so this guy can't come near you or your dd. Please be careful and take care! Perhaps in time you and your SO can work things out, maybe try some couples therapy or something, just give it some time and see what develops. Keeping you in my prayers. (((hugs)))
 

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Show this to the police and make them do something about it.....

Stalking Law

Virginia

18.2-60.3 Stalking; penalty. 1998.

A. Any person who on more than one occasion engages in conduct directed at another person with the intent to place, or with the knowledge that the conduct places, that other person in reasonable fear of death, criminal sexual assault, or bodily injury to that other person or to that other person's family or household member shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor.

B. A third or subsequent conviction occurring within five years of a conviction for an offense under this section or for a similar offense under the law of any other jurisdiction shall be a Class 6 felony.

C. A person may be convicted under this section irrespective of the jurisdiction or jurisdictions within the Commonwealth wherein the conduct described in subsection A occurred, if the person engaged in that conduct on at least one occasion in the jurisdiction where the person is tried. Evidence of any such conduct which occurred outside the Commonwealth may be admissible, if relevant, in any prosecution under this section provided that the prosecution is based upon conduct occurring within the Commonwealth.

D. Upon finding a person guilty under this section, the court shall, in addition to the sentence imposed, issue an order prohibiting contact between the defendant and the victim or the victim's family or household member.

E. The Department of Corrections, sheriff or regional jail director shall give notice prior to the release from a state correctional facility or a local or regional jail of any person incarcerated upon conviction of a violation of this section, to any victim of the offense who, in writing, requests notice, or to any person designated in writing by the victim. The notice shall be given at least fifteen days prior to release of a person sentenced to a term of incarceration of more than thirty days or, if the person was sentenced to a term of incarceration of at least forty-eight hours but no more than thirty days, twenty-four hours prior to release. If the person escapes, notice shall be given as soon as practicable following the escape. The victim shall keep the Department of Corrections, sheriff or regional jail director informed of the current mailing address and telephone number of the person named in the writing submitted to receive notice. All information relating to any person who receives or may receive notice under this subsection shall remain confidential and shall not be made available to the person convicted of violating this section. For purposes of this subsection, "release" includes a release of the offender from a state correctional facility or a local or regional jail (i) upon completion of his term of incarceration or (ii) on probation or parole. No civil liability shall attach to the Department of Corrections nor to any sheriff or regional jail director or their deputies or employees for a failure to comply with the requirements of this subsection.

F. As used in this section the term "family or household member" shall have the same meaning as provided in '16.1-228.

http://www.cotse.net/privacy/law/states/virginia.htm
 

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Pat, I was so busy finding info for you I didn't add what I really wanted to say to you ......... I love you, we all you !!!!!!!!!!
We have all made mistakes and I have made more than my share, I count on those who love me to be in my corner when I need them...... I am here for you, we all are....... Please insist that the authorities keep you safe !!!!!!!!!!!:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 

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FV Buddy aka Kellie Bob
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Yeah-what Lori said!! Please take care of you-and please don't leave the house without a cel phone in your pocket, not your purse, your pocket.
 

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Pat, so what you made a mistake.
i believe that you and your dh will be okay. He just needs time to digest this, at least you are not living under the threat of blackmail. Do what Lori says, and keep the cell phone in your pocket. Please dont go away from the village now, we will be sick with worry about you. Do keep us posted. Praying hard!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Okay I am still alive, well sorta anyway. I feel like crap and I am just as emotionally beaten down as can be, but I am still breathing and so is dd. DD is staying at a friend's house for a birthday party/sleepover and I am glad that she will be having fun and away from all this for at least one night. She will be safe there.

I really need to go back to the house in town and try to finish painting tonight but I am just not sure I will yet. Gotta think about it some today. SO and I are barely, just barely, speaking but at least I am not put out on the street and he is there to protect us. He is not willing to come to the house in town and help paint, etc. though - He has not helped fix that house up hardly any. He figures, I can just do it - I always have. Soon he will have to fix that lock on the sliding glass door though. There is just not much safety with a broken lock, is there.

I did go get pepper spray and I am keeping the cell phone on and with me at all times. I used to never even turn the cell phone on - things change. I did print out the stalker law - Thanks Lori - I am keeping a log now of when I see him lurking about and will take that to the police if he doesn't leave me alone. I do not expect him to leave me alone. I think he's just waiting for me to put my guard down and not be careful. I will be careful probably for the rest of my life now. I think I spotted him once yesterday when I was coming in to work from lunch, but I can't be 100% sure. He was hiding in the car on a side street.

Thank you for all the kind messages. I really do care about you villagers and am so glad you are just such wonderful people.
 

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A sliding door can be locked with a stick placed in the rail tray.....
NO LOCK IN THE WORLD WILL KEEP A DETERMINED PERSON FROM ENTERING !!!!!!!!!!!!! BE VERY CAREFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!
Have the police ask him what it is he wants, and tell him that is presence is unwanted...... Even if they are unwilling to arrest him, they should go and tell him that his behavior is illegle and tell him to leave you alone ! Insist on a citizen's arrest if need be.......

BTW.............. Get a dog !!!!!!!!!!! A BIG dog !!!!!!!
These kind of spinless men are usually terrified of dogs !!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Lori, I just think you are wonderful. I do have a stick in the door and luckily I am only there fixing up the house every now and then. SO's farm is way to far out for him to dare try and come to and we do have dogs there. I wish our police were a bit more concerned and cooperative but they insist that I must have documented proof or actual physical harm before they will intervene. I have often heard that laws are to protect criminals and not the innocent, I'm beginning to think its true.

On a brighter note, I did go out to the mall for lunch and just walk around. I needed to be out somewhere and the mall was the best thing I could come up with. Its raining here today I feel really droopy. The walk helped for a little while anyway. I was careful getting from the car to the mall door though. I called SO and told him I was okay and would be home right after I dropped off dd at the party, he was cold and distant. Oh well......
 

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You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please be very careful. Things will work out as they should,just be patien with S.O. He has had a huge shock too. Hugs!
 

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Pat, go take a self defense course and get a dog! My dog can and HAS protected me before. She is a medium sized breed (American Staffordshire Terrier--similar to a Pit) and only weighs around forty pounds but she packs a heck of a punch when she hits your chest! She can knock down a grown man without too much effort and her jaws could easily crack and arm bone if she decided I was being threatened. I am not trying to scare you, just letting you know that a dog is an excellent deterrent. These guys are usually wimps and will back down as soon as any force is exerted. Also, have you considered a concealed weapon? It needen't be a gun--a screw driver or a baseball bat work very well and don't require a permit.

Always carry your keys in your hands, interlaced between your fingers. They are a great weapon--jab him in the eyes. If you have your cell phone handy, use it like a rock to bash his nose. Don't thinkyou can do it? Believe me, you CAN.

Also, attitude means a lot. Walk like you own the world and most people will leave you alone. I realize that this is one sick person rather than a random unknown person, but this CAN make a difference!

Get your restraining order immediately and head to the pound for your dog. Take the dog everywhere you can with you.

Rememebr, we are not here to judge you. We are here to support you. Hang in there, kiddo and give him Hell!
 
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