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I have been married for 10 years. My husband is an absolute sports nut. I don't share his interests. He has season tickets (with a buddy) to his favorite college football team (they suck by the way). Two years ago we went on a family vacation and he agreed to miss one game for the trip- well his team actually won that game against a high ranked team. He was so mad at me because he missed that game that he was really nasty to me for hours. I finally told him he was being a total a$$ and if he could just get over it or leave.

The other thing going on with him is he has low testosterone. He went to the doctor two years ago (after a lot of fighting!) and had bloodwork done. I KNEW that was what was wrong with him, he is very moody and falls asleep as soon as he gets home from work (his job is not physically demanding) The doctor said his levels were not low enough for treatment, but he should have them checked every three months - which he refuses to do. He started some vitamins which have helped some, but he is still moody.

Our issue now is Thanksgiving. We usually go to my parents who live 500 miles away (we see his at Christmas). I usually make one other trip to see them during the year without hubby and they come see us usually twice a year. So his team is playing on Saturday. He wanted us to drive up north on Wednesday, stay for Thanksgiving and drive home on Friday so he could go to his game on Saturday. I told him no! So we still haven't figured this out, I told him just to stay home and we (me and the kids) would go without him. I am just SOO mad at him, I don't even want to talk to him. I know that I could guilt him into going, but it wouldn't be worth it. His attitude would be unbearable. I think he acts like a spoiled child. He thinks I am selfish to ask him to skip a game so I can spend more time with my family. And I think he is selfish and childish to expect me to cut short my family time so he can go to a stupid football game.

Thanks to anyone who actually read this... I don't know if I actually have a point. I just don't have anyone to talk about this with. So, I'll take any opinions... do you think I'm unreasonable?
 

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How much is his team paying him to be so loyal that he's putting his family at risk?

Seriously - I do not understand the sports obsession. Not one bit.
 

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Yeah, what Greebo said.
Thank God my hubby isn't into sports much. The only time he shows any interest is just to hang with the guys and drink some beer.

I really think you need to ask the hubby if the team means more to him then you do. I hope you can work this out in a way that makes you both happy.

Couldn't he just listen to the game on the radio or set the Tivo to record it or something?
 

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My hubby is a HUGE sports fan. He has to watch every Eagles, Flyers, Sixers, and Phillies game. If he doesn't he gets antsy...BUT he would NEVER not want to do something with the family to watch a game..that is where it would draw the line for me.
 

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You married him and with that comes every single thing about him that you chose to accept. Now that you two are married and it's becoming an issue, I think you should have thought it through beforehand.

We have to learn to love the ones we're with. That includes being tolerant of one's likes and dislikes. God teaches people to be accepting of others. Marriage isn't a way to get out of doing that.

He thinks you're being childish and selfish for a holiday. But you don't think you're being the same way with his sports?

I think you two need to come to a compromise on the sports and holiday thing. What about having your parents come to your place this year for Thanksgiving? If you really want family time on Thanksgiving with your family, and he wants to go to his game on Saturday, you need to bring the two together.

Besides, Saturday is the game. Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I don't think he's being unreasonable with going up on Wednesday, being there for Thursday and coming back on Friday. Do you seriously need more than three days with your family?

Just because you don't like what he likes, that doesn't make it stupid. That doesn't make him childish or selfish. Either you need to make an effort to appreciate that he has a hobby outside of the family or the marriage will continue to experience these problems.

My husband doesn't understand my fascination with a lot of things, but he makes the effort to show interest in them. I do the same for him. That makes it a fair marriage.

P.S. I have never really met a man that didn't like sports.
 

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You married him and with that comes every single thing about him that you chose to accept. Now that you two are married and it's becoming an issue, I think you should have thought it through beforehand.

We have to learn to love the ones we're with. That includes being tolerant of one's likes and dislikes. God teaches people to be accepting of others. Marriage isn't a way to get out of doing that.

He thinks you're being childish and selfish for a holiday. But you don't think you're being the same way with his sports?

I think you two need to come to a compromise on the sports and holiday thing. What about having your parents come to your place this year for Thanksgiving? If you really want family time on Thanksgiving with your family, and he wants to go to his game on Saturday, you need to bring the two together.

Besides, Saturday is the game. Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I don't think he's being unreasonable with going up on Wednesday, being there for Thursday and coming back on Friday. Do you seriously need more than three days with your family?

Just because you don't like what he likes, that doesn't make it stupid. That doesn't make him childish or selfish. Either you need to make an effort to appreciate that he has a hobby outside of the family or the marriage will continue to experience these problems.

My husband doesn't understand my fascination with a lot of things, but he makes the effort to show interest in them. I do the same for him. That makes it a fair marriage.

P.S. I have never really met a man that didn't like sports.
I would have to disagree with you. What if her DH did not start going sports crazy til after they got married? It could happen. My DH started getting video game crazy after we got married. I did not know he would be like that when we got married. I do have the choice to deal with it or not. I do deal with it though...

"He thinks you're being childish and selfish for a holiday. But you don't think you're being the same way with his sports?"
--I am not sure how she is being selfish. For wanting him to spend time with the family for the holidays and miss a game?
 

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P.S. I have never really met a man that didn't like sports.
Hi. I'm a man that doesn't like sports.

I can watch it, I can even kinda talk it. I don't care about it at all.
 
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Separate sports from it. Whether you get sports or like sports or anyone else does isn't the issue.

The issue here is that the husband has a hobby that takes up a regular commitment of his time, and he and his wife disagree strongly on how important it is. That's something they just have to work out amongst themselves, hopefully respecting each other's point of view.
 

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I don't see it any different from being addicted to...

Soap operas?
News?
Oprah?
Reality Shows?

I don't see his request to come home Friday as being unreasonable.

There are worse things to be addicted to besides sports. Is he fanatical throughout the year or just during college football?

Does he blow off his duties around the house? Does he miss work?
 

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You married him and with that comes every single thing about him that you chose to accept. Now that you two are married and it's becoming an issue, I think you should have thought it through beforehand.
I knew he loved sports, but his obsession has been getting deeper and deeper over the years. He was not like this when I married him.

He thinks you're being childish and selfish for a holiday. But you don't think you're being the same way with his sports?
Umm.. I guess I don't think so... He has gone to every other home game this year and watched every away game on TV and I haven't seen my family since July.

I think you two need to come to a compromise on the sports and holiday thing. What about having your parents come to your place this year for Thanksgiving? If you really want family time on Thanksgiving with your family, and he wants to go to his game on Saturday, you need to bring the two together.
Not an option- my brothers are coming from FL and MI - I'm not going to ask everyone to change their plans so hubby can go to a game.

Besides, Saturday is the game. Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I don't think he's being unreasonable with going up on Wednesday, being there for Thursday and coming back on Friday. Do you seriously need more than three days with your family?
UM, yeah I do... and it wouldn't be 3 days. it would be an 8 hour drive on Wed, Thanksgiving and an 8 hour drive home on Friday with two small kids. Sorry, but I think that would SUCK.

Just because you don't like what he likes, that doesn't make it stupid. That doesn't make him childish or selfish. Either you need to make an effort to appreciate that he has a hobby outside of the family or the marriage will continue to experience these problems.
Well, I guess I just don't agree... I don't think a hobby, any hobby, should come before family. He's gone to every other game. I have hobbies too. I run everyday and do races at least once a month, but I don't scheduly any if we have family stuff going on. I know he didn't schedule the football game, but he could watch it on TV. There is a sports bar near my parents house. That is what he did last year (he didn't have a ticket - it was an away game)
 

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I don't see it any different from being addicted to...

Soap operas?
News?
Oprah?
Reality Shows?

I don't see his request to come home Friday as being unreasonable.

There are worse things to be addicted to besides sports. Is he fanatical throughout the year or just during college football?

Does he blow off his duties around the house? Does he miss work?
Well, you are right- it's not really worse than any other addiction. I hardly watch TV (don't get a chance, he always has the remote!) But I think if he is putting sports above his family all the time then it is a problem. I'm not asking him to never watch sports again- just miss one game that he can watch on TV instead of going to.

He is most obsessive about football, but also loves college basketball. And yes, he has missed work to watch bowl games and march madness. He never does anything around the house except mow the grass and take out the trash.
 

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But I think if he is putting sports above his family all the timeIs it really all the time? then it is a problem. I'm not asking him to never watch sports again- just miss one game that he can watch on TV instead of going to.

He is most obsessive about football, but also loves college basketball. And yes, he has missed work to watch bowl games and march madness. (not good)
He never does anything around the house except mow the grass and take out the trash.
Any interaction with the kids?


I think he needs to re-evaluate whats important. You obviously are NOT happy and it needs to be addressed by him. Time for a sit down and have a face to face discussion. But BEFORE you do that, you need to have an idea of what you deem resaonable.
 

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From the OP, when Hubby *agreed* to miss a game for a vacation, then the team won, Hubby got really not respectful about it.

Now there's two possibilities here as I see it - one, Hubby agreed willingly. Two, hubby felt badgered into agreeing. In the former, such a response to finding out he'd missed a good game isn't justified. In the latter? Well...maybe a little.

Hubby has an option to SEE the game - just not in person - in this case. To see the game in person, he's willing to let his wife drive 8 hours each way with 2 kids. He's getting multiple days at home alone for his game, choosing *not* to spend time with his darling wife mother of his children's family.

That says a boatload to me about where hubby's values are.

Ink says, separate it from football. Make it about any hobby. Ok - would you put model ship building over a RARE trip to see people who are super important to your spouse?

And given that it's 8 hours EACH WAY, and he wants to spend 2 out of the 3 days driving... yeah, I think that is approaching unreasonable - from the wrong side.

If they were an hour away, sure, no biggie. We're talking here about crossing 2 or 3 states, however.
 
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That says a boatload to me about where hubby's values are.

Ink says, separate it from football. Make it about any hobby. Ok - would you put model ship building over a RARE trip to see people who are super important to your spouse?
See, I agree, but I also don't think it's productive to tell the OP (or for her to tell him) that those values are just wrong. That's not going to be a helpful response, whether it's correct or not.

If his obsession with sports is at a truly unhealthy level, she has three options:

1) Accept it and move on
2) Live with it grudgingly with little fights flaring up here and there, like she does now
3) Convince him to change.

Which one of these she prefers is entirely up to her. Obviously, I'd say 1 or 3 are probably the best options. 3 sounds appealing, but it's a long and painful process that is going to take more than just a few reasoned words in advance of the family vacation.
 

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For me, it is about setting priorities. If a hobby or interest comes before family, it is time to reaccess. Once you reach a certain age and have a family, it becomes about "them" not about "you".
 
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For me, it is about setting priorities. If a hobby or interest comes before family, it is time to reaccess. Once you reach a certain age and have a family, it becomes about "them" not about "you".
I think that no matter the person or the hobby, the person that you're asking to change is going to end up feeling resentful towards the person asking for the change. I know that if I asked DH not to play poker with his friends outside of the house anymore, he'd really get on my nerves. :D

Back to my original point, a marriage is all about compromise. It's about respecting the other person's likes/dislikes and being understanding as to why he/she likes/dislikes something in particular. By calling the other person's likes something stupid and childish, that's not being fair to the other person.

If the DH can't give up the game on Saturday, but the OP can't give up Thanksgiving with her family, I don't think either of them should be allowed to happen. Someone's gonna end up feeling resentful. If DH goes to the game and OP goes away for Thanksgiving, OP is going to be resentful that DH didn't come to Thanksgiving. If DH goes with OP to Thanksgiving, DH will be resentful that he missed the game. If DH goes to game and OP stays at home for Thanksgiving, OP will be resentful about not going to Thanksgiving.

Being resentful because one or the other can't give up something for the other person to enjoy what they want to enjoy equals someone being selfish. I like holidays as much as the next person, but not when they're marred by someone's actions and the negative feelings involved by someone not being able to compromise to make both parties happy.

The OP's DH has a fascination with something that's going to continue being a problem unless there's a sitdown and a discussion. If there's no compromise at that time, I see this same thing happening again and creating an unnecessary rift in the relationship.
 
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My husband loves sports too, but this is too much. I think you have every right to feel annoyed about his behavior. His dig his heels in attitude about not missing a game is unreasonable. That said, what's his attitude going to look like if you force him to stay that extra day at your parents? Is he going to be a donkey's behind and treat your family crappy, or walk around all sullen messing up everyone's holiday? and how's that 8 hour drive home going to be? 8 hours in a car with 2 kids and a husband having a temper tantrum does not sound like fun to me. If it were me I'd take 2 cars and tell him to drive home a day early if he had to. I'd rather have the peace and enjoy my holiday with my family. But, when we got home I'd insist on some therapy, this matter needs to be resolved as does his health issue that you suspect is playing a role in his behavior. A qualified neutral party just may be able to get him to see the error in his thinking.
 
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My husband loves sports too, but this is too much. I think you have every right to feel annoyed about his behavior. His dig his heels in attitude about not missing a game is unreasonable. That said, what's his attitude going to look like if you force him to stay that extra day at your parents? Is he going to be a donkey's behind and treat your family crappy, or walk around all sullen messing up everyone's holiday? and how's that 8 hour drive home going to be? 8 hours in a car with 2 kids and a husband having a temper tantrum does not sound like fun to me. If it were me I'd take 2 cars and tell him to drive home a day early if he had to. I'd rather have the peace and enjoy my holiday with my family. But, when we got home I'd insist on some therapy, this matter needs to be resolved as does his health issue that you suspect is playing a role in his behavior. A qualified neutral party just may be able to get him to see the error in his thinking.
 
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