[ansley]

It has been 8mos and DH has had one uhoh moment. That is actually really good for him. He is cutting down on smoking and has tried to sell a few things. He picked up a side job and gave me a little blow money. He also did a side job in exchange for a much needed dog pen.

He has been content to let me handle the spreadsheet and go over it with him about 2x a month. The more 0 balances I am able to show him on the debt snowball the more into this he seems to get. I do worry about how he will do when we get to the larger balances but I have about 1yr until I get to that bridge.

A good side affect is that my shed and house are slowly being decluttered. We are finding way more to trash than to sell but it still feels good to get something accomplished.

 

[QM]

That's great news, ansley! I'm glad your DH seems to be getting on board and your life is getting more organized. It sounds like you both are heading in the right direction.

 

[Russ]

Awesome! I think getting the spouse on board is one of the biggest challenges in debt reduction.

 

[jas]

Just keep it up!

 

[Josephhgoins]

Good luck!!!

 

[dcompton]

That is good news. You have a year of smaller successes to reinforce this before you hit the bigger, harder ones. Repetition makes habits, so by then he may be more committed than you anticipate. We'll hope so!

 

[mommy4ever]

Awww... congrats! It really makes a difference when you have 2 in the battle against debt.

 

[frugalfranny]

Way to go! Keep it up...........when he sees the debt reducing he will realize it is all a good thing............GOOD LUCK!

 

[ansley]

DH is getting frustrated. Internet went out ($114), another surprise doctor bill (debt collector isn't sure how much we owe), hot water heater went out ($150), I somehow missed a phone bill in April 09 and I just found out (back in the days before DH was on board) ($108), his truck messing up and needs to be fixed.

I can't get him to understand that we have cash flowed all (except doctor bill) and that is an achievement. I know he is thinking about the tool bill. With the snowball it should have been paid off last month and now it is looking like it will be July; if nothing else happens.

I need another job.

 

[peanut]

Ansley, where are you at now? It's been awhile since you posted here. Is DH on board? Were you able to get back on track? Please update us!

 

[ansley]

We have paid off about 32% of non-house debt in 15months.

No new debt.

But DH has given me reason in the past 2 months to worry. He has lied to me and he has started riding through car lots again (he always trades in his auto when it is almost paid off and the current one should be paid off in April). He always starts with you need something better and ends with him getting something better. Oct 30, 2010 he took me to a car lot and asked if I liked anything. I almost busted out in tears. I would have if the dc hadn't been with us.

 

[Ceashels]

Maybe he needs to see you cry to realize that he doesn't really need a new car. Have you listed out all of the cars "you" needed to see that they were all really for him?

 

[Greebo]

Maybe he needs to see you cry to realize that he doesn't really need a new car. Have you listed out all of the cars "you" needed to see that they were all really for him?

That reminds me... *eyes your car*

 

[Trishagirl]

Set a good example and he will follow. (;

 

[peanut]

I can understand the problem with the big number debts. I find if I have a big expense in front of me then it is easy to get discouraged. I buy things to make me feel better. Maybe that is what your DH is doing? Big {{{hugs}}} to you. It hurts when your partner lies to you.

 

[ansley]

He always starts out with I need something else but it always changes to what he wants before he does it. The last time he came homw with a surprize truck I told him the dc and I would leave if he did it again. We'll see if he makes me prove it.

As to him feeling bad and buying something. He gets almost 1.5 of my paychecks in blow money a month + 1.5 for his truck. The rest goes for daycare and my car gas. I have nothing more to give.

Now don't get me wrong, he would say okay to me buying a brand new car if I wanted it. He just doesn't think about how we will pay for it.

I have been following DR for 9yrs. Don't know what other example I can be. I do splurge $20 a month on dd's dance.

 

[Heather Groce]

Ansley, So sorry! I also get frustrated with my dh about just not understanding or caring how his immature actions affect me and the children.....I have been to the point of leaving him several times. I actually just told my mom yesterday that I am giving him 6 months to get a job and if not I am leaving him. I cant let him drag my kids and myself down with him.

 

[ansley]

We should have dh's truck paid off in april. Dh started test driving cars. I guess I need to start test driving gov help and apartments.

 

[krbshappy71]

He always starts out with I need something else but it always changes to what he wants before he does it. The last time he came homw with a surprize truck I told him the dc and I would leave if he did it again. We'll see if he makes me prove it.

As to him feeling bad and buying something. He gets almost 1.5 of my paychecks in blow money a month + 1.5 for his truck. The rest goes for daycare and my car gas. I have nothing more to give.

Now don't get me wrong, he would say okay to me buying a brand new car if I wanted it. He just doesn't think about how we will pay for it.

I have been following DR for 9yrs. Don't know what other example I can be. I do splurge $20 a month on dd's dance.

Doesn't sound good. I hope he doesn't make you prove it, do you have a plan in case he does? Family you can go to? Empty threats wont solve this but if you are serious and leave it may be the wake up call he needs to knock it off. To see that you are serious about this path.

Is there any way you can sit down with him and explain again that this is not the answer to restlessness? It really sounds like he gets itchy feet. No car will fix that, no amount of blow money will fix that. Some people buy shoes, shoes wont fix it either. Maybe you two can talk about it and he can see that he has a pattern of the car purchases that makes you feel unheard, lied to, tricked, etc. Best wishes.

 

[ansley]

It has been 9yrs. I'm tired of talking and him agreeing and then doing what he wants anyway. I'm not going to do anything until he actually comes home with something else. I am checking into my options so I will be ready when it happens.

No family here. I would have to quit my job and move for them to help. That is why I would need the gov help.