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We are facing a hard situation. My pregnancy has hit a bump in the road that cannot be overcome. We went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out how baby was doing and what the gender was. Unfortunately, the answers were "Not good" and "couldn't tell." The kidneys were what they called multi-cystic and are entirely non-functioning. Without functioning kidneys, the lungs don't develop properly. Without lungs to function, survival outside the womb is minutes to hours. A day if you are lucky. That's with a ventilator.

We have the choice of delivering early or waiting to go as close to full term as the body lets us. The end results will be the same no matter what.

Baby is still alive. Has a fully functioning heart. Head and other things that were visible were developing normally. Couldn't see a lot without amniotic fluid.

We both have family close to us. The cemetery in my home town is actually free. I have an uncle who can make us a custom-sized box and relatives in the mortuary business who would be able to help with prepping and storing the baby until I would be up and around to go to a service.

I would be required to have a c-section because of a history of c-sections due to health reasons. Hence the possible delay in burial.

It is hard to face the fact that this baby who kicks and turns and has a good heart rate has a 0 chance of survival.

I have 3 other kids who are helping remind me that life is going to go on. I have good support in my faith and my church congregation as well as family and friends.

Right now, I'm a little numb and detached. I go back and forth and probably will for a while.
 

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I cannot imagine. I am so sorry. Is there any way to get a second opinion, JUST in case? From a specialist, maybe to clear up the "not good...couldn't tell" situation? To get another professional opinion on whether to keep carrying the baby or if it appears distressed?

My prayers are with you and your family.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Is there any way to get a second opinion, JUST in case? From a specialist, maybe to clear up the "not good...couldn't tell" situation? To get another professional opinion on whether to keep carrying the baby or if it appears distressed?
Thank you. We did see the specialist today. He is required to get a second opinion before moving forward but the advanced ultrasound and his view is that there is nothing to do but make the decision as to when to deliver.

The prognosis is basically nil and we won't know the sex until the baby is delivered. With multi-cystic kidneys, no fluid is being processed so no amniotic fluid. If the problem were something else, if there was any sense that fluid was being processed, he would try some interventions.
 

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Oh what heart breaking news.

I am so sorry for your family.

Hugs
 

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I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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I'm so sorry I can't control my tears right now..can not even imagine what kind of pain your feeling..I really don't know what to say to you right now?? We are ALL here to support you honey..Feel free to instant message me any time you want..HUGS...
 

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I am so sorry for all you are going through. Big hugs to you. I will keep you in my prayers.
 

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I am so very, very sorry. I don't even know what to say. My heart is just breaking for you. :(
 

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We are facing a hard situation. My pregnancy has hit a bump in the road that cannot be overcome. We went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out how baby was doing and what the gender was. Unfortunately, the answers were "Not good" and "couldn't tell." The kidneys were what they called multi-cystic and are entirely non-functioning. Without functioning kidneys, the lungs don't develop properly. Without lungs to function, survival outside the womb is minutes to hours. A day if you are lucky. That's with a ventilator.

We have the choice of delivering early or waiting to go as close to full term as the body lets us. The end results will be the same no matter what.

Baby is still alive. Has a fully functioning heart. Head and other things that were visible were developing normally. Couldn't see a lot without amniotic fluid.

We both have family close to us. The cemetery in my home town is actually free. I have an uncle who can make us a custom-sized box and relatives in the mortuary business who would be able to help with prepping and storing the baby until I would be up and around to go to a service.

I would be required to have a c-section because of a history of c-sections due to health reasons. Hence the possible delay in burial.

It is hard to face the fact that this baby who kicks and turns and has a good heart rate has a 0 chance of survival.

I have 3 other kids who are helping remind me that life is going to go on. I have good support in my faith and my church congregation as well as family and friends.

Right now, I'm a little numb and detached. I go back and forth and probably will for a while.
Clorinda, I know somewhat of what you are going through, my son, Nicholas, should have aborted before being born, he was determined to be born, I had him for 3 and 1/2 months before he was taken from me.

I am crying reading your post. No matter what your decision is I will be there for you. This will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make.

If you should decide to carry the baby to term, alot of funeral homes will wave fees for babies (no charge), when Nicholas died we only paid for the cost of the digging of the grave. I also know this from when my DH worked for a burial vault co.

I will also not judge you nor will your fellow FV.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
 

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I am so sorry!!!! My heart breaks for you. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs
 

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I am so very sorry. I'll be praying for you and your family and your sweet baby.
 

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I am so sorry, I will be saying prayers for you and your family.
 

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I am so terribly sorry. Our first child had spina bifida w/ severe hydrocephelis. We chose early termination. There is no easy answer. whatever you decide don't blame each other and get counceling. I wish I had.
 

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I'm so very sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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Such surreal news. I am so sorry. Whichever decision you make, we know that it is done with love and sorrow. Blessings to you in the coming days.
 

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I'm sorry. My heart truly breaks for you. I cannot imagine how painful and numbing this must be fore you. You and your sweet little baby will be in my prayers
 
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