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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I would love to get some feedback on this...
My oldest brother's first girlfriend has been sending me messages on facebook and I don't know what to do. Let me give a little background.
My brother is about five years older than I am. We moved around a lot when I was a kid but my brother had a girlfriend when he was in seventh grade and I was third. I have NO memories of her from then but I remember her name. Mostly because my brother ran away and we found him hiding out at her house. (Her brother was also the best friend so it was an obvious choice.)
We moved away, they lost contact, I am sure there has been a lot of 'wow those were good days' thoughts at least on my brother's part. All of that seems normal to me. My brother has been married, divorced and remarried now for twenty years.
When I went to college (as an older adult--my late twenties), I went back to the town where we lived when the brother dated him. My brother asked me to try to look here up. I tried. No luck. After a few years, by pure chance, I met her. Maybe she recognized me but I don't think so, just my name when I introduced myself. I took her number and gave it to my brother. There is happiness all around. I move into another state away from my brother and her.
Fast forward another decade. Facebook exists. I move back into the city where my oldest brother lives. She asked to friend me on Facebook. I don't care. I don't post much there so that is not a problem. We are facebook friends.
Now she is sending me messages on facebook. I have nothing to say to her. I don't know why I find it odd. I ignored the first two messages. I don't know her. I don't think I have that much in common with her except that we both know my brother. My overly paranoid gut feels like I will be used as an excuse to visit here so she and my brother can be together. Part of me feels like that is crazy because she has said nothing of the kind, but what do I tell her??
 

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Now she is sending me messages on facebook. I have nothing to say to her. I don't know why I find it odd.
I think you find it odd because your intuition is telling you that there's more to this than what you can see/read. What do you think her real motives are? :skept:

An old girlfriend of my husband's, that he hasn't talked to in 27 years, tried to contact him about six months ago. We blew it off until we found out that her marriage is on the skids because her husband lost all their money in real estate (he was a RE broker). She's the sole breadwinner now and they're barely scraping by. Funny that she'd choose now to contact my husband, huh? :hmmm:

A friend I hadn't spoken to in ten years wrote to me a while back. She went on and on about her troubled life, hinting that she needed money to help her with her overwhelming debt. I ignored it. The next letter she really had a sob story to tell and asked me to send her some money. Her mom and sibs were tired of bailing her out all the time and now she was desperate. I ignored that letter, too.

Listen to your gut. This woman may not want money from you, but she wants something.
 

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You tell her nothing, you ignore & go on with your life. Problem solved. :thumb:
 
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I'm friends with several of my brothers "female" friends. It was nice to see them again and get to know some I have only heard of (I was named after one my parents adored and she moved when I was about 6 months old). For me, it is not that big of a deal. None of them "wanted anything" other than old people talk of the "good ole days".
 

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I'm friends with several of my brothers "female" friends. It was nice to see them again and get to know some I have only heard of (I was named after one my parents adored and she moved when I was about 6 months old). For me, it is not that big of a deal. None of them "wanted anything" other than old people talk of the "good ole days".
That's how I look at it too. I have lots of friends that I try to reconcile with and most people look at it as me trying to get something out of those people. That's not always the case.

If they were best friends before and want to reconcile, I wouldn't stand in their way. It's Facebook, after all. I'm sure that if she was that persistent in trying to rekindle some sort of romance between them, she'd have gone right to him first.
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
She does have contact with him. They are facebook friends and he just posted on her wall about texting.
I can't imagine she would want money from me because my brother knows I am struggling. And if my brother wanted to launder money through me to get to her, I would have thought that my brother would have talkend to me.
Hmmm...wonder what good ole days she would be talking about? It was pretty miserable for everybody. My brother ran away for a reason. And I think my life was worse. I try not to argue about that. I do believe though that everyone's psychic cup of pain is full. Maybe some people's cups are bigger than other's but everyone is pretty close to overflowing at times.
 

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"accidently" (or on purpose) de-friend her if she makes you uncomfortable. Tell your brother that you are glad they got in contact (if you are) and that you aren't all that close at all, and would rather they have their relationship (whatever it is) without you. You shouldn't have to avoid people each time you log on to FB, it's meant to be enjoyable.
 
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What kind of messages is she sending you?

I have re-connected with a bunch of old friends via FB, and the FIRST thing I tell the men is this - I am not looking for love, money or anything other than just to catch up and say hi every now and then.

I WELCOME their wives sending me a friend request, because there is NOTHING to hide. Sometimes people just want to talk, you know?

As a 'funny' aside - I was having some communication with a guy I knew from HS who now lives in Tanzania. I find it fascinating where people from Highland, Indiana ended up. Anyhow, I remembered I had forgotten to send him the disclaimer I send all men - he replied that he's been a priest for 30+ years!!! (He wears African garb or street clothes in his FB pictures, and his 'job' is running IT at some university I've never heard of - who knew?????)
 
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She is obviously causing you stress .. just delete her as a friend, I wouldnt block her unless she still continues to send you message after that .. I deleted a lady off mine (I met her through a selling party) - all she did was advertise her stuff - annoyed me ... she requested to be friends again, but I ignored it ...
 
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Ignore - defriend - what ever works for you with no energy. we have intuitive feelings for a reason - continue to listen to yours.
 
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I had a good friend in high school that had a twin brother. He is on facebook and she is not. So I sent him a message asking how she was doing because we have lost touch. He responded and I thanked him and that was that.

Maybe its nothing. If you do not feel comfortable with it then just dont message her back. She will get the hint at some point. :)

Dont stress over it. :)
 
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Have you replied to her at all? If this is her first attempt to talking to you then I would reply back ONCE and keep it sweet and light but don't leave it openended with her. (no questions, just say hope all is well, glad to hear everything is going well according to my brother, etc.) But if you've already done that then I would put her on ignore and eventually she would get the point.
 

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Have you replied to her at all? If this is her first attempt to talking to you then I would reply back ONCE and keep it sweet and light but don't leave it openended with her. (no questions, just say hope all is well, glad to hear everything is going well according to my brother, etc.) But if you've already done that then I would put her on ignore and eventually she would get the point.
I agree with this completely. Really, there's no reason to be rude. Your intuition may be right on but you can always unfriend or ignore her if she starts getting frisky.
 
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Have you replied to her at all? If this is her first attempt to talking to you then I would reply back ONCE and keep it sweet and light but don't leave it openended with her. (no questions, just say hope all is well, glad to hear everything is going well according to my brother, etc.) But if you've already done that then I would put her on ignore and eventually she would get the point.
For what it's worth, if it was me, I would do exactly what is stated above. :cents:

If your intuition is telling you something about this is a little off and, more importantly, you just don't want to open up the floodgates of communication, you could still be polite, but short and sweet. No questions, just well wishes and only via one single message. It's another option :shrug2:
 

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Simple. "Unfriend" her and go on about your own business.
She is friends with your brother and that should be it.
 
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