[low-1]

Might sound like a stupid question, but my wife and I were having a discussion. She never unties her shoes, and it bugs the ever-living bejebus out of me. Myself, sometimes I won't tie up my shoes if I'm just stepping out for a moment or not doing anything too strenuous.

Shoes are one of the areas I don't like to skimp on, I will spend a bit more money on a quality pair that fits properly and gives the support I need. I walk A LOT, and cheap shoes hurt my feet, then my calves, then my knees, etc, etc. I don't necessarily get name brand, and "style" is the absolute last thing on my mind, but GOOD sneakers are worth the few extra dollars, in my opinion.

Because I spend the time to look for, and the money to buy, good shoes, it's only fair that my wife has decent shoes as well (not fancy dress shoes, but well-fitting and supportive shoes for walking, jogging, working out, etc). We spend the time researching the "type" of shoes that will work best for her, then go try on a few different brands when we are out (nearest shoe store is 300km away), then once she picks a "winner", we search online for the best price.

Then, when we finally get a pair home, she puts them on, ties them up nice and snug and double-knots them. From then on, she kicks them off at the heel to take them off and stomps and twists her feet into them to get them on. I keep telling her that if she keeps it up, there's no way we're going to get her expensive shoes ever again, but of course I never follow through.

Her argument is that sometimes when I'm just stepping outside to the garage or hopping in the truck to get some stuff from work or from the store, I won't tie up my shoes (leave the laces loose). I tell her that that does WAY less damage to a pair of shoes then forcing them on and off while tied up tight.

Am I right? What should I do? I don't want to keep shelling out close to $200 for a new pair of shoes for her every 6 months or less because she destroys the heel. My shoes will last me at a bare minimum 3 years, with hundreds of km on the soles. I do know what kind of difference a decent pair of shoes makes when spending a lot of time on your feet. We've had nice civil discussions about it, slightly heated discussions about it, I've gone so far as to "help her out" by taking them out of the closet and untying them for her. I'm running out of ideas and it's starting to get pretty frustrating. I do know about "women and their shoes", though, so maybe I should just grin and bear it?

 

[itsahumanzoo]

My husband does that with his shoes. He actually folds the back in and wears them like slippers. It drives me CRAZY, but I stopped bothering him about it. Since I've been with him he's only ever bought 2 pairs of sneakers brand new. The rest have been given to him, or purchased second-hand.

 

[low-1]

My husband does that with his shoes. He actually folds the back in and wears them like slippers. It drives me CRAZY, but I stopped bothering him about it. Since I've been with him he's only ever bought 2 pairs of sneakers brand new. The rest have been given to him, or purchased second-hand.

Thanks. I'd stop bothering my wife about it too, if she only rarely "needed to buy new shoes". But she tells me she absolutely NEEDS new shoes because her 6 month old ones hurt her feet, specifically her heels (surprise, surprise). Or if she was happy with cheap shoes. But she's not, because "I buy expensive new shoes", never mind the fact that it's only once every 3-5 years. And even then I usually keep the old ones around as "bumming around" or "camp" shoes.

Thanks again.

 

[frugalfranny]

I'm running out of ideas and it's starting to get pretty frustrating. I do know about "women and their shoes", though, so maybe I should just grin and bear it?

I would say that if this is the only problem in the marriage.........then let it go.

 

[imagine]

People get lectures at our house for doing what your wife does.

They tend to only be children though.

Although I remember the lecture being the other way around. Being about walking in untied shoes when I was a child.

That said Hubby's shoes last longer than mine. Hubby's shoes last two or more years. me 1 pair a year

It might be because
1) he wears more different kinds of shoes than I do ( dress shoes black or brown to work sneakers at home) me sneakers all day everyday with the occasional dress up pair
or
2)women's shoes just aren't as well made.
or
3) I just don't let mine wear out as much as his. He thinks about buying new shoes when the sole has worn a hole.

 

[Molemommy]

I admit i am guilty of putting my shoes on with the laces tired... My husband as well does this... but i use a finger or shoe horn so the back dont get squished,,,
My suggestion is get her a nice long shoe horn and put it with her shoes... will save the backs.... and end your descusion.

 

[itsahumanzoo]

Oh, or what about those curly stretchy laces that you don't have to tie?! Nevermind that they come in bright neon colors, but maybe that will make her more inclined to treat the shoes better?

 

[itsahumanzoo]

What about something like this:
Earth - Preview

They would be easy on/off shoes and still good for working out too!

I have a pair of sneakers from this brand and they are INCREDIBLE. They are durable, and they are comfortable. I even notice less lower back and joint pain when wearing them. If you ask anybody that owns a pair you will probably hear similar things from them as well.

Anyway, they are not cheap but they are worth it. They last way longer than any other shoes I have bought.

Good luck, I hope you are able to work this issue out.

 

[craftypam]

I buy the shoes with no backs on them; problem solved. They would be impossible to run in though. I do walk in mine all the time. Since these shoes have come out I don't wear tie shoes.

 

[mndtrp]

You are more correct than she is. Slipping shoes on and off will wear them down faster. If nothing else, it will wear holes in inner lining quicker.

I slip my athletic shoes on and off without untying, but they aren't laced up very tight. I still notice that the inner lining will wear out after a while, but that doesn't bother me much. Dress shoes are always tied and untied.

If I was, *ahem*, in your shoes, I would either forget about pressing the issue, or set up a yearly budget for shoes.

 

[Contrary Housewife]

I don't untie my laces either and my shoes last me for years. I had one pair of leather sneakers that I wore for more than 10 years. An identical replacement pair lasted several years until my feet spread too much from arthritis.

I think there's something else going on with your wife's foot comfort, besides how she puts them on.

 

[Ali Lee]

I understand your frustration! What really bugs me... putting on your shoe & NOT adjusting your shoe tongue. What the :censor: ? Pull it up, straighten it out..takes just a few seconds...then tie your shoe! :tmi:

 

[Nishu]

I have a pair of Etnies that I've worn almost every day since my now 7 year old was a baby. I never tie them and they're still perfect. If she smooshes them down, yeah I can see how that's a problem, but if you can't see her visibly smoosh the heel then I wouldn't automatically assume that's the problem.

I agree with PP, get her a shoe horn.

 

[mommy2krj]

Haha! I read the title of this thread and my immediate thought was "give them to my 13 year old son!"

He does that too! It drives me crazy! Although, oddly his older sister does the same thing and her shoes last quite a bit longer than his do. Probably because she doesn't do the foot stomping, stuff your foot in even if the shoe doesn't want it, bit. That and she's just easier on her shoes and she has more pairs of them so they don't get worn every day like his do.

Seriously though, he can go through a pair of shoes in about a month and a half. Doesn't help that he's in a size 12 in men's already! Man, I hope his little brother doesn't pick up that habit!!!!

 

[Jessesbride]

Might sound like a stupid question, but my wife and I were having a discussion. She never unties her shoes, and it bugs the ever-living bejebus out of me. Myself, sometimes I won't tie up my shoes if I'm just stepping out for a moment or not doing anything too strenuous.

Shoes are one of the areas I don't like to skimp on, I will spend a bit more money on a quality pair that fits properly and gives the support I need. I walk A LOT, and cheap shoes hurt my feet, then my calves, then my knees, etc, etc. I don't necessarily get name brand, and "style" is the absolute last thing on my mind, but GOOD sneakers are worth the few extra dollars, in my opinion.

Because I spend the time to look for, and the money to buy, good shoes, it's only fair that my wife has decent shoes as well (not fancy dress shoes, but well-fitting and supportive shoes for walking, jogging, working out, etc). We spend the time researching the "type" of shoes that will work best for her, then go try on a few different brands when we are out (nearest shoe store is 300km away), then once she picks a "winner", we search online for the best price.

Then, when we finally get a pair home, she puts them on, ties them up nice and snug and double-knots them. From then on, she kicks them off at the heel to take them off and stomps and twists her feet into them to get them on. I keep telling her that if she keeps it up, there's no way we're going to get her expensive shoes ever again, but of course I never follow through.

Her argument is that sometimes when I'm just stepping outside to the garage or hopping in the truck to get some stuff from work or from the store, I won't tie up my shoes (leave the laces loose). I tell her that that does WAY less damage to a pair of shoes then forcing them on and off while tied up tight.

Am I right? What should I do? I don't want to keep shelling out close to $200 for a new pair of shoes for her every 6 months or less because she destroys the heel. My shoes will last me at a bare minimum 3 years, with hundreds of km on the soles. I do know what kind of difference a decent pair of shoes makes when spending a lot of time on your feet. We've had nice civil discussions about it, slightly heated discussions about it, I've gone so far as to "help her out" by taking them out of the closet and untying them for her. I'm running out of ideas and it's starting to get pretty frustrating. I do know about "women and their shoes", though, so maybe I should just grin and bear it?

are you both using these shoes to work out in? if so, check out this article...When to Replace Running Shoes

Also, I am guilty of taking my shoes of w/my toes.. admit it completely. My DH used to make a big deal out of it. There are plenty of things that he tends to "get on me" about ~ it makes me feel as if I'm 1 of our kids. I may not be the 1 w/the paycheck (altho I AM the 1 with the inheritance) but I do MORE than my share around the house, with the kids, I do ALL the budgeting, the bills etc. ~ I will tell you this... the more he gets onto me about it, the worse it gets. There are some things you will just need to adjust to being part of her character & MOVE ON (I am totally 1 of those that you tell me not to do it I will do it even more just to tick ya off ~yeah, sad I know)! THAT SAID... talk to her about what you can both do to work on this. do you both need to be more frugal in other areas, does she need to have "cheaper shoes" but more of them to "rotate"? make sure you have $$ in the budget etc. Talk to her like an adult not a child you expect to "fix".. I understand it irritates you, but there are things you do to irritate her too, So this might have to be 1 area where you both just have to agree to disagree.

 

[Jessesbride]

mommy2krj ~ our 14 yr old has an "allowance" each month where he has to buy all of his personal items as well as clothing (shoes are included in here) ... WITH THIS ALLOWANCE. IF he needs new shoes etc & he's out of $$$ too bad, he has to wait til he can afford it. Altho we are still "tweaking our system" it is working out pretty well. You might see if that would be an option w/yours.

 

[Sophia]

I admit I do this but my shoes that lace up were gave to me and the other pair only cost less than 30 dollars. I don't wear sneakers very often. I usually wear the shoes with out a back. It does wear them down quicker if you leave them laced up. I'd not buy her ones that cost around 200.00 since she is needing new ones every 6 mths. then again I've never spent even a 100 dollars on a pair of shoes LOL. TC

 

[FrabjousDay]

Is she a child?

If my partner wants to buy new shoes and then immediately set fire to them, that's his business. Our budget includes an allotted amount for clothing/shoes for each person, how that money is saved/spent is up to the individual.

 

[Squidge]

Maybe, as has been mentioned, your wife would benefit from having a clothing or footwear allowance that is hers to use as she wishes? It would maybe save you some frustration.

If the source of your wife's discomfort is indeed coming from this bad habit, then the shoe-horn idea seems like a sound one as suggested by Molemommy.

But, like Nishu said, this might not be the cause of the problem. Your wife might just wear out shoes, even really good ones, quicker than you do. My sister has a really weird and completely unnoticeable gait that somehow results in her wearing out the bottom heel of her right shoe (bizarre, I know) quicker than in her other shoe :hmmm: I have no earthly or logical explanation for this, but she's 42 and this has been happening for years.

 

[low-1]

Thanks for all the responses, really appreciated. First of all, it's not THAT big of a deal, I just wanted to get other peoples' opinions on it, different perspectives. I just happened to walk by the treadmill and saw my wife's shows neatly sitting on it, with the laces still tightly tied. It's not really a point of contention, just one of those pet peeve type things. Thanks again for the responses.