[peanut]

Okay, how many of you have money set aside for this, have done this, or refuse to do this. We have a 22 yo expecting help to pay for university costs. She and her dh approached his mom to co-sign a $10,000 loan. His mom phoned me considerably concerned. The kids are already operating on a line of credit (at 6% interest) to purchase a car to get to work and uni, and have extended themselves by pulling on their RRSPs to take advantage of the lifelong learning plan offered by the government. They won't have to pay back the RRSP or anything beyond the interest on the line of credit until they graduate. We're worried they are overextending themselves.

I've arranged a meeting with all parties concerned to determine the best course of action. The thing is this: his mother is very middle class and very negative about him. She disses all his dreams. We don't think that's good. He loses hope and gives up. He's finally found something he likes to do at university and is good at - Human Justice. He wants to do law school. She claims he barely passed high school, how can he justify law school?! He is, however, getting very good marks. And I figure the mark thing will be what determines his eligibility for law school in the end. If he can't get good enough grades, the money will be a moot point.

Also complicating matters is the fact she feels they have an unrealistic view of what life will be like on the other side of university. My daughter was extolling the virtues of being a lawyer and earning $60,000cdn/yr the first year you graduate! I don't know where she's practicing law, but that ain't the case with any first year lawyers I know! Though granted, that's not many lawyers. Anyone with any firsthand experience in this department? Also, what else can you do with Human Justice besides law?

Dh pointed out our nephew's university education left dnep $40,000cdn in debt. Just for a bachelor degree. Is this normal now? Is there any way to soften this? There is no way they could live with either sets of parents. They won't do it to begin with. But more to the point, their furniture will not physically fit in our basement. And they certainly don't want to be around his mother's negativity, and I can't blame them.

Our daughter wants to go to university too, but she now says she can't afford it. When I phoned to talk to her last night, I'm afraid I was a real downer. I told her we would all be meeting, and that she wasn't likely to get a co-signer for that amount of money. She just sighed and gave up on her education. She is the brighter one of the two of them, and the one that should be in university.

The thing is, both these kids work. Him part-time and her full time and overtime. They are making over $10cdn./hr. I'm just curious where it's all going. I asked her to bring a record of past expenditures with her when we meet, and a budget. Not surprisingly, she said she really only had receipts for the last week or so. I'm suspecting bad money management. How do we bring these kids to the realization they need to sacrifice a bit more if they really want an education? HELP! Any ideas/thoughts out there? I'd like to keep my retirement savings for retirement!

Jean (sorry for the length of this)

 

[McD]

About 6 weeks after Wesley was born, I set him up a savings account. I work at the bank that his account is at and every two weeks, when I get paid, 50$ of paycheck is directly deposited into his savings account. Because it is money I never see, I don't miss it. I've been doing this regularly since April and any time he gets 500$ in his savings, I withdraw the money and put it into a 6 month c.d. with a much better interest rate. He's a little over 9 months right now and has two 500$ c.d.s with well over a 5.00 a.p.y as well as an ever-growing savings account.

Zac and I don't know if we are going to tell Wesley about his accounts or his money until he is older. Either way, when he turns 18 he can either use the money for college or if he chooses not to go to college, he has to prove to us that he has a solid career plan and is responsible and we will give him the money as a down payment on a house.

It's something that we are able to do for him and we will continue to do for him. Zac and I do not plan on having another child, so we figure we might as well take care of this one as best we can.

Coming out of college with student loans is very normal, however, I do think you should be concerned. Other than that, I just don't have much advice for you other than warm fuzzies.

 

[nuisance26]

~Well, I'm of the opinion that how someone earns their living is their responsibility, including earning that degree that will improve their paycheck. And that's what I believe college is. It's a certificate to earn more. It's a great idea, if you're the primary wage-earner, to get a degree. I'm brighter than my DH but I'm not about to fork over $40K unless I planned to get that back in increased income. Since I'm a SAHM it doesn't seem likely. I have so much respect for my brother, who worked full-time and overtime to pay his own way through college over a 6 year period. He now owns his own business. I'd consider helping my children as a gift but I'm not currently saving. I'd be careful if I were you about helping them out. I'm also a firm believer in young people being independent of parents. I'd have to be destitute before I asked for help. NEVER for a loan for something optional. JMO.~

 

[lottaLove]

I am a big meanie, but as someone who has had to take out their own student loans and pay their own tuition, hear me out.

I would not pay one single cent of your child's education. You do not have to sacrifice your retirement savings for their education. They are both working (10.00/hr is not a lot...but it's not minimum wage either), and should take a year or so to save up for tuition and books. If they are in financial need, some provinces in Canada offer government loans for school that you repay when you graduate. An example is OSAP in Ontario. There are also bursaries and grants available based on financial need.

Is this money that they want for the Winter semester coming up, or the Fall one next September? If it is next September, they will have all summer to save up money. If it is January, it is getting late, and this shows poor planning. Late fees will already be applied to register, and tuition is most likely long overdue (mine was due in September for the full year).

As for 30,000 being a lot for university costs, mine are totalling 43,000 right now. This is living in a small town going to a small university. I will be graduating in June, and beginning to repay these loans in November of 2007.

A degree in Human Justice could be good for any number of things. You could be a police officer, a customs and immigration officer, a lawyer, probation officer, an intelligence officer, work for the government, work for companies that require internal security departments, the list goes on.

I think the only way to get them to realize the sacrifices that they need to make is to stop helping them. Wait until they come and ask you for help. Any information or ideas you give them right now are probably going right in one ear and out the other. They will most likely wake up one day, realizing they cant pay their rent because they bought a new sofa, and wonder how they got into this mess. At that point, I am sure they will be all ears. (at least this is how I was at that age)

Sorry for the long reply, this is what I would do in your situation. Its what my mom did for me, and I thank her for it.

 

[Ani]

You can take what I say with a grain of salt, as I'm the young one of the bunch and have not had any children yet (let alone ones that are university age). However, having just gone through university and this whole experience myself, I think that I can shed some light on this situation from a university student's perspective. I'm also very candid, therefore I hope that what I say does not cause offense.

My husband and I struggled our way through university, first individually and then together. Unless you're riding on daddy's coattails (like so many students I happened to go to school with) university is a struggle. But, I can attest that it is 100% possible to escape university with a degree and without all of the ugly financial debt that so many people seem to get themselves into during it. We did not have ANYTHING as far as material goods went and we worked every spare second. I was wearing hand-me-downs from my younger sisters! lol However, we did make it through, and this is how:

1. Scholarships from outside sources.

We worked extremely hard in high school and both had a number of scholarships coming into university. None of them were large dollar tuition scholarships given by the university (the university we attended is extremely competitive, and a 4.0 in high school and 33 on an ACT do not mean a thing), but we both scoured other scholarship resources and managed to scramble together enough to pay tuition for a while. This helped us both get through our tuition of the first year.

2. Scholarships from the University.

Once in school, we kept our grades sky-high and applied for every university scholarship we could get our hands on. There is so much in the way of grants and scholarships available to current students if you are willing to take the time to apply for it and make your case.

3. Work as much as possible.

We both worked nearly 40 hours a week while going to school, and the most that either of us ever made was $8 an hour. It's definitely not preferable to work that much while going to school, but it is entirely possible. Every little bit helps, and if you're frugal with what you make, having clear financial goals in mind, you can make it on that amount.

4. Live within your means.

We lived cheaply. Before we found either other, both of us rarely dated or hung out with friends. We were too busy and neither of us had the money. Once we found each other, it was nice to be together because our dates were trips to the campus library, or to get a free ice cream cone at the Creamery that one of us worked at part time. We just spent hours and hours together studying. The semester we were engaged both of us achieved our highest grades because we spent so much time together studying! After we were married, we managed the apartment building we lived in in exchange for discounted rent. We ate pasta and anything that we could afford. We didn't go out...we stayed at home. There is plenty of entertainment to be had at home if you're creative enough.

5. We kept on track and looked toward the end.

We had an end in sight. So many people get lost in the "going to school" thing and forget that that's exactly what they're there to do -- go to school! Who cares if you're poor and miserable for 4 years, your aim going in was to get a degree, and when you leave your life can then begin. Four years is such a short time, and now that I've been through all of that hell and come out the other side alive, I actually look back fondly on it. I remember one Christmas we came home to find a box of groceries on our porch. It was only some cans of soup and some packets of Ramen, plus some milk and a few other odds and ends, but we wept for joy. I wish I could get that much joy out of $15 worth of groceries nowadays! lol

I know that it's so hard for your daughter and her husband to see the big picture now, but if they can learn to manage their money and live very frugally while focusing on the big picture, I'm sure they'll be just fine!

I'm only 24 years old and have been out of university for 2 years. My husband and I just bought our first house last year, we both have well-paying jobs that we love, and we're expecting our first baby in the spring. Life couldn't be better.

I hope that what I've said makes sense, and that some of it can help someone a bit, even if just to give them hope in getting out of university and getting on with life. I wish your daughter and her husband the very best of luck! My thoughts will be with them.

 

[FrugalWitch]

The best education anyone can give their kids is that in life you pay your own way. When they have to pony up the funds they will immediately get smarter about a whole lot of things. Anyone grown-up enough to be married especially has no excuse to expect parental funding of their life.

 

[Guest]

Here's the background on my perspective: I'm 28 years old and graduated from one of those $30,000/yr (ok, now they're $35K-$40K year) colleges. I have student loans. And I have a 2 month old.

I would like to finance my child's education the same way my parents did. I worked all through high school, and summers and winter breaks. I received a generous financial aid package. I took out the maximum allowed federal student loans. When the money came due, I paid whatever I had in my bank account, and my parents covered the rest. Usually the fall semester ended up being split 50/50, and the spring semester was more like 80/20. I covered my books and all my expenses (clothes, food, whatever) but did not have to work more than 10 hours a week. I had the benefit of working, but was not in a position where I had to get a full-time job while going to school. I admire people that made amazing sacrafices to put themselves through school, but I also appreciate the fact that while I did have to work, my parents gave me the gift of not having to work so hard that I couldn't enjoy my four years.

Having student loans helped me to realize that this wasn't a free ride and to really concentrate on my education. Also that I had to get a job right after I graduated, not just hang out and look for something that sounded good. I graduated with $17,625 in student loans - for a $120,000 education.

We're going to open a 529 Savings plan for DS in January. We've decided to start with $100 per month, and maybe add more later. We've notified the grandparents that if they want to contribute (maybe instead of Christmas gifts) that they are welcome.

I'm also opening a regular passbook savings account for him next month. I'm going to put in all the money he gets. My mother has been giving him all the $$ she makes in speaking engagements (just a little $50 here and there). I'll probably turn it over to him when he gets to be 18. I don't plan on telling him about it, and it will be a joint account with my name on it.

 

[Ani]

Sara, I think that the arrangements that you're making for your son's education are wonderful. I think my hubby and I are going to follow suit once our baby is born. I would really like to be able to cover tuition for my kids, because even though I know it's possible to do it yourself, I'm sure it's much nicer not to have to. Thanks for your great idea!

 

[mnmarty03]

I disagree with those people who say that you shouldn't spend a dime on your child's education. I believe it is important for students to work hard to pay for their college tuition (either by working hard now or being way in debt later), however I also think it is okay for their parents to help them out.

The point is that college is tough and costs a lot of money. And in all honesty, how many of us really have it all figured out as far as money goes at the typical age that people go to college? I think it's totally acceptable to help out your kid if there just isn't enough money for that book they need and can't get at the library. I think it's okay to pay for your child's car insurance while they're in school or to keep them on your health plan, because it's better than one they could get on their own. I think it's okay to loan your child the money to cover expenses, knowing that it might just be 10 years before they can finally pay you back...

I think it is wrong to pay everything for your child and let them just take the easy road. All of my friends either receive enough financial in the form of grants and loans to cover their expenses or have their parents paying for them completely and I look at all the ways they spend their money and I am appalled. I have a friend who got a check from her loan and instead of giving that check back to pay off the loan a little, she spent it on pizza. I have another friend who got a grant that she wasn't expecting and instead of using most of it to pay off a portion of her loans she is using it for trips and extras that she wants. Which really is okay, but the trips she was going to pay for and take anyways... thankfully she at least is paying off her credit card bill first.

Me on the other hand, I struggle. My parents pay my health insurance and car insurance, but I am responsible for all my other bills - tuition and books included. Every light in my apartment, my groceries, my clothes, my gas, my tuition, my car repairs...and everything else, is mine. I get excited when I get groceries cheap, and I work my butt off at work and my internship and at school to get good grades. I am very thankful for this chance to live on my own, as I'm learning what it means to be responsible for everything (except car insurance and health insurance, but come may those will be mine too) and it has made me grow in innumerable ways. Sometimes I jealous of friends who can afford to go out for drinks or out to eat without worrying about money, however I also know that their time to go through what I am will come.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's important for your daughter and her husband (especially because she's married now and is really an adult) to pay their own way, however it isn't horrible if you help them out. They will never really learn how to take care of their bills unless they have to do it on their own, and they likely won't want to hear what you have to say. Also, it's okay to meet with all those involved, but remember that this is their life and their responsibility. Therefore decisions about who they ask for help or how they pay their bills is their responsibilities, not yours. I think it's okay to give some tips and try to help them out, but if they don't want your input, then you might just have to let them make their mistakes and learn from them.

I wish you all the best!

 

[Valerie in WA]

This young couple probably has a lot of financial issues. You were wise to ask for an accounting of their expenses.

It is rarely a good idea to co-sign a loan.

Here in the US, almost anyone can get a reasonable interest rate student loan. Some are subsidized (if you qualify as needy) and others are not (if you don't qualify, but still need some money). Do you have similar in Canada? If so, that's what they should be relying on.

JMHO, I don't think a parent has a moral obligation to finance college for a married 22yo.

You wrote:

There is no way they could live with either sets of parents. They won't do it to begin with. But more to the point, their furniture will not physically fit in our basement. And they certainly don't want to be around his mother's negativity, and I can't blame them.

If you are willing, and if college is important to them, they could sell their furniture and live with you.

They do have choices.

You do have the right to set limits and if you are choosing to limit your financial assistance, that's okay.

Good luck, and let us know how your meeting goes.

 

[PrairieRose]

I'm certainly not advocating this as the best way to do it, but this is what we did. We have put 3 kids through college, paying as they go with a)scholarships from outside sources and the college themselves and b)paying out of our own pocket as they go. We didn't have the money set aside we just mostly did without ourselves and paid for room, board and tution. The kids had to make their own pocket money and in one of our dk's case had to work nights and go to school days due to losing a $10K per year scholarship (by .03 of a point (!) I might add, which is why I didn't feel too sorry for the one that did that....even while working nights). When our youngest decided to return to school after graduating with her degree to get a secondary degree (that could have been obtained in her 4 year degree) we said okdokie, but we're not paying for it. :yikes: It was quite a shock but she's managing just fine on loans.

Do I wish we would have gotten our financial house in order earlier and had the money set aside? Absolutely! It would have made our lives a LOT easier for the past several years, during which time our business took a major downturn (around 9/11). It's not easy but there are lots of options but it's been our experience that students oftentimes don't want to go to the trouble of exploring all the avenues available to them (searching out those scholarships for example). The more the student is responsible for the better for everyone I think with my 20/20 hindsight.

 

[rosebron]

My perspective comes from 3 sides of the coin.

First of all, I graduated from college in 1990 with zero debt, went to graduate school for free and left with $ in my pocket. My goal was not to ever ask my parents for money after they had funded my first year of college. They had given me a start and once I got my foot into the door, I worked my tail off, ate Raman soup, hot-dogs, watermellon soda, accepted charity, etc. to get through. In my second year of college, I became a resident assistant to get free room and board and lived on campus throughout college. I tutored math on campus, tutored rich high school kids, stuffed envelopes for a power company once a month, was a lab assistant, was a resident assistant and pooled resources with other struggling students to stretch a dollar! Because I lived on campus, my overhead costs were low - no car, no car insurance, no cell phones and beepers and all the other electronic gadgets that modern-day students MUST HAVE!(were not available then). I didn't even own a TV. But, gosh! did I have a great time. I made scores of new friends and spent hours talking and debating way into the night. Our idea of fun centered around trying to apply what we learned in the classroom in conversaton (yes, I was/am a nerd). During the summer months, I applied for paid internships and raised enough money to pay for the next year's tuition plus gained a wealth of experience and got to travel for free. I graduated with top honors and went straight to graduate school on research and teaching assistantships that paid my way for the next 6 years. I lived in walking distance from campus, rode a bike to school, exercised in my spare time and held down 3 side jobs in tutoring/training. By the time I graduated, I decided to start my own tutoring business which has done very well.

I now teach college (over 10 years) and see first-hand the wastefulness of many students -both of time and resources. There seems to be a perception that college is supposed to be FUN, that college is grade 13, that going to college is a right and not a privilege. My husband is a landlord to students and is constantly amazed at the toys that they have. Those students that work hard (in and outside of the classroom) appreciate the opportunity to attend the academy and seem to have clear goals for a future.

As a parent, my goal is to be able to assist our children to some degree so that they can concentrate on studying and not struggle as much as I did during college. Will they have to work? ABSOLUTELY!!! Research shows that the busier students are engaging in academic activities and work activities, the better their time-management and grades. Before our two small kids were born, I decided to invest in 529 and savings plans so that I could get used to not having this money. A little over time has grown and will help supplement their education once they are older (like helping to fund study abroad opportunities). There are enough public and private grants, loans and work opportunities out there for them to pay for tuition, etc. It seems that the living costs for students who are not frugal is what sets them back with debt once they graduate. I'm training my kids to be responsible and frugal, to respect the resources they have available to them and to never assume that they deserve anything. I will not co-sign loans, take a second mortgage, compromise my retirement and take laons for them.

I think that you are approaching this situation head-on. But I would encourage them to look for their own resources.

 

[dwallyfam]

Well this is a lively debate.

Growing up my parents expected me to pay for college. They were hard working middle class parents. I was also the youngest of 6. I know now that parents regret that part, but it helped shape who I am.

For my daughter and the only grandchild my parents got to see on a regular basis things are different. Before my mom passed away, she left 20K that was part of an inheritance she had received for my daughter. It is to be used for education and nothing else at first. If after she graduates and when we feel that she is financially responsible she can have anything left over. DH and I have set aside some $$ as well but she will need more for college. DD already knows that we expect her to pay for some of it.

 

[McD]

Here is where I'm coming from on saving for Wesley. My parents were hardworking middle class and I was expected to pay for everything myself---clothes, car, gas, ins, college. I didn't mind it, but I understood it--I am one of 4 kids. My parents can't do that for all of us. So, I worked all through high school--usually two jobs. When the time came for school, I earned a 20K scholarship to a private college. I declined the scholarship and I joined the military to pay for my school. Now that I'm out of the military, married with one child, I'm going back to school---paid for by my G.I. bill and corporate reimbursement from my job.

My husband and I are going to teach our son the value of hard work, the value of a dollar, and the value of savings. We plan on doing this by saving for him, having him save, and helping him get a job when he turns of age. We're going to help him realize that even though you work hard at a job, you still don't get everything you want and that life will not always hand you what you want. I'm not going to the extreme that my parents did of making my son pay for everything, but then again, I'm not in the same position they are. We only have one child, that's all we plan to have. We can provide for him in more of a way than they can. So what we are planning on doing is offering him the choice of: you buy your car (we''ll cosign a loan for him so that it builds his credit) and we will pay for the insurance, and one tank of gas per two weeks. The minute he gets a speeding ticket or anything like that, he will pay for his own insurance. However, we want him to be able to focus on his education. So we're starting the savings accounts for him now for him to use for education. Will he still have a job while he's in college?? Heck yeah. Will we make him help pay for his education? Heck yeah. What Zac's dad does for his sister is that they go in thirds. Zac's dad pays a third, Libby pays a third, and Zac's mom pays a third. We might do that with Wesley, have him pay half and we'll pay half. I don't want him to have to worry about all the costs of an education, and with the position we are in, he shouldn't have to.

Is he going to pay for things? Heck yes.
Is he going to be handed everything he wants? Heck no.
Is he going to pay for 100% of his education? Heck no.

 

[peanut]

Wow! This is great everyone! I love hearing the different views on how acquiring a university education can and has been done.

I actually cancelled the meeting Monday night. I felt, after discussion with dh, that it was just going to turn into an inquisition and negative event for the kids. We decided instead to just set limits on what we'll help with, and let logical consequences deal with the rest. If they want university bad enough, they'll make the necessary lifestyle changes.

In dd#1's defense, she has been working since she was 16 and had over $10K saved when she started university. That should have seen her through her first year, but she spent part of it on her dh's education too.

This past fall was the first time we offered to pay for anything (books). They were married last Christmas and she's been out of university for 3 semesters. They used the money from the wedding for furniture. Something that irritated a lot of people, but only because they'd assumed it would go to their education, because that's what dd#1 told me she would do with it. However her dh had different ideas. He is not only not frugal, but actively anti-frugal. He thinks it's a bad word.

Anyways, this fall we were hoping by offering to pay for her books we'd be encouraging her to attend university. It almost worked. She was all signed up and at the last minute pulled out, claiming they didn't have enough money to cover living expenses ($10K) if she cut her work hours. They are both still planning to work through their degrees. They live in the same city as the university they go to, so are not eligible for residence or any of the perks that go with it.

This fall was the first time she actually came to us and specifically requested help to go to university. She is tired of dead end boring jobs. I'm thinking this is just a question of we parents deciding where we're going to draw the line. Which ultimately falls down to how much can we afford? should we afford? And your posts have been very helpful there. I've marked them for dh to read when he has time.

Keep it coming everyone! We really need to hear these stories right now.

Jean

 

[monkeywrangler71]

We have an automatic payment every month for our kids education funds, but I doubt that we will ever be able to pay for all of it - costs have gotten out of control. We will do what we can.

My parents completely paid for our university. I'm the only person I know who came out of university without a crushing debt, and many of my friends didn't have the opportunity to go at all. Paying for our education was one of my father's financial dreams, and I don't think either of us was ungrateful or squandered the opportunity.

I was not permitted to work during high school or university, because my father believed it would interfere with my studies. I worked in the summers, but because I didn't have the financial stress, I was able to take jobs that provided great experiences rather than having to take jobs that just paid well. During my final year, I was married (also to someone that thought frugal was a bad word),and I did work part-time then, but my father paid my tuition. My brother and I both went back for additional training, which we paid for ourselves.

My brother and I are both financially responsible. My brother has a very successful career. Neither of us became a lazy ingrate with a sense of entitlement. Both of us understood that the things our parents provided for us were given out of generosity, not obligation. So many people have chided us for being "spoiled" and yet we are both more fiscally responsible and harder working than the people who have said that to us. My ex-husband, who was never given anything and whose mother keeps a running total of every cent she's ever spent on him, is the laziest most entitled person I've ever met - yet he thought I was spoiled because I was given an education. I believe that the positive example of hard work and wise money management that our parents provided throughout our lives have had far more influence on us than what they have or have not paid on our behalf.

I think if your daughter is serious about going back to school and you want to help her out, you should agree beforehand on what you can do for her and make sure that you are paying directly to the school. That way you don't have to worry about the husband squandering it. I know that if my father had just given me money instead of actually paying my tuition, my husband would have twisted me into quitting school so that he could spend the money on something stupid. Also, either make it a gift or if it has to be a loan, set down the terms right away. You don't want to be sitting there steaming every time she buys a new pair of shoes, because she still owes you money - as long as she makes the agreed payments, then you don't have to concern yourself with where the rest of their money goes.

 

[Bethany]

OK, here's my two cents. I was very fortunate to have parents who thought that education ws EVERYTHING. My parents paid for 100% of my tuition. I lived at home, went to a very inexpensive state college and paid for my books, my car, gas, and all the other extras. I am not complaining, I was VERY VERY lucky. Having said that, I never once felt that I worked any less hard in school than I would have if I paid for it myself. Cost of living in the Northeast is so high, that if I would have come out of school with high loans, it would have been very very tough. Mind you, early adulthood is tough enough. So, I don't think I was a wimp, but I did truly appreciate my parents sacrifice for me. I will appreciate it until the day I die. It was a beautiful gift that they gave me. I think that they understood that I would appreciate it and not squander the opportunity. Every family is different and everyone needs to decide what the right path for themselves is. I hope to give my young children a gift as meaningful some day, but if I felt that they would not appreciate it or that it would make them work less hard in school, I wouldn't do it. I also wouldn't wreck my retirement savings over it.

 

[peanut]

Okay, so a few hours makes a big difference in people's lives...

I phoned dd#1 to tell her the meeting was off and she sounded a bit confused (not surprising). I told her why. That I didn't want it to be an inquisition. She was stammering, "But I've got this presentation all typed and I'm working on the final figures, and..." I had to smile. My planner. A detail oriented child. Someone should put her in charge of something. Anyways, she wanted to come over and do laundry ("it'll save us $30/mth. Mom!"). LOL Well, $30 is something. Not much, but something. My heart melted when she said she was sick. I invited them over for the rest of the afternoon and supper.

Long story short...she gave me 5 pages of documentation and scenarios to read. Basically they have too many options and don't know which one to take. They are $18K in the debt for their new-to-them car and related expenses. Her dh is absolutely determined to get a university degree, no matter what. His marks are good, but not scholarship stuff...yet. He's recovering from some bad early choices he made in regards to university (like working full time while going to school full time).

My daughter actually asked me if they could live in our basement! I was totally in shock. I thought we'd ruled that out, but apparently they are open to the idea now.

I went over their budget and they had figured out more than I thought. They have an inflated grocery and "fun" budget. Both need to be cut by 1/3 to 1/2. She knew what expenses needed to be paid on a yearly basis, but hadn't figured out how much a month they needed to set aside. When I did the figuring for them, my son-in-law was surprised. My daughter said it was those expenses that kept getting them in trouble with their budget. Usually is.

This concept of moving in is very interesting. Dh and I have been talking about moving because he has bursitis in his hip and is having a great deal of difficulty with the stairs in the house. The doctor thinks it's temporary. I'm hedging my bets here. Dh's dad had chronic bursitis for years. A friend's dh was told it was "temporary" and he's had it nine months now. This is not an acceptable way to live, not being able to get up and down stairs in the morning to get pills. We've been talking about selling the house for some time before this, as anyone who's known me on-line for long knows.

So when dh got home and looked at all the figures, he realized pretty quick where it was at. He said "sure", much to my surprise, and we all started figuring out the best way to proceed. I guess it's better than giving up our retirement savings. And I'll be able to move into a house we can keep throughout our retirement years, AND there will be a separate suite in the basement for future income after dd#1 moves out.

My only condition is that if they both live in our basement rent free, they both go to university. Even if it's only for one course a semester. And, they attend the odd Family Council (at a frequency determined by how frequently we irritate each other!).

They insisted that they pay any extra utilities, and that they be able to cook us a meal every now and then. They want to share our kitchen if we live here, but I don't really want that. I want two separate households. One reason I'm keen on buying a new house with an already finished basement suite. I want them to maintain as much independence as possible. I want to build self-esteem and give them a chance to succeed.

I hope this works! Pray for us!

 

[mnmarty03]

Hey, I like the plans you guys have going!

I will keep you all in my thoughts, and hope that everything works out for the best!

 

[leezza]

Peanut,

Sounds like you and your family are doing a lot of good brain storming....I hope it all works out for the best, your DD is very lucky to have you and your hubby to give her a hand up!

Warm Regards,
leezza