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Ok many of you who have belonged to FV for awhile know of all the crap I have delt with my sister. I have came to the conclusion a few days ago that I'm permanently done with her. She has used me & abused me way too many times & I'm done. Its so unhealthy for her to be in my life anymore. My heart breaks when I think of my niece & nephew, but I'm doing whats best for me & only me.
Just a little background to you who don't know about my past with my sister. I took care of her duaghter when my sister was in jail for 2 mths, major golddigger, horrible mother, backstabber, etc. Has anyone ever had to let one of their family members go???? I know I'm doing the right thing :)
 
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I'm sorry you've had to come to this your decision. It sounds like your sister is really toxic to your life and you have to do what's best for yourself and your family. Sending you ((hugs)).
 

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I let my sister and her family go for sixteen years. We never talked or related in any way, and I didn't interact with her son, my nephew.

In 2003, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I resumed a relationship with her, primarily for my mother's sake. (We are her only two daughers.) It was very uncomfortable and tenuous at first, but I was the only one who was practical enough to take my sister to her chemo treatments, and we talked and made up over time. Now, we are on good terms again, although I keep the drama in her life at arm's length. I don't really have any relationship with my nephew, as I wasn't there while he was growing up, and so he is just a stranger to me now. I am polite to my brother-in-law, and will be pleasant to him, but if something happened to my sister, I doubt he or my nephew would ever hear from me again. They just aren't a part of my life.
 

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I am so sorry that you have to go through this. But as you said that you have to do whats best for you and its hard to do but can be totally worth it. There are many of my family members that I avoid except at major holidays. Good for you to realize that this is what is best for you.

Cassandra
 

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I also had stop talking to my Sister along with my mother.
It took me a long time to finally do it, but it was the best for me and the family. My hubby tells me that I am a happier person then the one he married and I believe it had to do with my family issues.
It will take you awhile to feel like you are doing the right thing.
good luck.
Susan
 

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Mommydearest, I know exactly what you are doing (and going thru)! I had to leave parts of my immediate family for almost 8 years. Very toxic to me and mine. I think I took it harder than they did, no I know I took harder, because they did not care. So (except for the kids) I wouldn't worry about your sister. I can just about guarantee you that she doesn't care one bit!

I came to the point where they needed me (death in the family), and I was so over it that forgiveness was all that was in my heart. And when someone starts to bring up the past, I just say I'm not going there and please drop it. (They always do because it's the right thing to do)

So Heres a big ((((hug)))) for you. You need to take care of you and yours now.
 

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I am sorry you are dealing with this. I haven't entirely written anyone out of my life, but I do keep certain people at arm's length to protect my heart. :hugz:
 
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God Bless You! I know it has to be hard because of some similar things I'm going through right now. Hugs and Prayers to you.
 

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I have had to cut off family. Unfortunately for me they are very hard headed and keep coming back.

I know it's not an easy choice but sometimes it's the right choice. If the relationship is not healthy for you , you need to end it. Best wishes, and big hugs.
 

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I was really mad at DH sister and wanted to write her a letter and said that's the letter I cannot send and started the website http://www.thelettericannotsend.com and I said "I am done with her!" a few days later I was running the sweeper thinking about it and thought Candy, what if God said he was done with you? So I got over it. I hope you can too!
 

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Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt. From past experience...forgive. Life is too short. :)
 

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I let go of my father's side of the family over twenty years ago. They persisted on treating us badly so I decided enough was enough. I told them I was through and if they tried to contact my parents, we would have a problem. I believe you must do what is best for you regardless if they are family. There is no way we would have continued associating with people who did us that way except they were family. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
 

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yes, mommydearest, I too have had to cut ties with not one but three sisters. It sure was difficult for me to do and it hurt a lot !! It took years to really cope with the whole thing. There are two sisters who I was really close with that I had to cut ties with due to them hurting me repeatedly. I had to love myself more than I loved them. One sister has always been mean and it didn't hurt to cut ties with her (she is 12 yrs old than I am)

I know how bad it hurts but I assure you it gets easier over time. I haven't had anything to do with my closest in age sister for about 12 yrs. We are civil though and will communicate if we have to for legal issues, etc.

Unfortunately in my family most of my siblings value money over people and that's just not my deal so I had to cut them off. They can have all the stuff, I just don't care.

Good luck to you in your struggle and hang in there. Remember to always love yourself.
 

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I have had to keep my brother and mother at arms length, because of the way they coose to liver their lives. I just can't let them affect me and my family anymore. My heart goes out to you.
 

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Yes I have.... My sister is 14 months yonger then me. The state took her children away from her and gave them to me......... I did my best by them. They were 3 and 6 at the time. They are 28 and 25 now. They have tried to have a relationship with her. It didn't work. She didn't even ask her oldest how she was doing after she lost the baby. Nobody in my family will talk to her. She has attacked me I put her in jail. She stabed our older sister. Beat up our grandmothers husband. Shes not worth being around. Lifes to short to have to deal with violance and hate.
You have to do what will give you peace of mind......
Fern
 

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I am so sorry you have had to go through this. Yes, it is very tough to have to cut someone out of your life who is part of your immediate family. I have done it, and to this day it still hurts. But you must do what is right for yourself and YOUR family (hubby, kids, etc.) Hold tight everything will work out in the end.
 

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I'm really sorry for what you're going thru. That sounds like it really is breaking your heart, and I hope somehow, somewhere it cahanges for you!

I stopped talking to one of my brothers for a few years and I truly regretted it. I was always taught better than that when it came to family. After all, he's my brother and I still loved him. So I had to ask myself, do I want to make-up while we're all still alive, or wait till he might die and wish I would have? The answer was as plain as the nose on my face! And ya know what? It's like nothing ever happened. And it's great to be able to call him anytime I need to say hi! Best part though is that weight of holding a grudge is off my shoulders :)

Also HUNERTIME said it best! I kinda wanted to say the same, but she said it plain & simple from her heart! I try to remind myself that people have to put up with the likes of me too :) (especially around my DH...ssshhh LOL)

Theresa :) Hang in there!
 

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Been there, doing that. It hurts more in the beginning, always second guessing yourself. Don't let guilt suck you back into that negative and toxic situation. We cut off contact with everyone in my family except my dad (parents are divorced). The difference is night and day. The kids are happier and I am much happier.
 

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DH and I have a family that we have to hold at arms length or they would take advantage of us. BIL finally had to be told that we could no longer loan any money but he was welcome for a meal.... SIL has been very toxic at times but luckily she lives away. I try to maintain some sort of relationship, but walk away at the first sign of ill treatment. Only you can decide what is best for you and your family, but whatever you decide does not have to be permanent. You can just take a good long break.
 

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First off let me say, I am so sorry it has come to that, but you have no choice. You can't let toxic relationships continue. I did it once to the point that I ended up having a stroke! And believe me it isn't worth it. There comes a time when you have to think of YOU and what is best for you is not to have to deal with TOXIC things even if it is a relationship. You can't let the pressure build to the point that it starts to take a toll on your health, and it does that it in a very sneaky way. You don't even know how sick it makes you until you back away for awhile, and then you see it with different eyes. I know it hurts, but you need to put you first for a change and what is best for you.
Forgiveness is great, but when you forgive and forgive but the pressure just keeps coming the only choice you have is to stay away, protect yourself and your health form very unhealthy people.
And as far as feeling guilty about your choice, guilty is a great emotion when you remember what it really is. Guilt is something you should feel for doing something WRONG, not for any other reason. Protecting yourself is NOT a reason to feel guilty for cutting off an unhealthy relationship! Things that are toxic are to be left alone, to bad some family members don't come with the skull and cross bones warning!
 
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