[Rhiamon]

So DD loves her teacher, and loves going to school. The school this year is offering boys and girls club after school. She loves that to! So that is the good news.
So the big problem is that the one mental health organization we have been involved with keeps focusing on my parenting style and I get that but I have been involved with them since DD was 6 she is 9 now. I always get told her behavior is my fault etc. So the last meeting I brought my mom, my ex, and my own mental health worker. The organization changed there tune when every one there on my behalf kept telling them I do follow through I do implement everything they have told me to. I wanted to know when does it not become about me, and when do we start looking at DD's mental health, they only wanted to treat her ADHD because no matter what the Dr.s said or what we said it was always me and my fault.
DD last Dr.s appointment the Dr looked at me and said I don't know where to go from here, I need a second opinion and we have been referred back to child and adolescent psychiatry. Her Dr. thinks she has a mood disorder on top of her ADHD, LD, and anxiety. I told him this is becoming an emergency situation and that her violence and mood swings are getting much much worse. I had a shiner for a while from when she punched me in the face. This is totally embarrassing to admit that my lovely funny little girl can become so angry, and that the voice that talks to her now has a name but yet they still aren't sure if they are "real" hallucinations.
So back on waiting list, so I called child and adolescent psychiatry and they are bumping us up to the top of list. The problem is this other organization I would love to cut loose but this city's services are so bad I am afraid if I do that they won't take us back if we need to go back. I guess I am just frustrated and emotionally I am starting to wear out. I know there is no magic pill and I am not expecting a magical answer I just want this to get sorted out before she becomes a teen.
I already have a look on my bedroom door, a lock on the linen cupboard, my knives, scissors etc are all hidden a locked. I just can not except as her mother that no one can help us. I am tempted to go to another city and go through a children's hospital emergency room.
Thanks for letting me vent I had to get it off my chest that is why I have not really been around I am so tired.

 

[bonnotsm9]

I'm sorry. I've dealt with a a few mental health professionals with dd who've dxd me with "Mom Can't Cope" disease. It's usually because it's easier to blame it on the mom than deal with a child who is hard to treat.

 

[SueBee49]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this as you attempt to get much needed help for your daughter. I would tend to agree it has become an emergency type of situation if she is causing you harm. Although you have taken precautions of locking your door and locking away knives, I'm sure you must live with some degree of fear. Isn't her pediatrician able to assist you in getting appropriate care? Blaming you certainly isn't doing the trick and is merely doubling your burden. Perhaps after she's been seen and evaluated by psychiatry you might be in a better position to decide whether or not to drop the other organization.
Now, and saying this very gently, have you received any counseling for yourself and/or family? I ask for a couple of reasons. 1) you are having to deal with an exceptional amount of stress, and 2) as they say, when one family member is sick, the entire family can become sick. I certainly do wish you and your daughter the best outcomes possible.

 

[lisaflex]

no advise to give, just wishin you and your family the best outcome possible

 

[redneckwildman]

We are going through with my brother. All I can say, is to just try and not show emotionin your voice and on't raise your voice. the more monotone we stay, it's less emotion back. Even if he yells, I stay calm and don't raise my voice, so then he calms back down. Atcion sports helps him get out all the pumped up energy also.

But you are not alone, just remember that and it will hopefully help. I sympothize with you.

 

[oheoh's momma]

oh I am so sorry.u are going to have such a long hard fight to get her the help she needs.prayers and hugs..keep everything locked up.....God Bless u both

 

[rudypoo98]

I know what you mean.Around here they always blame everything on the parents and on me the grandma.You sure don't want to get DSS involved they get their quack so called Dr's to say all kinds of lies about the family.But if you have money and can get a good lawyer they don't bother you at all.The things I could tell that goes on here that the DSS workers get away with people would flip their lids.They wouldn't believe that this is part of the USA. It would take me a month to tell just what they've done to my grand-kids in the last two years and are still doing.

 

[Rosebudget1]

No advice but hoping things will get better for your DD and you.
HUGS!

 

[Rhiamon]

Thank you for all the reply's. Yes I see someone twice a week but they are coming more to talk to me because my stress level is so high they are worried I am heading for a nervous break down. I finally heard back from one organization that I applied to and I am eligible for respite care. Thank Goodness. I am trying to figure out how much to pay her per hour.
We heard back from the psychiatrist and she has an appointment in Early October. She is also registered to start an anger management course for children at the end of October.
Last night was rough. My ex has been over to help me with DD. And last night he finally looked at me and said how have you been doing this. I ended up sitting in the computer chair in front of her door way last night because she was so out of control. I can't wait for this appointment it can't happen soon enough for me.

 

[Ayanka]

Hugs, I am so sorry to hear this whole story. And I can't help to think why haven't they started listening sooner. I don't blame you for anything, I think you are doing great. I just hope some help will show up along the way pretty soon. The best of luck to you.

 

[Jo Roma]

Hope your family gets the help you need

 

[Rhiamon]

Tomorrow we meet DD's new psychiatrist my mom, my ex, my mental health worker are all coming to support me and DD. My workers are now coming to see me twice a day. DD spent most of thanksgiving at her fathers. I spent it with my mom. I am so nervous for this appointment and I called to let them now several people were coming. But I am afraid that the dr will be mad at me for bringing all these people. I know that sounds ridiculous but I guess it is just my mood. My doctor changed one of my meds I start it tomorrow it is a new medication for sleep because my insomnia is so bad. But he said one of the side effects was some people did strange things in there sleep. Like sleep walk. My ex has been over helping with DD's behavior as well sleeping on the coach. So now I am worried people thinks he lives her and no way in hell is that going to happen. But right now it is what DD needs and what I need I can only handle her violent outbursts for so many hours before I can't do it anymore. So we tag team.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us that we get some much needed answers.

 

[mamachop]

Good luck! I'll be praying for all of you that everything goes well.

 

[Syn D]

Our grandson has ADHD + a couple other things and the nurse at his school is doing everything she can to try to prove our daughter as an unfit mother. Only for 2 reasons we can see tho', 1- she prejudged my daughter by her appearance from day one and 2- she will not let up till she is proven right.. The whole ADHD has been like thrown out the window and it's all about proving our daughter unfit.

Our daughter is a single mother and all care is up to her, (Lame a$$ just takes his visitation and does nothing else). He goes to the doc when needed and every 6 months for his medication check up. Our daughter has not had complaints from his teacher, it's just this nurse. The most recent thing is, she wants our daughter to sign a release for her to get all our grandsons medical records, our daughter refused. In the beginning of the school year our daughter signed permission at the doctors for them to answer any questions the school might call for.

Our grandson is healthy and barely misses school. There is no justified reason for her to have a copy of his medical history, even our grandsons doctor said it sounds like the nurse is fishing for something and that there is no reason for her to have it. The nurse hasn't made one call to the doctor, even when daughter has told her to call the doctor she hasn't, she just keeps "harassing" our daughter.

She accuses his home life for everything and when our daughter says it doesn't happen anywhere else, the nurse pretty much says she's lying. It is obvious this "nurse" isn't very educated and knows little about ADHD and the meds. She believes she knows more than any doc he has been too and more than our daughter knows. Getting that school district to go against any staff member is really hard, so daughter is trying to sign him up for some program that should get the nurse out of control.

This nurse believes you should take the kid to the doc for every little thing and we don't believe that. If grandson has a persisting fever, cough, sore throat, etc. he goes to the doc., other wise he gets over the counter meds.. I raised 4 very healthy kids and she is raising him the same way.

Recently grandson had a migraine, she took him to the doc, the doc said it isn't uncommon for a boy his age, but he said there isn't much he can do for him, daughter told doc what she found that is the only thing that helps her migraines and can he talk a half dose. The doc got on his computer and looked up what was in that drug and told her it was perfect had everything in it you need to help migraines so go ahead and try it on him and it has worked for him. Well, when daughter gave the nurse some in case he gets another one, she got all mad and said the doc was wrong, daughter said, it's written in this medical records for him to take, and for her to call the doc to prove it, yet she never called..

 

[Syn D]

I know it's hard, but you gotta keep pressing on. Our grandsons 9 also and our daughter will always do what he needs to help him, no matter what others say. You know your child better than anyone and you need to press that issue.

My friends 8 yr old daughter has ADHD, some distructive thing, and something else and it took many visits to different doctors and psychiatrist to finally get the help she needed. It wasn't a great situation, but now she is doing fine.

Good luck!!

 

[peanut]

Rhiamom, I'm praying for you today. That the doc will see something he can do something about in a constructive manner. And that he won't be put off by all the people in his office.

FWIW, I once had a visit to my mom's psychiatrist's office with three of my siblings. He was pretty good about listening to us and our concerns. And my own psychiatrist likes to have DH there to double check and make sure I'm okay. I like to have him there for back up.