Joined
·
835 Posts
This is a letter of sorts...that I have written for my own healing process to a young man who caused a serious car accident i was ivolved in 8 yrs ago today....
Its been 8 years on December 28th. 8 years since you so carelessly changed MY life!
I know its time...time to forgive you for what you did. Time to actuslly move on and try to forget what happened but I find it so difficult since that day replays over and over in my mind everyday...EVERYDAY I have to take medication twice a day to prevent seizures. Seizures caused by your blatant negligence and carelessness that cool December day.
Apparently that text message was so important it couldn't possibly wait until you stopped your car. It was so important you could have easily killed a whole family if I wasn't paying attention.Well I was and I saw you coming at me so fast...alll I could think to do was TRY to get the hell out of YOUR way so maybe just maybe you would have time to stop but NO!!!! No you said you never saw me...why because that text messge just couldn't wait not 1 more minute.
I resent you! I resent that you got of your car and walked away. Walked away without a second glance my way. You never stepped foot anywhere near me or my car to say "are you ok?" Perhaps you realized how bad of an accident it was..that maybe..possibly you had killed me or that I would be such a bloody injured mess you'd have to live with such an image in your mind..to have to get out of your head as you tried to sleep. Strangers and innocent bystanders stopped their cars to get out and make sure I was ok. I had perfect strangers talk me through every minute of this horrible, traumatic ordeal. Wonderful idividuals who promised to watch YOU...make sure you didn't have a chance to run...why?!? Because you didn't seem to care...you were wondering about the desert. I had a wonderful lady sit in my car with me...holding my hand until the fire department and paramedics could extract me from my twisted mess of a car. I wish I could say THANK YOU to those Angels!!! Thank you for being there for a total stranger! It REALLY meant the world to me!!
I resent the fact that YOU walked around the ER waiting room laughing and joking with your friends as I lay strapped to a backboard where my small children had to come see me lay! Scared to death wondering whats going to happen to OUR Mommy!?! Sometimes I think if you'd just said "I'm sorry" I could have moved forward and faced my now lifelong health problems with a bit less hostility. I know I have to live with the seizures and the backpains. I'll NEVER hold my grandkids upon my knee due to an injury that NEVER healed...the mere brush of it causes intense pain that goes through my entire body. Its not fair but its MY LIFE!
I resent the fact that because of you...I have anxiety attacks when I drive! That some days it takes everything I have to even get in the car at all....as a driver or a passenger. I live a mile from the accident site and I have to go all the way around to get to my house just so I don't have to pass or even see the site.
I hope you are living a perfectly wonderful life! I also hope every now and then that day crosses your mind....and I hope it brings as much terror and anxiety to your life as it does mine!!
I am so greatful to God that he didn't take me from my children that fateful day! I appreciate the fact that my Guardian Angels held me close and that I only had what then appeared to minor injuries...it all could have been so much worse! So please don't get me wrong...I am greatful EVERYDAY for my life...for another 8 years today with my babies, my husband and my wonderful family and friends.
What I hope from typing this out is that in some way I can find solitude and peace within myself from this day forward. Its been so long and I need to live my life. I ask...God PLEASE help me to forgive. I know I will NEVER forget!!
Its been 8 years on December 28th. 8 years since you so carelessly changed MY life!
I know its time...time to forgive you for what you did. Time to actuslly move on and try to forget what happened but I find it so difficult since that day replays over and over in my mind everyday...EVERYDAY I have to take medication twice a day to prevent seizures. Seizures caused by your blatant negligence and carelessness that cool December day.
Apparently that text message was so important it couldn't possibly wait until you stopped your car. It was so important you could have easily killed a whole family if I wasn't paying attention.Well I was and I saw you coming at me so fast...alll I could think to do was TRY to get the hell out of YOUR way so maybe just maybe you would have time to stop but NO!!!! No you said you never saw me...why because that text messge just couldn't wait not 1 more minute.
I resent you! I resent that you got of your car and walked away. Walked away without a second glance my way. You never stepped foot anywhere near me or my car to say "are you ok?" Perhaps you realized how bad of an accident it was..that maybe..possibly you had killed me or that I would be such a bloody injured mess you'd have to live with such an image in your mind..to have to get out of your head as you tried to sleep. Strangers and innocent bystanders stopped their cars to get out and make sure I was ok. I had perfect strangers talk me through every minute of this horrible, traumatic ordeal. Wonderful idividuals who promised to watch YOU...make sure you didn't have a chance to run...why?!? Because you didn't seem to care...you were wondering about the desert. I had a wonderful lady sit in my car with me...holding my hand until the fire department and paramedics could extract me from my twisted mess of a car. I wish I could say THANK YOU to those Angels!!! Thank you for being there for a total stranger! It REALLY meant the world to me!!
I resent the fact that YOU walked around the ER waiting room laughing and joking with your friends as I lay strapped to a backboard where my small children had to come see me lay! Scared to death wondering whats going to happen to OUR Mommy!?! Sometimes I think if you'd just said "I'm sorry" I could have moved forward and faced my now lifelong health problems with a bit less hostility. I know I have to live with the seizures and the backpains. I'll NEVER hold my grandkids upon my knee due to an injury that NEVER healed...the mere brush of it causes intense pain that goes through my entire body. Its not fair but its MY LIFE!
I resent the fact that because of you...I have anxiety attacks when I drive! That some days it takes everything I have to even get in the car at all....as a driver or a passenger. I live a mile from the accident site and I have to go all the way around to get to my house just so I don't have to pass or even see the site.
I hope you are living a perfectly wonderful life! I also hope every now and then that day crosses your mind....and I hope it brings as much terror and anxiety to your life as it does mine!!
I am so greatful to God that he didn't take me from my children that fateful day! I appreciate the fact that my Guardian Angels held me close and that I only had what then appeared to minor injuries...it all could have been so much worse! So please don't get me wrong...I am greatful EVERYDAY for my life...for another 8 years today with my babies, my husband and my wonderful family and friends.
What I hope from typing this out is that in some way I can find solitude and peace within myself from this day forward. Its been so long and I need to live my life. I ask...God PLEASE help me to forgive. I know I will NEVER forget!!
