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Discussion Starter #1
Something happened yesterday that has me at a loss. I recently met the wife of one of DW coworkers. We talked at a volunteer function we all were attending. A few days later, I emailed her to thank her for her time since this was her first time working. She emailed me back. My wife was looking over my shoulder and saw it. Then, she proceeded to have a "moment." In eighteen years of marriage, I have never witnessed this. I told her ahead of time I was going to email her. My email account is on the desktop and not password protected. I told her I may email her again since we have common interests and she seems like a nice person and she said it would be fine. DW travels with her husband and I have no problem with this. She knows I have a strong opinion on infidelity. I have lost good friends over it since I believe it is unforgivable. I have never given her one reason not to trust me. Why did she react as she did? She seems okay now, but I am not sure. She has traveled a lot since we were married so trust has to be complete.
 

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Without seeing the contents of your email or the woman's response, it is hard to say. I would suspect (because I am the jealous type) that something in the woman's response sounded too intimate for your wife's liking. Or it was one of those "I said yes, but I really meant no", "hoped you would understand that I said yes because I had to in order to not appear jealous, but really didn't want you to" kind of moments when she told you she didn't have a problem with you emailing the other woman.

Just for the fun of it, if I were you, I'd probably just go ahead and ask your wife if something in the email upset her, and if she would prefer you not correspond with this lady.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
The email was completely innocent. It contained nothing but smalltalk. I should know since I have read it about a hundred times.
 

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Then I'd definitely ask her about her reaction. It may be that she knows this woman broke up some marriage in the past, or that someone said something to her, or maybe you misinterpreted her moment to be related to the email when in reality it is about something else entirely. Only one way to find out. And she'll love you for caring enough to ask her about why she got upset. (Just don't do it in that "guy" way you guys have of asking, like a bull in a china shop. :D)
 

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She may trust you but doesn't trust the woman. She may think it would look bad if others knew you were emailing this woman just to talk to her, business aside.

Do you email other women who you have common interests with or have you chosen just this particular one? What does she look like? Sounds to me like DW is feeling a bit uneasy about your interest in this particular lady for some reason. Maybe since she works with the lady's husband she knows things about her that she hasn't shared with you.
 

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I too, wonder what this coworker looks like and if she is single.
It also may be that talking with her at the party was one thing. Emailing just once is another. An ongoing email friendship may feel too intimate to her.
 

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If I were you I'd probably just be somewhat flattered that my wife still had it in her to feel a bit jealous over something so small and cut off the email relationship with the other party.....jmho. Sometimes there's no way to explain us women....we just are.....:lol:
 

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It also may be that talking with her at the party was one thing. Emailing just once is another. An ongoing email friendship may feel too intimate to her.
If I were you I'd probably just be somewhat flattered that my wife still had it in her to feel a bit jealous over something so small and cut off the email relationship with the other party.....jmho. Sometimes there's no way to explain us women....we just are.....:lol:
:agree: your wife's happiness comes first, and if you emailing this other woman bothers her, you should stop corresponding IMO.
 

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Even if things are 100% innocent, if it bothers your wife then her feelings are real and should be taken seriously.

Not emailing with this person isn't going to affect your life but emailing with her WILL.

Your wifes feelings are real and are what matters even if they are UNREASONABLE(and I am not saying they aren't).

Truthfully I would not be happy if my dh was emailing a woman and nor would he like me emailing a man. It is just too intimate a situation. I would have a conniption but then again my first dh left me for another woman.

Sure I can sit here and post to your thread and not have a single problem because we are in a community setting.

Does this make any sense??
 

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Occasionally, it appears that men can be oblivious to the wiles of women, but other women- they know. Occasionally, women can be oblivious to the wiles of men. But other men- they know. I have often commented to DH,"That So and So is a very nice fellow.He talked and behaved a perfect gentleman. Dh's response, "No ,he's not . He's a damn dog."I assume DH had man knowledge behind him. I would drop the emails with this gal.Then let it go.
 

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My dh works at a lumber mill. He came home one day and told me that this woman started there, not in the office but in the yard. They all have breaks and lunch together. While I know nothing is going on every time he says anything about her I could haul off and slug him.With me it's the idea that yes while I trust him, the opportunity is still there even though I would know because everyone there would tell me and he doesn't drive so he can't slip off somewhere..I guess as long as there's opportunity there will be jealous men and women.
 

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Women can pick up on things about other women that many men can't or don't, call it a gut feeling or intuition that's hard to explain, but it is there. If your relationship with your wife is your number one priority, I think you need to take notice of her feelings here and stop the emails, regardless of the "fairness" of the situation. Have you asked your wife if there was something she was feeling about this other person? Might help shed some light on the situation.
 

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Perhaps its not a trust issue. Your wife could be feeling threatened at the thought of another woman becoming close to you in any capacity. Have you had friendships with women in the past?
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Thanks for all of the help. Yes, I have had friendships with women in the past. It has always been easy for me since I don't even consider the possibility of cheating. I believe we all make choices, things just don't happen. One thing I have learned is that no matter how close my wife and I are, we just think differently. Knowing this is the most important thing I have learned in my marriage.
 

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From the other side of the fence, I have a number of very good male friends. Most of them are married, just because at my age, most of my peers have settled down. I did have one situation, a few years back, where I was in a platonic but very close relationship with a fellow. He started dating while we were friends, and his girlfriend had a MAJOR problem with me. She never said anything, but the icy chill emanating off her body whenever I met up with her was enough. I voluntarily stepped out of the picture, after explaining to my friend why I was doing so. I do miss that friendship, as we were quite literally almost inseparable as a team, but some romantic relationships are so complete, they don't allow space for mixed-gender friendships.
 

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God, I've so been here before in the past.

Every male friend of mine, who has had a girlfriend while we have been friends, have felt threatened enough by me to tell their boyfriends, "It's either me or her." They usually pick me. :D

She could feel very insecure about the situation, even if you have been upfront about infidelity and having such strong feelings against it. Alot of women who have been privy (is that even the right word?) to being a part of a bad situation in a relationship where either they've been cheated on by someone or have done the cheating themselves, will always feel threatened by another woman even remotely saying hello to their BFs/DHs/SOs.

If your wife is feeling threatened or uncomfortable, chances are also that this woman may be prettier than her (in her eyes, not in yours). Women are very threatened by another woman whom they feel is more attractive than themselves if the other woman is attainable.

In other words, women are weird. Trying to figure us out is like :beat:. She could say that she isn't bothered, but she really is. If she can't be honest with you on that, I think it might be best to just say hi to this woman in passing and tell your wife that she needs to realize you aren't out for the vajayjay.
 

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Discussion Starter #17 (Edited)
In other words, women are weird. Trying to figure us out is like :beat:. She could say that she isn't bothered, but she really is. If she can't be honest with you on that, I think it might be best to just say hi to this woman in passing and tell your wife that she needs to realize you aren't out for the vajayjay.
Thanks Mom!! I am not the type to lol but you got me. I am not sure women are weird or just very different from men. One question, if I tell her I am not out for the thang, won't she be disappointed in me?
 

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The email was completely innocent. It contained nothing but smalltalk. I should know since I have read it about a hundred times.
this in itself bugs me. I mean...why keep the email you know bugs your wife? ANd if she sees you re-reading it over and over...won't that set of alarm sensors in her head? It would in mine.

I dunno. If hubby was yammering on and on about some woman he works with, talkin her up alot, it might bug me. It might bug him too if the shoe were on the other foot. If i did and it bothered him, I'd stop. Immediately. Ive known him near 20 years. Why let someone I have known only x amount of years be the reason he's upset?
 

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She'll only be disappointed if you are not out for "her" thang. :) Just attack her passionately once in a while. All will be fine.

And we're not just very different from men. I agree with MomToTwoBoys. We're flat out weird. I get ticked off about stuff sometimes, and even *I* couldn't tell you why! I joke around that not only am I female, but I'm Gemini, so I can flat out be the multiple-personality-disorder poster child at times.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
this in itself bugs me. I mean...why keep the email you know bugs your wife? ANd if she sees you re-reading it over and over...won't that set of alarm sensors in her head? It would in mine.

I dunno. If hubby was yammering on and on about some woman he works with, talkin her up alot, it might bug me. It might bug him too if the shoe were on the other foot. If i did and it bothered him, I'd stop. Immediately. Ive known him near 20 years. Why let someone I have known only x amount of years be the reason he's upset?
I never said I was yammering on about her. As a matter of fact, before I opened the email, I opened one from Spudman Magazine, the official publication of potatoes growers. This is where it started. She told me to open hers. Had I opened it first everything would be swell. Why can dw get emails from male friends all the time but when I get one in 18 years it is a problem? I only reread it to try to understand the problem.
 
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