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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've decided that I need to learn how to spend ( not be so tight handed) and to not be nervous/anxious about spending for the betterment of me and my family. I'm sure anxiety feeling when entering a store even if I can make them go away quickly is not right.

So how do you balance spending and debt reduction/saving?

How do I become comfortable with spending?

Not sure my questions make sense. So you understand what I'm asking?
 

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I have become a believer in budgets. I have money set aside in my budget for entertainment/hobbies, and that gives me permission to spend that money without feeling guilty, because I know that I have set aside money in the rest of my budget for the things that NEED to be paid.

The way I look it, you exchange a bit of your life for money, so money should be used to help you enjoy the bits of your life that you have left!!
 

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I have money dd to a different account every payday. We don't see it, we can't spend it.
The neccesities are paid first (roof, food, car, etc) once everything that will keep us alive is taken care of I look to the sinking funds, once I tucked some away, I know that everything is taken care of...

What's left is not 'needed', the bills are paid and the savings is growing.

Granted, what is left over may not be enough to roll around in, but it is FREE.
 
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I have become a believer in budgets. I have money set aside in my budget for entertainment/hobbies, and that gives me permission to spend that money without feeling guilty, because I know that I have set aside money in the rest of my budget for the things that NEED to be paid.

This is exactly it! It's in the budget to use, so when needed/wanted we can use it.

I do understand what you are saying, and at first I had trouble letting any penny go to anything other than debt. You have to find a balance that makes you comfortable. A little money to let yourself/family have fun.
 

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Spending money on myself is the hardest thing for me too do.
Not buying what I need but things like like spending 73 dollars to get my done. I feel guilt over it but when I don't my hair looks like crap and that makes me feel like crap. So I have to decide how much my self-esteem is worth. I find creative ways to save what I can on it but ultimately I just have to do it.

When I talked to my husband about it he said that taking care of my self is part of my mental well being and it's important. I'd advise the same to you.

Suse Orman says that financial peace is living below your means but within your needs.
 

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For me it is having a budget. When I know all my bills will be paid each month and that I will have x amount for food and savings I know everything is being taken care of.

I think you should be asking yourself why you think it is important for you to spend money first. It all really depends on your financial situation. There have been months that no matter how well I plan something unexpected comes up. Which means that sometimes I do not spend money that I do not need to, period. Why, because I have decided what I want to accomplish for that month financially.

Sure sometimes I want to indulge in something nice for myself but when things get tight that just has to wait. Personally I have more than enough things right now. I am more in the need to decluttering this place again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I think you should be asking yourself why you think it is important for you to spend money first.
I don't understand your question? Spend money first?

I want to learn how to spend money without feeling guilty or nervous or panicked.

I put off buying jeans for Little Miss because I was waiting for hand me down (which never came). It hurt her because her shirts got to short and her pants to tight. I think she was being teased because of it. It hurt her.

The couch or the mattress we put off buying a new one and that physically hurt my family.

I want to walk into a store to buy groceries or the needed jeans without getting a lump in the throat almost ready to cry panic. I don't want my fear of spending to hurt my family.

I want to enjoy a dinner out with my family without feeling like we are doing something bad.
 

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Do you have sinking funds? We budget $x for "fun" each week. When we want to go out or buy a game, I look at the envelope to see if we have enough. We do the same for clothes. The same amount goes in each week with a cap on each category.
 

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I have an allowance every week that covers my variable expenses of gas, groceries & household items. there is usually just enough left for one thing...like getting a pizza or going to a movie or a haircut.

it is a balance. A year or so ago I was saving myself poor. I didn't have enough for a hair cut, an oil change or that one thing per week that came up. I ended up putting $100 less a month into retirement and that $25 a week really helped me not feel poor anymore.
 

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I don't understand your question? Spend money first?

I want to learn how to spend money without feeling guilty or nervous or panicked.

I put off buying jeans for Little Miss because I was waiting for hand me down (which never came). It hurt her because her shirts got to short and her pants to tight. I think she was being teased because of it. It hurt her.

The couch or the mattress we put off buying a new one and that physically hurt my family.

I want to walk into a store to buy groceries or the needed jeans without getting a lump in the throat almost ready to cry panic. I don't want my fear of spending to hurt my family.

I want to enjoy a dinner out with my family without feeling like we are doing something bad.
If you are asking from my perspective then I look at my allocated categories and financial map, and goals. I don't use the word budget so much as that is restrictive to me....LOL But I have a financial map, categories and make sure everything is taken care of and no one is owed anything before I do the extras. I have a need vs wants mentality. I have always told my kids you might not get everything you want but you will always have everything you need. I put the extras in Gods hands for blessings and he has always provided. We try to be very wise and discerning with our wants and financial plan. It is very important to me to have the security of things be taken care of and me free of stress, then material things so much. That said I have always saved in one area to splurge in others, ( Ie organics, antiques, good clothing, ) I find being wise lends me the ability to get the best of the other things I want, and I lack for nothing. I might want the foreign vacation, but don't quite need it, though I am planning for it some day.;) If there are needs I see like my kids clothing, tuition, furniture , new appliances I try to plan ahead for them , buy on sale, etc. For instance my washer /dryer is 13 years old but a work horse I paid a fortune at the time and in 13 years only had to replace the dryer belt and did that myself. This summer started to look for a new set in case I needed and tada saw a Swedish set ( energy saver, front loader , costs and absolute fortune set) someone was selling it for a great price as they were moving, it was their second set for upstairs only and they were a working professional couple. It was hardly used and saved me a ton. I had to be willing to drive quite a while to get it , load it ourselves and install ourselves but worth it to me . Now I have two sets and when my one goes I will have this ready and waiting to take its place.

If you have no debts, and have the money to splurge then make a list of things you need and go buy them with joy. If not start to set goals to buy a few when you have the money or more debts are paid as a reward. Don't fear if you are being wise, planning ahead and paying your bills on time, then splurging or getting the things you and your family need are important to your well being and health. Blessings and hugs to you.
 
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I want to learn how to spend money without feeling guilty or nervous or panicked.
I had to get over that too. Still fighting it, because saving and being thrifty has become ingrained. It comes down to identifying real needs, and unjustifiable wants. Women, as family caretakers tend to put their own needs last, to their detriment.

Buying clothing: when the elastic is gone and there are holes in the socks or the fabric has become too thin I admit to myself I need clothes and I go shop the clearance rack at Kohl's or Fashion Bug. That's a real NEED. Your daughter outgrew her clothes, that was a NEED for new ones. You have no cause for guilt.

Eating out: we have a loose budget plan for this. Once or twice a month we go someplace local and inexpensive. I work around the meal plan so we are not wasting food at home. I use coupons at restaurants that have them.

Miscellaneous wants: I cut a lot of spending by repeating the mantra "I don't need it". On the other hand it sometimes makes me feel bad that I don't have anything nice for myself. Lately I've been trying to identify justified wants by asking myself if it is something that I will use and enjoy (like candles or books) or if it is something I want just because it is there and I had an attack of 'Ooh! Shiny!'

Hope that helps.
 
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maybe it's a Big Picture thing....what is your MOTIVE for being frugal? what are the goals you set out for yourself?

What is a real honest assessment of your CURRENT financial picture right now? does it still require you save every penny, OR is there some breathing room now?

new jeans that fit a growing youngster are a reasonable rational expense.

replacing a worn out mattress is a sensible and health driven acquisition.

we don't skip eating on Tuesdays to cut the food budget. being frugal should never be a punishment, or make our lives harder than they already are. being fiscally prudent should ENHANCE our quality of life. knowing our expenses, having a well crafted budget should infuse us with the element of being in control of our finances not at their mercy. if after all these efforts you are left feeling sad upset and guilty, then perhaps it's time to reassess what you are doing and why. this is supposed to be a GOOD thing!
 

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it is a balance. A year or so ago I was saving myself poor. I didn't have enough for a hair cut, an oil change or that one thing per week that came up.
I find myself feel quite poor some weeks since I treat savings like a bill. It might surprise other what I actually mean when I say I'm broke. Savings is just so important to me that I often leave myself w/very little cash for gas & spending money.

AND I find it very hard to spend my money even when I've planned (saved) for a purchase. Not sure its really a bad thing for me though. I definitely over think many purchases & am very uncomfortable spending over $50-100 on anything besides groceries or bills.

Imagine, I hope you're able to find the right balance.
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you

Thanks everyone you have given me much to think about and tools and ideas I can use.

Thanks
 

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Imagine, you basically helped to identify why you want to feel more comfortable spending. That is basically what I was asking. To me your first post just seemed like you wanted to just spend more money without feeling guilty. Hope that helps with your question.

I will also try to plan ahead for additional things such as clothing or new items for the house. If you can plan into your budget knowing that your finances are being taken care of that should help you feel more comfortable spending on items such as jeans for your daughter or a new sofa.

So I know that I like to shop the end of season clearance sales in the winter and fall. At that time I will set aside x-amount of dollars. When I wanted to buy a new computer I saved x-amount until I had enough money to buy one. It took about two years to save up for one but it was well worth it and very satisfying to buy one.
 

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I don't understand your question? Spend money first?

I want to learn how to spend money without feeling guilty or nervous or panicked.

I put off buying jeans for Little Miss because I was waiting for hand me down (which never came). It hurt her because her shirts got to short and her pants to tight. I think she was being teased because of it. It hurt her.

The couch or the mattress we put off buying a new one and that physically hurt my family.

I want to walk into a store to buy groceries or the needed jeans without getting a lump in the throat almost ready to cry panic. I don't want my fear of spending to hurt my family.

I want to enjoy a dinner out with my family without feeling like we are doing something bad.
can you take a friend with you?
 
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This idea interests me. How would taking a friend help?
to keep you calm, to say affirming things, to reassure.

i took a friend with me to buy a car, to get a divorce....

here is a link to spending anorexia through the WA program. go down to the work aversion article and see if any of it fits.
http://www.workaholics-anonymous.org/pdf_files/news_summer04.pdf

"spending anorexia" is not well known but is treatable. "The avoidance of spending money is my most important need". book by jerrold mundis would help too. be right back...

Amazon.com: Jerrold Mundis: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, [email protected]@[email protected]@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/[email protected]@[email protected]@01Px86uLUkL



here is a good article
 
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