we've been married thirteen years together for nearly twenty, my whole adult life...It is a mutual( for the most part) decision, although I asked him to give me another chance( and time for my medicine to really work and myself become stable, which now I am close to but it is too late.)He wanted out and I gave him the out when I suggested a trial separation.He pushed for divorce and after awhile I concurred.I feel he is sort of in an early mid-life crisis, he has told me he is lost and broken and his heart has been dead for a year.Which I don't accept.The heart bit I meant everything else makes sense....He is doing things that are out of character as well, for example he plans on going hunting with his boss , and he has never done this.But I digress...the point is that I am soon to be a single mom,with two little ones my son being a special needs child on a feeding tube .I am going to apply for SSI for he and myself( I am schizo affective.)I can't believe this is where I am now.I got approved for food stamps for almost 200 a month which should increase when the divorce is final, when that will be i don't know, but we will go though mediation.We are friends and are not fighting anymore,, but i will miss us as a nuclear family. I miss our former relationship when it was good and have been grieving and mourning its loss. Now we still have to remain a united party with our children even though we will split, we will be in each others lives always as the children are our priority. I am no longer tearful and sad, but hopeful for my own future..Am doing the things I love again like painting, reading, yoga and tai chi. I love my kids and their love will see me through the hardship. I plan on heading back to school in a couple years for massage therapy, hopefully through VESID, I do not want to be a welfare mom for the rest of my time here. Not that there is anything wrong with accepting help from social services, as medicaid has saved us a few times, but I want better for myself and my kids. Not more just better...I don't want to struggle so much we have always been poor in material things...But my faith in myself and God will get us through this..thanks for the forum to vent in...