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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
warning
this post is not for children's eyes

i am 2 years divorced. three years for the whole thing.

out of curiosity and boredom i googled the ex's name. he popped up on regular dating sites as "straight" and looking for a wife. then he popped up on icky sites as "bisexual" and looking for fun. his sex addcition involved engaging in anonymous sex with men in bathrooms and parks as part of his secret life.

ya know, the split personality of the sex addict is fascinating. the double secret life. what gets me is - he had two (hundred thousand dollar) psychiatric hospitalizations at the meadows, personal counseling by patrick carnes and mary pratt, and years of sobriety. and HE'S STILL DOING IT! and still trying to con me.

he still comes to me with puppy eyes and hints whether we will ever reconcile. dual personality. the double secret life.

it occured to me that he didn't love me, he loved the home and security i created.

i still miss his money. moneybags. I'll admit it.

i am eternally grateful to my heavenly father who told me verbally to "pack his stuff, put it in storage and change the locks."
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 · (Edited)
added a thought

the stages were:
the pathetic phase: panic about money, grieving, howling, crying, unable to function, missing him and our lah dee dah life, missing travel.
the angry phase: wanting to tell everybody, revenge
the peaceful phase: live and let live, i'm going to live my life

now i am in the the repair phase: repairing my home, garden, body, relationships that were neglected in the previous phases.

God hears and answers my prayers. i prayed to god for "something new". didn't specify what.

I got:
a male kitten who brought energy and new life into the house.
a new elective class to teach next year.
new paint inside my home and rearranged furniture the way i want it.
new hairstyle.
new "free at work" exercise class and a whole "free at work" exercise program i didn't know existed.
"new to me" old lane cedar chest
a mantel clock
 

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doesnt mean you have to put him on blast
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
my posting name is anonymous. he is the one who put his icky stuff out there.

and anyway. this is about me. I am sooo glad i got a divorce...
 
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i understand that. and i'm glad that your happy without him.
 

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LK, you have been very blessed and very fortunate to have gotten out of that relationship...it is so sad that your ex cannot be true to himself or anyone else...you were very lucky to get out and what a great life it sounds like you have...my hats' off to you...many blessings...
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thanks.

it's interesting.

finding this stuff on the internet...

it sealed in my mind, once and for all, that I did the right thing. that i no longer need to feel guilty for taking the house and all the stuff. that i no longer want to have him as my beneficiary and recipient in my will. (yep, I kinda got "closure" on that...)

it clinched in my mind that i no longer have to feel (guilt) (responsibility) (did i make a mistake) (missing him) (should we reconcile) any more
 

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Gosh, I'm sorry you have had to go through this. I know it has been a very painful journey and I'm glad you are now moving on, not blaming yourself, etc. I don't think anything you said was the least bit harsh. Facts are facts.
 

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I hope your new path brings some much needed improvement, peace and joy.
 
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I don't think anything you said was the least bit harsh. Facts are facts.
Yep...I agree. If he is going to post it, it will be for the world to see.

LK.........you are making great progress and moving on.........good for you. Don't look back........it was just an experience in life....maybe not one of your better ones, but how did you know.

Years down the road you will be able to look back and say "what the H was I thinking?"
 

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Good for you. Life is too short to be miserable. Glad to hear you asked God for help. He's always there waiting for you to ask. Take care, it looks like it can only get better and better for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Harsh? In my opinion , his name should be on a billboard somewhere so others don't have to deal with his crap.

yeah i told myself that if he got involved with anyone i know, i printed out the icky websites hes was posting on and stuck them in my "divorce box". i will show them to my female friends in the SCA if he gets involved with them. god help them.
 

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You did the right thing in this case, to get a divorce. You can't compete with the so called "needs" of this man. Any woman who would get involved with him would come up against the same issues unless she met him on one of those bi-sexual sites.

You have not told us his name or any identifying info on him so vent away. I am sure when you said your wedding vows there were not extra stipulations to activity like he was engageing in that you would be okay with. This had to have come a major shock when it first came to light.

It does sound like you are, after a lot of grief, putting your life back together.

Hugs to you!
 

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no one should put up with that crap.. you did the right thing and i wish more women had the sense and courage that you have..all women should protect themselves from the diseases this type of "activity" spreads.

i think you should share this info with every women you know..i would want to know so i could avoid the creep
 

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Divorce isn't easy and I'm glad you did the right thing and getting on with your life. *hug*
 
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