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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I think that my father has lost his mind. :screwy:He came over yesterday to see the kids and told me that I might have a sister soon :huh: My dad is 61 and has been single (except for a few non-serious relationships, KWIM) for the past 10 years or so. He doesn't have a good track record with women especially marriage because he's a big jerk. I love my dad but he doesn't really know how to treat a woman. Anyway, he proceeds to tell me that he has been talking over the internet to a woman from the Philphines for a couple of months. She is 27 and has a 5 year old daughter. She has already starting getting her paperwork together and goes Tuesday to file for her passport, and then my dad is going to the philiphines to get her and bring her back and marry her!!!!!

I have not idea what to think about any of this. He told me all of this right in front of my DD who is only 10 and I couldn't do anything but look at him like he was crazy and shake my head.
I mean, he doesn't know this woman or her intentions. And how could she do that when she has a 5 year old daughter?

Am I wrong to think that this is crazy?

I want my dad to be happy( if that's even possible), but I don't want him to get hurt in the process. If anyone has picked up on the subtle( or not so subtle) hints, then yes there are some issues between me and my dad. I won't go into all of it, but bascially I don't agree with alot of his thinking (caveman mentality) and I also don't agree with some of the choices he makes in his life. My father has been a nasty drunk for most of my life and it got so bad that the only way he is even allowed to see my kids is at my house or with my supervision.

Besides all of that, I love my dad and don't want to him to do something that could hurt him or he would regret.:smhelp: Does anyone have any advice on how to talk to him about his ? Or should I leave it alone since he is an adult?

Thanks for listening
 

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I have no advice. My husbands cousin got a mail-order bride from the Philipines. They had 2 kids together, and the cousin moved his MIL here. They were married 10 years I think, long enough for her not to worry about deportation. She came here how she did desperate to get our her own country. That could explain why this lady and her child are doing what they are doing, desperate to get out of a bad situation. When my husbands cousin and his wife divorced, she left the kids with their dad, her and her mom moved to Vegas. My husbands cousin did have her sign a prenuptial agreement, so she gained nothing financially from him. I would suggest to your father that he has her sign a prenupt.
 

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You're going to encounter powdered butt syndrome here. That is, when it comes to sex and money, people tend to find it very difficult to listen to someone who's butt they used to powder.

Ultimately its his life. You can share your concerns, but that's all you can do.
 
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LOL!!! Powdered Butt Syndrome!! That's the funniest thing I've heard in a while!


But more seriously, as an adult child of addicts myself I would butt out. Maybe mention the pre-nump thing and mention your major concerns very calmly and logically one time and then let the chips fall where they may. No nagging and no "I told you so" (Although this last one is particularly hard :) )

Addicts generally continue to make bad choices in other parts of their lives even after they quit using. You have to let them suffer the natural consequences of their actions. Trying to stop him would only be care taking and in the end you will both wind up being angry and resentful at each other... and he will still go ahead and do whatever damn fool thing he wants.

Save yourself the aggravation and stay out of it. He's an adult and he's allowed to do stupid things... even though it stinks to have to watch it.
 

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If it were my dad, I'd tell him he was out of his flippin' mind and leave it at that. I'd also be cautiously screening the news of it that reached my 10yo.
 

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I would recommend the pre-nupt to him so he can protect himself and his future financially if she is using him. You (and I) would hate to see him taken to the cleaners and left on your doorstep. If she is not willing to sign the prenupt than he can at least understand the risks involved with his decisions.
 

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I think you have to respect that your dad is an adult and that this is his decision. I would probably ask him what led him to this decision but no matter I'd show support for whatever he decided. If he has been alone for this long it is possible that he is lonely. There are countless stories like this that ended disasterously but also many that don't. This woman is probably trying to get out of a bad situation but that doesn't make her a bad person or a crook. I would definately NOT tell my father that he was nuts, I would approach with love to ask if he's thought this through and then be as supportive and welcoming as possible.

As for as your dd is concerned I would tell him that kids don't need to know all of the details about how adults get together.
 

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I think I'd mind my own business. It seems clear that you don't have a very close relationship and you will probably never approve of his choice. But they are HIS choices to make......
I learned a long time ago that I will never agree with what some family members choose to do with their lives, including my kids! I certainly would never assume that I would have any input in the choices my parents make.
 

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Discussion Starter #10 (Edited)
Maybe he thinks his new wife will put up with him no matter what?
This is exactly what my husband thinks.


Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded. I will definetly think about saying something to him about the pre-nup. I know that all of you who said I should bascially mine by business are right. He is an adult and there is really nothing I can say or do.

I hope that the situation will turn out fine and they'll be happy. I do want him to be happy but all the horror stories that you hear just have me worried.

Thanks again ladies :)
 
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