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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I didn't really know where to post this - I'm not (surprisingly) depressed - more comtemplating.

I've been thinking, well - about me!

I'm not sure I've ever really had a goal or a dream or for that matter a plan - I've just allowed my life to 'happen' to me.

I never finished school, or held down a job. I've been married three times! :eek: Two of my kids left home at 11 and 14.

I've lost 2 children (I DO realise that isn't MY fault)

I've started more businesses and hobbies than I care to mention.

obviously like most people (I guess?) I could go on and on and on.

I know this is what we lovingly call 'life' but I'm a bit fed up with it at the moment.

I'm not whinging - honest LOL - I'm just feeling like 'it wasn't meant to be this way' I read somewhere, something like - 'if you don't have a plan, then you'll never get there' or words to that effect.

Have you ever felt this way or is this just ME?
 

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bev,
i feel that way a lot.:( i never finished college. (dropped out after 1 1/2 semesters. i have had jobs, but only one good one that paid descent. just when i was comfortable in that job (year and 1/2), i had to quit because we moved back to indiana. i feel like life is passing me by. i am nearly 30 years old and don't have a career. i love my kids dearly, but it is so hard to stay at home and not follow my dreams of making something of myself besides just being "mommy." i know, that should be enough.;) i do feel grateful to be able to be the one watching my kids grow up.
i try to look at it like "my time will come.":) when the kids are all in school, i will take time for me.;)
 

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I feel that way on occasion...usually the result of thinking to much!
Relax, you will find your nitch! :D
Just do not get the idea you are (and I regularly fight throught each of these) Stupid, you aren't, worthless, no mom is that (mothers maybe, moms raise kids mothers just have them) unimportant, WE need you!
There are others but I just went blank!
Misty, a very smart man told me recently that being "just a mommy" is the most worthwhile and important job there is.
Think about it, the fate of tomorrows world is in the hands of todays mommies!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yes that's it - they are the things I think sometimes!

I'm nearly 39 (which I also realise isn't exactly old lol) but to date I've started LOADS and finished nothing! I don't want to be lying on my death bed exactly where I am now - but on the other hand I don't know what I want to have done either!!!!

Sara posted something once about admiring me for being 'with it' or something? (I meant to reply to that at the time but I forgot!!!) I actually made an effort to be that way, because I didn't want my kids to think I didn't 'understand' them. - Now they think I'm 'embarrasing' - LMAO! You just can't win! ;)

I do think LOTS of the problem is I think too much - but I try to think how to improve it all and so another day, week, month, year goes by!

John Lennon said - 'life is what happens while your busy making other plans' (or something - I can never remember these pearls of wisdom when I need them lol)

I just feel like I'm wasting my life and I don't know how to change.

I'm waffleing aren't I? :toothy:
 

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You are just thinking too much Bev! Stop thinking so hard and start living! Trust me, btdt I still struggle with it but I am getting more into enjoying my life!
 

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Oh, Bev, :hugz: I know what you mean. You are not a failure, ok?!:) I don't believe it's your fault that you didn't finish school or that you never held down a job. I think life is so complex and everything starts from the first day we are born...

Also most schools are universal. It is not adapted to each individual, or at least it wasn't before...maybe you needed another aproach in learning, just as many kids did and still do, today.

I wanted to go in the arts and I was discouraged at 16, by my school counseler. He told me there was no futur for me in the arts... I went to college 2 years until I chose randomly to become an x-ray technician. I worked 1 year as an x-ray technician. I didn't like it at all. I'm not a technical kind of girl...I'm more of a creative girl. I was just lucky I continued even if I hated my studies, but it still didn't give me the path I would follow the next 20 years after that...I became a mom, and 14 years ago decided that I would care for my boys full time, but still...

....I know what you mean of not feeling like you have achieved something great...I know raising children is a very important mission, but for me, something started to make feel I was missing something in my life....and it's the art. I know.

John Lennon is right with his saying: *Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans*---Life does happen, we cannot control everything in our lives even if we tried.

I think we put ourselves down, when we think we haven't achieved as much as some people we hear or see in the media, or surrounding us. Yes, it's vital to have a dream or some dreams, but we are still a good person even if we have not achieved something extraordinary.

But then again, I think even if we don't do something extraordinary, we should try to listen to our little voice inside and try to achieve or do, what really makes us happy...even if it doesn't take us anywhere, give us a terrific job, recognition... Doing what we love will maybe make us *feel* that our life has a sense-purpose.

I don't know if what I have said makes sense. I'm no expert and I'm good at giving advice that I have trouble to follow... ;)

I just wanted to say: Bev, you are a good person and don't be hard on yourself. Big ((((Hugs)))) :hugz: You are not alone.
 

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It truly is what happens to you...Life! Bev, you are no diferent thatn any of the rest of us here. Look at me, chasing a dream at my age. I will be 44 in a few days and I am just starting out on 'a" career, believe me I have had many, the most important being a mother, now it is my turn. You talk like it is too late to dream!!! I dare to say it is not. I am so much more prepared to learn now that I am seasoned a little with age. I am not admitting to being old, because I am not. You are not either, it is not too late to drema out loud, Dont believe it? Look at me!

We love you just the way you are, but you have to decide how you want to live your life

Love ya BEv!
 

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I don't think anyone is a failure as long as they are enjoying what they are doing. I am a long way from what I wanted to be 15 years ago and I don't see myself ever getting there, so maybe I should just check out some side roads.

Bev, sooner or later you are going to find what you are looking for, when you least expect it!
 

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I want to start by saying that mistakes you have made in the past do not define who you are today. You are who you are today, at this moment.
My personal opinion is that you are a creative person. I absolutely love your idea of embellishing children's clothing. I can see you embellishing jeans, tshirts, socks, hats, jackets, shoes, etc. Stick with one thing and don't give up. Even if it's only spending ten minutes a day on it. Just keep doing one thing that you really enjoy.
You say you never had a dream. I think you had and have tons of dreams. Maybe some you've let go of, but I believe there are more left.
I was raised to place my sight on a tree and run towards it. Don't stop until you can touch that tree. The hardest part is putting your sight on which tree. Just pick one. There's a forest.
I can tell by your personality that you are a woman of strength and charisma. You possess so much creativity. You need to just boost your confidence that you truly can do something you set your mind on doing and that any mistakes or things you didn't complete before hold absolutely no bearing on what you choose to do now.
Write down one thing you'd like to do. Just one. Make it something not terribly farfetched. Work on it step by step. Believe in yourself.
Your dreams are great part of your life's purpose. You owe it to yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I came here this morning to lots of messages - and you, as always are so uplifting! :) - The village is the BEST place EVER for friendship and support. It is a REAL gift and I really appreciate it, that I have you all to call my friends - Thank you! :hugz:

Sometimes I can just 'throw out' a thought and then I realise from other people's insight something I've missed.

Sara has said something I've always known and never thought about (does that make any sense?) I HAVE had lots of dreams BUT I don't EVER stick to one thing - Just as I have sorted out all the 'plans' I change direction or just get bored.

I did 2 1/2 years of a 3 year hairdressing apprenticship and when I 'knew' I could cut hair I left (but never qualified) I went to collage and did a nail technician course, I need ONE assignment left to qualify and I left because I knew I could do it! I'm not really bothered about these two things as neither were really 'me' but that is what I do with everything in my life!!! No sticking power!

I think if I regret anything it would be the mistakes I've made with my children - real people with feelings that I have helped to mold. But then I guess all parents could say that?

I appreciate all your views, love and support - It is really something that is beyond putting a price on.

Thank you so much - I love you all.
 

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I was raised to place my sight on a tree and run towards it. Don't stop until you can touch that tree. The hardest part is putting your sight on which tree. Just pick one. There's a forest
....I like the way see it, Sara. It has never been in my thought to do that. I've always spread myself to do too much and everything... It's such a poetic way of chosing one goal and to keep it in our mind...Wow. Thanks.:heartsm:
 

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Bev, can I share a couple of thoughts here. First, about dreams. NEVER give up on dreams. I'm 54 and I still have dreams I've never accomplished. Will I - I don't know but I still dream BIG!!!! I have dreams that I didn't accomplish until I was 53. Life is what we make it and if we continue to dream, some of those dreams will eventually come to pass.

Write your dreams/goals down that you want to achieve. I remember reading somewhere where someone wrote down 100 goals when they were younger. When that person was in his old age, he had accomplished almost all of them. He was still working on the rest!!!


One of the reasons we never finish something is because we are so afraid of failure. We get to just about the end and we quit. I learnt that through my autistic son. When he was taking private OT, he'd get to just about where he was suppose to be and he'd quit. He'd take a chair and throw it, begin screaming, etc. and his OT therapist said to me "he's afraid of failure". Aren't we all like that?" I begin then to realize thats what I often did when it came to accomplishing something, I'd quit before the race was won because I was afraid of failure. I've learnt not to quit now.

Sara is so right when she says, pick one thing and finish the race. Don't give up. You are a creative person and so what if you didn't finish school. Its not a biggie. Besides, who is to say you won't eventually finish school some day. Look at Robin, shes gone back to school and doing great and has become an encouragement to all of us.


As parents, we can look at mistakes we made with our children all our lives (and there isn't a parent who hasn't made mistakes). We can either say, "I'm sorry I made so many mistakes" or we can let it drag us down for the rest of our lives. I made huge mistakes when it came to raising my 3 oldest children. Do I regret them, yes. Have I let them bring me down, no. I've ask the kids to forgive the mistakes I've made. I told them that I hadn't been a parent before they came along. We talked about it and I let them know that I'd probably continue making mistakes. I placed the decision in their hands whether they would forgive me or not. Then I moved on!!


Having said all that, I want to encourage you to find one thing you truly like doing and then push yourself to finishing it. Were all here to encourage you to keep going. You can do it!!!


btw Sara - I love how your explained "I was pushed to place my sight on a tree and run towards it". What a great way to teach about dreams and goals.
 

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Bev,with a few variations,you could be describing me. I have signed up for college more times than I can remember,never finished..I always changed my mind. My life and family are no where near where I want them to be,and I spend countless hours trying to figure out a way to earn money from home,plus my health really holds me back.
I think everyone has some regrets,but we get up in the morning and go through another day.We either can dwell on them,or learn from them. Who was it that said"a mistake is just knowing one more way NOT to do something"? I now know a zillion ways not to do a lot of things!
I'm still considering selling on ebay-but I'm terrified that I will mess up and fail. I want to start a home business,but cannot settle on any.
I think you are a very artistic,talented,strong woman,who simply needs to find what you want to do. You are NOT a failure in any way,I admire your determination and talent.
 

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(((hugs)))
 

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Contemplating the meaning of life. That's deep.

I'm glad your not depressed anyway.

I completely understand what you mean, Bev. Personally, I'm pretty satisfied with where I am right now. I've done a little of everything, had some great (and not so great) experiences, learned a lot of lessons the hard way and met a lot of fantastic people! Try to look at it that way if you start feeling down. Planning has never worked for me either! We can only do our best one day at a time, one minute at a time some days.
 

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Hugs sweetie!Sometimes our dreams and goals aren't as big as they seem,but deep down something small and fullfilling.Like take me for example,I thought I wanted to be a big time hairdresser with lots of rich clients with busy work hours and people that needed ME to make them beautiful.I quickly realized that I could only make them apear beautiful but once they walked out the door their attitudes reversed it.Shortly later as life got way to hectic with dh and I working opposite schedules we decided that I should stay at home.I wouldn't trade all the fancy clothes free hair cuts or huge paychecks for it.I feel like this is my calling.I could've put Lauren into daycare(we could've afforded it then) and held the same hours at dh,but I guess giving it all up to devote myself to my family sounded better.My grandmother said it best when I asked her about my situation.She asked now when you die will people remember that you were a hard worker,and a great hairdresser and made lots of money,or would they remember you were a loving wife and mother who devoted her life to her family?

she also reminded me that one day my goals may change and I need to be fulfilled in a bigger way.Like she did,she raised her kids was an awesome mom,and sah forever,when both my great grandmothers went into a nursing home she worked there and quickly became the head of the center,even after both mothers were gone she worked there for 2 mroe years.It gave her a sence like she was helping and doing something meanigful with her life.

I know this probably didn't help,but like everyone else I have had my struggles with goals.Each person is different.Something that might be important to me not be to you.I hope I helped
 

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Bev,

I have spent the majority of my life fearing failure, as well. I know that I have talents...I paint, I write poetry and have even attempted to write a romance. But...I have pushed away from these dreams...deliberately running from them for fear of failing.

Up until this second, I've looked on those attempts as "I tried" rather than "I could have". Now I see them for what they really are "I am afraid to live--afraid of failure".

I put 2 years of my life into college. A duel degree in Art and English with a minor in Education. I let that dream slide away from me and when others asked, my excuse was "Sometimes life gets in the way". If I weren't so afraid of failure perhaps I would be a teacher now. I carried a 4.00 (until I hit a brick wall called Algebra...LOL) When I failed at that one class, I bailed!

Perhaps, it is time to check into returning to college. I really am tired of settling for what is SAFE.

Hugs!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
It is so helpful to get other peoples opinions on things (something I've never done! LOL) I've always thought I was 'big enough' to survive without others - and that's what I've done 'survived' - that is hardly a life!

I do also think (having 'heard' it) that most of my procrastination stems from the 'fear' of failure. I realised that only this week. Having heard you talk about it and also my mum booking the craft fair. I haven't panicked so much in a long time, I haven't slept or anything - My mind is numb to actually getting on and making things it just keeps saying - YOU'LL NEVER DO IT! LMAO!

I think I always quit when I'm so called ahead to save falling flat on my face. And what a waste it is!

Thank you so much for all your thoughts here - they REALLY are VERY much appreciated.
 
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