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My 29 soon to be 30 lives with me along with his family. He lost his job first then she lost her job. My son decided to go back to school which I think is great. They pay the rent and utilities. They set it up that way. I get along fine with my DDIL. I love my grandkids. She did get another job. It went out of business. She just started back up to school again. My son carries a 4.0 or higher and is on the board of trustees. They clean the house I don't make the mess. They let me know when they need me to pick up or watch the kids. They let me know where they are going with my heath its a normal thing. I carry a cell phone now. Because I went into full code and I don't remember the first 8 hours. My youngest son put me on his plan. I now carry the plan because he passed away in 2010. There are unspoken rules. This is my home so they follow just like I follow my own rule. It makes living together so much better. Even though I would love to live by myself. If they move out someone else will move in. I understand they worry about me. Your daughter needs guide lines. Things go better when there are rules.
Fern
 

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We always had a rule, once your 18 and graduated, your out..
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We did too. Sort of an "unspoken" thing----------if that can be so when your "graduation present" is a set a luggage!! :laugh:

though times...........and the economy, has changed..........it would still be 'my house, my rules'........your own rules, when you get your OWN house!
 

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We did too. Sort of an "unspoken" thing----------if that can be so when your "graduation present" is a set a luggage!! :laugh:

though times...........and the economy, has changed..........it would still be 'my house, my rules'........your own rules, when you get your OWN house!
Laughing hard on the luggage....

I learned by watching my mom, it was my sisters rules when they lived with mom and all I could think was "when I have kids, no way will it be that way". My moms oldest lived with her off and on, more on than off till she was 40 and she totally controlled moms house, mess and all.. I finally got it through my moms head that it was time to put a stop to it (I tried for yearsss)..
 
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Have a family meeting. Get her expectations and let her know yours. Put it in writing and have the adults in the family sign it - just like a lease if they were living on their own. I borrowed a ton of language from different housemate/roommate contracts I found on the web. It won't stop arguements cold but it will give everyone something to refer to in cases of conflict. We have that and we have monthly meetings one on one so issues can be brought up in a standard setting and not always heat of the moment. I won't lie - I sometimes dream of DS and his wife and son moving out and DD (who is college student) moving out and it will just be DH and our youngest. I know this is temporary and I will miss everyone when they are gone but some days - wow - I wish they would grow and go!
 

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Hi there, just wanted to share our current arrangement as its been working for us. I have my daughter, 19, her Bf, 20, and their 5 month old baby living with me. They pay the utilities, their own food, clothing, and essentials. I pay the mortgage, my own food, clothing, and essentials. We are sharing the common stuff such as kitchen garbage bags, dishwashing liquid, etc. we both have been picking up those items as they run out without issue. They pay for everything baby-related, I spoil grandbaby with a new outfit or toy if I want to but I don't buy essentials. Although one time I spotted a can of her formula on clearance and it wasn't expired. ;) But in general its their baby, they take care of her, I provide a safe house to raise her in, provided they understand the ground rules:

Cleaning: I do all the dishes. I don't mind and they hate dishes. I do the yard work, I enjoy it. We agreed upon a list of MUST DOs for all of us: trash in the trash can, recyclables in the recycle bin, dishes go in the sink, wipe up after yourself. They must do this before they leave to go out every time and before they go to bed so that its clean when I get up to get ready for work.

That's it, their clutter is their own, they do their own laundry, and none of us keep track of each other's whereabouts unless we want to get together. I am VERY quiet in the mornings (he has a night shift) and they are VERY quiet in the evening/nighttime for me. I do believe its all about respect and it has taken a few heart-to-heart conversations (family meetings with all parties present) but its worth the effort to communicate your feelings.

Oh, and if you're a light sleeper, try a white-noise machine in your room, it can work wonders! I have one in my room and we have one in the nursery. It muffles the general noises of people talking, footsteps, dogs outside barking, etc.

Nudge your daughter out if you want, but if you will be left with just pangs of guilt then I suggest just keep talking instead. People don't always mean to drive us crazy, they just get caught up in their own worlds so we have to let them know we're still here too, and that yes, it is our house. :) I have been angry enough to kick my crew out but I knew that wasn't what I truly wanted. I just wanted the house to look nicer and for them to be respectful of me sleeping. So far so good after a few heart-to-hearts when the situation first started to bother me. You can do this! Whatever you choose, just be sure you are ok with it.
 

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The decision needs to be what is best for the adult child as well as for yourself. If you firmly believe that she needs to leave to mature and grow, then that is what's best for her. The fact is most young adults need to leave the nest to mature and grow. Its just life. On the other hand if dd is not being respectful she needs to leave period. Her behavior (her choice) makes it necessary. No time like the present to learn bad choices usually have negative consequences!!!!!
 
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