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Well, back to the hobby of disliking my ex-husband..... I now have custody of the children, but it is not official until we go to court the first week of December. In effect it is a free-for-all. My idiot ex-husband has his boxers in a knot because the kids did not call him for 3 days after they retruned from Arkansas. (Nor did he call them) While they were gone I called him 17 times to discuss legal and financial matters and he did not return my call. Had he done so I would have informed him when the children were returning.

Last night I returned to hear a message on my machine that he would bring them home from their current visit when he deemed it appropriate and that this was a payback. "Payback's a b*tch, isn't it?" to quote him directly.

Now I do not feel comfortable letting the kids visit him. He supervises them poorly, has loose ethics and morals and spends time with them merely to upset me. When they return I am telling him I need in writing when the visit is beginnning and when they will be delivered home. Otherwise they can't see him. Email will suffice. This way I have something to take to the police if he does not return them on time.

Do you think this is unreasonable? Do you think it will stand up with the police? Opinions, even if they differ from mine (lol) are wanted!
 

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You know, I HATE when men use kids to "get even" GRRRRRRRRRR!!! My mom has told me in the last few years that my dad threatened numerous times to take my younger brother and I from her, heck he didn't want us, I knew that long before he left!

And I'm now watching a dear friend go through her soon to be ex on the visitation, he doesn't want to spend time with them, he just wants to hurt her, idiot!!

I guess that I'd say yes, notify him by email as politely as possible (biting your tongue the whole time). Just keep it mellow and calm until the court date.

Hugs! BIG HUGS!!!

I know my friend is just trying to stay mellow until her dissolution next month. She went for the dissolution because hubby is a no good low life jerk that has NEVER been the main bread winner, he had the paperwork drawn up and HE suggested the child support amounts, if it got nasty she'd be lucky to get out of it without paying spousal support to his sorry butt!

Again, hugs, will keep you in my thoughts.

kj
 

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My sis in law uses her kids the same way, but it's with my MIL. Not much experience with the whole wanna be dad thing, but I'll keep you in my prayers. :cheerup: Hugs
 

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I hate it when people use innocent children as pawns in a game of payback. I dont have experience in that area but I would try to remain calm. Getting upset may just get him upset enough to pull something. I dont think asking him to let you know when they will be arriving is unreasonable. my thoughts are with you.
 

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I'd keep that message from his to show to your lawyers. Kinda shows him using the kids to get to you.

No advice---just want to tell you I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
 

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no advice here dear but big hhhuuggssss. and good vibes going your way.
 

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sounds reasonable to me. but just to cover yourself if y'all take anymore trips, i'd send him an email as well with the same info you want from him. if he tries to bring it up in court that you were trying to be controlling or something, you would have the emails to him with the same info showing that you were just trying to keep communication clear especially since he didn't want to return any of your calls. if you can you might want to get a log of the calls you made to him to show you were trying to let him know what was going on but he was the one that refused to talk.
keep a copy of that phone message and copies of all emails. as much as he becomes a butthead, you need to keep yourself calm so he can't try to make things harder. he's trying to use the kids against you while you are trying to keep their best interests in mind.
 

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I don't know what the legal ramifications would be with the paper since Custody isn't final until December, could you call your lawyer and found out before reacting?Sending you big huge hugs!!!
 

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I think that is perfectly reasonable and very smart on your part!! My ex only had to threaten to kidnap my dd once for me to get the police involved!

Men who do this are just crazy!! :loser: But we all know that to begin with!! LOL :dead:
 

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It sounds reasonable to me, too. I'd sure keep that message and let me attorney hear it. It sure doesn't sound like he has the children's best interest at heart but wants revenge on you.
 

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HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, Daisygirl! It has been a long time since I have been on frugal village and I have wondered how you have been. Sorry that you are having difficulty with your x. He is emotionally abusing you and, take it from someone who has been emotionally abused for years, DON'T and I repeat DON'T let him get to you. If you just smile politely and ask him nicely to let you know when you are to expect the girls. And when he gets mad (because invariably, he will), just repeat very calmly what you just said. I have played these games with my x ever since I seperated from him. I have even gone as far as saying "I'm sorry, it was a misunderstanding on my part" even when it sure as h-ll was not. I'm sure you don't need to go this far, but just keep in mind that acting nicely even when he is a jerk (especially when he is a jerk) will go a long, long way in keeping the peace and in the end will make your life alot easier.

I have seperated and moved out. I am in the process of divorcing my wonderful x husband. I am amazed by my strength and my actions through all this. I had suffered for many, many years and was afraid to take step one. With the help of my family and friends (both online and in the real world!) I take this one step, one minute at a time. I am continually impressed by my resiliency in this matter and look forward to a time when all of this will be put behind me. Our children are definitely in a better place and we have the luxury of regaining our sanity and our true selves. I thank you for all of the information that you gave me as I was contemplating this decision and through the countless nights and days of crying and wishing and praying for an answer. My true revelation came when I stopped asking myself what I could do to get out of that place and came to the realization that I could get out of that place through any door. Always had been. I realized I could truly do anything I wanted at that point. I keep all single mothers who have the courage and the strength to make a better (even if not so comfortable or financially well off) life for themselves and their children. Good luck to you through all of this.
 
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