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Hello, It's been a while since I last posted here. We've run into some financial difficulty recently because of job loss and now I feel like we're stuck until I find something full time.

A little background. My daughter was born in 2006. At that time my husband was working full time with medical benefits and so on. Good job. I worked part time as a caretaker of an apartment building just to stay home with daughter and get a discount on rent. A big one. We only paid $400 in rent and I got paid for turn overs. It was a nice little set up.

However, We wanted out of Minneapolis and into a house. We moved into a house with a nice yard and in a nice area. Good schools nearby for my daughter when she starts school. We decided to live by choice with family. Not out of necessity. We share a home with my husbands parents. We have altered the house so it has separate living spaces. We share a kitchen. They have the down stairs and we have the upstairs.

We split the house payment $650 a month.

They pay most utilities, which they picked to do so we could save up. (I was so thankful for this!) They pay garbage, electric, and water.

We paid phone and they added DirectTV and Internet to our bill which we do not use. So, we remove about $110 a month from our rent and pay that full bill. So our house payment is about $540 a month.

We had cable and cell phones. We all share groceries and some household items.

It has worked for all of us wonderfully for two years.

During the time we have lived in this arrangement husband worked full time, I stayed at home with daughter and did some childcare for a family members infant. Brought in a small amount of money a week.

Then it happened... Husband lost his job which was our main source of income in May of this year. He quickly gained another job at lower pay and in a shop that wasn't as busy. (He's a body piercer/Tattoo artist.)

When he lost his job I quickly started to look for work although he picked up another job quickly. I found a part time job super quick at a craft store blocks from our house. However, my pay at part time hours (anywhere from 20 - 31 hours a week I work) is min. wage. I stopped babysitting and went to work which I made more doing anyway. So it was a gain.

And then, Husband stopped making as much money. Had to start putting money in to promote himself and have supplies at this shop. We did ok for the first couple months. Although our savings started to go down quickly.

After the first couple of months, his pay went down more as he wasn't seeing as many people. Mostly just the people who saw him at the other shop he was at came over. He never really made any new clients, which meant income slowed quickly. Then, the shop started to pay us later and later because it was struggling. Something husband didn't know when he joined them. His weekly paycheck became a week and a half, and then two weeks out, and then they just stopped paying him his 80% of everything for three weeks and well, he left.

So now, I have a part time job at min. wage. Working every day as many hours as they will let me. I'm now our main income which believe me isn't much. I make anywhere from $280 to $380 every two weeks. Eh. Ultimately, Enough for house payment (maybe!) and a small amount of food.

Although we live with family which now has a benefit we didn't think we'd need!!! They have jumped in and started buying most of the food, and paying the same bills they always have.

We got rid of cable. I'm in a 2 year contract with our cell phones although I did drop our minutes to 750 from 1500. Which does save us a small amount of money. I am thinking about dropping home phone which will save us another $45 a month but increase in laws DTV bill and Internet bill as it's a package deal.

I'm currently looking for full time work and hoping to keep the part time job with probably a bit less hours while husband weighs his options and his next steps.

Our current bill situation is:

$540 House payment
$160 total for DTV, Internet, Phone ($45 of it ours for phone, the rest is from in laws bill which we take house payment from)
$80 a month for cell phones
$55 a month for car insurance
$18 a month for Netflix (we do not do anything. We don't go out to eat, we do not go to movies or do any sort of entertainment. We justified this when we got rid of cable. Now I can't anymore, it might be gone soon!)
$40 a month for band practice space which is husbands thing. I'm trying to talk him out of this right now but it's his only release.
$5.95 for my Artfire shop. I'm crafty and I enjoy making things. I started this shop a while ago to put up things to sell. I do not plan to get rid of this right now. I want to make this work and to me this is a small amount. I have a ton of crafty items to make things from so I'm not putting any new money into this crafting stuff.

This is our Min bills. Of course. 45 of it could be taken off, and another 18 could be taken off. So, $63 we could save and probably will do until things change.

This does not cover gas, or anything else for the car. Or home related stuff or anything.

I'm crossing my fingers I'll have decent luck finding a full time job, but I know it's tough out there. I'm thankful to have something! Hoping husband finds something too.

Our set up here is awesome. Our in laws have been understanding and have been willing to help somewhat recently by asking for a third of whatever money we bring in and they would pay the rest. SO THANKFUL FOR THAT! I don't know that they can do this for long though.

So, a couple things....

My first issue is husband still lives like he has money. Buys snacks randomly and so on. He really doesn't spend much but what he does spend makes a dent in our small amount we are bringing in.

He's currently helping out a friend do some home remodeling for the last week and our friend has been paying him anywhere from $50 - $100 a day depending on what he helps with. Husband has worked for 6 days for this friend. But when he brings money home he spent $20 of it already on lunch and whatever else. The next day the money is gone from his wallet. I ask him where it was spent and he comes up with a list of stuff that is not even in our budget. I get mad. Really mad. I've asked him while he finishes this project with our friend to start giving the money to me.

Ultimately he's still attempting to live like we did before may hit and I'm trying to run around cleaning up messes and working 13 days in a row for nothing.

He's not in the same financial thought as I am. I'm a security freak. I know this. I can really get worked up about finances quickly. But how do I get through to him on this before we really lose it all which if we didn't have the situation we have now, we would have a month or so back.

How do you talk with your spouse about money and get them in on everything and have the same goal in mind? We're not doing good with this at all.

Also, any tips would be helpful. Anything from job hunting, to finances, books to read, thoughts, comments anything. All would be helpful to me. Even a quick hug would be great as I'm so stressed over this. Previously I have worked in hospitals and clinics in clerical support etc. That's what I'm trying for again.

In the twelve years we have been together (5 married) we have never ever struggled like this. We got lucky somewhat with the living situation we have now but I can't continue to do this.

Thanks for letting me vent and share. I know it was a lot to read. I haven't talked with anyone about this stuff. None of my friends or family really know how bad it is other than our in laws. I guess, I'm feeling guilty on staying home mostly those years now and Think I should have been doing more. Bah.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Let me just say, I am so thankful for the public library at this time. I've always loved it but it's nice to go there and get books to entertain me and daughter as well as movies. Now I thought of a good reason to get rid of Netflix. I'm canceling it now.
 

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financial peace is a good book By DaveRamsey but tells the story about how he was on the top of the world and hit rock bottom ,

has your dh seen it all down on paper ??
some people need to see the black and white .
maybe give him an allowance of $ he can spend when wokring with his friend- most likely his friend heads to the mini mart at lunch break for food etc and for your dh it may be embarasing to say i cant aford it - so see if you can get him to limit it to maybe 10$ instead of 20$ gives him a little freedom without feeling like he isnt getting to use any of the money ( which feeling like that often leads to more being used !!)

one of the things that goes down in a questionable economy are anything that is seen as an extra- for your dh business wise tatoos may just be that for many - people may be saying when i have that extra $ i will do this or that but cannot justify it now.
same reason many who had booming businesses on ebay with collectables or vintage clothing anything that is a non necessity havent been doing as well ( although the holiday season often allows mentally if not 100% financially for such extras so some may pick up the next few months)
 
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Nice to see you again. I second the idea to show him in black and white just what is coming in & what bills are. Time to be a team getting through this rough patch & it won't be forever.
Wishing you luck in finding a job (If you love it, bonus!)and hoping things turning around for you soon.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
financial peace is a good book By DaveRamsey but tells the story about how he was on the top of the world and hit rock bottom. Thank you. I haven't read any Dave Ramsey stuff yet but I hear about him a lot here. : ) I will read it.

has your dh seen it all down on paper ?? He has not, it's hard to get him to sit down with me and do this. But I will sometime this week just show him on paper what we have and what is going on.
some people need to see the black and white .

maybe give him an allowance of $ he can spend when wokring with his friend- most likely his friend heads to the mini mart at lunch break for food etc and for your dh it may be embarasing to say i cant aford it I totally agree and didn't think about this much until now. Thanks for pointing that out. - so see if you can get him to limit it to maybe 10$ instead of 20$ gives him a little freedom without feeling like he isnt getting to use any of the money ( which feeling like that often leads to more being used !!) Agreed! I know he has worked hard and continues to work hard. He should be able to do some little things within reason. You're probably very right on with this.

one of the things that goes down in a questionable economy are anything that is seen as an extra- for your dh business wise tatoos may just be that for many - people may be saying when i have that extra $ i will do this or that but cannot justify it now. Yes! Very true. It was hard to bring in the people, new people especially. This makes a lot of sense. I know this isn't all his fault. It just happened.
same reason many who had booming businesses on ebay with collectables or vintage clothing anything that is a non necessity havent been doing as well ( although the holiday season often allows mentally if not 100% financially for such extras so some may pick up the next few months)
Thank you so much for your reply. Gave me some things to think about. One thing I'm thinking about now is this may be harder on my husband than it is me. A lot harder. Over the last four years I have lived like this could happen, trying to save and so on. My only luxuries were bought when we got taxes back this year. Otherwise I really don't do much buying. I tend to do dollar store buys, thrift store buys and so on and have for years. He has not for the most part. Also, we live with his parents and he's probably more accountable to them than I am. These talks with them are usually done by him. That has to be hard for him to do. He has a lot of pride and hates saying he can't do something or pull something off. I'm sure the pressure for him is enormous in this situation.

Thank you again for your post. We will work this out. I know it. Until we do, we'll just have to make sure to communicate more and it's obviously where we are lacking in this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Nice to see you again. I second the idea to show him in black and white just what is coming in & what bills are. Time to be a team getting through this rough patch & it won't be forever.
Wishing you luck in finding a job (If you love it, bonus!)and hoping things turning around for you soon.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
 

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*hugs*

I have come to the conclusion that it is good to have good family. My family is awesome and has helped use out while my hubby has been out of work for 2 years.

I can say that it is more difficult for those that have been use to being able to spend liberally to scale back, it effects them more psychologically (IMO). My hubby went from a six figure salary to 0, I think the poor guy went into shock. I had been poor pretty much my whole life (with the exception of the one year we were married), so I was more mentally prepared to scale back.

Everyone has much better money advice then I do, so I don't have much to say about that. But, I would like to say - be patient. I know it's frustrating (in the beginning hubby and I would fight about money because I am frugal he likes to spend), but I think if one can look at it from the other perspective and approach each change patiently and slowly it might make the road smoother.

As to lunches, have you thought about packing him a lunch? Perhaps leftovers. Maybe even cooking tasty meals for him and his friend? (Not all the time, maybe once in a while) Or perhaps suggesting that he make lunches, etc.? If he can get into the habit of bringing his own lunch it helps with the $$.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you everyone for the hugs. It was nice to see people read and sent me some hugs. I needed them!

And Weedaisy: Thank you for the hug, personal story and advice. It means a lot.
 

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I just wanted to send you good vibes and say this: if your inlaws are able and prepared to help, it's ok to let them do that until your feet hit the ground. I'm not saying leech off of them, but it's ok to accept the help. It's really difficult to choke down the discomfort of receiving help, but if you can do so without stressing over it, you can cut yourself a little emotional break. I'm sure they see that you're trying really hard to keep up.

GL with the job search! :hugz:
 

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You are very fortunate with your living situation. Do you have a spreadsheet showing bills that are to be paid, food allotment, etc? Keeping this spreadsheet up-to-date and having a place to add up daily unneeded purchases can really help to see how much money is being spent. I keep a monthly worksheet. It really helps me keep in mind what needs to be paid.

Try having a long conversation with your husband. Having a spreadsheet that he can see how much was spent that did not need to be spent may help get the message across.

Yes, your siutation is difficult but it will not get any easier if the two of you are not on the same page. Most of us know what it is like to all of a sudden be in a completely different unwanted financial situation. Most of us have been able to survive and live through this siutation and only come out wiser and more prepared if it ever happens again.

Make a game out of saving money. See who can come up with the best free entertainment for the weekend. Museums, libraries, parks, festivals, etc., all can be found and many times are free. Be careful to see what the library offers, what the newspapers list for free entertainment.
 

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What I like to do if I have income from different sources (like you and dh) is allocate the money to specific goals. For instance: the $20 from one day's helping his friend goes to pay this month's Netflix; your next biweekly income goes to paying this month's rent; etc. I try to find income/outgo amounts that are as close together as possible. This way, I know what I will use the money for, and am less likely to spend it on something else.
 
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