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I've Decided

1525 Views 17 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  Greebo
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Oh Peanut! We have that book! We used it as part of our homeschool curriculum. It will blow your mind. It certainly puts things into proper perspective.

The holidays have been very hard for me the last 3-4 years. Yes, money is an issue, but it's not the whole story. For us the holidays was a huge celebration, loaded with family and friends. It was a time of year where we focused on charity to an extreme. Given our economic circumstances that no longer is an option. :( Add to it deaths, grandparents aging and losing their ability to participate in the holidays, family moving away, and our world has shrunk to just my Mother and my in-laws.

Of course I'd not be honest if I did not say that I've been having a bit of a temper tantrum over my physical abilities declining. The upcoming holidays is on the heel of me resigning myself to the fact that really stylish shoes are no longer an option. I had to buy a pair of sensible shoes (read-ugly), that did not kill my back and allowed me to walk more than a few feet without feeling like my spine was going to break in half. Well, it really felt like my world was coming to an end. All I could think was, great, I'm an old woman at 43, next week I'll need a hearing aid and a walker. Stupid huh? I totally missed my blessing by behaving like a spoiled brat. Here God provided me a pair of shoes that was EXACTLY what I needed, and all I could focus on was this was not what I wanted. Fast forward to the guy with soda bottle shoes and that fact smacked me hard right upside my head.

So when it comes to the holidays this year, or anything else, I've purposed myself that I am going to focus on the fact that God really does meet my needs, and I need to stop every single time I think something is a need and evaluate if it really is, or just me being a spoiled brat. Because truth be told, I only need one set of clothing, and it does not have to be fabulous clothing either. It just has to cover my nakedness. Anything more than that is a blessing and I need to recognize that. I don't need my own car, I want my own car. I don't need a working dishwasher, I want one. I don't need certain foods on my table, I want certain foods on my table. If I really get down to what my needs really are and how much I have above my needs, then, well....I am very blessed.

So this post was about me turning my eyes off of myself, and turning them towards the things that are truly important in this world. Outing myself is rather humbling, but necessary in grounding myself in the truth. The truth is ugly and raw, full of human failing. I purpose myself to be a better human being.
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Ahh not so wise oheoh's momma, God just had enough of my whining, and frankly, I had enough being miserable. Spending my time focusing on what I don't have was really making me miserable. I'm so glad God is patient with me, because I'd have smacked me right down into to the gutter to see how I liked living there.

Those who know me know I'm given to wallowing a bit. Depression will do that to you, but I'm in charge of what I think, and I had stinking thinking. I've spent years wanting to be like Paul, being content in any circumstances. Am I content now? Probably not, but I'm closer to it than I was yesterday.

This does not mean that I've vowed to live a life of poverty, rather that I'm choosing to recognize what blessings I do have, and making a solid effort to turn my eyes away from myself and towards the important things in life.

It's kind of funny because God has been working on me. Stirring something within me, leading me to scripture, helping me to remember Bible lessons I know backwards and forwards but have failed to apply in my life. Every single time I turn on the computer, turn on the radio, or turn on the TV God was gently nudging me to take a look at the state of my soul. Even after I thought I got it, God still was showing me. I turned on the TV last night and the program that was on was this

He then followed it up with Joel Osten reminding me that praise should lead. So an attitude of gratitude. LOL! I doubt He's finished with me yet. I'm a work in progress.
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Absolutely A2M! Nothing wrong with wishing, or wanting things as far as I can tell. :) The problem I had was putting things I want well above the things of importance in my mind. It was all off kilter, to the point that I could not even see my blessings as blessings anymore. It wasn't until I had the clarifying moment of how basic my needs really were that I started to get it.

I'd say I'm a pretty slow learner myself A2M, because this holiday thing has been building for the last 4 years.
LOL @ QM! You're funny QM. :) Yep, those things felt like needs to me. Only, I don't want my post misunderstood. I posted this as an awareness to myself, a grounding. Everyone has their own journey in this life, and God takes us all different places. This is where He took me. This is where I needed to go. Where others need to go I can not say.

All the ladies on the SI thread know very well that for the last 4 years I've struggled with the holidays. My temper tantrums over wanting my old life back, and growing weary only lacked me stomping my feet and laying down on the floor and thrashing about. Yes, I've behaved like a perfect 2 year old.
*sniff* Thank You Cashcow. You're really much too kind. I appreciate your prayer for comfort and strength. :hugz:
It does not always sit well, my opinion that is, but I don't believe that we (Christians) ALL are called to a vow of poverty. I think God wants His children to enjoy their blessings, whether it's an apartment and a bicycle, or a mansion and a Bentley. Some He calls to live simply, others not so much.

I'll never know, on this earth that is, if our taking our blessings for granted are why we've been at this place this last 4 years, but I do know that He's asking me to change. Thank God He's faithful to work in my heart on this, because I don't think I could find my way on this alone.
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