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I'm looking to get input (good or bad) on making a decision to only have one child. I'm pregnant with our first child and its not been the most pleasant experience. I've had high blood pressure and just found out last week that I have a low lying placenta, so I've had a lot to worry about. I'm not looking forward to doing this again anytime soon.

Along with everything I've been dealing with pregnancy wise, I've had to worry about money. We are living on one income right now until DH starts working (that hopefully will be by the end of the month) and our baby is due in less than 3 months. Things have been very tight and we don't have any savings and I'm worried about how we are going to pay for everything the baby is going to need.

So now comes the thoughts to stop with just this baby. We haven't decided to just have one, but we have limited the number to 2 max. We both have career goals and love to travel, so we've never wanted a big family. I want to have enough money to provide a decent life for any children I do have and I don't want to stretch really far to provide it.

So with all that said, I'd like to hear some opinions and thoughts you all have on deciding to only have one child. Do some of you have only one child and if so, do you view it as a good or bad thing? I'd really like to hear some honest opinions because I've never known anyone who is an only child.
 

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Wow! I volunteer with the Rhode Island Right to Life and they GIVE out baby clothing. Not only that but there are a lot of crisis pregnancy centers that give a lot of things to new moms... it doesn't matter what your relationship status is or how much money you make. They will give it to you if you need it.

I don't know where you are but if you'd like, email me ([email protected]) and I can give you conatacts to organizations in your area that can literally give you everything you need.

I wish I knew about these places when I was pregnant with my first daughter. Now that I don't need these organizations I've been recommending them to people that might. (my husband actually convinced a woman he works with not to get an abortion-- she was afraid that she couldn't afford diapers). There are many resources out there that new mothers don't know about.

As far as having more-- that's up to you. But what I can help you with is the one you're expecting right now.

I have also had low-lying placenta with my last baby and it was not fun. I spend many hours in the ER hooked up to all kinds of machines that (even though I've been in the medical field for a few years) I don't know how to pronounce. The thing to do, and I hope that you've been told this by your doctor, is to take it easy. Try not to stress out-- if you do then step back and take a few deep breaths. It's always good to talk, and even though I'm new to the forum here, it seems like this is a good place to do that.

I'm not an only child... but I have known a few people that were. I just called one and asked him (without giving him any of your information) what it was like growing up how he did... he told me taht he wished he had a younger sibling. He ended up being as close to his cousins as he would have been to a sibling. He said that he was thankful that he had cousins that are the same age. He says that he knows his parents love him and that they made their decision-- and he doesn't begrudge them at all but he wishes he had that.

I'm not trying to influence your decision on havign more children (really I'm not), I just want to try and help you with what you're going through now and give you my friend's opinion about being an only child.

*hug*

-Teresa
 

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I had my first child when I was 20 years old. I thought for many years he would be my only child. However, as time went on I really wanted another child. I got married and had another child. She is our last child. My son is now almost 13 years old and she's alittle over 9 months. I don't think this is a decision you should take lightly or think you need to make right now. Things may change for you as time goes on. Your financial status might change and so on. My decision was based on not only that we wanted another child but that we could afford her. This was important to me. I know I will not be able to afford more children for a long time. So, We're choosing to keep it at two. I'm so happy with our decision.

I wish you the best of luck with this decision. I think it's one you should wait on for a bit though. I think it's important to think about it but on the flip side your first is on it's way soon and I just think it's so important to focus on now and see how things turn out. You have no idea what to expect right now with the one child. I just feel that without having the one child around for a bit you're not really able to make an informed decision on what's best for you and your partner.
 

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Oh and I'd like to add, I don't think there is anything wrong with having only one child. I had one child for 12 years and it was fantastic! I loved every minute of it. Even when I was broke. Laugh. I'm still broke... just not as.
 

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My sister only has one child.

And it's by choice. My sister is married, but she and her husband have always struggled financially. She felt she could not provide adequately for more than one child so that's all they had. IMO she did the right thing. I don't understand why people have 3 or 4 kids, and then put them all in daycare (but that's just me...I know other people feel differently). My niece is a good kid and they have done a good job with her.

I wouldn't make any big decisions right now though. Emotions run high when you are pregnant and worried about life. I would wait a few years and then decide. There is nothing wrong with having one child.
 

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I am an only child. I had a twin who was stillborn. When I was in my late twenties I became a step-sister, but I am my mom and dad's only. I love being an only child. I never wanted a brother or sister and was not a lonely child. I had lots of friends in my neighborhood, at school and at church. I was always able to take a friend on vacation with us, have sleep over company, and lots of playdates. Not only was I an only child, I was an only grandchild for many years. My one cousin is 6 years younger and we were too far apart in age to be very close. Call me selfish, I don't care, but I loved the fact that I was it - the one and only child in my parents' lives. Even today, as a thirty-something adult I am still very happy that I am an only. I do not feel like I missed out on anything, quite the opposite.
 

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~DH and I haven't actually decided how many kids we'd like to have but as you can see from my sig we have 2 already. We're not TTC for emotional health not financial reasons. I'm from a family of 5 children. A one-income factory wage family of 7. We lived in a trailer(actually 2 trailers that my dad put on the lot side-by-side) until I was 4 and then moved next door to a house that was actually several tiny homes put together and held in place by prayer. I actually love the way I grew up. My parents had faith that God would always take care of us and He did! Now we didn't get to go to 'classes' (which I desperately wanted!)and my parents couldn't afford to send us to college(which I also desperately wanted) but I think they would have done us a diservice by providing too much for us. Since we were a family of faith, I never held my parents responsible for our financial situation. Instead we were thankful that our dad had a job and grateful for hand-me-downs and gifts on our birthdays. I think my parents, by not planning, cultivated an attitude of gratitude instead of worry. That's my experience. I will say that my cousin is an only child to my fairly wealthy Aunt & Uncle and she is a very nice young lady. I think a parent's attitude and involvement with their child/children is 100X more important than what they can provide them with. JMO.~
 

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as I have learned, time has a way of changing things...finances...desires,etc. The only person that truly knows what you're feeling is yourself and the decision lies with you. If it were me...I would not let one pg dictate stopping at only 1 child...every pg is different. Should you choose to have another child, that pg could be complication free. Your finances will eventually change as well...maybe not today or next month, but they eventually will. I would not make any drastic decisions based on what is happening right now...b/c time has a way of changing things & you might regret some of those decisions later(pm me & I will tell you what happened to us).I was an only child....some people have no problems being the 'only"...but personally, I really hated it...maybe that's why I'm making up for it now.lol. I hope you feel peace about this whatever you decide to do. hugs.
 

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Sorry you're having such a tough time. :hugz: I agree that no one can decide your family size for you, only you and the daddy. That said, I would encourage you not to make any permanent decisions while pregnant. I've had relatively complication-free pregancies and I still tell DH every time, "I can't do this any more". ;) Don't make permanent decisions on things that can change (income, where you live, etc.).

My mom was an only child and while she loved it she also wishes she would have had siblings. I'm one of four and I can't imagine life without my siblings, but that's just me. :)

Good luck, no matter what you decide!
 

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Sorry to hear you're having a rough pregnancy. :hugz: I wouldn't stress out about possibly havin/not having more kids in the future, only you can make that desicion. There is nothing wrong with only wanting one child, I can understand why parents would choose to have one. I grew up with a brother who is 7 years older and man, it was not good. He was used to being the only child for 7 years and for the next 15 years constantly fought with me for our parents' attention. This is why we have decided to have more than one but with a small age difference. Anyway, I wish you all the best. :)
 

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Have you looked into Public assistance programs? You qualify for FS while your Husband is not working , and you also qualify for WIC weather or not your husband works.
 

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i always thought i wanted 2 kids, but after my son was born we decided he is all we're going to have. not just because of the complications i had while pregnant with him, but i really dont want to be all fat and emotional for 9 months again. my son plays well by himself and has mentioned several times he doesn't want a little brother or sister because he's afraid he wont be my favorite bubba anymore. so i see nothing wrong with having only 1 child (regardless of what my sil says... different rant all together) but its all up to you, i wouldn't make any decisions until after the birth tho.
 

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I agree with everyone else, this is something that only you and your husband can decide. I have never been pregnant or had a child, but I understand how it is when you have this big life decision in front of you. All you want to do is get it decided, so that you can live w/the decision made - not sit around and think about it, talk about it, and wonder about it for who knows how long. At least, if you're at all like me, just sitting around waiting to make that life decision is the hardest part. But, I honestly think that this is a decision that you should not make yet. If I were you, I'd just focus on your baby coming and being the best parents you can be. If you and your husband are thinking that this is going to be it, most likely - that's fine. You can always agree that for now you want only one, but that later either of you can bring it up again. Maybe you'll find out that your baby is the only one you want. Or else maybe after two or three years you'll decide you want another.

The point is similar to the others, I wouldn't get yourself "stuck" in one decision. If you do decide now, don't forget that it's okay to change your mind.

I hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes good and will keep you in my prayers.
 

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yes during pregnancy the hormones are in control so dont make any promises right now. So far we only have one, he's 3 and great and i think our life is pretty simple and we will be able to provide not an overly privledged life but a pretty nice one for him and I often wonder if we would be able to do it all with another child. also i have stayed at home for my sons early years but i worry that i wont do it again and if i will feel guilty for not wanting to be home full time for another 5 years. So i say have this baby focus on that enjoy it. and when the baby is 1 ish or so revisit the topic and see how you feel...JMO (buti think one is plenty LOL)
 

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I thoroughly enjoyed having only one.
 

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This may sound odd but I decided early on when I was younger that if I didn't have twins the first time I got pregnant I would only have one. I still think that way. My older sister thinks thats incredibly selfish of me but its just the way I've always felt. Now, that being said, I haven't had a child yet, so the experience may make me change my mind. I don't know. Right now, we could afford a baby at great sacrifice to ourselves, we have alot of debt, no savings, no house, so we're not going to try. DH agrees, only one.

Anyway, wait until after you have your child to make the decision, you might change your mind. But there's nothing wrong with only wanting one.
 

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The entire time I grew up I said I wanted four kids.

Now that I've went through pregnancy and had Wesley, I am content with one. I don't mean that I had a bad pregnancy, but it was really rough when Wesley was born with a collapsed lung. I really can't tell if that is playing a part in my decision or not.

Right now I jump back and forth about whether or not I want another child. Somedays I want one more, other days I am content with the child I have and I only want him.
 

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Do what is right for your family. Dh has a disabled son from his first, we waited almost 10 years to have Emily and I made it clear to both families that at 37 this was my one and only pregnancy. We will continue to foster and if offered an adoption we will, but my body is not doing it again.
 

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I personally dont feel there is ANYTHING wrong with only wanting to have one child, whoever tells you otherwise is wrong, JMHO. It's your life and you do what you want with it and if having only 1 child is what you want, then it's what you should do. I am sure you will do what's best for you and only you can decide exactly what that is. :hugz:
 

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I think it's your decision. You do not say how old you are. If you are young I might hold off on any permanent birth control. How you feel now may not be how you will feel down the road.

I was happy with one but my DH grew up by himself, with his siblings all grown up and wanted another.
I am glad I did now.
 
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