[Jeanna]

Well just kidding about the shooting part. However my MIL has really tried me over the years.
I know I do not post that much, but first and formost is I have Fibromyalgia. If you don't know about it there are many sites online about it. Anyway, my MIL has always (since my husband and I were married almost 17 years ago) blamed anything that happens on me. Now let me say nothing has to do with my and my husbands relationship. We have also never told her about any of our financial problems and if we have needed money we have went to my parents for loans. So with all that said, she called this morning and started putting digs into me about how my husbands highblood pressure is all my fault (not in these exact words) because I am not working. Also that when she saw him yesterday he seemed worried and he was pushing himself to hard at work and home. I hate to tell her he does right at nothing around the house, inside or out. Anyway she said we all had to push hard--this was a hint that I should/could go out and get a job. I never said a word. I just kept my mouth shut. But after 17 years or this short of stuff and everything we are going through right now I do not know how much longer I can bite my tongue.
Any advice?
Jeanna

 

[qponfanatic]

:hugs:Jeanna
Have you talked to your DH about this? I have BIL who used to do this sort of thing quite a bit and after years of taking it from him I blew up at DH for not doing anything to protect me from it. DH had a talk with BIL and it no longer happens.

 

[Missy]

mine is a lot like yours. but she has said she'd rather her ds live at home with her. LOL. weird i know. Forget the fact the we are married with kids together, lol she thinks her son should be with her. she has gone so far as to try to tell me that i should call her prior to dh and I ..... uh.... "having relations" to get her opinion on the subject. Not gonna happen. She calls Dh all the time, a few times a day and gets pretty upset with me if he chooses not to talk on the phone or is simply not home. She even calls him on his cell phone at least 5-6 times a day. (the most in one day she has called him was 22 times). She has 3 other sons at home (one 24 years old the other two in high school). She has said as much as she hates me for taking her ds from her. Dh stays out of it completely, and I do not talk to her very much. I have no advise for you, but thought you might be interested to know that you are not alone. I am trying to get dh to move across country to get away from this MIL. so far, no luck, lol. but i am tryin!

 

[MJsLady]

1st, talk it over with your dh. Tell him you respect her as his mom but you can not nor will you put up with this baloney.
When we first married (19 years ago) my dh thought it was all in my head. Now his mom has alientated him, and our sons by being a witch. Since she couldn't get rid of me, she now hates him too.
If he tells you to deal with it, next time she calls and starts just tell her, look you need to take it up with him, HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORK. Let her think it was HIS choice.
My mil does not understand my not having a career, what she doesn't realize is, her son doesn't want me working and makes me miserable when I do!
Then if she keeps up, tell her when you pay our bills you can interfere in our life. Then get caller id and an answering machine and only take 1 call from her per day, max.
Then again we all know I am mean to the bone!:toothy:

 

[Sara Noel]

I can't say much except I could scare you with stories of my mil. Some are just downright sick.

Here's a little funny thing she did. Third day in our new house.....Zachary's bus comes and she has to go running outside in what she considers a nightgown. It was noon btw and she didn't just run out and back..nooooo she had to parade around a bit. I was so embarrassed. This is a funny thing she did. The not so funny and the downright rude and sick things I'll spare you all from.

Just wanted to say you're not alone in the mil area. Mine tries to make me feel like I am on some cakewalk because I am a SAHM. omg don't get me started.

If you do figure out a way to turn her to stone, let me know. LMAO

 

[qponfanatic]

You could always do what I did, of course the entire family thinks I'm the "B" word and no I don't mean Beautiful! LMAO> I just told them all straight forward, that DH was a big boy now and can make his own decisions! If he doesn't want to talk he won't. DH is the reason I stay at home, I work WHEN I want to not when They want me to. And if they didn't like the way we ran our lives they could pick up our bills and pay them, we wouldn't mind it one little bit!

Now they just look at me! I think it is sooooo funny. Sometimes ya just gotta be a "B" word!

 

[captclearance]

I would have dh talk to her, it really is his place to do it.........
Melissa (mrsengeseth) If your MIl wants details, I give em to her, I would tell her every sorted detail (I'd even make up some lurid stuff) Let het have it till you leave her totally speachless..

 

[Missy]

LOL, she doesn't want the details, she wants to permit it or not. LOL i told her where she could go with that idea when she told me.

 

[justjenn]

(((Hugs))). My dh's family, as much as I love them, are hard to deal with sometimes.

 

[LynnieB]

Jeanna my hubbies name is Ken too and i also have fibromyalgia. And what is it with MIL's nowadays??? After you start having children, the claws come out. Mine has tested me for a lot of years also. Every once in awhile I have the nerve to stand up to her. If your hubby would talk to her, then you are lucky because mine sure wont. He thinks let her complain then she will be done with it. Duh, what about me?

 

[Jeanna]

Hi everyone, Glad to know I am not the only one with a MIL like this. My husband did think I was taking things the "wrong" way for years. However about 5 years ago she went a little to far and my husband had it out with her and told her that if he had to choose she would not win. So things went well for awhile, but they are going back to the way they were before. I really think that is one reason Ken wants to move to the town he works in. It is hard to take some of the comments when we are in the financial situation we are in and her and her daughter are all the time going shopping at the outlet malls and my MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, and their kids are all the time going way for the weekend and taking a couple of vacations a year on top of buying new vehicles. I try not to envy, but it is hard sometimes.
Jeanna

 

[MJsLady]

I used to feel that way to, about their trips and such. Like I wasn't as good as they are.
I did learn some stuff though, my in laws are up to their necks in debt. My sil can't quit work to have the children she so desperately wants and her dh won't let her get pg unless they can afford for her to quit!
My envy has disipated and I feel pity for them, they have put so much time and effort into their stuff, they have no real pleasure in life anymore.

 

[saver]

Here's advice from a vetran frugal guru (from another board) and it's the broken record technique. (Thanks, MaryK!) When MIL starts in on you, say, "Thank you for your concern, but we're comfortable with the choices we're making for our family." When she comes back with another choice comment, say, "We appreciate your thoughts, but our family is happy with our choices". In other words, don't let her goad you into explaining or defending what you choose to do, or how to live. It sounds like your dh is on board with your choices, and you don't have to explain or defend to anybody your choices.

Try not to let anybody guilt or blame you into feeling bad. People who do that are not acting out of love.

Hugs.

 

[milach]

We have a friend who calls his inlaws "the outlaws". Isn't it the truth sometimes? LOL!!

Laura

 

[Mommyof2lildivas]

I have one of those MILs too that everyone is speaking of. She's my own personal nightmare, but I don't deal with her anymore, I refuse to do so. Ah, the stories I could tell, but it doesn't worry me anymore, because as far as I'm concerned, she's not a part of my life.