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I found out when my mom sent me an email yesterday. I haven't seen him since I was 4. I read the obituary that my mother sent, it said he is survived by his loving son. No mention of me or my sister.

I know it's silly, I haven't seen or spoken to the man in over 20 years, but this for some reason offends me. It makes me feel like we were forgotten. It leaves me with a feeling of shame. No one wants to acknowledge that we exist. It makes me wonder if he told his son that he was married before and had 2 kids.

Then I keep reading the obituary, and see another name I recognize. My dad was in a relationship with a woman I worked with for 3 years when I was in high school. She is the mother to his son. I remember this woman because she used to ask me how my mom is doing, and say oh we were close friends in high school. Why wouldn't she just come out and tell me. It leaves me with a bizarre feeling of betrayal.

Its just such a confusing situation I don't know what to think. I don't think I mourn him, I never really knew him. I think I mourn the idea of what could have been and wasn't.
 

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LottaLove - you are a very wise young woman. You last words summed it up so well - the thoughts of what might have been. It can be so hard not to take personally the words/actions/lack of others. What others may do in either direction is no reflection on you in anyway.

Seems to me that you father bad some seriously bad choices in his life with no regard to the impact on others - especially when children are involved.

I think your perspectitve will support your not taking this scenario into your life as a burden. Please take care.
 

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(((HUGS))) I know the feeling. In September my bio father (that I met when I was two and didn't have any contact with until Feb of this year...on Facebook) died suddenly. I found out by reading the obits online :( No mention of me in his obit either... mentioned his younger three tho.
 

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~I'm sorry that your late father wasn't there for you. I'd feel hurt by the exclusion in the obit too.
Have you thought about reaching out to your stepbrother? Maybe he doesn't know about you. The contact could be important later on. ((hug))~
 

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I'm sorry.

My dad died nearly three years ago. My sisters and I were completely estranged from him for 14 years before that. Our half-sister wrote up his obit mentioning all his children. Some of the info about us was incorrect since none of us of had anything to do with her during that time either. It chapped me that she'd write it up as if he had all these kids and grandkids in his life when he had alienated all but one of his living children.

My point is, your feelings might be similarly confused even had you been mentioned in his obit. It's the loss of what could have been that's sad, imo.
 

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Wow. :(

I'm sorry guys, to all of you have had to deal with this. It's heartbreaking. :eek:uch:
 
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I am so sorry, I can't imagine how you guys feel.
 
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So sorry. My dad was married before he met and married my mom. He had a daughter from that marriage I didn't even know she exisited till I was a teenager. I have no idea why she was never mentioned. My mom of course knew maybe even my older brothers. My dad did pay child support till she was 18, but they never had a relationship till she was grown and had her own kids. I am sure it messed her up and even though I did not have that strained relationship with my dad that she did( till later) I always wondered (after I found out about her anyway) how he could have acted that way towards his own daughter.

Later after my own mother died my dad hooked up with another woman and they were together for 18 years till she died, but she did her best to erase me and my three brothers from my dads life and it seemed he was fine letting her. It was only because she died that my brothers and I tried again with our dad, if she would have lived we would have all been gone. Her kids of course would have had our dad. It was like she could not share.

Sorry to ramble.
 
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So sorry. Hugs.
 
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I can imagine how hard that would be to deal with. So sorry. *hug*
 
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so very sorry for your loss....of what could have been , and what relationship wasnt there.It must be so painful, lots of hugs.
 

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The saddest words of tongue and pen are not what is but what might have been Sorry for your pain . Hire a lawyer you may be entitled to an inheritance this may sound cold but he owes you
 

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Prayers going out for you.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Mourning what could have been is hard...you're in my thoughts and prayers. :hugz:
 

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I'm sorry, that would be very painful, even if you didn't know him well.
 

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Oh I'm so sorry. I know how painful this is. My biological father wasn't around for over 28 years of my life and then boom one day I got a call that he was in the hospital dying and wanted me there. In the end I saw him about 4 times. He couldn't talk but made hand signals for the kids. I took the kids once and also pictures of my 2 sisters kids. He let me know he knew he was dying and I had the painful duty of officially taking him off life sustaining medications and the respirator. Only pain meds were allowed and he died 6 days later. He has been gone for 15 years but it still hurts because I wonder what it would have been had I known him better. You have a brother who may or may not know you exist. Maybe getting to know him will help soften the blow of this. Hugs and prayers.

Cat
 
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