[coupqn1999]

Ok I have been over this a zillion times in mind.Do I want to air my dirty laundry here?Do I really need the villages support? Can I handle this myself?Well the answers were yes,yes,and NO!!So here I am.
Things have never been perfect in my household,are they anywhere??? But latley its been really hard.I have been slipping back into a deep depression for months.I seem to slip in and out and its tough.Well what I am going to vent about is this past Sunday,Fathers day.We went to inlaws for bbq and swimming.It was fun until we left for home.Hubby got pretty drunk.He drinks but when hes with his family its so much worse.So during the visit they discussed the passing of his Godmother in Feb. he got upset and cried.....blah blah blah......well he was mad at himself for that and took it out on me.He become beligerent and nasty and it was taking a toll on me.It was late and the kids hadschool Monday and they were still hungry.I stopped to get $$ and gas before Jack in the box for burgers.While I was in the gas station my 8 yr old got upset and said he wasn't hungry.I knew he was and asked him he began to cry and said yes.So I get my gas and head to JITB.We are in line and hubby is flapping his trap and I am getting more and more upset and I told him "today was for Fathers and youa re sucking at that right now" He then proceeded to kick my windshield....until it cracked all over the passenger sideI was FURIOUS and backed out and headed for home.Mind you in our 13 yrs together this was a regular thing in the begginning I am ashamed to admit.But here we are and things like this have been non existent for yrs.Well he then says when we get home he is leaving......well good cause i was furious.I get home........he gets out and I sped away.I went to his sisters and stayed there while BIL went to talk to hubby.Well I can keep going but my point is......we came home and avoided him.He has since apoligized to me and my kids!Something he has NEVER done. And will be replacing mywindshield but I am still so hurt.I get in my car and just feel sick. Today taking the kids to school something wierd happened.......I completly spaced out and couldn't remember where I was going and my head felt way weird. I got the kids to school and came home.I am not sure if the stress and all this is related or what.I think if I had somewhere to go I may leave.I love my DH more than anything but I am just not sure about us anymore.I am sorry its sooooooo long.I have no offline friends and really needed to talk.
Thanks all

 

[qponfanatic]

Oh, Denise...:hugz: I'm so sorry to hear you are are suffering and things are not well in your mariage. I can only send you ((((hugs)))) and I'll keep you in my prayers.:heartsm: Don't discourage yourself. There is always help available for solving our problems. Good luck.

 

[Mom23boys]

:hugz: Denise:hugz: ~I am sending you lots of hugs. I am sorry you and your children have to go through such emotion. If it is taking a toll on you just imagine what your children are going through. I really don't want to give advice, just lots of hugs and support.

 

[vecollins]

i am so sorry for your problems, as you probably know my and my dh are going through really hard times right now too... I have an ear if you need to use it, a shoulder for you to lean on as a friend and i will definately have you in my prayers....

 

[captclearance]

I'm sorry you and your kids are suffering through this Denise....
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
I hope things get better for you all, one way or another ....

 

[SewCrafty]

No advice just lots of :hugz:

 

[paelthom]

Denise,
Please try and get some rest. It sounds like on top of all the aggravation you are nearing exhaustion from the stress. I am saying a prayer for you and the kids dh too.

pat

 

[heavensent_7]

Denise ~ Firstly :hugz:

It is a courageous step to take to reach out and share our personal lives with another.

I am sorry that things are difficult for you at the present time and you are feeling so hurt. Although it seems of little consolation 'This too shall pass' (it always does in good time) It is through our challenges that we 'grow'.

It is hard to give good advice on what is (to me) an isolated incident but I DO feel for you and my thought are with you.

Only you know how bad things are and what effect they have on your family, although it can take some working through in our minds because things are always so much worse when we are the ones on the 'inside'.

I myself have what can only be described sometimes as an uncontrolable temper, which I can deeply regret after the event. I have also been in relationships where both physical and/or mental abuse are beyond coping with and despite constant apologies have never ceased.

If you look inside your heart you WILL in time 'know' what the answers are ~ not what others think you 'should' do but what is right for YOU.

In regards to the way you felt 'spaced out' I do know that feeling, I get almost 'stoned' on my own depression at times and I can actually 'feel' the imbalance in my brain. Stress has MANY physical symtoms too.

My thoughts are with you now at this difficult time and if you would ever like to talk to me please feel free to contact me.

Lots of Love to you
Bev. xxxx

 

[Dixie]

:hugz: I know this is a difficult time for you and your kids. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Darlene]

Sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. I don't know how to help you with it but send you a hug.
As for your head feeling wierd and spacing out while driving that's not good. If you keep having those feelings you should really go see a doc to see whats up. Please take care Denise.:hugz:

 

[graci42]

Bev may be right in that the stress is causing the "spacey" feeling you experienced. And I agree with Darlene about seeing a Doc if you continue having these episodes. But, I would go a step further and say if you are having ambivelant feelings about your marriage, though you still love him, councilling may be a route you need to investigate. The dh probably won't see that he has a problem.

I say any time that alcohol is a trigger to violent behavior it's a problem--violent behavior...is a problem. I stay away from alcohol...I don't get violent, but I become reckless...I see that as a problem...so...I seldom drink, but if I do, it's only 2 or 3 in a 5 or 6 hr. period.

From the sounds of it, alcohol is a trigger for your dh.

Any of us will listen and try to help light'n the load. I'm on my 2nd marriage and I love the man dearly. But if he became violent, I would question the reason behind it and if it became a problem I would seek council.

Loads of hugs!!

 

[dz_blonde_girl]

(((((HUGS))))) Denise. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hope the kids understand it's the alcohol. 2 of mine are very little, so I know they don't know why daddy acts funny sometimes, or why he gets angry suddenly and breaks things. I do know it scares them though, and many days I wish I had somewhere else to go.

I'm here for you when you need to vent.

 

[Katybird]

Denise, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I don't have any advice but I am sending :hugz: and I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. :angel2:

 

[qponfanatic]

:hugz: Denise
You and your family are in my prayers hon! Is your hubby willing to get counciling with you so that you 2 can make things better? I understand that "spacy" feeling. I've been there myself when life gets too overwhelming and I have panic attacks. Take some time for you and if possible, go away somewhere with the kids so you and hubby can clear your heads. You need a break and it may help him to see how much he needs you and the kids.

 

[coupqn1999]

Thanks all of you!!! You are the greatest!I amy be away awhile just know that I am fine.I am having problems with my internet connections right now and we may be down awhile.I will do what I can to get here regularly!!Hugs to you all!!!:hugz:

 

[aylasmommy]

Sounds tuff, does he only get mean with you when he's under the influence?
Does he want to sober up and stay sober? I know how hard it is to talk to my dh about things like that though. He is sooo defiant and swears up and down it was ALL my fault and noooothing is his fault...does your dh do that?

if you ever have to, go to a womens shelter for a while?

And I would say, start documenting the things he does in case you ever need it for any reason...

If he won't wake up and realize he needs to do something,maybe start calling the cops when he gets that violent. Or have a neighbor alerted to call for you if things get like that?

I feel so bad for your kids too who have to go through that, its gotta be so tuff for you all

 

[Belinda]

:hugz: Denise, you and your family are in my prayers.

 

[Lori Biever-Launder]

Denise, I am hoping that things will get better. I agree with everyone else here. Counsleing is somehting both of you need. You need it to deal with the stress and to get the bad stuff (for lack of a better term) out of your system. DH needs it because he should stay away from the alcohol. Your kids may also need it because of what they have seen DH do.

Prayers are being sent your way. Vent with us as much as you need to!

 

[Daphne]

I just wanted to check in with you .....is everything going oK? I'm keeping you all in my prayers and hope things are getting better. Please update us when you can. I'm thinking and praying for you!

 

[blondiesbf]

Denise,
I know things have probably changed since you first posted. I have been in a medication-induced (side-effect) depression before and it it really sucks! 1998 was a particularly bad year and 2002 wasn't so hot either! This really sounds stupid and simple but it works for me and helps turn the bad and depressing times into something positive. It doesn't happen instantly but if you take the time, you will learn something new about yourself and start feeling better. In all bad things, there is something good...you just have to figure out what it is. It's a lot about finding that something about you...an attitude, an action, something, that you can do, did or will do to turn things around enough to make yourself feel better, to feel as though you have grown in some way and gained strength.
This is so hard to explain, to put into words. I hope in some way what I said made some sense and you can start looking for the good things about your situation and build from what you discover.
Best of luck and I hope things work out for you guys. Know you always have us here for you whenever you need us!

Hugs,
Sheila