[jenloveschip2001]

My husband and me have always agreed on our finances. I have always done the budgeting and paying bills and then I give him $50 a week for his tool bill or however he wants to spend it. He has always been fine with this, but lately he has been acting like a child in a toy store that his mom is telling him no we can't afford this. My husband is not deprived by no means. Most of our bills other than the house and car are for stuff for him. Like one loan is for his tool box for work which costed us over $5000. It won't be paid off until May of 09. Then one of the credit cards are for buying him a tractor because that is his hobby. We bought it from my dad for 2500 like a month ago. I asked him if he wanted it and he said he would love to have it so I made it happen. Now he says that he likes it but the only reason that he said to get it was because he knew my parents needed the money. Now he wants a new bigger tool box. He wants to trade in the one we are still paying on to one that is $12000. He would be financing another $6000 because he is allowing him $6000 on his for trade in. He would be paying 50 a week. I said hell no. We are trying to get as debt free as can be and I am not going to add another $6000 to our debt. I told him he needs to make do with what he has and one day we would have cash to pay for stuff like that. He didn't like my answer. He has been in a bad mood since yesterday. I sat him down and showed him the budget and explained why it was a bad idea. He says that he will never have the money to pay cash for anything like that because even if we had the cash I would let him spend it. So I asked "wouldn't it make you feel good just know there is money in our savings just in case we need it as to have no money but lots of crap". He would rather have the crap. He also made a comment during this descussion that just plane peed me off. I asked him what I got for my self. All the money I spend is on grocerys or the kids. I shop at good will for our clothes. He told me that I got to stay at home. So when I ask him if he wants me to get a job he says no but his comments suggest otherwise. So I called a daycare today to see if they were hiring and they are. After childcare and taxes I will only bring home about $90 a week. Should I get the job just to shut him up and be able to save my paycheck, or should I tell him to quit being a baby and inore him? Has anyone else went through this or have any advice? I love my husband, I just think he is going through something right now, I just don't know what. I think he is starting to not like his job and maybe he feels a little jelous that I get to stay home. Sorry so long.

 

[lwlynch]

Remember taking a job in a daycare, will also put your youngest in and then you have other kids too. I could never bring myself to do it. Alot of people do it, so I am sure it is okay. But to me 90 is not alot to change your whole life style. You also need to factor in gas, food, not being home. You could just watch one kid during the day or afterschool and make the same amount without changing your lifestyle. If your husband is anything like mine, they will get over it. I wish you luck, you do what makes your heart feel right.

 

[DAAC3DEC]

OMG

I am sorry that you have all this going on--my husband is just the same!!! I (since I am married to one) cannot help you, sorry!!:shake::shake::shake:-(mine is also named chip!!!--hehehehe) Keep me posted on what works for yours................

 

[sdrjeolsen]

First, sorry for the problems

I think I'd skip the job and wait till he was in a good mood. Maybe off load the kids for an evening with friends or relatives and have a nice meal at home or out and then discuss things. Sounds like he is strugglling with something, and guys are so bad about sharing their feelings and all. You'll have to dig it out of him and then be supportive of what he puts out there. Usually things like that are just the symptoms, the real issue is often deeper. If you take the job, it may just make him feel worse and it probably wont resolve the deeper issue, also there are so many hidden costs, like de-stressing food i.e. chocolate, extra laundry, more meals out or qucik fix foods from the grocery, less time to shop sales and organize coupons, etc. Good luck!

 

[annymoll]

The way I hear what you are saying: you come across as sounding like a mother and not a wife and partner. It sounds as though you are trying to be as debt free as possible, but he is not. So how can you be on the same page and think alike?To me it sounds like he is trying to control by spending, and you are trying to control by not spending. But what do I know? I am not a therapist. I can only tell you how it sounds to me. I hope you can work it out.

 

[jenloveschip2001]

Well I went to put in an aplication but the were out of aplacations so they asked if I would come back later but I never went. I kinda of took that as a sign not to do it. I believe things happen for a reason. I had called my hubby before I went to ask how much taxes he thought they would take out and he didn't tell me not to or anything. When I got back home it wasn't long until he called and apoligzed and told me he really didn't want me to get a job. I am still in shock that he actually said the words I am Sorry. So as of now everthing is better. He said he doesn't even want to know anything about the finances. He says to just give him his $50 a week and he is happy. I can't wait t'll the day I can say honey we are debt free, see it pays to be married to a frugal woman.Thanks for everyone's advice.

 

[ewokgirl]

I'm glad to read that he apologized. I was going to advise you not to take the job. You'd be adding all sorts of extra stress with being out working all day, then having to handle everything at home afterwards. It's not worth an extra $360/month, IMO.

I agree with the person who said it sounds like he's going through something. I don't know what your husband does for a living, but mine is an internet developer. Sometimes he hates that he doesn't have all the cool new gadgets that his single co-workers can buy, but his trade-off is a SAHW.

I think we all go through those periods in which we want it all and become frustrated that we can't have it.

 

[Jaded]

He probably has his friends ribbing him about having you control his money by giving him an allowance. I had that problem with my last BF. I hated to do it, but I finally had to take the debit card away from him and put him on an allowance, because he was overdrawing our checking account for foolish things. He too, always had what he wanted, new tools, whatever, but I had nothing to spend on myself. When I did, it was used or something small.

I will tell you this. Every time I went to work, he took it as a sign he could spend more of his money on himself, and we never made any progress.

 

[melissa&austin]

I'll be blunt. 12,000 for a tool chest is insane!! Personally, I think your husband needs to grow up a bit. Even though he gets an allowance, it is still both your money. If you did get the day care job essentially you would be working to pay this tool chest off. $360 a month would take you over 3 years of that job just to pay it off!! Horrible idea. When is enough enough for him??