I have tried everything from joining groups to volunteering and yet I cannot make friends. I live in a big city, am in my 50s and am getting very lonely. There is no one I can call when I need to talk about my day or if I'm feeling low. I am not close to my brothers, they have kids and wives and pets to look after - I feel I don't exist.
No Friends
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Something about the fifties? I am in the same boat. I know how to have a conversation w/ people at stores and such but then you both walk away.
Could you try a church? I miss mine. A lot of my issue is that my friends were parents of kids my kids hung w/ . So we were circumstantial friends. We don't much relate now. And in my area SO many people have left for out of state to find work.
And admittedly,I'm not a girly girl plus I only shop frugal. I don't party or have a job outside the house.
I gets tough to meet people w/o being looked at weirdly.
Good luck. If nothing else maybe talk to a life coach and see if your inadvertently saying or doing something to put people off??
Could you try a church? I miss mine. A lot of my issue is that my friends were parents of kids my kids hung w/ . So we were circumstantial friends. We don't much relate now. And in my area SO many people have left for out of state to find work.
And admittedly,I'm not a girly girl plus I only shop frugal. I don't party or have a job outside the house.
I gets tough to meet people w/o being looked at weirdly.
Good luck. If nothing else maybe talk to a life coach and see if your inadvertently saying or doing something to put people off??
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You're not alone. Many women in their 50's, including me, feel invisible. And it IS difficult to make friends at this age. We moved to a small town in The South 4 years ago and I can't say I have a close friend ... or just a hang out friend ... anywhere here. There are lots of people I know, but know I can call a friend. My family is toxic and my parents have passed away; besides I don't live anywhere near them. Because of the rural nature of where I live, options for developing friends is even narrower.
The only solution I can think of is to find your own happiness with activities you enjoy doing. Develop your hobbies and follow your interests. Be as self-sufficient as you can and hire help when needed. Don't fall in with high-drama people just to have someone to hang with.
The only solution I can think of is to find your own happiness with activities you enjoy doing. Develop your hobbies and follow your interests. Be as self-sufficient as you can and hire help when needed. Don't fall in with high-drama people just to have someone to hang with.
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I feel the same way, at least part of the year. In the winter I rent a condo down south and have a great social life, including 2-3 very good friends (also snowbirds). When I come back north for the winter, NOTHING. It was OK when my DH was alive, we had each other, but now he is gone. I am going to be volunteering at two places, maybe more. I do have a sister I am close to who lives about 3 hours away, and we visit each other. Also GK's from DH's kids, we have stayed close.
I wish you luck, it can be hard to make friends at our age. (also 58)
I wish you luck, it can be hard to make friends at our age. (also 58)
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The thing about joining "groups" is, I think, to join an activity for its own sake. Then, whether you have a friend there, or not, the activity itself has value and you end the afternoon/evening satisfied because you've been involved in something for its own sake. That involvement will - eventually - become apparent to others who find it interesting/attractive = the start of friendship.
I've recently "joined a group" - the other people are generally very pleasant, but I don't expect any one of them to become a friend overnight - or even in the short term. The activities we participate in will give us common ground for conversation and it's up to us to take it from there.
Good luck!
I've recently "joined a group" - the other people are generally very pleasant, but I don't expect any one of them to become a friend overnight - or even in the short term. The activities we participate in will give us common ground for conversation and it's up to us to take it from there.
Good luck!
Try this Find your people - Meetup
But you have to be willing to get out there and introduce yourself.
But you have to be willing to get out there and introduce yourself.
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The Friendship Blog - Expert Advice for Navigating Friendship Problems at Every Stage of Life. Created by Irene S. Levine, PhD, The Friendship Doctor : The Friendship Blog
There is a good article on why you have no friends. She lists possibilities. 2011.
i really like the article.
There is a good article on why you have no friends. She lists possibilities. 2011.
i really like the article.
Have you invited anybody from one of the groups to your place for a coffee? Sometimes we feel we have to be friends before we invite them over. If you feel like you will enjoy someone's company ask them over. It is very hard at this age. I give everybody my Facebook account and life is less lonely with online friends.
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My life is lonely. I have friends but we talk occasionally. I am a Christian it makes it better. I have Fur babies that keep me company. Face book makes me less lonely. Invite someone over for coffee from o ne of your groups. Find a church that has a women's minster y. Secret sisters that is fun.
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Have you thought of going outside your age group to make friends?I have friends who are mostly my age but I do have some friends that are quite a bit older than me.I like it because they are friends/second mothers/mentors.One thinks of me as her daughter and says so frequently.She never had children and my mother is not the nurturing type.We both get something lovely out of it. :cheerup:
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I know this is CRAZY....but I have attracted friends like bees ever since I planted this front yard garden. My neighbors walking/driving by have stopped to talk they ask about my plants...which leads into a conversation ....which leads into me asking them over for coffee...which leads to them inviting me to their homes...which leads to friendships...I have to limit the number of friends due to my work schedule.
Idea: Plant a garden...more than plants will grow!
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Twinkle, I also suggest meetup.com. They have tons of different groups, maybe something will interest you. Check your local Parks & Rec for classes you can take! Technical high schools and colleges also have cheap little classes open to the public. Your local libraries may have groups and classes as well. If you aren't a "church person" (I'm not), you could see if your area has a Unitarian church. They are extremely open and welcoming of *everyone* and the "sermons" focus on current events, nature, and humanist topics. Very positive in nature and no matter who you are you will be welcomed in. If you like to garden, maybe there is a gardening club near you. Are you on Facebook? Most towns have a local FB group, just for the residents to chat about local stuff, some of them are for selling old stuff. You could post on there and see if any ladies would like to get together for a neighborly meet-up at a coffee shop. Are you crafty? What about making and selling your crafts at craft shows? You will meet nice people. There are tons of groups on the Etsy forums, many of them local, you may be able to meet people through that. Do you work? What about a part-time job at a more "fun" kind of place or something that interests you? My last suggestion would definitely be to volunteer. I love the Big Brothers Big Sisters suggestion. I used to be a case manager for them. Where I worked, we had two programs. One was the typical community program where you went to your "littles" house, picked her up and did something like bowling or walking at a park, etc. The other program was the school based program where you visited your little at his or her school during lunch/recess and played games or just talked. Since you are a cat person, what about volunteering with your local cat rescues? They would love to have you and you will meet LOTS of people for SURE!!!
I can relate. I have depression/anxiety and it's hard to make friends with that. I tend to not put myself in situations with a lot of people. This was ok when I was busy working, had work friends, kids kept me on my toes, etc. Then I got sick and had to stop working. I didn't realize how much that day-to-day work socialization matters and I was a homecare Hospice nurse, so I met new people every day. Not new friends but it was social contact at least and most importantly gave me a purpose in life, to serve the dying. Well, the purpose I thought I'd have for the rest of my career, was solidly a big part of my identity is now gone. I have to find a new life's purpose and either nurture old friendships that I've neglected or make new ones. My BFF is 5 hrs away and has small kids. I've not been up to going out, can't drive, didn't want relatives and work friends to see me this way. But it only recently occurred to me, OMG, how will I ever meet people now, if I'm not working and not well enough yet to volunteer? There are a few people at work I used to meet after work sometimes, or a big group of us would hold a party. I enjoy these folks, so I need to reach out more. That's hard for me but I know I have to do it.
Do you like to read? I was in a book group but all the others in it had toddlers and babies, I felt ancient and didn't really click with anyone. But I would be willing to try one again. My library offers tons of free "club" stuff, book groups, groups for gardeners, people interested in history, plus lots of free classes.
I think meeting new friends is harder as you get older. In college you naturally make friendships, same when you become a parent. But those friendships that were really only superficial because our kids played together, end as the kids grow up One way to connect is through message boards. I joined one 8 yrs ago that started as a place for moms to vent, over the years it got smaller and tighter, we talk about anything, we've visited each other, check in on each other, very supportive, text and call each other. I consider the small group of us friends even though I have not met every single one in person.
I'm very interested to see what you find. Keep us posted! oh, duh, I forget the suggestion I came in here to make, lol. I don't know if this is up your alley, but Hospice offers all kinds of types of volunteer service, there are plenty of other things to do if actually visiting the dying is not your cup of tea. But what makes it unique, at least at ours, the groups that go through training together seem to lead to them getting together outside of Hospice and I've seen some really cool friendships between people with vast age differences and life experiences.
Do you like to read? I was in a book group but all the others in it had toddlers and babies, I felt ancient and didn't really click with anyone. But I would be willing to try one again. My library offers tons of free "club" stuff, book groups, groups for gardeners, people interested in history, plus lots of free classes.
I think meeting new friends is harder as you get older. In college you naturally make friendships, same when you become a parent. But those friendships that were really only superficial because our kids played together, end as the kids grow up One way to connect is through message boards. I joined one 8 yrs ago that started as a place for moms to vent, over the years it got smaller and tighter, we talk about anything, we've visited each other, check in on each other, very supportive, text and call each other. I consider the small group of us friends even though I have not met every single one in person.
I'm very interested to see what you find. Keep us posted! oh, duh, I forget the suggestion I came in here to make, lol. I don't know if this is up your alley, but Hospice offers all kinds of types of volunteer service, there are plenty of other things to do if actually visiting the dying is not your cup of tea. But what makes it unique, at least at ours, the groups that go through training together seem to lead to them getting together outside of Hospice and I've seen some really cool friendships between people with vast age differences and life experiences.
I love the front garden idea. I have one, too. It does attract nice neighbors. I've met several people walking my dog, and going to knitting groups. I'm more of a one on one person, so I will go to a knitting group occasionally, then get together with one person from the group for lunch or coffee. I also have met some nice people at the gym. I do weights, and then sit in the jacuzzi and sauna. Have had a lot of good conversations there. I like being around people who exercise and stay in shape. The pool is a good spot, too. Reconnecting with friends I worked with in my twenties on Facebook has been a lot of fun, as well. It's true...you really do need socialization. I got so much of that from work. Now I have to make more of an effort.
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I am 56 and also have no friends. I live in a rural area where if you don't drink or go bar hopping you have no friends. I don't do either. Everyone I know is a lot younger than me too. It seems like my family has no time for me. I do have to fur babies that help some. But sooner or later you want a person to talk to. I ma married but my husband is either working or sleeping. I feel like I have nobody
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50s, lonely here too.
i like larabell's idea. the garden in front of her "paid fer" house! and the relatives called her crazy. red galvanized planters. awesome!
i like larabell's idea. the garden in front of her "paid fer" house! and the relatives called her crazy. red galvanized planters. awesome!
For all the gardeners... Maybe try the Master Gardeners Program in your area. It's a great way to meet people with similar interests.
State and Provincial Master Gardener Programs: Extension and Affiliated Program Listings - eXtension
State and Provincial Master Gardener Programs: Extension and Affiliated Program Listings - eXtension
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