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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Let me first of all say that I have not rec'd any money from him since we first separated. I was pregnant with my youngest (now 9 yrs old) and had another one still in diapers. He has been out of a job, so a friend of mine needed her house painted. This is what he does, so I helped him find that job. He did not have any gas money to get to the site, so I LENT him some. I also lent him some money to buy a part he needed for his paint sparyer........he got paid and guess what??? Not only did he not give me any child support money, he did not pay me back!! He knows I don't have extra money, and yet takes from me? He even got a extra 100 as a bonus...and could not give me that?
He is so selfish!! After 10 yrs you would think he would have matured!! Or that I should have known better!
 

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I personally would not have lent money to someone who hadn't ever paid me child support, as it says something very important about him. If he doesn't care about supporting his children, he surely isn't going to care about paying you back.

I'm sorry, tough lesson to learn, but hopefully, this will be the last time he cons you.
 

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I am sorry that that happened to you. Be proud of yourself that you are so kind and tenderhearted as to help him out in his time of need. He may not pay you back, but you will be rewarded for your good deed.
 

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I too have an ex like that. I have been receiving cs but only when it's convient for him. Everyone tells me that I have a big heart for putting up with his crap. It took some time and yes now I have come to my senses. He can't hold a job and he can't pay his bills so he always calls me to loan him a couple of dollars. Um NO! is what I say now and of course he calls me every name in the book.
Whatever, at least I know that I am taking care of my kids and he can go crawl under a rock.

Good Luck!
 

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I too have an ex like that. I have been receiving cs but only when it's convient for him. Everyone tells me that I have a big heart for putting up with his crap. It took some time and yes now I have come to my senses. He can't hold a job and he can't pay his bills so he always calls me to loan him a couple of dollars. Um NO! is what I say now and of course he calls me every name in the book.
Whatever, at least I know that I am taking care of my kids and he can go crawl under a rock.

Good Luck!
Hey, a good comback is always "I can't loan you money, I need it for the kids". If he calls you names then, he's also calling your kids names. Remember that.
 

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I noticed that you are in California, tell you what you can turn his butt into the local DAs office and they will actively go after him for your back child support.......don't let him off the hook. Make sure to document everything. I have known of women who have gotten their child support years later......Fight the good fight! Your children are worth it.

leezza
 

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I'm sorry for your situation. My mom raised 3 kids with almost no help from my dad after they divorced, so I can imagine how hard that is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
child support

I do have a case open. He owes be close to $70k. I honestly don't count on it. Until this country holds companies responsible for paying employees under the table, our children will continue to suffer. The issue is not just with undocs...it's with all those absent neglectful parents. I guess I expected him to have a heart for his kids.
 

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My Sd's mother is supposed to be paying us childsupport but decided that she doesn't want to see Sd anymore and shouldn't have to pay b/c of that. We went to court over the entire thing and Bio-mom threw such a huge fit the judge decided to reschedule another time when bio-mom would hopefully be more cooperative. 2 months later still nothing.
 

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My Sd's mother is supposed to be paying us childsupport but decided that she doesn't want to see Sd anymore and shouldn't have to pay b/c of that. We went to court over the entire thing and Bio-mom threw such a huge fit the judge decided to reschedule another time when bio-mom would hopefully be more cooperative. 2 months later still nothing.

In that case, it almost seems like it would be better to get her to sign over her rights. If she doesn't want to see her daughter then so be it.
 

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It is a shame that men cannot be Men for the sake of their children. My husband has a cousin in ME and they took his liscense away for not paying CS (about a year ago), so at least some states are fighting back. He has been back and forth with his ex for 18 years about CS, he says she doesn't deserve it. Does not matter what he thinks, these are his children that he created (2 kids) and it is his resposibility. He did not go to his son's HS graduation because the Mom would be there. Talk about childish, we are talking about a 36 year old man here. And of course, most years he worked under the table too. This kind of stuff frosts my butt, they should make them do community service or something to earn the CS for the children. The country needs work done everywhere, road work, carcass removal, trash pickup, whatever, something to get those kids the support they need. I do not know how I would supposrt us if my husband left, I can only thank my lucky stars that I married a man that would never leave his children destitute.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I do wish that they would have these absent parents work ..even if it is minimum wage and send the kids most of the money. I am going thru some really hard times. He sees it and still can't have a heart. Boy I am glad he is not around to influence my boys!!
 

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sort of know what ur going through. when jason and i get the money together we will see about getting zack's parental rights taken away so that jason can adopt him. but before i can do that i need to get merrick's birth certificate.
 

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I have a friend whose situation is such that the state collects the cs from her ex and then sends it to her - funny how people are less comfortable paying the gov't on time than an individual. I don't think this solution came early in the game, however. I'm pretty sure it took a few years, and a few rounds of his going to jail.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Well my ex had his driver's lic. cancelled, and even that did not encourage him to pay child support. He keeps moving out of state. So that makes it more difficult for California to enforce.
 

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This is just my opinion, the other parent should help out money wise but don't expect or depend on it. Your kids will appreciate the fact that you had to work hard to support them with no help. When I do recieve child support I look at it like wow my kids have special shopping money.

You can only do so much on your end with the courts and such, don't waste energy on things you can't control like making sure the father pays at all or on time.
 

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Never got any help - but that's okay. I didn't have to put up with any attitude either.

I raised my kids the way I saw fit. We never had much, but there was always something to eat, the house was clean, utilities on. We all pitched in and did our part, comparison shopping, unit pricing, loss leaders, coupons, resale stores etc. We made it a challenge to see how much blood we could get out of a turnip. They also knew (and still know) what it means to be loved unconditionally.

They turned out to be amazing, self-reliant, concerned about the world and others. Best of all they are fun and they think heir crazy mom is a hoot.

Don't count what you don't have, count what you do have.
 

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Well now you know to not make that mistake again. My ex tried to "borrow" money from me for gas and to eat out with his wife one time after coming here to visit with his daughter and I basically told him to go to h***. That was the last time his wife drove him out here (he has no drivers license either).

I almost forgot to add that the ex has not paid one dime in support for over 10 years and put his business in his wife's name to avoid showing any income so he could avoid paying support!
 

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My ex, the scum of Lake Ontario, has not paid me any money either. We are doing ok, but it really ticks me off when I see him purchasing wide-screen tvs, laptops, and such.

To ice the cake, the judge just took away his overnight visits and he demanded that I use $10 in gas to take the kids to see HIM! I left an ever so polite message saying that since he had no other current expenses regarding the children I was afraid that I am currently unable to help him out.

He screwed me over a few times last year by agreeing to sign the kids up for activities that he would be paying every other month's fees for. Big shock, he never paid a penny after agreeing to this. O he would offer to give me half of the money for a field trip and then never pay me back.

Now for him, anything he wants the kids to participate in or offers to pay for, it is cash in advance. I do not trust him for one thin dime.

You've learned the hard way, just like I did. I know that they can't run forever, and when things finally do catch up with them, it won't be pretty. We are strong, independent women raising wonderful children, and don't ever forget it!
 
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