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Discussion Starter #1
It is just Dh and myself in our household, but we are expecting baby #1 due in March. My mom has offered to watch the baby whenever she can around her work schedule. Here is my problem.

My mom can be a bit naive sometimes and my brother who lives with her is on disability for a mental disorder. He is doing much better than he was years ago, because of medication and such. The only thing is I wouldn't even let him watch my little dog, because he is not responsible by any means. Although I think he would ignore a crying baby, I hope.

Then there is the issue of my cousin he married a woman who was pregnant at the time (not his). Then his wife was found guilty of some drug charges and has had to spend time in jail where she is now. This cousin of mine watches the little boy, but he only works part time and doesn't have a pot to P**** in. So, my mother takes food over there, gives him money and has them over to the house often. She also has watched the little boy on her days off, although it has been awhile.

This wouldn't be so bad except that whenenver we have our family events this cousin of mine wants us to supervise his kid while he plays the wii. I know he bad mouths my mom, because it is my dads nephew (parents are divorced).

I guess the point or rant or whatever I am trying to make is I am leery of having this cousin around my baby. Oh the mother in law lives with my cousin now (she is really nuts, on disability as well). I am afraid that one day he is going to be talked into hurting my mother and robbing her house. Or with my mother being naive like she is letting my son get hurt.

Dh does not want to put the baby in daycare and I can understand that, but geez what am I supposed to do. One of us will probably switch shifts (we both work nights righ now) and then the baby will only have to be over there for maybe an hour in the morning. What about the times I need to have someone watch him longer than that?

Could this just be nervous new parent jitters or what? I hope this all works out, I just fear the day I have to leave him for the first time. I work in corrections and have seen and read way to many cases of bad things happening to little ones. SCARES ME TO DEATH!
 

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I totally understand...

There would be absolutely no way I would leave my children with my mother in law...there is a history and there is no need to go into details however she was not able to protect her own children growing up and they suffered abuse whether it be physical or just plain neglect. She wasn't innocent either and just really had no parenting skills. My husbands dad died when my husband was 16 and his mother well lets say has had her fair share of men...she has been married since 1996 to the same guy however he was just accused of something well not so nice etc....and took a plea and was only charged with assault... My husbands two sisters allow his mother to watch the children in their homes, however I cringe everytime this takes place because I know they know better however the cheap babysitting keeps them from allowing her to continue to babysit.. ugh! Now my husband has a brother and he is married and his wife is like me and does not allow her children to be left alone with this women. So i completely understand... if you have doubts about the ability of someone to care for your child and their ability to keep them safe then please please do not feel guilted into leaving them there....better safe than sorry....
 
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Discussion Starter #4
She has offered to come over to watch him so I don't have to take him out in the cold. I am going to be on maternity leave for about 10 weeks before I go back to work so that will help. I would just feel guilty for making her drive over here quite often. I think I will seriously take her up on it and just pay her money for gas. I just talked to my younger sister and she said you are welcome to bring him over here if you need to when I am not working. My DBIL has also offered to watch him if we needed him to.

I guess I just kind of freaked out today when I talked to my DM. She said that she and my brother met my cousin last night for supper and then he came over to there house and will be going with them to Iowa for a belated Christmas with my extended family. He has the little boy right now with him (doens't always have him, drops him off with god knows who) and my mom was watching him.

Like I said I am not at all worried about him being over there for an hour in the morning till one of us can pick him up, but it is the extended times that I worry about him.

I know this is awful to say, but I just wish my cousin would move far away or something. I would absolutely not allow him into my house and will make that perfectly clear to my DM.
 

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Have you discussed your concerns about your cousin with your mother?

I don't see anything wrong with having your mother come to your house if she is able to do so and doesn't appear to have a problem with it. If it makes you more comfortable to have her watch your baby in your own home, then by all means let her come to your place. If it makes you feel better, then give her something at the end of each week to go towards her gas. It's probably better for the baby, too, because the baby will be in his/her own surroundings.

Also, take it one day at a time. Maybe within time your cousin will move away. Who knows. What feels safe today may feel unsafe tomorrow and vice versa.
 

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If you have concerns with family watching your child then start exploring other options now. Perhaps there is a sahm in your neighorhood that would be open to babysitting your baby. If it was just during shift change, I would most likely do it for free just for the reason to rock a baby. I have four kids, periodically miss having a baby in the house, but am praying I am not a grandma for atleast 10 more years.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you so much for the responses. I think I tend to overreact to situations. I blame it on my work. I didn't even consider my mom watching the baby except that she is so excited about it. She was not such a great mother growing up, but has changed alot. It's just so scary thinking of leaving them with a stranger as well. Lots of things for me to think about.

I have not expressed all my opinions about my cousin to my mom. Although I did tell her I didn't want him to come to our X-mas. Terrible I know, but he doesn't have the best hygiene (digs his disgusting hands into our food) and he expects us to watch his kid.

I am going to bring it up to her at some point. I just don't want her to be watching his little boy at the same time as mine. Again I know not very nice, but I really don't think this kid is going to grow up in a nice environment. So if I had mom come over then she would know that my cousin and his inlaws are not welcome at my house. I just worry about giving her a key and stuff. Sometimes she has boundry issues. Of course DMIL has them as well and comes over and uses her key whenever she wants. Off topic, but DMIL once dropped off her little dog in our bedroom in the middle of the day (we work nights, so sleep during the day) and didn't tell us she was coming over. Well lets just say she was about killed, because I thought someone was breaking in. Especially since she came in to our bedroom. Weird I know.

Ok I am just going to have to see how this goes. I wish I could just stay home at this point, but that is not an option. We will work things out however we have to.
 
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