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Good Morning Ladies,


I don't normally rant about anything nor do I let it get the better of me usually but, this is different in many ways. Also I am sorry if this was put in the wrong catagory but I really didn't know where to place it. I thought about all the people I know they usually have a few sisters and brothers or they only have a Brother this is why I am asking you all about this one it seems that you are only people I can turn to without judgement.

My older sister by almost a year(51 weeks to be exact) she will be turning 28 this summer is getting Married on May 26th, 2007 she has only announced this in February so realistically doesn't leave much time to plan anything. At the same time she is having a JP and maybe a total of 10-15 people at her wedding with a social at the end. Let me remind you she has 2 great kids under the age of 4 that I love dearly to a man that nobody likes including my entire family he is 16 years older than her which realistically doesn't make a difference in this day in age. The guy doesn't treat my sister with respect but it's her life she made the choice as a family we have to stand by and support her decision.

Just to let you know I have two siblings 1 Brother and a Sister, with that being said I am closer with my younger brother than my sister but that's the way has always been but we are still some what close as possibly can with us both being on two completely pathes in life even though I am getting married next year too and i don't have any children. I was talking with my Mom last night in regards to the up coming wedding in fact we had just recieved our invitations yesterday for my Sister's.

My mom is a hurt by my sister's decision in regards to not asking me as her younger sister to be a Bride's Maid but one of our many cousins that she is not even close to I didn't know this until I was told who was in the wedding party yesterday it not only has hurt my Mom but it has also hurt me as well this is the basis as to why I have written this. I know I don't live in the same city as the rest of my family but you know it still would have been nice to have at least been asked if you know what I mean? I guess my question to all of you what would you do if your own Sister did this to you? How would you take it? I guess you could say is I am a little upset over this that's it bothering me that my own sister would do this to her own flesh and blood. I could tell you more about my family history but realistically I don't think that is irrelavent at this point.

My sister has always expected me to jump for her whenever it came to anything to her desire, and her attitude is what is in it for me if I were to do this for you, she was never like this until she met her future husband its sad but you can't change a person whom doesn't want to change themselves. I am very giving to everyone around me my sister always expects even when I don't have the time to show up when I am in town, two days is just not simply long enough to see all my friends and family every single time even I know that I wish she would understand that like everyone else has.

I know I will be the better person and show up to here wedding but the question remains should I say anything? after her day is over? I hope you ladies can shed some light because I am a little lost with words.

Sincerely,

Jeanette
 

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It would hurt my feelings as well if my sister didn't ask me to be in her wedding party, especially, if she asked someone else I didn't feel she was any closer to. I'd like to say I'd just leave it be and respect her choices but if it was really happening I'm not sure how I'd react. Sending lots of (((((HUGS))))) and hopeing you can be at peace with this soon. I know that's not much but hopefully the cyber hugs will help.
 

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Sorry you are feeling hurt or left out of the wedding plans.
Not knowing your sister, but offering alternate scenerios...
Does she know you don't like her future husband?
Would she think that you could not afford to both travel and get a gown for the wedding?
Would she think that you being at a distance away from her be a hassle for you as far as gowns?
Would she think that you wouldn't want to be in the wedding?
Would she think that the cousin would be able to assist her with the wedding plans because she is closer?
Would she think that with you planning your wedding that it would be both mentally and financially draining if you were in her wedding?

Sorry that I can't offer any words of comfort other than, we are here to listen and offer advice.
 

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I am sorry, this would upset me too. I have one sister and no brothers. My sister is one year younger than me and we are not as close as I wish we were. With that being said, I would ask her to be in my wedding. I am very sentimental and sensitive and it just seems like it's the right thing to do. I hope you can come to peace with this, I don't know how close your mom and sister are, but my mom would be reaming me out if I didn't have my own sister in my wedding party. I wonder if your mom might be able to talk to her and see what's up, it might not be too late to have you in the wedding. Just an idea, I hope this works out for you. I know I would feel the same way as you do. :hug2:
 

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Talk top her , tell her how you feel and what you think , I am a brisk and foward person , also remember Getting Married is not always easy and that a JP marriage is that a Marriage , not a wedding , and it probably hurts her a lil weather she admits it or not because who dosnt have dreams of the perfect wedding day that may never materialize..
 

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This must have hurt you alot and I am sry this is all happening. There could be many reasons she has done this and when you are calmer you could ask her. But don't ask her if you think this will cause a bigger divide between the two of you. Sometimes it is best to just keep peace and hope for a better tomorrow.
I think, your sister not asking you to be in her wedding speaks poorly of her to your mom and the rest of the family. Your being gracious and kind, despite your hurt feelings, shows you to be a decent wonderful human being. You could simply say "My feelings are hurt about not being in the wedding but I wish my sister the best and support her no matter what".
Someday you or your sister may really need each other. Once a door is closed in any relationship it can be really hard to open again.
Hugs to you and I wish you peace.
 

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Just curious.........are you going to have her in your wedding??
 

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i would be hurt as well, maybe casually ask why she chose cousin whoever and tell her that you wished she'd considered you.

last year a once very dear friend of mine (BF since 9th grade) got married to a man i openly disliked, I was nothing but kind during her engagement and never weighed in with my dislike but when the wedding came, not only was i not IN the wedding I was not INVITEd she completely stopped speaking to me.....Perhaps your sister and husband-to-be know of your dislike.

But definitely GO to the wedding she is your sister and you two will need each other someday
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Hi Lady V,
I figured the right thing to do is to answer your question:
Not knowing your sister, but offering alternate scenerios...
Does she know you don't like her future husband? Actually I have never said flat out that I didn't like him in fact I would never say that to anyone I would have my peace and keep that sort of opinion to myself.
Would she think that you could not afford to both travel and get a gown for the wedding? Actually she knows I there has never been a problem with money, also the travel time is only 3 hours away which is hop skip and a jump for me.
Would she think that you being at a distance away from her be a hassle for you as far as gowns? It's a possiblity.
Would she think that you wouldn't want to be in the wedding? I don't think she would have ever thought that but who knows realistically. It just seems that she is being selfish which is unfortunate considering she was never brought up this way.
Would she think that the cousin would be able to assist her with the wedding plans because she is closer? That could be an aspect.
Would she think that with you planning your wedding that it would be both mentally and financially draining if you were in her wedding? Actually I haven't even started planning mine, in fact I have only been engaged for 2 months now.

Sorry that I can't offer any words of comfort other than, we are here to listen and offer advice.[/B][/COLOR][/QUOTE] I am actually happy that I have you Ladies to talk to when I really need to.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Just curious.........are you going to have her in your wedding??
JulieB,

Actually I haven't even thought of the three that I would like in my party so far I have gotten as far as two.....there is of course always room for one more. Actually with what you said in regards to the JP is very true considering I know every little girl at one point has always thought of the fairytale wedding being what they have always dreamed of.

Too all the others my sister and my Mom were really close until a few months ago my sister stopped talking to my Mom completely for reasons that are actually an excuse. I am usually the type of person to speak my mind because that's who I am. I appreciate all the responses so far, but as someone stated I should just respect her wishes in fact I have.
 

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Maybe due to your family 'issues' she feels she would get no support from you - as in the kind she wants and *thinks* she needs - not what you are ready and capable of offering. Plus you just mentioned you're getting married too - maybe she doesnt want to interfere with your wedding - like not turn it into a competition etc and make it twice the work for you?

Either way - Id talk with her and ask her what her reasons are and explain that you just wanted to understand them and that by asking her these questions and having this discussion that you are in no means trying to make yourself the bridesmaid etc. Explain that you just want answers b/c she hurt you.

The worst thing you could do right now (in my opinion) is scream 'me me me' b/c its all about the 'bride bride bride' right? As long as she knows you're there for her despite her lack of judgement should speak volumes and trust me, withi you being the bigger person here, she'll realize the error of her ways but it could possibly be too late to change things in term of the wedding.
 

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WigWamChic just to let you know, I was married by a judge in the courthouse. It was the most personal moment between my DH and I. I would never trade it for anything, no yapping relatives, no wedding party, no mega expenses, just a simple, very private time between the 2 of us.If you look back in time to our parents and grandparents, big weddings didn't happen. I take offense to your comment that a JP is a marriage, not a wedding. I have the same marriage license everybody else has!!
 
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