[HandyMom]

This is a tough question but I want to ask anyway, so here goes.

When it comes to your personal computer, do you keep your email, bookmarks and favorite websites and forums private from your dh or so?

I guess it might be different if I were married or lived with my so, but I don't, although he is here regularly.

I ask this because I think I deserve some degree of privacy and I get email from family memebers who would not like their information shared with my so or my dd. Most of the time it would be some rant or whatever, but it's really meant for my eyes only and I feel like I don't need another pair of eyes looking over my shoulder at my personal email or something I may have posted on a forum.

Do you think there is something wrong with me wanting at least some degree of privacy concerning what I read and write on my own computer?

I ask this because my so, who doesn't live with me, regularly uses my computer and looks to see where I've been - out of curiousity if nothing else and is sometimes sitting right next to me when I am trying to read an email or something.

I feel like what he is doing is akin to standing in the bathroom while I am using it ( you know what I mean? )

I don't do or say anything I am ashamed of or need to hide, but still, I would like some privacy!

Am I wrong in feeling this way?

 

[captclearance]

I have a couple of files that are mine, he could look if he wanted, but I'm so boring..... He does not open my e-mail, or snail mail.....
I don't open his either.....
He wonders what we ladies do here though .......... LOL

I have things that are mine and he should not interfere......
You are not wrong for wanting your privacy !!!!!!!

 

[mylittle4]

My Dh rarely uses the computer and even more rarely gets on-line so I don't have that problem. He could however read my mail cyber or other wise and it wouldn't bother me in the least, but if I am in the village I do not like anyone near me at all. It feels like they are listening in to a phone conversation or something.

 

[Daphne]

I don't think you are wrong for wanting your privacy there is nothing wrong with that at all. My SO (we live together) never gets on the computer and he always asks me to check his email...he never does. But I also don't let him see what I'm writing on the village. I don't know why I hide that from him....it's so silly. He knows I chit chat on here everyday.

 

[milach]

I don't hide anything from my dh. But, if he was just my so the didn't live with me, then yeah- I'd be with you 100% on that one.

The only thing that I don't like is on my IM- he'll ask "who's Gwen?" or whoever. Then a few weeks ago, he was looking through the address book on the e-mail and there was a JIm Jenkins. So he asked me who that was. I thought it was one of his buddies. That's the only thing I don't like because I don't even want him to even get a fragment of the idea that I'm doing something I'm not supposed to when the only places I visit are here and a coupon swap board.

 

[HandyMom]

I don't hide anything from him, either but what I do is clear my browser cache and delete emails after reading them and I think that he thinks I am trying to hide something from him - which makes him all the more curious to keep looking. He assumes (I guess) that I am constantly talking about him which is the farthest from the truth.

This is one of the few times I have said anything concerning him at all, unless it is some praise over how sweet or nice he has been.

He really is a sweetheart but I wish he would stop being nosey and wanting to look at every darn website I visit or email I read or write. I am innocent!!

 

[Milhos]

There's nothing wrong with wanting privacy. If you were living together or married, then asking questions wouldn't be a big deal. But, if he's just a boyfriend, well, too bad. I would continue to delete my viewing history and tell him that if your family wanted him to know things, then they would be sending e-mails to him. You could also tell him that you're deleting things because you don't want dd to get to these things (not completely untrue). Does he give you unlimited access to his computer? I'm assuming not. Even my husband has places that would take me a good week of hacking to get into. Places I'm grateful that my dd couldn't just stumble upon. My dh and I established a long time ago that if he wants to see something, ask and if I say no, then that should be the end of it. The same for me. Does your so think you're seeing someone else? If not, then he needs to understand that trust is something that can change him from SO to OUT.

 

[HandyMom]

There's the rub. My so thinks of himself as equal to a husband and privvy to anything I say or do.

He wants to share everything and be a part of every aspect of my life. He calls it love. I call it controlling.

I mantain my distance and that hurts him. I don't mean to hurt him but I also am not going to get married to anyone because I am not ready for that and I may never be. I am content on my own, even if it means being without him and that, for him, is a hard pill to swallow.

 

[Mom23boys]

My Dh has access to all my passwords if he wanted them. He never uses them cause he hardly ever gets on the computer. I trust him and he trusts me. I have his and he has mine. I don't check his either though I could.

 

[Milhos]

You obviously need your space and you haven't set unreasonable boundaries. He has to recognize that and accept that this is what you require from him in the relationship that you have. His pushing in on you is clearly making you more defensive and he needs to show some respect for your feelings on this. If his reactions are to defend his claim to your privacy, then he needs to be reminded that you aren't ready for those steps and his insistance is only going to make you more leary about taking those steps. If he truly wants to share everything about you, you could always hand him a box of tampons LOL!!

 

[HandyMom]

:toothy: Milissa - tampons! LOL!!! Everyone gave great advice and views and I thank you so much- more than you know.

I now remember to log off from my favorite forums and I continue to delete my cache and mail as usual. Yesterday I woke up to find my so on my computer, reading through HIS online mailbox and I sat right there next to him and read over his shoulder for a change to see how he liked that. He didn't and he got offline pretty fast. It never hurts to give someone a taste of their own medicine to find out how they like it. Later when I got on the computer he went to another room to read the paper and left me to read in peace.

 

[ReneeLynn]

Just thought I'd put in my .02

When we were dating and even early in our marriage we didn't look at each other's email or snail mail. Now we do when there is reason to. It's more a matter of running the household smoothly. He doesn't have time to check every piece of mail that come through the house and sometimes I need him to check email if I am waiting for someone to reply to me.

Now children, no matter what age would be another matter! My in-laws are divorced and often vent about each other in emails. I just don't thinks kids should see some of that stuff.