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How do you tell the difference between "boys just being boys" or these 2 really don't get along?

Ds (will be 4 in Sept) has a few playmates- 2 of them are girls 6 months and a year younger than he is and he plays so well with them- whether it be at our house, their house. He shares toys, doesn't act up, he's a perfect little gentleman.

One boy is a year older than he is, and they play together fine. They play more pretend and imagination games, rather than with toys- so there is never fighting over toys or anything.

Another boy is 8 months younger than ds, and they are constantly fighting over toys, throwing dump trucks, sand or whatever at each other. Last week, he came over and he and ds totally trashed ds' room just for the sake of dumping everthing on the floor (his mom helped me clean it up along with the boys), they were winging bouncy balls into the ceiling fan. The other boy always tries to wrestle with ds "because that's how his daddy plays with him". His mom is OK (not my best friend, but it's adult conversation during the day)- I just go crazy whenever they come over and totally stress out. She says boys will be boys- I say my ds doesn't play with anyone else like that, so something isn't right somewhere between these 2. Is this normal- I'd hate to not have them play together if "they're just being boys" but I don't want to torture them and myself if they really can't stand each other. How can you tell the difference? DS is always asking to play with this other boy, and the other one always askes to play with ds but they're never nice to each other when they finally do get together. I'm so worried about a lawsuit or something if my ds throws one of his metal Tonka trucks and jabs this other kid's eye out.

What do you think? Thanks!
 

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Yikes!! Any way you can get one of the other kids to come over at the same time? Maybe the other kid just doesn't know how to play.
 

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I would say "Boy are NOT being boys" when their behavior is not acceptable behavior... Some children haven't learned what is appropriate and what is not (some seem to never learn) I understand the difference between the way most boys play and the way most girls play.. But stereotypes are no excuse for not playing nice..... Let the child know what the rules are in your house and what you expect... Boy or girl, violence is never acceptable and not respecting other peoples things and rules, is not an acceptable way to play...... I am NEVER afraid to correct children in my own house, and I am very clear about what is expected.......
 
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