[Rhiamon]

Today I am at my moms helping look after my Grandpa, I am baking for him, making sure he takes his meds, and cleaning for my mom. I have been helping look after my grandfather for a while now.And was informed last night that I will be needed all day everyday. I love spending time with him, but I get so tired taking care of two homes, and taking careof DD and her issues. Taking Care of my own pets, my moms. Walking two dogs, upwards of 4 times a day. My own and my moms. I am on disability and as much as I love my mom and grandfather sometimes I feel like because I am not working right now well I try and work my issues out that I am being taken advantages of. I also do her yard work and she just told me when the snow comes that she will need me to shovel.
Don't get me wrong most of the time I don't mind helping out but it would be nice to be asked instead of told. And when I asked my mom or my sister who I also help out all the time if they would give me a break from DD for a day or overnight they both laughed at me and said yeah right. My mom is well aware of DD's issues and knows of course that I am a single mom is it too much to ask for help and excpect it when I am helping out all the time?

 

[Booklover]

That is so much! I got overwhelmed and tired just reading this. Too, too much to be expected of you, imo. Is there anyone else that could share the work? Sending big hugs to you.

 

[monkeywrangler71]

And when I asked my mom or my sister who I also help out all the time if they would give me a break from DD for a day or overnight they both laughed at me and said yeah right.

Perhaps that should be your response next time she 'asks' you to clean, shovel, do yard work, walk dogs and provide full time care for an elderly person.

Sorry, not helpful, but your mother is taking advantage of you and she needs to stop. You have enough on your plate.

 

[Hamada]

I do not think you are whinning at all. What is being put on you to do is to much. I would start calling around different senior centers or organizations that would be able to come out and either pick up your grandfather to take to a senior center for the day or that would provide someone to sit with him for x amount of hours a day.

Your mother really should not be dictating how your time will be spent. Hopefully you can state your case.

As far as shoveling goes, are there any neighbors around who would be willing to do this. Growing up lots of kids would go around and do this for a couple of bucks.

It also sounds as if you need some time to yourself which is more than reasonable. Don't be afraid to put your foot down.

As far as the cleaning goes. That would drive me crazy since I do not enjoy cleaning my own place. I do because I like a clean place but it is a chore that is done only out of necessity.

Hopefully you can find some relief and help.

 

[Syn D]

We have a friend that takes advantage of my hubby as she can't get her own son to do things for her.. She use to do this to me and my son too, until we got "to busy" to help.. My hubby is to good of a person to say no to her as she is older and can't do somethings herself... I did get hubby to cut down on how much he helps..

When we lived in Cali, my mom would only turn to my hubby for help even tho' she had another SIL and my other sisters boyfriend lived there.. On the other hand, she would pay for our gas and if I asked, would watch the kids...

It's nice to help people grant it, but there are limitations... When good intentions turn in to expectations, it's time to cut down...

 

[Sassyclass]

Perhaps that should be your response next time she 'asks' you to clean, shovel, do yard work, walk dogs and provide full time care for an elderly person.

Sorry, not helpful, but your mother is taking advantage of you and she needs to stop. You have enough on your plate.

I'm in total agreement. If it works for them it will work for you.

Cat

 

[Missy]

I like the idea of the senior center helping out,. can't hurt to look around.

I think it is too much on your plate. For your own sanity you are going to have to get some time to yourself...

 

[ladytoysdream]

I think you need to go on strike.
If your family won't help you out, then why should they expect so much from you ?
As long as you have your own house, and are not getting anything from them for your time, then why let this running over you continue........
Just say NO .........
If you don't solve all their problems, then they will have to figure out ways to get them taken care of themselves.
As long as you let them take advantage of you, it will continue.

 

[Nana2two]

I would have to say NO. You mentioned your on disability? That is alot for someone to do. I'm all for helping people but i know you have mentioned your DD needing help. Very selfish on there part.

 

[mauimagic]

Time to take a stand - or it will get worse. Your responsibility is to your DD and yourself. You will let them know when you have the extra time and ability to help out elsewhere.

They dared to laugh at you when you asked for help with your DD? Truthfully, that made my blood boil!!

Please take care of yourself. You are not being selfish, you are being wise.

 

[cab54]

OH, boy, I can tell you firsthand that when you're not working, everyone considers you their own personal slave. No one considers all the OTHER people who are asking you to do stuff. Pretty soon, you're working way harder (and longer hours) than if you had a job!

It isn't going to go over well, but you're going to have to learn to set limits and say no to some things. Your daughter comes first. And, no matter what the 'users' will tell you (I mean user in the kindest way:wink, you need down time too, or you'll go nuts.

When you say no, do it in the sweetest way---"I'm sorry Mom, but I have just been having WAY too much to do lately, I'm just bushed! I'll do your lawn as soon as I can get to it" Eventually, she will find someone else, or do it herself. "I really need to clean my own house, before I can get to grandpa's house. I'll go over there as soon as I can"---eventually they'll find someone who can help him out.

Have you tried one of the local services for gramps, that send out (free) home health aides to care for, do light cleaning, and some cooking? Call your county offices and see what's available. We did that with my dad when it got to be too much.

 

[Debbie-cat]

Yes you need to put your foot down and just say you can't do it all. Tellthem to hire someone to do the jobs as you already have a full time job taking care of your DD. Tell them that you love them but you can't do it anymore and walk away. :hugz:

 

[Pianolady]

I've done a lot of care giving for my parents the past two years, and trust me, you have to learn to say no. Everything they've asked of you can be hired out, you are being taken advantage of. Your family must come first, and if you are on disability, should you be shoveling snow?

Is there a medical condition you do not know about? If a person requires 24/7 assistance, sometimes it's because he may be put in a nursing home/rehabilitation center without the 24/7 care through doctor's orders. We've had it happen several times now because we couldn't provide such care through the family. That's asking a lot, especially if only on family member is willing to help.

 

[Rhiamon]

Thanks for all the replys. My mom just called me and informed me that Grandpa will be moving into a home on Wed. I am happy but sad at the same time. It has been such a part of my life that I am going to miss seeing him everyday. I am still going to try and get over and visit as often as possible but I don't drive so I have to walk every where. I also feel bad because I told my mom last night that I couldn't come over today because I was having a friend over for coffee. I just always feel guilty I guess.

 

[mauimagic]

RM - glad that your DGP is being well taken care of. As for the guilt trips - work on them - they don't do anyone any good!! Take care - you are a good person!!

 

[Labontet]

It's nice to help people grant it, but there are limitations... When good intentions turn in to expectations, it's time to cut down...

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

 

[Siebrie]

Your mum knows where your guilt button is located! Switch it to a new place (or switch it off altogether)!

Now that DGP is in a home, there is hardly a reason to visit mum and do her housework for her. Good! Enjoy the visits to DGP, and help out if you feel you must, but try and stand up to mum until you feel comfortable with that.

 

[Jayceef]

Check out the local inmate trustee units for the shoveling of driveway and sidewalks. I know that our state facilities do this for the elderly and the those that are disabled. All you need to do is call them. No questions, but your address are asked. An officer is always present when they show up to shovel.

 

[Mamaw]

Glad to hear that DGP is going to be taken care of. But I would suggest you use the opportunity to work on Moms expectations. It sounds as if you have enough to handle with your own house, pets and little one. Keep saying no in a polite way and eventually Mom will figure out a way to hire someone or to get another person to do the task. In the meantime, could you trade child sitting with a friend or neighbor to get a bit of alone time for yourself? Hugs to you

 

[NikoSan999]

Hopefully, now your mom won't think you have more time and can now do more for her. Why can't she do some of this herself...why can't she take the dog out?
You have to learn to just say no, I'm busy...me and the daughter have plans...I'm cleaning MY house...etc.
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