[chevy_chick95]

I have choosen to be childfree. So why does everyone that finds this out make me feel like an alien for not wanting a child?

my dad and his wife had a baby boy today. I mentioned to my bf that I could not work in labor and delivery for all the screaming babies. My dads wifes mother chimed in and said well I sure hope you don't have a child" in this horrible tone. I said I actually don't want children. She looked at me with the most shocked look then snapped "well good". The women has seven children... Wow.

So I guess another question for yo voluntary childless is: do you feel guilty for not wanting what everyone else wants?

I do.

 

[chevy_chick95]

I forgot to add about dads mother in law. I totally respect anyone who can live thru having seven kids! What a strong woman. I read thru my first post and it sounds like Im being rude about her. Not meaning to come off that way.

 

[Molemommy]

I know allot of childless by choice couples... I believe that it is your decision.... no one else.. Just some folks have to put there 2 cents in.. If you are happy with your decision then you should not feel guilty..

 

[Daisygirl]

I think the worse thing that can happen is for someone who does not want children to be pressured into it by others. Because it is not "the norm" some people feel they just have to say something about it. I have kids, love them to pieces but I completely respect the decision of those who do not want kids.

 

[Lora88]

I think that such a highly personal choice is strictly your own business. Quite honestly screw what others think you need to do whats right for you. You do not need to justify your choice to anyone. I have 4 children some of mine want children and some do not. I would never insert my feelings in thier deceisons. I am sure that you did not arrive at this feeling lightly . Live your life on your own terms and the heck with what others think

 

[savvy_sniper]

I just ignore them! I do not dignify their responses with an answer.

 

[quilting2day2]

I had a conversation with someone one time. They said they could not believe how "selfish some one was that they did not want children" My reply was I wish more people would be selfish in that way, Everytime I hear of a child abused or beat to death."( I am in no way saying you would abuse a child but this is your choice.)
Wow never heard that comment from her again,
I am not childless by my choice it was gods choice. But If you do not want children do NOT feel guilty and do NOT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO DEFEND YOUR POSITION..

 

[McD]

Bear with me here--I am in NO WAY trying to justify or excuse old gramma's meanness towards you. Just offering a perspective.

What was the setting of this conversation? Did it take place in the maternity ward of the hospital? The reason I ask is that if ti was in the maternity ward old gramma could have seen it as more of a slam towards her daughter for choosing to have a baby. I know that sounds odd--but keep in mind, most people go to the hospital or even to the parents' house with nothing but joy, smoozings, and praise of the new baby. Old gramma may have taken it your comment about 'screaming babies' as an insult.


So as I type this, my thoughts are as follows:

1. Old gramma just can't fathom anyone not wanting children and if they don't then something must be wrong. (I have witnessed this a lot, especially in the older generation).

or

2. Old gramma thought you were insulting her precious grandbaby, her daughter, herself, which got her feathers all ruffled.


Either way, it was uncalled for on old gramma's part. I hate that people feel like they have to defend their decision on whether or not to have kids. After having Wesley, I said I didn't want anymore, that I was done. An old lady heard me say that and she ripped me a new one calling em selfish, telling me I had to have more than one or it would ruin Wesley's disposition. When I asked her exactly who made her boss of my uterus, she shut it pretty darn quick.

I hope she didn't make you feel inferior because of your choice. Your worth is not determined by the number of offspring you have or don't have.

 

[Greebo]

They said they could not believe how "selfish some one was that they did not want children"

WTF? Did she think there was a line up of babies somewhere waiting to be conceived or something?

 

[Lora88]

WTF? Did she think there was a line up of babies somewhere waiting to be conceived or something?

Thanks for my only laugh today I got a mental picture of eggs and sperm waiting around reading magazines just waiting for the go ahead

 

[Greebo]

Thanks for my only laugh today I got a mental picture of eggs and sperm waiting around reading magazines just waiting for the go ahead

Oh thats funny! I like that!

 

[chevy_chick95]

Thank you for all the opinions.

Mrsmcdowell- I know exactly were ur coming from on her opinion. But 2 months ago we were all in the hospital for my dad. Hr had a heart attack due to his meth use. They stopped his wife from visitations because they had suspisions that she was using as well. Her mother said at that time she wanted someone to adopt the baby as she was not fit. Little history. Dads wife has 2 boys. That she started having at age 13. They are 20 and 16. The 16 year old lives 7 hours away with a girlfriend. Dropped out of highschool... Bad situation. the 20 year old lives in the same town as us but is a very well known drug dealer. About a year ago he approach my bf to help him find a job. They looked and looked then I suggested a placement test. When the test came back I was shocked. He has a 3rd grade reading level and said that every othet area was not much above that. I feel bad for him but I don't want my step brother being raised that way ya know?

So it is just hard to go from her hating the fact of the pregnancy to being rude to me!

Idk- thank you for ur opinion.


Quilting2day2- the selfish comment comes from my mother every time we talk about this. Unbelievable really!

 

[craftypam]

If you don't want kids you should not have them AND you should not feel guilty. It is your life! I have a son who worked at Babies R us as a teen and swore he did not want to have any children seeing all the pregnant ladies and then their children. Well he was 24 when his nephew was born; loves him to pieces and now has changed his mind about kids. If he hadn't I would NEVER be one of those moms asking when are you going to have kids. Its his life. Maybe you should ask those who question your choice if they will take care of the baby every time you are having a bad day. Maybe that would shut them up!!!

 

[Greebo]

Brandi - Oh its your MOTHER calling you selfish for not wanting a baby!!

Allow me to translate that for you - she wants grandkids.

Next time, tell her if she wants a baby around, she should go adopt one, because it's awfully selfish of HER to wish for a child to be born into a family that doesn't want one. Why should such a child suffer for HER urges to be a granny?

If you like, ask her that as coming from me. I'll be the bad guy...

 

[chevy_chick95]

Haha thanks greebo.

The intial post was about my dads wifes mother (I just can't call her my *shutters* step mother) lol.

I was just replying to Quilting2day2 saying my mom also says that to me. Funny she mentioned it.

 

[McD]

Mrsmcdowell- I know exactly were ur coming from on her opinion. But 2 months ago we were all in the hospital for my dad. Hr had a heart attack due to his meth use. They stopped his wife from visitations because they had suspisions that she was using as well. Her mother said at that time she wanted someone to adopt the baby as she was not fit. Little history. Dads wife has 2 boys. That she started having at age 13. They are 20 and 16. The 16 year old lives 7 hours away with a girlfriend. Dropped out of highschool... Bad situation. the 20 year old lives in the same town as us but is a very well known drug dealer. About a year ago he approach my bf to help him find a job. They looked and looked then I suggested a placement test. When the test came back I was shocked. He has a 3rd grade reading level and said that every othet area was not much above that. I feel bad for him but I don't want my step brother being raised that way ya know?

So it is just hard to go from her hating the fact of the pregnancy to being rude to me!

Idk- thank you for ur opinion.

Okay, hearing that....that makes me think that she is just batsh*t crazy. Sorry you have to deal with her. Instead of referring to her as old gramma, let's call her old hag.

 

[Libby]

When I asked her exactly who made her boss of my uterus, she shut it pretty darn quick.

That is something I'd totally say to others! Nicely put McD

Thanks for my only laugh today I got a mental picture of eggs and sperm waiting around reading magazines just waiting for the go ahead

Hahahaha - thanks for the cute visual.

Why should such a child suffer for HER urges to be a granny?

Why should any child suffer, period? Nevermind granny's selfish 'wants'.

OP - I wouldn't worry about it. Its all personal preference, like brussels sprouts. You either like em and want em or don't. You shouldn't have to defend why either. Next time she pipes up, just nip it in the bud and ask her if it makes her feel better to force her opinions on someone else and mention that you could probably find a few to share back

 

[JanieD]

I'm childfree by choice & have been for years. I've heard just about everything... I'm selfish, I'll change my mind, blah, blah, blah. I'm now getting "you would love it (the baby) if you have one". Ok, that may be true for that other couple, but it doesn't change my mind. What part of I DON'T want children is confusing to them?

Honestly, I'm also confused that she would have anything to say about your decision. I mean, her daughter parenting record... well I just think she shouldn't say much on the subject. Maybe, she's hoping you will help out (take in) the new baby if needed.

 

[lathermaker]

I'm Childfree by choice and I don't feel even the tiniest bit guilty about not wanting any. I've been called self-absorbed, selfish and not a real woman because I haven't reproduced! I think it's more selfish and self-absorbed to have kids when you don't want them, take care of them or love them.

 

[frugal is fun]

to me it makes no sense, why would you push a child on someone who doesn't want one and THEN expect them to be a good parent.

makes no sense