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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm having a hard time w/ my DH. He "says" he's on board, but I want to do "envelopes" and he says, "We've tried that before." He says, "If I have the money I'll spend it."

I say, if you use a debit card for lunches or snacks "every once in a while" I can't keep up with it.

He says "I don't spend that much anyway." but to me the way he wants to do it is "un budgeted for" and too hard to manage.

Thoughts? Suggestions?
 

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I know DH and I are the same way as your DH with cash. If I have a dollar I find something to buy. If I have to swipe my card, I think twice. I don't understand it, but I go with it now.

We created virtual envelopes in an excel program. When I go to the store, I have a budget and deduct the amount from the "envelope" DH doesn't do much shopping. He just gets gas and the odd groceries once in a while. It works for us.
 

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It won't help with the budgeting, but you could keep up with the debit card use by checking your account online daily and post them as soon as they show up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I know DH and I are the same way as your DH with cash. If I have a dollar I find something to buy. If I have to swipe my card, I think twice. I don't understand it, but I go with it now.

We created virtual envelopes in an excel program. When I go to the store, I have a budget and deduct the amount from the "envelope" DH doesn't do much shopping. He just gets gas and the odd groceries once in a while. It works for us.
So do you just have him tell you when he spends money so that you can add it to the excel spreadsheet. ??
 

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I'm having a hard time w/ my DH. He "says" he's on board, but I want to do "envelopes" and he says, "We've tried that before." He says, "If I have the money I'll spend it."

I say, if you use a debit card for lunches or snacks "every once in a while" I can't keep up with it.

He says "I don't spend that much anyway." but to me the way he wants to do it is "un budgeted for" and too hard to manage.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

What is HIS suggestion on how to do it? Somehow find a way to SHOW HIM that his: "I don't spend that much anyway." still counts and IS spending money.

Ditch his debit card until something is agreed upon.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
What is HIS suggestion on how to do it? Somehow find a way to SHOW HIM that his: "I don't spend that much anyway." still counts and IS spending money.

Ditch his debit card until something is agreed upon.
LOL, how the heck do I "ditch" his debit card?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
"X" amt. of money - CASH--for his 'goodies' and let HIM budget his own 'goody' money. If he agrees on the budget -he needs to learn to DO/follow the budget.

Thus.........no need for the card.
I totally agree, just don't know how to MAKE him DO IT!
 

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I totally agree, just don't know how to MAKE him DO IT!
You are much more patient than I would be...........and you probably won't 'make him'............but...........

Hand him the money--CASH ---(you have agreed on an amt. right?) ---"here is your 'goody money' until X" ---fill in the date. When his mouth drops to the floor -----remind him that BUDGETING is as much about 'him' as it is about 'US' ---'you'---'me' ----etc. When he 'whines' that he will just spend it............then again.......REMIND HIM---that he will then just DO WITHOUT until the next 'budget money' is released!

Sort of like his 'goody payday'............:laugh:

You are PARTNERS in this..............you are not his MOTHER!
 

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Interesting situation. Instead of 'How do you make him do it?" I think you need to find out "Why he won't participate?"

While it took a couple of months for us, I asked my DH how much he spent every single evening and then posted it daily. It's a process and sometimes it takes our spouses a little longer to catch on.

Does he really understand that you need to budget?
Good luck and please let us know how it's going for you!!
 

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This is how we do it:
each week DH has his own 'fun' money, I have mine, the amounts were set to what we agreed upon. Each Friday, we withdraw that amount (in cash) for ourselves. Any other expenses (grocery, household bills, loan payments, savings, etc.) comes from the checking account where our income deposit to. Savings transfer to different accounts. If we really need more, we shall raise the 'fun' money ONCE every quarter.

DH likes that idea, he said he has a lot more cash onhand to spend however he likes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Interesting situation. Instead of 'How do you make him do it?" I think you need to find out "Why he won't participate?"

While it took a couple of months for us, I asked my DH how much he spent every single evening and then posted it daily. It's a process and sometimes it takes our spouses a little longer to catch on.

Does he really understand that you need to budget?
Good luck and please let us know how it's going for you!!
He understands why we need to budget he just "claims" he'll spend less if he doesn't have "cash in hand" and that CASH makes him wnat to spend. He says he won't know where the CASH goes. He'll pick up a snicker bar here a coke there and it'll be gone fro when he really wants something like "lunch". WE don't have a budget for him to eat out at lunch I send his lunch usually sandwiches.

I have also begun packing him a Bfast since he leaves so early in the AM.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You are much more patient than I would be...........and you probably won't 'make him'............but...........

Hand him the money--CASH ---(you have agreed on an amt. right?) ---"here is your 'goody money' until X" ---fill in the date. When his mouth drops to the floor -----remind him that BUDGETING is as much about 'him' as it is about 'US' ---'you'---'me' ----etc. When he 'whines' that he will just spend it............then again.......REMIND HIM---that he will then just DO WITHOUT until the next 'budget money' is released!

Sort of like his 'goody payday'............:laugh:

You are PARTNERS in this..............you are not his MOTHER!
Precisely, I dont' want to be his MOTHER, but the issue now is that he calls me when he wants to go "out to lunch" and he says, "Can I spend a little on lunch today?"

I feel like I have to say yes or no. I don't like being put in that situation. I want him to be in control of his money and me not have to do that. You know?
 

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There's always the option of a preloaded credit card instead of the debit card. Decide how much is within budget for the month load the card, confiscate the debit card.

You don't have to ask him what he spends and on what=Not feeling like your his mother, and you don't have to worry about the budget=Peace of mind. This may not be the ideal solution but it sure beats the Can I buy lunch, please phone calls.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
There's always the option of a preloaded credit card instead of the debit card. Decide how much is within budget for the month load the card, confiscate the debit card.

You don't have to ask him what he spends and on what=Not feeling like your his mother, and you don't have to worry about the budget=Peace of mind. This may not be the ideal solution but it sure beats the Can I buy lunch, please phone calls.
Awesome where do I get one of those "pre-loaded" credit cards and do they cost?
 

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Is DH uncomfortable about the budgeting? OR is this something totally new to him - as in being asked to be accountable?

My suggestion - make a game out of it. He already has his food provided - you said you pack his breakky & lunch - so give him $20 for the week for 'whatever' and challenge him....make a game out of it, to see who will have the most of their $20 left at the end of the week. Goal/price to be determined later.

And if he keeps claiming he doesn't know what he spends his $ on - ask him to get receipts for everything to help HIM remember by Friday.
 

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You can get them at CVS. They do cost to load, but there's different options. There's they one time use and the keep loading card, they're different prices on loading. The small amount it cost to load just may out weigh the headache you've got trying to get hubby onboard.
 

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He says he won't know where the CASH goes. He'll pick up a snicker bar here a coke there and it'll be gone fro when he really wants something like "lunch".

A couple of times going hungry will cure him of bad spending habits. He has to *learn* to *change* his behavior. And as long as you keep making the decisions for him, or covering for him when he is out of cash, it's not going to happen. If you don't want to be the "mommy" you have to let him wander and learn from his mistakes.
 
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I feel your pain. My husband used to always tell me, "No one is going to tell me how to spend my money. I earned it!" Then he slowly, very slowly, started realizing how his spending was literally draining us. To the point where we almost lost our house and I was an emotional and physical wreak.

Tracking his spending was easy because that debit card was swiped and poof, the money was gone. My dh did not like cash because he felt like it limited his spending. He never admitted that to me, but I could tell by the way he responded to me when I talked about our budget.

Get control of your finances now. You may have to be his mother, you do not want to and probably will not like it. Things will be better in the long run. You may have to show him the small success you both achieve. Maybe that will click with him.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
His main comment about budgeting is "we've tried this before" and we have and we've failed. We're probably the worst Dave followers ever because though we have all his books, took FPU and follow him we have not had any results. By the way we did FPU home study, I think the accountability and support are what we were lacking. THat's why I'm here again. I keep coming back again and again hoping one time things will click, things will be different. UGH!
 
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