[FrugalMomof3]

I dont know what to do in my life anymore..... I found out 5/2007 that my husband had an affair with his boss for 3 years (so 2004-2007) and I tried working things out but I might want to add that my husband has a porno addiction, that's the problem now.... I find it on his computer all the time.. he sneaks it when I am at my grandma's, not home or whatever... even when I am sleeping.

I just cant handle this anymore, I have confronted him and he promised to change and he WAS doing good for a while but here I find it again (none the less my 12 year old daughter who was doing a project on his computer found them!) She didnt see pictures or anything just the names of the movie titles and of course, she knew right off the bat what they were and she came and got me right away.

I also DONT trust him one bit, I dont believe him either. How can I trust him after what he did and now what he keeps doing and SWEARS he hasn't looked or watched a porno since I found out about the affair. I dont want to live a lie, I just dont feel I can keep living like this with a man who cares more about porno than his own family.

Thanks for listening and if anyone has any advice, please send it my way.

If you have been where I am now and left, how did you do it? Please take into consideration I dont work and only have a small EF saved, I also dont have family to go stay with, just me and my daughter.

 

[parthy]

Hi!

I am very new here but I left my husband of 21 years in November 2007. Porn (that I know of wasn't involved) but he was extremely controlling and (it's a long story). I also have a job so I can't offer anything about that I am afraid.


However, I went to see a lawyer first, then I went to counselling and it is very possible that he could be forced from the house because of your child seeing and recognizing porn. My measly advice would be to contact a lawyer for a free consultation and call the domestic violence people....they will be able to refer you to the proper place, if this doesn't fall under them.

You need to be strong and get counselling whether or not you decide to stay or leave. That is your decision alone.


One thing I was told by my counsellor was that a woman needs to get individual counselling before/as well as along with attending couple counselling - if that is the route you choose.

I wish you all the best....My prayers for you and your children.

 

[Cricket1]

Tracy--I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no advice, except keep your head held high--you're a smart and wonderful woman and you deserve the best. I'll keep you in my prayers. I wish there was something more I could do.

 

[sdrjeolsen]

Tracy--I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no advice, except keep your head held high--you're a smart and wonderful woman and you deserve the best. I'll keep you in my prayers. I wish there was something more I could do.

My thoughts exactly. You deserve better than he is providing you. You shouldn't have to take second place to some cyber whore.

 

[IntlMom]

Trac - I am "glad" to see this post, as I have been thinking about you and lifting you up in prayer fairly often. I of course have no suggestions, but I do like the posters idea of the free lawyer consult. Thing about your daughter seeing porn on his computer in the house is an interesting thing that might just "help" you in a sick-twisted sort of way. I'd be spending some days calling close friends to see if they can help, that and a womens shelter, I am sure that they would have some thoughts. PLEASE keep us updated.
Traci
the other thing~you might want to look at jobs in your area.....it may end up being in your future (sorry)

 

[Darlene]

Just been looking in from afar for a long time now & can say that you have put up with more than most would. You've let out bits and pieces here and there & it's always seemed like you were the one to keep it together. You've said alot without saying much. No fun & not right to live like that. I'm sorry and if I were you, I'd move on. But I'm not you and whatever you decide, I wish you well.

 

[jamie79]

I am sorry you are going thru this. My heart goes out to you

 

[carlitasway]

I'm sorry it's come to this . You do what you gotta do. I think you should leave but that's just me. The good thing is your daughter is in school and you can try to find a job around those hours. I'm not saying it will be easy but it's bound to be better and lead you to something better. I also would recommend calling a women's shelter and they will give you resources and direction. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Dancing Lotus]

I was really hopeing that things were going to look better for you. I am so sorry that it hasn't.

You know my number, you know my e-mail- please call me if I can help in anyway. I can only imagine how difficult this decision is.
Big hugs and big kisses to ya!

 

[emily_hope]

I'm sorry you are going through yet another trial with this man. I was hoping that things were getting better for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You seem to be such a wonderful person, I know something wonderful is waiting for you!

 

[leezza]

Tracy,

I sent you a PM, so sorry about this.

Kind Regards,
leezza

 

[fernykins]

Tracy My prays are with you......... I've been seperated from my husband of 22 years for 21/2 year now....... His problem was and is drugs....... You need to be strong and weigh all your options, before you decide what you are going to do.
Fern

 

[voodidit]

Tracy, good luck no matter what you decide to do.

 

[kittykatstrong]

My thoughts are with you tonight

 

[AmeliaM]

I've been through divorce though I have no kids and I was working,but here goes. First off you were married almost 10 yrs-here in Ohio I think you only have to be married 5 before alimony is involved and you have access to half his retirement when he retires. Also since he cheated on you and if you have proof I'd go to a lawyer. If you own house you may get it(or possibly have to pay so much to him,but since he cheated and your daughter had access to sexual content-you will possibly get the house). If you don't own house then some sort of settlement possibly to help w house. He will also have to pay child support(on the 12 yr old-the 17 yr old-and only the 18 yr old if they are in college-also if the 17 goes into college also). I don't know what kind of work he does,but dep on how well he gets paid will help you. You might also be able to contact the women's shelter or other organization about job training if you go into the work field....dep on if you have any school already and what you have interest in you can get help. I would talk to a lawyer first they can go over everything and give you a consultation of your options-and that part is free. You will want to sep(w legal paperwork-talk to that lawyer) if possible first while you are going through everything. Here in Ohio you have to be sep for a year-though since you have an affair(which here isn't grounds for divorce anymore-it is incompatable)but also the access to sexual content by a minor will not be handled to lightly be a judge.

If you are part of a church talk to the pastor(or his wife first) they can prob help you w minor things like food or tell you also where to go. You need to go through counseling,him def and possibly your kid(s).
I don't know what your debt is ,but it will usually be divided though if you've been the primary caregiver and he's the only one working then he may have to take all(though any good credit you have you can take w you-try to get some of your own now if you don't have any)-talk to a lawyer about this though. I know vehicles and cc and bank accts will be divided how the courts see fit(which means usually if he erred in a bad way -they will side w you).Unless you two sign some form of agreement. Which as we've all said. He is in trouble for the affair,any money spent for said affair and off course his 'problem' being readily accessible to your kids-esp a preteen.

Your husband is not going to be happy but he should have thought of this before....once trust is gone and for something like this it makes it doubly hard to come back.

I'm sorry this had to happen to you. Keep us updated.

 

[Mom23boys]

Tracy, I think of you often because of some of the things you mentioned in the past. I agree with Darlene; you put up with some things most people wouldn't. I want you to find peace for you and your daughter. You shouldn't have to go through life miserable. It isn't fair to you or your family. I will be praying for you and hope you make the right decision for you!!

 

[qponfanatic]

:hugz: I am so sorry!

 

[Michelle68]

Tracy, I'm sorryto hear what you're going through. You deserve so much better. Please keep us updated on how everything's going.


--Michelle

 

[kabin63]

Tracy,
So sorry you are going through this. Although I haven't encountered this kind of problem I can offer a perspective of sorts.
You hit the nail on the head about "His" addiction to porn. It's a tough situation, because although he may not be drinking, doing drugs, etc..., he still has an addiction. Are there any support groups in your area? I have gotten divorced before, but that was for many other reasons, drinking included. Still, I think they thing that hurts the most is that he is so addicted to the porn that he hasn't heeded your words or respcted your feelings, or you for that matter. I think I would do a lot of research and find out what the symptoms, and recovery rates are. I understand that you are in a fix, but are you? Or will you get into a financial position to be able to care for your DD and yourself? These are all questions I know the therapist, or counselor will zone in on.
I wish you the best of everything.

 

[pip]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know that you will make the right decision.