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DH and I are invited to a casual dinner party in a couple of weeks and I really, really don't want to go. Just say "No", right? Well, we've been avoiding invitations from the hosting couple for a while now and, it seems, they're starting to take it personally. When DH got the invite, the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend. I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth. :rolleyes:

In the past we've just gone to the parties and been bored out of our minds. I'd rather be home knitting or reading or watching paint dry. :)

Is it better to just make up (yet another) previous engagement or should I just come out and say that we're old and don't like evening parties anymore? Is there another answer I'm overlooking? :scratch:

What would you say?
 

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LOL I would love to just say no because I can totally understand how you feel.
I hate going and like you, watching paint dry sounds more fun.

However... Is it going to kill you? (This is the question my wife asks me :rolleyes:) Accept that is only for a few hours at most and who knows, you might enjoy yourself.

How does the hubby feel about it?


btw... I have to go to a dinner on Saturday. :(
 

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I am so very much like this, stressing over social situations where I assume I'm going to be miserable. Fact is, when I do go (and it sounds like you need to for your husband's career), it ends up being not at all as bad as I imagined it would be. Helps to set a time period, too, maybe saying we'll stay no longer than two hours, then graciously thank the hosts and leave. I often find that I'm more comfortable KNOWING I only have to endure it for at set time period. Often when that time comes, my husband will say, "Ready to go?" and I find myself just being okay with staying a while longer. Good luck to you. I'm not a social butterfly either so I know this is painful (more painful to contemplate that actual DO).
 

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I also would rather stay home then go out with people. I know my dh is a social person so he likes to be around people. With him not working right now he needs to get out of the house more then ever. I work in an office and deal with people all day. Would rather not deal with people at all on the weekends.

I bite the bullet and go to some things for dh. So things I get myself out of and stay home and let him go himself.
 

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sometimes you have to schmooze...IYKWIM~

Unless you will get drunk and embarrass yourself and dh...the 'right' thing to do would be to go. I like OOwl's idea of setting a timeframe.

Being 'older' doesn't cut it.
sometimes in life we have to do what we don't want to do.
 
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I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth. :rolleyes:
I share your feelings. So when these dinners come around we suck it up and go, and be pleasant.

Try to find the positive in it. At least *you* don't have to make dinner and clean up that night.
 
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What great advice from so many of us who would rather stay at home!! I am so lucky to have my DH as a role model in this type of situation. I've noticed - over 30 years- that when we are doing something that is definitely not his choice - he has a great time because he is just there and emjoying whatever happens. Watching him has really freed me up to actually enjoying some occasions I would not normally want to attend. Just a thought.
 
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Do it for your DH. Set a time limit, charm their pants off and leave. Duty done. Then you can safely refuse their next three invitations :)
 

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"the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend" Sure, go this time, but if it's the same old boring party don't go to any more...UNLESS the hostess is related to your DH's boss...throws a whole different light on the subject. My best excuse is that my bedtime is 9PM and I'm 65 and earned the right to do what I please concerning parties.

Lee
 

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I would suck it up and go. I go to every work function of DH's that I can, regardless of whether I want to or not. It reflects well on him that he has a strong support system that is willing to stand behind him.
 
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I would go, and set a time limit. If the worst thing I have to do is be bored for 2 hours every three months - then that's not so bad.

Either that, or flat out say it - I don't want to go to your parties, so please stop inviting me.

And unless you're old enough to have truly earned it - I'd go with the first option.
 

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i would go - if you have never been out with this couple you dont know for sure that you wont have a good time .
and if its work related- in this economy think of it as two hours or so well spent - imagine how many hours people spend job hunting . I think two hours socializing is a better deal lol .

dont lie and make something up- if they find out it will reflect horribly on the both of you - once i discover someone has lied to me - i lose all respect .

Hmm they seen awfully interested in the two of you - heres hoping they arent " swingers " :D
 
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Knowing what I know now...Do it. Make it an adventure, look at it differently. Something new, it's not forever and you just might make a new friend. Ask people questions that make them talk about themselves. Have fun, make it a quest to seek out something interesting. It's there if only you ask the right questions.
Sure at home is safe and calm & quiet but every once in a while it's a good thing to shake things up and try new things. Hope you go for it! It, like almost everything, is what you make it. Make it fun!!
 

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DH and I are invited to a casual dinner party in a couple of weeks and I really, really don't want to go. Just say "No", right? Well, we've been avoiding invitations from the hosting couple for a while now and, it seems, they're starting to take it personally. When DH got the invite, the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend. I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth. :rolleyes:

In the past we've just gone to the parties and been bored out of our minds. I'd rather be home knitting or reading or watching paint dry. :)

Is it better to just make up (yet another) previous engagement or should I just come out and say that we're old and don't like evening parties anymore? Is there another answer I'm overlooking? :scratch:

What would you say?
I know people much older that do many, many social things so age wont get you off the hook. If they are feeling avoidance, then its becoming obvious, yup.

Is it possible to just say, "we really prefer our nights at home together, the work week is just so taxing." or something along those lines that is more honest than just avoiding them?

Ya, its hard when its work people, I know. I just tell people no thank you, that I'm a homebody. (maybe that word is old-fashioned but it works)
 
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Behind every successful man is a woman!! That woman needs to be there to show off her man and I'm sure he wants to show you off. Go and have a good time, meet other people and you never know you may find a great friend out of the bunch! :)
 

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When I was young I hated going to parties. My Mom would ask me if I had fun and the answer was always "no." She told me that it was my own problem. If I go to a party and I'm bored... I'm the one that didn't bring life to my experience there. I found out through the years and decades that she was right. It took me quite a while to learn and relearn this as I grew up. So PLEASE don't take this a a criticism or that I mean it harshly.

If you go and expect to be bored... you certainly will be. If the topic of conversation doesn't interest you... offer up a topic that does. If you go expecting to be entertained all the time... you will most likely be disappointed.

Go with a plan in mind to bring some life into your evening. It takes some work and it takes some energy but it is worth it.
 
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I understand fully. I have to go to my DH's bosses bosses party. He got DH the job at the company. We have to find a gift as it is his 50th birthday. I will do my usual anxiety dance, What to wear,what to buy,how to dress. Yuck. But yes-take one for the team. Sometimes it's not whose throwing it but whose there. I like to hybernate in Feb. too.
 

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We had to go to a very small Christmas gathering in a resturant for with my husbands boss and a few other couples and dh and I both about cried right up until we got out of the car at the resturant we wanted to stay home so bad. For starters it was Red Lobster. I would rather eat dirt than any kind of seafood and dh eats only very little of it so that was a worry. Than I had to sit a table full of strangers who, it became obvious very quickly into the event, all felt the same way we did. Everyone was drinking which I think is a bad idea at an office function except me but dh only had 1 beer with his meal . The others were slamming them . It was the longest 2 hours of my life in recent memory but.... we were only invited this year because dh's boss remarried and his wife who is an older lady is alone alot because the boss splits his time between here and Georgia for work . Well when things go wrong at their house and the boss is away she and the boss feel safe asking dh to go there and fix whatever is broke, ie: hot water heater, circuit breaker etc. She sends crap home with dh all the time for me and the kids and has kind of "adopted" us. She is significantly older and dh said she is so nice and the boss is not really but this woman is very wealthy. She is from China and owns alot of resturants there. Anyhow she insisted we be invited to the party . It's normally an office staff only thing and dh is not office staff. We felt 150% obligated to go. It was interesting for me finallyto put faces with names since I have heard dh and my Dad (they work at the same place) talk about these people for 20 years. I made a game out of trying to figure them out . Who knows maybe it helped dh's career, maybe it made no difference. I knew I had to suck it up though as much as I didn't want to go. Heck he didn't either.
 
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Like you, my DH and I are homebodies and LOATHE parties and dinners. Close family things are ok, but other than that, we'd rather chew off our own hands than go to stuff.

However, DH was self-employed and schmoozing was required fairly often. We would dress up nice, slap smiles on our faces, take a deep breath before entering, and pretend we looooved being there. I can remember an entire evening where I feigned interest in Chinese art, since a woman we took to dinner (and her hubby) was absolutely enthralled with it. :puck: Chinese art is quite beautiful....I just don't know anything about it.

It's worth it in the long run. I think of it like childbirth. You just have to suck it up till it's over.
 
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