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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was going to post this morning in the depression forum but I was SO depressed I couldn't :(

I'm glad I didn't now (must have been fate?) because I 'think' I worked it out?

I woke up this morning at 11am :eek: and was so depressed I went straight back to sleep again. I thought in my daze 'oh oh here it comes again!'

Today I have been right through the grieving process, angry, sad, denial, etc etc etc, It all sounds a bit stupid now I'm confessing!

But I have been fighting with simplicity for MANY years! and I seem to have got nowhere!

I long to live a simple life ~ both external and internal, but it's just not happening. I seem to spend ALL my time cleaning up after OTHER people, who don't notice and don't care about the mess we live in and it is REALLY getting me down ALOT :(

I felt a bit selfish and thought 'well if this is important ONLY to me then it must be my job to do something about it' but I also feel resentful that it has to be that way and I'm fighting a losing battle. I have spoken to my family on NUMEROUS occasions about how I feel and it gets me nowhere, because they honestly don't even notice!

I once joined flylady, and my messy house, I read books, and all sorts and although I do understand the practical side of it, I just can't seem to make it HAPPEN.

I know it sounds petty but this is REALLY getting me down and I just don't know how to 'win'

Is this just me???? It seems to be affecting ALL of my life!

Any new ideas or thoughts would be appreciated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I also seem to be putting my life 'on hold' for the day I'm organized, that is getting me down alot because I know that day isn't coming ~ am I making sense?

Everything is going to be accomplished and worked out 'tomorrow' after I have my 'house' in order. But I get seriously depressed that I'll die first and I won't have 'lived'

I'm going to shut up or I might as well move to the depression forum LOL
 

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:hug2: Bev,
I understand right where you are at. I have a small home and to say it's "cluttered" is an understatement. Just the other day I was lamenting to my husband and kids about how I used to be able to keep a handle on it when the kids were in public school (I spent 2 hours a day just cleaning) but even with 4 of us cleaning now, it's just messier!:mad: We have daily chores that each family member must do (and are suppossed to do well). I get really tired of having to call people back over and over again to do their job.:bang: I finally told them that they are going to have to pay me to do their jobs if I have to redo anything! We'll see how long that works.;)
 

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My house in in chaos too. I straighten,and I swear they follow me and re-make the mess:mad: I know once the two oldest DKs move and the grandson is gone,it will get better but I don't think they will EVER go. Don't get me wrong,I love them all,and I'm glad they're here,but :bang: I use the trash bag cleanup system. If they won't pick it up-I guess they don't want it! My girls have gone WEEKS without their stuff,and had to earn it back. I put it all in trash bags in the garage!
 

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Isn't it funny, we were just talking about this today. Our youngest daughter has 4 teens. I must say they are the laziest kids I have ever seen. They sure know how to make plenty of messes though! They do not help do hardly anything. DH was there helping her wash walls & paint for the last 3 days. He needed help holding kitchen fan up to the ceiling, while he put it back up. The 15 yr. old grandson was called {it was 2pm} to help....Grandson was just getting up. I thought the OLD BOY would do a :furious: right in the middle of the kitchen! Good thing these are not my Kids.....what do you think Deed??????:toothy:
 

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Dad didn't say anything??? :eek: I have to say I am very surprised.

Bev,

Debbie and gemmbp have what sounds like a couple of good ideas to me. Can't hurt to try! :hugz:
 

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I feel your pain, Bev. I've got TONS to do if I ever get this place straightened up! I lose things in my "to do" PILE! Uhg! I'll never get anythimg accomplished. I'll spend the rest of my life wandering from project to project.
 

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((((hugs)))) Bev....I know what you mean....I understand completely. I have no real advice, but lots of :hugz:
 

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Bev, :hug2:

First things first - declutter. You know all that I have to say about that. Get rid of stuff laying on the floor. Go through dressers and declutter. The less stuff, the better when it comes to having family. Put toys away kids aren't using. Rotate them every 2-3 months. First, you don't have to purchase so many toys and for the kids, its like Christmas all over again.

Next....delegate. There is no reason why family members can't help around the home. They are part of the family. There are consequences if they don't do what they have been asked to do. If they don't take care of their clothes and want clean, to bad if they haven't taken care of it, they go with dirty. They will soon learn its time to do some work. We do our kids no justice if we don't have them helping around the home. Even your little one can fold clothes. No, it may not look like we want it to, but so what! All 3 of my kids fold their own clothes, put ALL folded clothes away, make their own beds, pick up their dirty clothes and put their dirty dishes away. Thats their job!! I worked hard at getting them to fold clothes properly. I folded t-shirts over and over again with ds#1, until he got it perfect. Now its just second nature to him to fold right.

When we give our kids responsibilities around the home, it makes them feel an important part of the family. They need to learn that "mommy" isn't a slave, but that every member makes up the whole of a family. Our dh also needs to learn the same thing.

Lastly, GO ON STRIKE!! :toothy: This may sound funny, but I did when my 3 older kids were still at home. I even made picket signs and I refused to do anything, and that means ANYTHING until they started to do some things on their own. They ate lots of P&B sandwiches and wore dirty clothes for a couple of days, but it wasn't long before they realized this mommy was serious!!! Even dh learnt that I wasn't a slave to my home!!! My older kids still talk about that time and laugh about it now, but they weren't impressed when it happened. But you know what, all 3 of them, even with what one has gone through, still have relatively clean homes!!!!


And before I forget the most important. You need to find some time in your busy schedule for YOU. It doesn't matter if its 5 minutes or 50, and it doesn't matter if it means its in the washroom with the door locked, make some time for YOU!!!
 

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Bev, I totally agree with CJ's *first things first* - declutter. Be methodical, be ruthless and don't jump from room to room. Tackle one room/area at a time. (and buy lots of garbage bags or use boxes, and tape (so people don't go rummaging around and pulling things out) and get it out of the house as often as possible - to the dump, to the garbage or to charity). It may take you a few passes through the entire house to get it to where you're happy and peaceful (YES, you can get there - peace with your stuff).

The truth is - you can't organize clutter (I love that phrase) ...and why would you want to waste precious time every day shuffling stuff. Less is more. You might have a few pangs getting rid of things if you're a packrat, but really take the time before you begin to reflect and decide how you want to live and what's important to you. Don't pitch anything that means something to your or your family. I'm not suggesting you do this without some thought. Everyone has a different view of what simple and uncluttered is - figure out what yours is.

IF that's what you want (a clutterless, simple environment) then keep your goal in mind as you take the steps to get there. Depending on the state of your place now, it make take some time. And it may take a few go-throughs like I said before. The less you have, the less you realize you need and you may be ready to let go of more the next time. It's really liberating and fun and the total opposite of depressing once you see the results and how it makes you feel to see SPACE! LOL

I wouldn't even involve the family at this point other than to keep reinforcing they do basic chores because they are part of the family. Don't rant or rave about the clutter - just quietly begin to get control of your environment in your areas or common areas. You'll feel sooo good. Maybe they'll catch on and start on their own... if not, when you're ready to move to the kids rooms or whatever, you can INSIST on compliance from them (it IS your home afterall).. if they need your help ;-) fine. Once your home is free of all the excess, then focus on the "training" of everyone - it will be easier with less junk.

Daily cleaning and straightening up, or even keeping things in order is SO much easier once you get rid of the excess. Think how easy it would be to clean a side table with only have to move one photo (or knick-knack) and pick up a lamp - compared to having to dust around or move and replace a dozen knick-knacks. Also - make sure everything has a home. A basket for incoming mail and bills to be paid, dirty clothes, magazines, games, crafts, etc. When there's a clear-cut "home" for your possessions there isn't any confusion to where they get put back or where to find them...and once that place is full.. you'll know it's time to pare down those things in the future. It lessens the homeless junk....but then you won't have any junk by the time you're done will you? :D I keep a stair basket at the base of the main floor stairs and one on the lower level stairs, and anything homeless or anything that belongs upstairs gets thrown in there until someone is going up to take them and put then away. That contains the "stuff" and it gets done in one fell swoop.

This is all probably nothing you haven't heard, or read before. What I'm hoping you catch on to is to make it an uplifting experience and be EXCITED how you are going to get your home in order, get rid of the excess and be able to enjoy the things you love and have deemed important enough to keep. It's easy to let the task in front of you be depressing but you need to change that into looking forward to the results and get fired up about that simple enjoyable life awaiting you.

Gosh, I hope I don't sound like an infomercial. You don't know me from Adam but your post spoke to me. I just know first hand how having only those things that *you know to be useful and beautiful* does something wonderful for the soul. I discovered a long time ago that I just can't live in physical, visual or mental clutter - I find it extremely depressing. Just reading your post made me want to hop on a plane and come give you a big hug and tell you that getting your clutter under control is a really good start for letting other things in your life fall into place. (and I'd help you pitch while I was there. LOL)

One last tip - you also need to control the incoming clutter to maintain balance. It's like losing weight.. easy to get rid of but sooo hard to keep it off. Easy to declutter.. but harder to keep the junk from coming back in and piling up again.

Good Luck Bev. I know you can do this!! I've been reading here a while now and you sound like you have a ton of energy. I know we all live with family and we ultimately need their compliance so they aren't undoing what we've done.. but concentrate on you and what you're going to do about reaching your goal of a simple life...it's a process - declutter first - work on cleaning strategies next .. you're worth it - and you can deal with them later! LOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you SO much! :cry: Your posts make me feel like this <<<.

I know that isn't the intention LOL ~ but I've been cleaning AGAIN today and looking around at all the STUFF and I'm so fed up with it all. I don't remember anything different for years :( I'm really beginning to think that this is at least a LARGE part of my depression.

This is awful I know but obviously I can't get rid of my kids LOL - but I honestly considered DH going! :( Everytime he has left in the past has been the same 'petty' reason ~ He is generous and I think kind but he just doesn't notice or care what mess he makes and it's LOTS. He says he 'helps' but really he just moves it around, but I think I do this as well.

I have found 'lists' from YEARS back and at the top is ALWAYS the same thing - MUST de-junk!

I am SO SO SO fed up! It really makes me want to CRY! and run away. It all sounds so pathetic in writing but it is really ruining my LIFE and still it carrys on.

I really NEED to beat this monster it's making me SO unhappy. I'm sure it will wreck my marriage also (which doesn't say much for me as a person either!)

I do really appreciate your support here, so much more than I can put into words ~ I know it all sounds petty but this is a MAJOR problem in my life ~ This has almost as much priority as things that 'should' be much more important. But it's hard to express the awful effect that this has on me, in mind, body AND spirit.

Maybe I'm just wierd LOL - but that's the truth.

Thank you everybody! :hugz:
 

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Bev, you're not weird and it's certainly not petty. I really think once you get this licked (and I have faith that you can), that other things will seem more clear to you. Being organized and uncluttered will not make problems go away ... but it will make things much easier to deal with because your environment will be more peaceful, and therefore you will. At least that's how it is for me.

Take your feelings of being fed up and make them work for you. Don't give up. If there's anything that would help you tackle this monster once and for all, ask. There are wonderful websites out there that help with accountability, motivation, etc. organizedhome.com comes to mind - but I know these women here mean a lot to you so maybe a smaller group would work...or both. Maybe set aside a small amount of time each day and post what you've done, or decluttering to-dos and to-das (A BEV THREAD LOL)... whatever would work for you to help you and make you feel like you aren't alone in this - because you aren't.

((hugs)) to you Bev.
 

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You have received wonderful advice!! I have s..l...o...w...l..y come to this realization about clutter but I tell you once you start it is so freeing! It really is...I love to look around "at simple" surroundings and less "stuff" When we moved here three years ago we have way too much stuff (obviously our old house was bigger!!) I have been doing one room at a time and I'm almost there. It's funny now because when I see something that doesn't belong I immediately get rid of it or put it in it's place (I can see how this could get obsessive for me too;) )

Good luck Bev and I'm here if you need to talk!:hug2:
 
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