[Mr Fixit]

I have been thinking about going to Oklahome and visiting all of my relatives, and that is a bunch. 2 of my sisters know about me living with 2 girlfriends, and the rest of the family probably
has no idea. I am definately going to take the girls with me, and am starting to wonder what to tell my family members when they ask me about living with 2 women. none of my family have ever been exposed to this kind of relationship, and I am starting to wonder how they are going to handle it.
Here I am at 53 years old, and they are both 35, and one of the girls looks like she is in her late 20's, she just looks young for her age. Since I love them both, and plan on spending the rest of my life with them, I feel like they should have the opportunity to meet my entire family.
I am sure most of my male relatives will only be jealous, but the females are the ones that worries me.
I guess there is no preparing for this, and I will just have to explain everything a million times, or just tell them to get use to it and shut up! I suppose then at least they will know, and the next time we go to see everybody, it hopefully won't be a big deal at that point!
Is there any graceful way to handle this? I really don't want to be rude to the family I haven't
seen in a long time, but at the same time, I feel that our relationship is none of their business and they should accept us for who we are. I guess I am just getting nervous about this, and I should just keep an open mind and charge ahead, but it is a little scary because most of my family there are farm people that live in the country, and are pretty nieve when it comes to modern relationships like mine!

 

[nodmicks]

Are you in contact with them all regularly. I would just send a casual email and explain you are bringing two special women friends. I also would be sure to make sure you make all your own accommodations since some may not be comfortable with these type of sleeping arrangements. No needs to have the sexual end of it come up in conversation that is your and the ladies private business. It is an odd arrangement to me personally and not particularly modern since these things have happened as long as there has been men and women( long time!). We have a lady in our lives we love dearly with 2 men in her love life. If they are happy I am happy for them. People who love us love us even if they dont get it. That being said I would not put it way out there . Details are not needed.

 

[Mr Fixit]

Are you in contact with them all regularly. I would just send a casual email and explain you are bringing two special women friends. I also would be sure to make sure you make all your own accommodations since some may not be comfortable with these type of sleeping arrangements. No needs to have the sexual end of it come up in conversation that is your and the ladies private business. It is an odd arrangement to me personally and not particularly modern since these things have happened as long as there has been men and women( long time!). We have a lady in our lives we love dearly with 2 men in her love life. If they are happy I am happy for them. People who love us love us even if they dont get it. That being said I would not put it way out there . Details are not needed.

Now that is a great idea that I haven't thought of! But a lot of them don't have e-mail, and some of them I never talk to. I suppose I could just call them all and kind of drop that bit of imformation about my plan!

Thanks nodmicks!

 

[nodmicks]

Your very welocome. Or you could just call and tell the most gossipy among them. It would be sure to get around

 

[Frugal Nurse]

I agree that your sexual arrangements are no one's business. However,these are two women in your life that you'd like to introduce to your family.

Period.

You'll be amazed at how innocent some people are. If you came to me to introduce two lady friends.. I would think they were just that. Friends. Even if you were all living together. I don't automatically think.. OMG! He's boinking the two of them!

No need to get into the specifics.

If people start asking about your room mates just say - 'I can't believe you'd ask me something like that! I'm blushing!" and just laugh. and walk away. shaking your head in disbelief. That leaves the person wondering two things. "I overstepped my boundaries. shame on me" or "He's not doing anything with them" and that's the end of that.

Cheers!

 

[nodmicks]

LOL that just made me spit my tea out laughing!!!

 

[frugal is fun]

I was also going to suggest an email. I had an almost equally awkward situation. I had just gotten divorced however many of the people I work with did not know about my divorce. Not something you spread yourself and well, the grapevine had failed me in getting the word out. I was taking a date to a work type function and there was one person specifically that didn't know I got divorced and would have been shocked if I did not say anything before hand about my date. I sent the person an email telling of the situation and I think I ended it something like "I didn't want you to be surprised when you saw me with another man, who wasn't my husband".

He responded back -thanks for the notice. And that was that.


But I like the suggestion of just introducing them as your friends or special friends or how about "this is (name) and this is (name)? I feel we as a society tend to put too much emphasis on "titles", and what we call people. Recently I didn't get invited to a family event by a man I was dating because he didn't know what to call me, because technically we were not boyfriend/girlfriend. I suggested "this is Judy" but silly me, much too simple. Needless to say, I am no longer dating the man.

 

[Contrary Housewife]

Seriously, guy, if you can't think up a way to handle it, maybe you're not ready to introduce them to family yet. You sound a little embarrassed or ashamed to discuss it with family, worried what people will think and not at all confident in your relationships.

As for what the older generation will think, there's an old saying "Never try to teach your grandmother to suck eggs." I'm pretty sure grandma has seen it all, in her years.

 

[mombottoo]

When it comes right down to it, it is nobody's business how you choose to live your life. That being said, if you are taking the "girls" to meet your family you might want to at least give them the heads up to avoid any embarrassing moments. If there are children in the family I'm not sure the parents' are going to want to have to explain your lifestyle choice to them . I don't know what your lodging arrangements are, but you might want to consider staying at a hotel...unless of course one of your relatives is willing to put you up. I have a niece and she and her dh have a girlfriend who lives with them and while I have no qualms about their relationship there are other people in the family who have issues.

 

[calimomx2]

You sound a little embarrassed or ashamed to discuss it with family, worried what people will think and not at all confident in your relationships.

I could be wrong but I don't think Mr. Fixit is ashamed or embarrassed by his relationship. I think the concern goes more to the fact that these 2 women he has chosen to spend his life with will be affected by whatever reaction his family has to the situation. This isn't just him going home and saying hey guess what? His life partners are going to be there too. As an adult we get to make our own choices and decisions but that doesn't mean we can't be worried or concerned about how family will react to those choices.

I think you share whatever you are comfortable sharing but be prepared for all kinds of reactions. I would also be careful about being "too in their faces" with your relationship with the ladies, if that makes sense. Keep the details to yourselves. Let your family know that you love them and respect their opinions but you are living the life that makes you happy and that you would just hope they could be accepting of the relationship and happy for you!

 

[Libby]

Honestly - if you don't want questions asked, don't introduce them to the family. End of story.

Perhaps think about letting your family know about your "special" situation one by one on a more personal basis gradually over time, to lessen the shock impact on their end and fear/worry on yours. While its no one's biz what you do under your own roof, family still talk and ask will questions which will most likely land you in a situation that you're trying to avoid.

If you truly are not ashamed/worried/concerned about how others feel/react, you would not have posted here and instead have booked your trip and started packing already.

 

[oheoh's momma]

Mr. Fixit I do not think u are shy about this situation...U are most likely worried about the older folks...I have never known anyone that is a poly relationship...

In my family 10 years ago there was a cousin who came out of the closet (not the same but as close as I can compare) the older folks thought for sure he was going to hell..the older people may have the same thought about your family..

I would say they are my roommates and very dear friends..u are not a child nor are your lady friends...Let everyone thing what they may and keep it closed mouth to those who will judge you..

I would stay at a hotel and keep the sleeping arrangement to your self.

I don't think this is because u are ashamed....I think u are avoiding any would be problems..I would not bring them on.enjoy your trip..

 

[Missourimom]

Well, your personal life is your personal life, but I believe you owe your family an explanation before showing up with your "girls." I would not like explaining to my children why a relative has two girls/women/lovers, whatever. I would expect appropriate behavior in my home....meaning, not kissing on both of them in front of me or my kids and I especially think you need to sleep in a motel. Yes, you're entitled to live the way you want, but you cannot expect people to simply accept it.....it is morally wrong in many people's eyes.

 

[frugalfranny]

and I will just have to explain everything a million times,

Is there any graceful way to handle this?

I feel that our relationship is none of their business
!

You will only have to explain it a million times IF you present all the details..............agree with what some others have posted........introduce them as your friends......2 best friends.......or ???........why do they have to know that they are your two lovers?

Like you said..............it is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.............so why make it so that they ask you, like it IS their business.

As long as you stay in a motel/hotel........then the rest of any issues become a moot point. I would plan on keeping the behavior on the conservative side while there.

If they are as naive as you say...............they may not even WONDER about it............

 

[bent]

'Hi, this is jill and this is jane' simple. if someone makes comments about things or starts questioning .... RISE ABOVE IT DUDE. and if all else fails LEAVE.
there is nothing written that says you have to explain anything to anyone, have a good time visiting and remember this~~ Don't sweat the petty stuff and Don't pet the sweaty stuff~~

 

[Mr Fixit]

First of all, thanks for all of your well meant advice, you have all helped me a lot. I guess i had it in my mind that since I love both of the girls so much, that everybody would know or assume that we were lovers, most probably will anyhow!
So I have come up with what I call ablended plan based on everybody's advice. I will call everybody I can and let them know about our situation, at least the ones that I think will understand and not have issues with my arrangement.
We will stay in a motel, and I will introduce them as friends and leave it at that. The girls and i never grope in public so that will not be a problem, we have always thought that was tacky.
I figure the people that know of our arrangement will tell the others if asked, and the cat will slowly get out of the bag on it's own.
I need you guys to understand that I am far from all of my family, and the girls are my family here, and are the 2 most important things in my life.
I think my family will fall in love with the girls because they are the 2 most polite, sweetest people I have ever known. Everybody that meets them likes them, and falls in love with them quickly.
My kids who are 18 and 20 have known them for 5 years, and they absolutely love them. My daughter thinks of them as big sisters, and talks to them 3 or 4 times a week over the phone. So I am hoping the girls will work their majic on my family, and after a couple of days, nobody will even care. Since the girls are really the best thing that has been in my life, ( except for my kids ), it is important to me for them to know all of my family, and for my family to know them. Sometimes I feel that the girls are somehow isolated from my family, because they have never met them, so I feel like once everybody knows each other, my family will be more united, and the girls will feel more like part of the family.
But I am takng much of your advice, and I really appreciate all of your opinions!

 

[Frugal Nurse]

You will do well then. The girls seem like they can hold their own.
Besides, with the TV reality show.. the guy with several wives...the name escape me, it's becoming more commonplace and not so much of a ''gasp!! " shocker.

 

[Mr Fixit]

You will do well then. The girls seem like they can hold their own.
Besides, with the TV reality show.. the guy with several wives...the name escape me, it's becoming more commonplace and not so much of a ''gasp!! " shocker.

Thanks FG! Well since I have always been the black sheep of my family, I am also hoping that my arrangement would not surprise part of my family. I have always rode fast motorcycles, and was pretty much a wild child in my younger years. I have never marched to the proper drummer if you know what I mean.
My closest sisters understand me and love me despite my wild crazy past, so at least some of them understand that I don't necessarily follow the conventional path. But as somebody said earlier, it's the older members of my family that worries me.
So I am going to consider that it is more important for my family to know each other than what they think of me, but I will still try to be as low key as possible while there!

 

[Mr Fixit]

You will do well then. The girls seem like they can hold their own.
Besides, with the TV reality show.. the guy with several wives...the name escape me, it's becoming more commonplace and not so much of a ''gasp!! " shocker.

Thanks FG! Well since I have always been the black sheep of my family, I am also hoping that my arrangement would not surprise part of my family. I have always rode fast motorcycles, and was pretty much a wild child in my younger years. I have never marched to the proper drummer if you know what I mean.
My closest sisters understand me and love me despite my wild crazy past, so at least some of them understand that I don't necessarily follow the conventional path. But as somebody said earlier, it's the older members of my family that worries me.
So I am going to consider that it is more important for my family to know each other than what they think of me, but I will still try to be as low key as possible while there!

 

[Mr Fixit]

Well just a follow up, my family just fell in love with the girls, and nobody said a derogatory word about why I have 2 girfriends.
I guess I was worried over nothing, and the next time I go home i will have 3 girl friends since my Admin Assistant has moved in with us as well. She was going through a nasty divorce and didn't have the money for an apartment, so we let her stay at our house. We have all fallen in love with her and now she is just part of the family, so I doubt if she will ever decide to move out.
I think I have met my quota for girlfriends now!