Frugal Village Forums banner

Socially isolated kith?

6K views 66 replies 38 participants last post by  dancemommy 
#1 ·
I wondered how many FV'ers were like me and very isolated socially?

Bit of backgound:

Happily married but dh works full time and long hours.We are childfree by choice.
When I was younger I had friends with whom I worked and played.

In my thrities we moved house to a completely different area and I made friends with a few ladies who had pre-school age kids.

When their kids hit school age they dropped me like a ton of bricks and became pals with all the other mommies so no need for me any more :cry:

I have tried every type of class/activity and they were all very established groups and had "cliques" so that was a bust.

At first my old work mates still were in the picture, but nurses seem to find it boring to have friends that are not doing the same job as them and seem to find it hard to relate to me when I was no longer working.

So fast forward to now, no work outside the house = no workfriends and I am ashamed to admit I don't even have any aquaintances:shame:
I like to think I do all the right things, get people to talk about themselves and don't bore them to death, always the first to pay for coffee/drinks etc.

I am quite positive and happy with my lot in life, but it would be really nice to have someone to just talk to about silly things
IYKWIM?

I wonder how many others out there are by circumstance find themselves like me a "Norma no mates" ?:toothy:
 
See less See more
#9 ·
Well, dh & I are like this! Have a family thing in 2 weeks & I'm so not looking forward to it... wish I could get out of it. Not sure why I'm like that. Guess, it takes me out of my comfort zone (my normal routine). So, I'd say I fit here.

I do work, but do not socialize outside of work w/coworkers. I try to be friendly & nice, but its best to keep my distance at least at my current job. I had a very close friend from a previous job that I kept in touch w/for several years after leaving. However, we aren't really in touch now. She is busy w/others her age (retired) & her grands.

I'm also childfree & most find it odd. I'm sort of at a lose as to where to met others w/similar interests. I often feel I'm just not a people person & keep to myself mostly. Work, home, pets & family are pretty much my life. And I like it that way. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have a few close friends, but usually I'm happy to have a quite afternoon at home.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Englishlady
#5 ·
I'm not too far off.

I have some long term friends (since childhood) that are in my life but most of my former coworkers are connected with via Facebook. When we do get together I get to offer a different perspective/adventure then they experience in their lives so it doesn't seem to mind them that I don't practice in the field anymore.

Some of my elderly clients are very chatty so I get some share some wonderful conversations and insights when I see them.

Thank goodness I'm not a social butterfly to begin with or I think I would wither away. But I don't mind my isolation too much. If I do come to the point where I need the interaction more... I'll probably start volunteering somewhere.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Englishlady
#6 ·
I'm a pretty happy person but since moving here 17 years ago (was in a neighborhhod before & a social butterfly,lol) I don't have many people I spend alot of time with. I'm talkative with strangers and spend time with family but don't have any close girlfriends anymore. Dh is retired & we get along quite well (he's more of a homebody than I am) but I really think I'm missing out not having what you called someone to be silly with.
If only you didn't live so far Karen.;)
 
#7 ·
This really describes me. The bad part is that I never meet a stranger and am accepting of all people and I am still very lonely. It seems that people just don't have time for me or I don't fit in there mold.

I thought, it would be funny and make me laugh but cringe if NO ONE replied this thread LOL now that WOULD be ironic :)
This gave me a good chuckle.
 
#8 ·
I am so there!! I go days without leaving the house. DD has dance once a week and I talk to the other "Mommy-people" there and they talk about friends, but I don't have stories to share as I don't really have friends. It's kind of embarrassing to admit.
 
#10 ·
I am by choice...

I have made many friends over the years, but decided when we moved here in "04" I'm done.. I have never been the type "lets do lunch" anyway.

The older I get, the more drama there seems to be with them and I have never been good with that and a lot of judgment as I am a very simple person and have my own way of thinking, which is not very excepted here..

I have 2 great best friends that I met 22 and 27 yrs ago, I have made some good friends on the net around 8 yrs ago, and I have been in touch with some old school friends recently.. I am very content with all that..

The closest family to us is 8 hrs away and a lot of times I find that a good thing, but we do make a few trips a year to see them..

My husband is a rock hound and gets out to do that with someone we know here, but otherwise it's us and our 18 and 16 year old when their home..
 
#14 ·
I rarely get any of that..

It has been great for me cos' I have met distant cousins and have come across old school friends.. I also am able to keep up with my family..
 
#15 ·
but nurses seem to find it boring to have friends that are not doing the same job as them and seem to find it hard to relate to me when I was no longer working.
>>>>

hey now LOL !!!! i am a nurse and to be honest i would rather not hang with nurses for fun - they want to talk shop too much . I'd rather ralk to people with different life experiences so see how they see things and why - thats one thing i love about my job doing home care youreally can learn about pts and their families and learn interesting facts and tidbits about jobs they had places they lived etc.

other than work and my kids and a few neighbors that in nice weather i chat with when they are outside i dont do alot of social stuff - alot is at night - and i am not big on going out after dinner due to my fibro - i dont drink due to my fibro - perfumes bother me too.

school , well i am not into the trophy child syndrome as i call it where people need to constantly compare - brag about their kids acheivements - grades- sports acheivements etc so i avoid alot of school stuff where i can where i know that type of thing will be going on .

most of my close friends are very busy working and raising their families and dont have a ton fo time to socialize either and long time friends live out of state .

i love facebook though
let me get back in touch with some friendly aquaintances from HS - lets me know what my ut of state friends are up to without a yearly way to long phone call .Lets me give a word of support or a kind word to someone having a hard time .

Let me get back in touch on a more regular basis with my deaf aunt and cousin who i normally only see at a family reunion every few years .

to ge honest the way my 19 yo buzzes in and out of the house to work school friends etc sometimes i am not sure where she is unless i check her FB status.

If all you see on FB is people bragging or complaining - you got the wrong kind of " friends ".


It really is how you choose to use it - if i find someone is too braggy or negative all the time rather than de-friend them - i just hide their status's so if i want to check in on them i can go to their page and do so but they wont show up on mine everyday . I also use it for groups related to fibromyalgia and our counties free shows and activities and the kids schools and colleges have pages too so we can check is a school is closed etc easily .
 
#16 ·
I actually met an old school friend via Friends re-united.

We met about 4 or 5 times.

I asked her about her life since school, her kids, he partner her hobbies etc. etc.

I paid for lunch, drinks, coffee etc. (I think she bought one drink on one occaision)

She never asked me anything about my life or anything.

By the end of our 4 or 5 meetings I knew everything about her job/partner/kids/grandkids etc.

She never even asked about my dog ( I don't have kids)

I felt like I was paying to have her talk about herself.

Not the reunited friendship I had envisaged lol

C'est la vie!
 
#17 ·
<<englishlady quote She never asked me anything about my life or anything.

By the end of our 4 or 5 meetings I knew everything about her job/partner/kids/grandkids etc.

She never even asked about my dog ( I don't have kids)>>

aww i am sorry thats awful. I have a friend from HS that is childless by choice- now lives in FLA so we chat maybe 2-4 x a year ( she is anti facebook etc too )
when i call her i dont even bring up the kids unless she asks me specific questions because i figure kid talk is boring to her LOL !! Usually she finds it funny ( i usually tell her the funny crazy stuff that has happened since last chat ) and gets a good laugh.

she use to have an african gray parrot and i always asled her what it was doing or new words it learned because i found it funny LOL !

some people just find themselves too interesting !!

i actually have a close group of frugally minded friends i have known for over 10 years now and 2 i already met at one point which was fun .
 
#18 ·
I have a friend that I have known sense kindergarten that I was best friends with all through our school years and till she married yrs later, now she is just a friend.. She has no kids (I knew she never would) and all conversations are only what she is interested in talking about..
On the other hand, I have a best friend of 27 yrs that has no kids and has never had any problem talking to or about mine..

I came across a friend that I hadn't see for 30 yrs, found her on facebook last year, and a few months later my 2 daughters and I went to NY and stayed a week with her, we had a great time reuniting and plan on meeting up in Cali next year.. She has one child and we just fell in love with her.. My friend is in contact with my 2 daughter on facebook also, and she loves hearing from them..

I have never absorbed a whole conversation about my kids or life like some I have experienced. There are just some people that don't wanna even know a little bout someone else life, and in most cases only want to talk about theirs..
 
#19 ·
I'm in very similar circumstances. I am no longer working outside of the home, mainly because of carpal tunnel and tendonitis. We don't have any children, and that is a real isolator. I've found many women can't think of anything to talk to me about and our lives are just so different. I have a couple of friends, both of whom live a considerable distance away. We're homebodies, for the most part, but I do get lonely sometimes. There are no malls to walk through, no classes to take, etc. in our very rural county. I'm not a huge Facebook fan either.
 
#20 ·
Me too. I was always pretty self-contained. Growing up and through the years I would have a couple of close to moderately close friends, but after school/college, everyone drifts apart, which didn't bother me much, and for the last eight or ten years, I've had very little social interaction.

I work now, as some of you may remember, a night shift in a medical library where I sit on a basically deserted floor (most study on the other floors), with one, sometimes two student workers. I have no real interaction with the other full time staff, who are mostly leaving when I arrive. By now, I only know 5 or 6 people in town outside of work. I might touch base with them once or twice a year, a couple perhaps a bit more often. I have one good long distance friend, but that contact is becoming less and less - long distance is hard to do, and I doubt I will be visiting there any more because travel is daunting with my arthritis.

I am truly content to live alone and mostly to myself. I am a terrible homebody and rarely go anywhere except work, doctor/dentist appointments a few times a year, and to do unavoidable shopping. I have always been able to entertain myself. So I carry on, and have a happy contented, at-home life, loving the solitude and quiet.
 
#21 ·
I wonder how many others out there are by circumstance find themselves like me a "Norma no mates" ?:toothy:
Love the way you put it EL.........never heard the term NNM....but will be using it again.

I am 'content' with staying home and can be happy around the house but it would be fun to have someone with SOMETHING IN COMMON and that could pay their own way to go do things. (hockey games, quilt shows, even travel) But I will do these by myself if I want to go....doesn't bother me.

I have 'friends' that I talk to.........but we don't have many hobbies in common or will have one thing. IE: have a friend that I would have to call a 'gardening/canning' friend....but she is married so we don't do much at night when the hubby gets home......lunch sometimes.

Have another long time 'friend' from high school....but we have no hobbies in common and she never has any money to 'pay her own way'.......and me paying all the time got OLD YEARS AGO...so we NEVER do anything together ....coffee at her house once in awhile. (the last time she was at my house was when she invited herself to Xmas dinner a couple years ago........"nothing better to do - I figured"!!) And so it goes...have others but same type of situation.....my other friends don't live in this area.......so email it is.
 
#22 ·
Same for me people. Hubby works 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. I stayed home with the kids and since one was a total care handicapped child they took up alot of our time. Since they've both died, we were abandoned by all our "friends" and the families. I've attempted to make friends from some people on another local forum, and we've met for lunches once a month, but then they became too busy with their kids and grandkids and I was forgotten about and not "penciled" in for the lunches anymore. My big day is when I go to the grocery store LOL
So, it's just me and the hubby. We hang out together and on his day off we do what he wants to do. He likes pretty much the same things as I do, so it's not a hardship to let him pick the activity. We hit the thrift store after breakfast out. Then we'll go to the flea market and some yard sales maybe. Then by that time it's near noon so we head back home. We putter around the house and enjoy our pool. Listen to music and have a cold beer. Help each other with any "projects" we have going.
I do have a number of forums I check on each day for things I'm interested in, but I have no friends. I have some hobbies and such, so I really don't miss the face to face contact. Besides, the majority of people I encounter always leave me shaking my head at them because I can't figure out how they are functioning in society LOL LOL They just live in their own little worlds apparently LOL
So, you all are not alone in being alone! LOL
 
#23 ·
Same for me. I'm a homebody, loner, non-social person...whatever.

Dh is too, that's why we enjoy (now that our sons are grown) coming up here to our cabin for the summers and getting away from it all. We are waaaaaay back in the woods, and it's waaaaay fine with us.

I'd say DH is most close to his many brothers, and I with my many sisters. Other than that, we've found friends to be a bit more 'work' and less play than we like.

I was 'back-stabbed' by my high school girlfriends right after high school was over. I never really made friends with my nursing school mates, because I was one of the few people who worked long hours to put myself through. I stopped being a nurse when my first child was born. Had a few friends (I use the term loosely) among their friends' Moms, but no one I cared to keep a lasting relationship with. Too gossipy, maliciously so.....too catty, too materialistic.

My sisters 'get' me. We let each other be 'us'. But even so, coming up here to our cabin as long as we can swing it, is HEAVEN. I love being practically incommunicato. My sis's and I have never been 'hang on the phone with each other every day' people. We call or email occasionally, catch up, maybe get together to have coffee. DH's family all talk almost every day. Yes, MEN! And when he goes into the hardware or somewhere, he has a tendency to want to 'shoot the breeze' with the guys more than I would. I give a smile and a kind word to the grocery store checkout people. That's it. I think he misses people more than I do.

My sons now live 1900 miles and 2200 miles away from me. I probably miss them the most.

But, no--- people can be.....aggravating and stressful for me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Englishlady
#24 ·
I use to hang w/ moms from school but wasn't really good friends. My BF started homeschooling so our friendship ended. She was too emersed. My other BF is bipolar and that ended due to her abusing her kids. My last friend has 4 kids,a teaching job,is going for her masters. She is so overscheduled I see her every 2 months or so.
When my DH had his accident I isolated because of being overwhelmed. Some people kept their distance. I guess they thought I would ask for money which never occurred to me. Kinda made me an agry sort for awhile too.
My kids are grown and have no activities that lead to socializing for me. I tried being friends w/ DD's BF's moms and that was difficult after breakups.
DH has no work friends to hang out w/ because he either works in Bermuda or from home. I don't work outside the home anymore and we have left our church 3 years ago. Our neighbors have moved and the new ones are partyers. I took a financial class to see if I could meet someone.
I don't have any cousins my age for the most part. And DB and I are not very close. I am not very fond of his wife. I find her very harsh. She did are taxes 1 year and got an attitude because of the income diff.
I would love to go to school but the kids need educations. I can't tkae the $$ from them.
It's difficult at our age for some reason. I feel like I need to start a club but who would be honest enough to come?lol.
 
#25 ·
I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I always avoided socializing with what I call "soccer mom's", people that dote all their time only to their husband and kids, to me it's a sad life..

All those type of mom's I have ever been around only talk about their husband and or kids, it's like they don't see themselves as a single person, but instead only as a group..

I love my family and have been very involved with my husband and kids, but I always had "me time", whether it was time going out, talking on the phone, being on the computer, or as a pen pal (time to write letters) just functioning as myself.. I live with my family, not for my family..

Our youngest will be graduating hs next year and some have told me "omg you'll be so lost when she moves out, I still don't know what to do, my husband and I don't seem to relate anymore, etc." I knew right away they were "soccer mom's".. It will be different yes, I know who I am with or without my kids around and as for hubby and I relating, we will, I have no doubt about that..
 
#28 · (Edited)
My bad..

Here is the definition of soccer mom ~ The phrase soccer mom generally refers to a married middle-class woman who lives in the suburbs and has school age children... She is sometimes portrayed in the media as overburdened. She is also portrayed as putting the interests of her family, ahead of her own to the point she no longer knows who she is..

I didn't say it was a bad thing, just to me it's sad.. My mom is almost 70 and she was a SM and still can't be happy unless she is involved in mine or her grandkids lives daily, gets mad and depressed if we don't call often enough (almost daily) or reply to a text right away.. I have seen many like that and find it sad..

So I shall now apologize!
 
#29 ·
You haven't been on long enough to realize I was just pokin' ya for saying that. The def. actually does fit me to a T/ The difference though is I didn't feel I was sacrificing but doing what I wanted.
As far as your mom. Mine too. But thats a lot of what they did.
I have spent the summer pulling back as mine are 18 and 20 as of Oct. I am formulating plans as to where I want to be in 1,2.5 years. I told both of them 2 years of education from us then loans as we have to hit retirement hard. We are figuring on how long the pets will last,if we should move...

I have lost 20# and am educating myself on nutrition. Would love to go to school but have to take a few courses to get my brain back. Am taking the D.R. finance course. And that is where i have begun. Being a "soccer mom" is a stage in life, not an end all be all. IMHO.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top