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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok being a stepmom is hard and usually I stay out of all discipline because my stepdaughter is a teen and she was already 8 when we got married. But I flat out yelled at her today! She kicked my dog! Right in front of me! She is 16 years old, she knows better. and my dh wonders why I have a hard time getting along with her!
 

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I am so sorry. I don't have any step-children but I do have a 16 almost 17 yr old daughter. This is the toughest year we've had with her. I wish I had some great advice that would change things for you but I'm just struggling through it myself. My daughter isn't living with us right now. Due to a move to another state in August, she stayed with relatives to finish out her last two years of high school. It was either that or she told us she would flunk out of high school and I know she would just to prove a point.

Hang in there! Everyone tells me it will get better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Delia,thank you. Im glad to know its not just me and that it is not my fault for being a 'wicked stepmother.' I just never would have done something like that when I was that age. Sure I did the "rebel" thing but I was in youth group at church and I volunteered alot with children and I loved animals and was always rescuing them. I would never dream of kicking one. My 5 year old daughter is just like me. I run a charity and she volunteers for me :) I am not used to this mean-ness. :( Why dont people raise thier children to be kind and compassionate anymore?
 

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You said she came in to your life at 8.. Well, that is young enough to start with the fact of deserving respect if not as her step-mom, but as an adult in the home.. My hubby is the "step-dad" to my 2 oldest and they never treated with anything, but respect as dad and always turned to him when they were in need..

Even if you feel "I'm the step-mom, I can't do anything" :bs2: You are an adult and it's your home too... One problem I am seeing over the step thing with different people is, lack of backing from the biological parent in the home. You need to (if you haven't already) have a sit down with hubby and express yourself.. We had our sit down as soon as we moved in together and gave both sides concerning the 2 oldest and it's been good for almost 22 yrs..

Teen years can be hard with bloodline or without, mine were hell with all 4, but kicking your dog gives you every right to punish her..

Good Luck!!
 

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I am trying to be diplomatic here. I have BEEN the step-daughter (a long time ago, and only for a few months). But how is it 'your' dog, not 'our' dog or even 'the' dog'? Was this done to indirectly hurt YOU, or was she just kicking the dog?
 

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The teen years were rough with my stepdaughter (Dh and I married when she was 8 as well and she lived with us until she was almost 17.) She turns 20 at the end of the month and just had a little girl and lives on her own. Things are great now! lol. Just hang in there, she's almost grown....but I agree, she should be punished for kicking the dog.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thanks to everyone and I do know what it is like to be a stepkid cause I have been one 4 times. I do feel that stepparenting is a no win situation at times.
Mary, she was not getting back at me, she was just kicking the dog. I didnt take it as a personal attack I just hated the mean-ness of it. The dog is "my dog" because she likes me best. She is really the 5 year olds dog because she was her bday present but the dog took me over LOL I am her mommy and besides me and the little kids (my 5 year old and 3 year old) no one else will have anything to do with her. :( My dh and stepdaughter dont like her.
 

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If your husband and she don't like the dog, and you and the other kids do, it seems to me that she IS getting at you by kicking the dog. If it was your husband's dog, I bet she wouldn't. Does she have her own pet? If not, maybe she needs one? Ask your husband to take her and get a dog THEY like as long as it will get along with the dog you already have maybe?

My :cents:

Judi
 

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I would personally never get her a pet. She doesn't have the right to abuse an animal just because she doesn't like it. There are going to be things in life she isn't going to like and she's just going to have to buck up and deal with it. If it were me and she wanted an animal, I'd tell her she's more than welcome to have one....when she's grown and in her own place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Agreed Judi that she would never kick the dog if it was my dh"s because she has more repect for him than me. But, I agree with missouri mom, I would never get her a pet. She is way to selfish and mean to have a pet. If she had a pet it would starve to death because it would require her to get up from a computer or book to feed it.
She babysits right now after school a child of a family friend and she doesnt even make sure he has a snack and wanted to sit inside and read and let him play outside by himself on our trampoline and I had to tell her she had to at least sit outside to make sure he doesnt get hurt (especially since she is beig paid to watch him). But she totally hates him too
:( which is sad cause he is a nice kid
She says that living with my 3 year old son is birth control for her (meaning he is so bad that she never wants to have kids) :(
 

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I'm a stepdaughter. I've been a stepdaughter to several different people, and I'm normally pretty tough with stepparents who complain about their step kids.

Honestly though, I would have let her have it. Any child who kicks MY dog (yes, MY DOG) faces my wrath, and I'm not even a yeller. It doesn't matter if she is your daughter or not, it was your dog, and I wouldn't expect anyone to watch their dog get kicked and just blow it off.
 

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I hope things get better with your stepdaughter.

I have a step father that came into my life when I was about 3. At the time my mom took me aside and explained that he was a step parent and i could call him dad or by his first name. When i was little I called him dad and as a teen called him by his first name which I only did because he didnt mind. I was not being disrespectful. We had our differences over the years but I tried my hardest to be a good stepdaughter. None of my friends had step parents so i think that made me think of him as just a parent and not step. All i know is if i EVER would have gotten out of line like your stepdaughter did, i would have been seriously punished.
 

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Ok being a stepmom is hard and usually I stay out of all discipline because my stepdaughter is a teen and she was already 8 when we got married. But I flat out yelled at her today! She kicked my dog! Right in front of me! She is 16 years old, she knows better. and my dh wonders why I have a hard time getting along with her!
Join the club!! We kicked the 18 year old out last year, We happy ever after.
 

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I'm just going to say I totally understand your vent and frustrations. I'm a step-parent myself and I swear we don't get much credit no matter what we do. It's very hard and stressful sometimes. (I'm sure it is for them too) I would be ticked off if my step-daughter kicked my dog, and I don't even have a dog.

Mine hits the teens years next month. Oh boy...
 

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I dunno how much this will matter...but for all the step parents out there I just wanna say thanks. In my opinion it takes a lot to come into someones life and take care of and love a child that isn't their own. If it weren't for my step father, I don't know where my mother and I would have ended up. I give him all the credit in the world to step up, marry a woman with a kid and take care of the child who wasn't his. Step parents are amazing!
 

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Agreed Judi that she would never kick the dog if it was my dh"s because she has more repect for him than me. But, I agree with missouri mom, I would never get her a pet. She is way to selfish and mean to have a pet.
You'd totally know this more than I.

And, since I'm not a parent and never have been, that's my blind spot.

I hope you find a solution that suits everyone --

Judi
 
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