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Discussion Starter #1
So we have new neighbors. They paid a whack of money for the house next door and are doing about $50,000 worth of work on it, as far as we can determine. Of course they want to 'work' with us. We are hesitantly enthusiastic. We just don't have their resources, being a one income family.

I've asked them to give us plenty of warning to save up for any costs we might share...like a new fence. He's already talking a new 6' vinyl fence in 2 years. Good thing he mentioned it now! We'll have to get an idea of price and save for it. There goes my EF.

Thing is, this is a single income family too. And they're Christians. Still, I hate going over and telling them we just don't have the money to do expensive projects.

They are wanting to tie into our drainage system too. A good idea, but it may mean digging up on our side of the property line. Meaning moving an interlocking brick walkway...I'm not happy with that. That will cost us money and time this fall we don't have!

How do I politely tell these people to back off? I was hesitant a couple of days ago about something and got the cold shoulder and wary treatment. Any ideas?
 

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That's tough. A new fence is something that neighbors should share the cost of. We are actually replacing ours soon. We offered three options when we asked our neighbors: you pay, we put up; we pay, you put up; we both pay, both put up. One neighbor picked option 3. The other neighbor said his house was on the market and he perfereed not to put any more money in it. That was fine by us also. We'll wait till it sells and ask the "new" neighbors.
In your case, I would say "i can afford this much" and leave it at that. Vinyl is nice, but what do you have on the other sides? Wood? then it wouldn't match your other sides, so say no, I want wood to match the rest of my fence (and you would save some money then).
As for the drainage system, I would leave that all on them. THEY want it, it's not shared so to speak, so they should pay for any and all damages/improvements to your property.
When they ask, I would just say "we don't have the funds for that right now, but maybe I can give you $xx in 2 months for it". Let them decide how important it is, if they want to pay all the extra for it. And true christans won't look down on you for this, it sounds like they are kinda uppity if they give you the cold shoulder over something like this.
Best of luck!!!!
 

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As far as the fence goes really if they want a new fence then they need to put it set in their property line. They can't just expect that everyone can afford things like that.

And if they are going have to dig up your yard to tie into the drainage then that too is them they need to be willing to pay for any and all costs it entails.
 

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Their fence, within their property lines and at their cost is a must. Someone has to own it. It can't be owned by both.

Please be upfront in saying "we are a one income family and can't afford that" nothing to be ashamed of. You are just living with in your means (and very nicely at that) and hope they can find something that works for them too. Honest, upfront & sincere. :)
 

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Where are you located? The moon? I put up a fence I paid for it, it was installed withing my propery lines, and the nice side is facing my neighbors. I would never dream of asking them to share the expense, I am the one who wanted it. (I did go over and tell them I would be putting one up and it was in no way shape or form a "hate fence") As far as the drainage system, if they want into yours they should cover all the expenses including any landscaping that your yard will need. What an imposition, all I can say is your just going have to tell them. If they want all this now, just think of what they will want in the years to come.
 

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they gavbe you the cold shoulder for hesitating? I'd keep my eye on them and start the way you mean to end up..... it sounds like they may be kinda pushy..... so set your boundaries firmly and politely and *without shame*. There is no shame in not wanting to enable the joneses!! You can think "oh I don't have the money" or you can think "boy are there a million other things I'd rather do"......
my $.02
Babs
 

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Be firm from the beginning and and don't be pushed into anything that you don't want to do and can't afford. Who cares if they give you the cold shoulder b/c you didn't give in a finance their upgrades...?
 

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I completely understand wanting to get along with the neighbors and have a good relationship, it is so much nicer to have friends next door than have acquantances that you are not really friendly with.

I wonder if maybe they got money with the home loan for the upgrades that they are putting in, like the new fence and a drainage system, if they did and are trying to get you to share the cost, well shame on them. If not maybe they are just excited with their new home and not realizing that they are coming across as pushy and a bit demanding. I would try to think of a nice way to let them know that you are on a budget and that these expenses are not budgeted in right now. As for the drainage system, you have a drainage system and they don't, it is not your responsibility to help them pay for theirs. I bet no one else paid part of yours :). Please don't let them bully you into financing their items.
 

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I would have to say that if they want something (fence) they should pay for it. Also, you already have your drainage system, they should pay for tapping into yours. I would just explain to them that you really don't have the money for these kinds of things. I agree with everyone above.:)
 

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I want a fence, too. When we finally do it, I will let my neighbors know. If at that time they are wanting one, too, we'll split the cost of the one shared wall & I will be more than happy to come to an agreement on what kind of fence we're doing together. If they don't want one or can't afford one at the time, we'll just do it ourselves. It's *US* that wants it! Jeesh! I couldn't imagine trying to get someone else to pay.....*and* picking it out FOR you!

If one of my neighbors wants one before us, well, I guess I'd deal with that when it came to it. We'd maybe be able to spilt the cost of the shared wall, and not do the rest ourselves until we had the money. That is if we could agree on what kind....I'd not want to pay for a fence I didn't like....or want.

Make sense?

Anyway, I'd just tell them you can't(or choose not to) do one right now. If you like their idea, and want such a fence, maybe you could just split the cost of the SHARED WALL and you could do yours later.

The drainage....make 'em pay for it & repair your property to it's original state....why should you be bothered?

My 2 cents. :)

eta....Oh! Get it ALL in writing & copies of the recepits!!!! It will help if there are future disputes. Maybe future neighbors will be even more PITB's & it would help...although I'm no attorney. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Thanks ladies. The fence was my fault. I told them we would be replacing it eventually because it <i>is</i> on our property. He offered to help pay for it, which was very nice, but then came back later talking about 8' foot fences. Then later talking about sharing the cost of a 6' vinyl fence. I just wish I hadn't told him our plans now!

I've decided I need to talk to them with dh present about the drainage system. Seems we disagree on just exactly where the system is. Dh thinks it's a lot closer to the house, which will put a kybash to their plans. No way are they digging it up. However, there is a possibility I would let them connect up in the front, at the flowerbed. It would just be a short piece they'd destroy then...not being plant lovers. I'd just insist I had time to get my plants out of their way!
 
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