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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
You need to sit down, together, and make a budget that includes a line item for his "toys". BUT... it needs to be limited, not unlimited. One game a month, or whatever. But once that budget is gone, thats it, he has to wait until the following month.

The good thing is at least the last time he bought any games (and by no means is he one of those gamers; no offense to any gamers here!), it was months ago when he had a colonoscopy from hell when they didn't put him under all the way and he was awake throughout the entire thing.

In our budget, I don't even know where we could fit a line for toys!
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
Hi.
Not sure how many answers I have for you but...
QUOTE //////////
Anyhoo, we both take a weekly allowance of $100/each. That pays for gas and incidentals, and maybe a meal on the weekends. ////////END QUOTE.
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Seems like plenty after you subtract the gas money out. It's called an allowance / blow money, the balance.

First you need to understand where I am coming from....
I have no job, no UE, no income. My hubby works full time at a low income job. We make ends meet by pinching pennies a lot.
He currently gets no allowance/blow money and when he needs gas, it comes out of the checking accout via plastic card.
He wants to retire in less than 5 yrs, but I tell him his truck and the house loan need to be paid off first. If not, we won't make it in retirement. Okay, if he lost his job tomorrow.....say due to a accident.....I think we still could make it. Maybe. But, I would have to get real creative in making a few extra dollars on the side.

So I say to you that if you don't get it under control now when you are young...when you are old and want to retire...things won't be purty. Hopefully you will get SS but it ain't looking good right now. More being paid out than coming into the system.

My hubby likes to spend money also. BUT. His allowance is now 000 unless he gets a day here and there working part time for a farmer on the weekends when he is not working his regular job. I don't care what he does with that money. It's not figured into our budget because it is so infrequent. So he has learned to be careful with it. He takes a good packed lunchbox with him when he works, so really no need for goodies.
Because I was laid off from my last job, it did change our income. I have a few health issues so am not seeking a regular job outside the home. I always planned our budget on one income, his. So now with inflation and he has had no pay raise, and it is looking like not one again, things will stay tight for us. He watches his tv, goes out and talks to the chickens, works and does his yard work / garden/ hunting. I chase chickens, pinch pennies, and like the computer. That's our life here. We are old, tired, and looking toward retirement.

So if you two don't get a working budget worked out together NOW....you will be in the same boat we are.......
You'll have to learn to say NO a lot...I FINALLY Learned how.
God, I just want to hug you :( Thanks so much for sharing your situation with me.

I'm in the middle of 3 jobs right now - I'm currently an Executive Assistant at an appraisal firm, trying to sell my homemade jewelry, but also trying to start up my own business as a Professional Organizer (currently undergoing training).

No, SS is looking very bad right now, I agree!
 

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Thanks .....
I used to work a full time job, and a part time job at same time. When I went to college, I worked 3 part time jobs of 45 hrs a week to help our budget when the kids were growing up.
Basically the more I made, and penny pinched, the more he thought he could spend. I shared. But. After awhile it got old. Real old. Now I figure if I can make a few dollars on the side, and do what I have to do here so we do make budget, I am content. We are not rich or famous, and never will be. Nor do I want to be. Just stay 3 steps ahead of the bills and I be happy.
Just the house and one truck to pay off yet. We will make it :)
 

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At one time I would spend every penny I made an could get my hands on. If I ran out of money, there were credit cards and when I ran out of them I would just get more.

When I could no longer get anymore cards I sat down with an excel sheet and listed all of my debts. I thought that was a lot of money and didn't really get concerned about it. I just paid my bills and didn't do anything for a bit.

What really made it hit home for me though, was when I calculated how much money I was spending each month in interest. I was shocked! I mean, most were only a few percentage points, but they added up to a car payment. I decided then and there that I wasn't going to put any more Banker's children through school and started paying down debt.

Maybe instead of concentrating on the debt, you should concentrate on the cost of the debt. When your friends go on vacation and he wants to go, remind him that there is this bill or that bill that must be taken care of first. When you see something in the store that he may like casually say you know if we didn't have the car payment we could pay cash for that and take it home.

Worst case you could split the bills into two piles. The ones he must take care of and the ones that you need to get rid of. Tell him that in 5 years you are buying a new house and you would really like him to move into it with you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
I know I'm going to have to put my foot down...

I just don't know how to do it.

Do you think I could bribe him like a little kid?
 

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Perhaps he needs to set up his own reward program. If I save up x amount... I can save half and spend half.

If he takes a responsible role in his "reward" program.... he'll have a better chance of succeeding.
 

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oh ignore what i wrote before i edited- i read a post that came thru later thant answered it

:)

i posted a post called inspiration yesterday - maybe he needs to watch something like that to refocus himself
 

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Discussion Starter · #31 ·
SO mad.... bought him a humidor for Xmas last year, and we've had nothing but problems with it. However, they wouldn't send us a new one, just kept sending us replacement parts and giving suggestions. Hello??? I spent $150 for that thing!! Then, when they finally gave in and said they'd replace it, they were out of stock for months... and months... and months. He went and opened it yesterday, and (wait for it) MOLD EVERYWHERE!!! All over the interior of the humidor and his hundreds of dollars worth of cigars. So pissed of, can't even tell you how infuriated he is. And, to make matters worse, they're telling me they can't refund my money - they can just send him a new humidor. There's no way I'm accepting a replacement from that company. I wrote to the manager, since, according to the employee I spoke with, he wasn't taking any calls (funny, he kept putting me on hold to talk to him). I said that a replacement was no acceptable, and that nothing had gone right frome the start!!

Grrrrr..... what's your take? $150 down the toilet?
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 ·
BTW, I printed out pictures that I'm going to put up on the fridge before he gets home tonight:

- House he fell in love with where we want to move
- His dream car
- His dream occupation
- A sign that says "Welcome to _________" and names the location


Hee hee hee.... and I finally am taking a stand on our finances and wrote down a list of what's just not happening anymore and the things that are going to change around here.
 

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First, I feel you on the undiagnosed gallbladder disease. It only took 3 years of my life, but that was more than enough. Since having mine removed in March, I am a new person. Yes, it mostly wiped out our savings at the most inconvenient time, as you read, but I would be lying if I didn't say it was worth it. I'm glad you got that taken care of.

Second, I get some of this from my husband too. My husband is not by nature frugal, but he is frugal because of the circumstances. The result of that is he tries to find loopholes... there aren't any, so we have to make them.

Here's what I did. I'm not saying it worked perfectly or it will work for you but it's what I did:

I sat down with him and asked him what his financial goals were for the next oh, thirty years. I wrote down every one of them. There weren't many: have a wedding celebration with our families, buy (actually design and build) a house, get a new car around 2020, be able to travel regularly, including internationally, and be able to attend cultural events like concerts, operas, theater, regularly. Then we decided when we wanted to meet these goals and how much money we wanted to put towards them. We set generous goals: €25,000 for a new car even though we'd probably be getting a used car, for example. Then I added a few of my own (emergency fund, dental / optical fund, house furnishing fund) and set time goals for those.

Then we moved on to savings and income. We looked at everything that we have and everything we have coming in. I was prepared in advance with an explanation of what our basic survival expenses are (food, essential bills, car payment, rent), and showed him how much we'd have to put aside to make our various goals.

Then I turned it all into a weekly line-item budget. There are over 30 categories (they're pretty specific: cleaning supplies, haircuts, ferry tickets) and assigned an amount to each category, which accumulate when not used. I showed him that we have €6.75/week for going to cafes (this is one of his favorite things and he would like it to be much higher) but if you don't go at all one week, the next week it's €13.50.

I asked him to be super patient the first week. Almost all the money accumulated (doubled) for the second week. I made sure to tell him. This gave him a sense of momentum and like waiting was paying off. It tripled the third week, and so on. This got him on board. Seeing the money build up to an amount that he felt was a good, not cheap amount made him feel less poor.

Ultimately, it's important for us to keep communicating and when he does spend money that I wouldn't spend, I never criticize or complain - I just quietly work it into the budget. He'll ask some other time how much money is in a given category and respect that. Once in a while he goes over and I don't make a big thing of it. I know I can move things around enough to take care of that now and then. It keeps him from feeling like spending an extra five cents will start a fight (huge no-no) but it also keeps him motivated to save money.

I also routinely let him know how much we have saved for the savings funds he most cares about (the wedding, especially). When I told him we have over €3300 saved for the wedding, he was so impressed and happy. It is starting to feel real because we actually have the money.

I don't know if this is helpful or not ... anyway, hang in there - it's worth fighting for financial freedom I think!
 
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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
Thanks!

Gallbladders stink, and I hope mine is miserable somewhere without me! LOL Happy you finally feel better as well :) (((hugs)))

I'm going to try to break everything down the way you described in your budget and see how it goes with him tonight.

Wish me luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #35 ·
Wow... holy crap... we sat down and talked about this tonight when he got home, and he's totally on board!!!!!! :cloud9::grwave::cheergrl::grouphug::yippee::fdance:
 

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All I hear is "I'm so tired of not having money to do anything."

How do I respond to that?
go on line, find some videos of desperately poor, starving people in Africa and Asia and point out how darn 'rich' even poor people in America really are? Unfortunately it would probably just tick him off more.
 

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Wow... holy crap... we sat down and talked about this tonight when he got home, and he's totally on board!!!!!! :cloud9::grwave::cheergrl::grouphug::yippee::fdance:

WOOHOOO totally awesome. Be sure to thank him a whole bunch. I use this tactic and it helps
 

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Discussion Starter · #38 ·
Woooooppppeeee :)

So when I went through all the new ideas I have to save us money, he agreed and said that they're things we should be doing anyway. I also made a list of things I'm thankful/proud of him for doing. He was kind of surprised I did that but happy. IDKY he was surprised, as we always thank each other for everything the other does. :shrug2:
 
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