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I agree. "It goes w/o saying" is an old expression. I feel it should never be used in maintaining a relationship. People need sincere thanks,appreciation and to be noticed for their efforts. I thank my DH for working hard and coming to our financial class because being married is no excuse to stop praising someone.
And it that light-You done good.
 

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Greekislandgirl seemed to have the best advice. It's what would probably work with me, if we were in your situation. It IS what worked for my wife, as she is the lesser frugal of our union.

Woooooppppeeee :)

So when I went through all the new ideas I have to save us money, he agreed and said that they're things we should be doing anyway. I also made a list of things I'm thankful/proud of him for doing. He was kind of surprised I did that but happy. IDKY he was surprised, as we always thank each other for everything the other does. :shrug2:
I'm glad you did this. Thanking when things are done is great, but I also believe in thanking and praising when it's not expected. It makes a bigger impact, and tends to mean more.

Calm communication is key. Expect failures, big or small, and move on from those failures. If it seems like too much at once, back off in one or two areas to focus on some other important areas.
 

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HD~

Now I can offer a different perspective, as I'm 28, been in pain everyday (sometimes a little, mostly a lot) due to a car accident and it doesn't look to be going away any time soon. Your husband needs to grow up, stop whining and put on his big boy pants. I KNOW what he is going through and I've managed not to be a selfish prat about it.

Right after my accident I had a few weeks to sit and think, because I couldn't do much else. I can to some interesting conclusions about myself, by asking the questions *what do I really want* now I"ll admit for me that comes after doing all the frugal things. But mostly I've done less and enjoyed more and by less I mean a less different things and focusing on what I really want. To give you examples I enjoy music, so I've taken more time to just listen to my collection, learn lyrics, make mixes and generally enjoy what I already have. Also to research new music more thoroughly, like I like score music, so I'll watch the movie and pay attention to whether I actually like the music vs. just getting it because I like the composer (you can adjust that to any of his interests, video games, etc).

I also like cooking and I needed to be healthier and been taking the time to find better recipes and then trying to perfect them. I also like things that are creative (that is my interest generally) so I'll spend time watching movies I've never seen, looking at people's blogs or getting books from the library on different subjects.

I mean has he even used everything he has bought? I found I haven't and that has kept me busy a long while. Would he buy things used or on sale? A dvd/cd/video game is the same new or used (as long as it is in good condition).

Also has he looked at other options for helping the pain? That is one of the only things I don't mind spending money on. For example is he getting enough pain meds? People who aren't in chronic pain don't understand, sometimes you can't *will* the pain away. I know I'm a completely different person when my meds have brought my pain to a tolerable level. If your doctor isn't giving you all you need, find another one, and try everything. I found the same medicine in a patch didn't do anything for me, but in a cream it is fantastic! When I'm working on my pain it helps me feel a little less depressed about it.

Don't get me wrong I have awful days and I'm a whining little prat then, but if I'm having a comparatively good day I'm not bringing everyone else down around me.

Frankly he sounds spoiled. Most people don't get everything they want when they want it all the time. He needs to get over himself and start looking inside himself for entertainment and ways to make him feel better about his situation instead of looking everywhere else.

KB

P.S. Sorry this sounds harsh but being in chronic pain isn't a free pass to irresponsibility. You need to be a grown up even when you are off the clock!
 

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Ok my last post sounded way way way harsh and I didn't read the second page and it seems like you are already working on some things. I guess I just didn't want you to give him a free pass because of his pain, or let him guilt you into anything.

The only reason I suggested talking about what he really wants is maybe he is just reacting and not thinking about what he is doing or is it a pain fog and not giving his actions enough thought.

Also I've heard guys do better with crunch numbers rather then emotions, like you could track spending and savings and present him with the results. Like someone posted once about a hubby buying little snacks and sodas and lunches and whittling away $500 over the course of the month. She tracked it and presented him with a question, would he like $500 to spend on whatever, he was like *YES*, well you could have had it if you didn't buy all those little things. It had an impact if I recall.

At a certain point he does just need to rely on himself for being happy with what he has and what he can do and have. Yes we all want more, but if you focus on the former instead of the latter you will be much more happy.

Please pm me if you have any questions on meds, maybe I can give you ideas that would help your quality of life! :)

(As you can see, suffering pain is very near and dear to my heart).

<3

KB
 

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That if he's out on the street because you've lost the house, the car has been repossessed, etc. that he still will be broke! His choice, he can grow up and be responsible NOW or pay for it LATER.

I'm getting DH to do baby steps, but it's frustrating!

If you spend $500/month on groceries, then you're spending $6,000.00 a year. 20% of that is $1200.00 a year. Ask him what he could do with an extra thou?

If he likes that idea, then you should show him the receipts, how much you save AND the net result.

Also, I WOULD budget SOME play money, if at all possible.


Judi
 

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Wow, sounds like my son.

Being new here, you can choose to ignore if you like BUT when he tires of one game(s) he can take them to game stop and sell them and use that money to buy another game. I for the life of me do not understand why someone needs one of each different game boxes. You can save a fortune on games.

I agree with a PP, he needs to grow up. Has he been tested for fibromyalgia? Does he really want to work? Just a few questions to think about.

Judi, my husband and I ended up in that boat you are scared of maybe climbing into. I had to go on Social Security Disability for the 2 ruptured discs in my back but we didn't have any of my income for 6 months which was significant as I brought home 4000.00 each month. Now my disability is not even half of that.

We are starting to get more frugal, we have to, our cc's are maxed out and our savings is gone. We are blessed that the house is paid for and hubby has a job.

Good luck and happy frugal living to everyone!
Suzanne
 

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Discussion Starter · #50 ·
It's not a question of needing to grow up. He's not throwing tantrums or anything like that. He now understands the situations and is going with it.

We found out last week that he has a paraumbilical hernia which is constantly strangulating his intestines.

Yes, he wants to work. He's missing as few days as possible.
 

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What does he want to spend money on? Sometimes he just wants to buy himself something to make himself feel better, since he's sick and in pain just about every second of his existence, I guess. Right now, we have a very, very small house, so when cabin fever hits, it's not pretty. I've tried just taking a walk with him, but he needs to get out and go somewhere. He's a gadget guy, so he has a PS3, WII, tons of games, a brand new smartphone (but I gotta hand it to him - he actually paid nothing for the phone AND we got $$ BACK from it! One of the few frugal bones in his body....), and iPod... so of course, his favorite store is Best Buy.
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I can relate to this, except I am the one who gets cabin fever easily and DH is content to chillax at home. Although, I don't enjoy shopping so that part I cannot relate to.

Not knowing where you live and a proximity to things like libraries or museums I can only tell you what we enjoy that is either free or costs very little. We walk a lot, we are fortunate to live in a town with well kept walking trails, parks and access to the River, we sometimes bring snacks/water and just sit and watch the water etc.

We also love the library (genealogy research mostly) it is free unless you make a copy. We also enjoy historical society stuff even if it has nothing to do with our own research and there are many museums or societies that are free or cheap admission with lots of great stuff to see. Sidewalk art festivals and demos are free usually also.

Other than that I don't have much help, my DH and I are of like minds when it comes to money.
 

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Is he up for surgery then? Or is there another way to deal with it that is cheaper? I've just read this whole thread and I'm really impressed with how you worked this out in the end. I must admit the one thing that would bother me would be holding up a line of people with a stack of coupons. If you're going to use a lot of them, go when the store isn't busy. People will thank you for it. And hubby will probably feel better about the whole thing.
 
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