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Discussion Starter #1
I feel so frustrated...and like my dream was stolen from me...and I'll never get it back. I just need to vent...

Eight years ago my dream came true...for a short time. I worked hard and made it thru college...had to take out loans to pay for it (still paying), but I made it. After waiting 13 months from graduation I was hired by the FAA to be an Air Traffic Controller...all I've dreamed about since I was 19. Only three months after starting my Dh and I were in a bad car accident. You have to hold a certain medical to control. My body just wasn't healing...they wouldn't give me time out of training to heal...even had to do PT after work hours... I held on for three more months...but I knew my health was declining (not healing/weakening). (Yes, I now know that that was not really legal of them...at the time I was young and naieve).

After only 6 months...I resigned in good standing. It took 9 more months of physical therapy and chiropractic treatment to recover. The car accident settlement didn't even cover the move back to our origianl home and the costs of moving to the facility in the first place.

Ya have to understand that the FAA has weird hiring rules. I was told that after one year from my resignation date I could put in to be hired again. I figured it would take near that long to fully recover anyway...

That wasn't how it worked out. I ended up going thru additional training (at my expense) to get in thru another hiring venue. Before I could get hired they discontinued that option (after 2 years of effort...no, I wasn't the only one).

Then I tried the "next best thing"...aircraft dispatch. I went to the school. They told me it was a 40k/year job to start and gave me references to several sources. (They told this to all the students - and yes, we all bought into it). And said that there was plenty of work in the area. I signed up, took the class, graduated valedictorian. Then found out the pay starts at $12/hr and there aren't that many jobs in the area. :( I managed to be one of the students that got a position...but after 4 months with the company I was having those "gut instincts" that say "there's something wrong here - get OUT". I left...6 weeks later the company was plastered all over the news...the FBI had raided the place.

There aren't any other dispatch jobs around and we can't afford to move until next fall (plan to then). I've tried for all these years to get re-hired with the FAA. There is a *slight* chance that I may be able to get hired over the next few years...they're actively recruiting controllers. The response is staggaring. I put in for one facility and they got well over 700 applications.

So, here I sit. Broken heart, broken dreams. Why, you ask have I put myself through all this? Why do I continue? I don't know...something just draws me to it. I love aviation. I love to fly. I love to be a part of the excitement of it all. (If there are any fellow-pilots out there I know you understand me completely).

Now I'm faced with yet another dulldrum job...sitting in an office, hour after hour...miserable...with no chance of "escape" until next fall...unless the FAA, by some miracle, picks me from that lot.

Did you ever want something so bad you were afraid to even admit it? For fear it wouldn't come true? I miss it terribly. It is beyond words...thrilling.

Yet, the chances are slim. Do I keep pursuing this? Do I keep our lives in this constant "uncertainty"? My Dh is supportive of it. He's wonderful. The "never-knowing" is really starting to wear on me... I just can't seem to let go of my dream... I've tried just "dis-connecting" myself from aviation altogether...it just didn't work...it was like cutting off my right arm. :(

Prayers for an ATC job for me would be so very appreciated.

And, of course, advice...what would you do? Keep pursuing FAA since it's opening up, even though the chances are slim? Work more towards a dispatch job elsewhere? Other options?

TIA...appreciate your input... And thanks for letting me vent...it helps. :)
 

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I am so sorry this all happened to you. If this is what you really want I think you should keep trying until you are absolutely certain the dream is not going to come true. While trying I would keep a back-up plan. But really is sounds like you have done all these things.

I started out wanting to be a special ed teacher and ended up being a nurse who worked with special ed kids, but my first few years of nursing were spent in a nursing home working. You never know where life will take you. I learned to adjust and appreciate what I had but kept pursuing what I really wanted.
I am praying you will get what you want.
 

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I'm so sorry to hear this. My dream was to be a pilot (and an author) as well. It was all I thought about, dreamed about, talked about as a kid. I loved flying and being in the air. Your word, thrilling, is an accurate description.

Then, I went to take flying lessons and when they tested my eyesight, it was bad...too bad to even take lessons and get in the cockpit. So, that was the end of that dream. I still dream about flying every now and then and it is a wonderful, freeing dream. I envy the fact that you got to do it at all, but I think you may be in a worse situation, having been able to actually taste it and then have it taken away.

All I can say is :hugz: to you and keep your application out there. Something will open up for you. I just can't imagine that a dream like yours won't come true in the end.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for the prayers and encouragement...means more to me than I can say...

Yes, having "tasted" it all and having it taken away is hard. I've said to my Dh many times I wish I had never been "exposed" to it if it wasn't going to work out.

I started flying 10 years ago...I haven't gotten to fly for about 3 years. It makes my heart ache. We just can't justify the costs ($125 - $145/hr to rent). Keeping a pilot chained to the ground is truly punishment.

Guess I'll keep the applications going in...
 

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This is frustrating, You put so much into your dream and I am sorry it didn't work out.
 

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Well, I pray you find your dream again. If not, what I would do is dream a new dream. Life doesn't always take us where we think we want to go.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Well, I pray you find your dream again. If not, what I would do is dream a new dream. Life doesn't always take us where we think we want to go.
That's another "complication" for me... I tried to "dream a new dream". I've always thought it would be cool to live in a small town (like 10,000?) and have a few arces...have a garden, etc. I'd like that...and find myself drawn to the idea very much...espcially when there's NO progress towards my dream job for long stretches of time.

Unfortunately one costs money and has only low income possibilities. The other provides a large income with no cost. ARGH. Why is life so frustrating?
 

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My dream since I was a young child was to work with babies/toddlers in a daycare. After working 18 months in a daycare center, I said to myself, "No way, I could do this for a living" Now, I have another job that I do enjoy even though it's not considered a "career"
 

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I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I will say a prayer for you.
 

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I am so sorry you are going thru such a hard time right now. I will pray for you. God has a path for you and you will find your way. Hope and dreams are part of the journey in this life. Sometime things don't work out the way we want, but you never know what is right around the corner. Be patience and never give up on your hopes and dreams...Blessings. Kathy
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Ok, so I took all your advice and put in for some of the open hire positions...

But guess what I found out last week?! Instead of taking the hundreds of applications and chosing out the ones with the most experience or training...or the best potential. They're just doing a drawing!! They're using a stupid lottery system to chose the future controllers of our country!!! How dumb is that? :ack:

I could just scream. I checked into the number of applications submitted for the facility I'd like the most... It was OVER 700!! And they weren't finished counting!! And they only "choose" (yes, using the intelligent lottery method) about 40 from that bunch. So, even if they stopped taking apps at 700, it's only about a 5% chance of being selected...and that doesn't even get you the job!!!

I'm wondering if this is God's way of telling me to moooove on!! ARGH!!

Thanks for letting me vent... Advice?
 

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God has it all under control. Believe something even better is coming your way. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes in your favor. I'm watching Pastor Joel Osteen as I'm writing this, and this is the message he is giving.
 

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I can totally understand how you feel. Growing up my dream was to get married, have a ton of kids (most families we grew up with were orthodox Catholics or LDS) and live on a working farm. Fast forward- I have been married (and divorced) five times. Only have two kids and cannot have any more. I live in an apartment in the suburbs. I went through a depression episode but therapy helped out a great deal.
So what do you do when everything you had planned and worked toward goes toes up? You have to accept you can only do what you can do and the rest is up to God/Universe/what have you. Try to keep an open mind and be kind to yourself. You haven't failed - you gave it 100% and then some. It just may be this isn't your path and you have to let it go.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Thanks for the words of encouragement... Means so much to me... :)

I miss aviation...was hoping to always be a part of it... Been wondering about doing civil air patrol or something... Even that costs a lot...who would think that volunteering your skills would cost you? It's like $80/year to join, then you have to buy uniforms, patches, attend meetings and training (often at a great distance to drive), buy a headset and push to talk (can easily be over $500 for something of good quality...I'm picky about protecting my hearing...this price range would be an average headset). So, that's out for now... The uniforms and patches alone would be over $100... (I used to be in about 10 years ago...was great fun...good memories).

I'm trying to focus on my new job here (which is a wonderful place...see the FV Working Women category)...and trying to NOT think about aviation.

I'm working on counting my blessings when things seem overwhelming or hopeless. Sometimes dreams are such difficult things to let go of...

Prayers please... :)
 

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Kathryn, I'm sorry to hear about all this disappointment. But maybe there's something else you need to focus on right now. It's been my experience God doesn't take away a dream unless it's for a reason. Often something better.

When I was a child there was nothing I wanted more than to be an artist. However, in my family that was not acceptable. My father firmly believed in science and that was the only way to go. I was very unhappy.

However, the end result was a very confused young adult in university because her father insisted she go. Little did he know I was messing around with my science degree to unheard of proportions. I had so many arts courses, which I thoroughly enjoyed, that I eventually decided I wanted to go into Landscape Architecture - something I felt attracted to that I thought would be acceptable to Dad.

However, that was not to be. My university didn't offer a Land. Arch. degree, so I could only take prep courses. I applied at Guelph and was turned down. Good thing too! The next year, at my old university, I met my husband to be.

I got a general B.A. degree with a major in Urban Geography. Only had 3 courses in Urban Geography! Never could get a job in it. Didn't really like the field. It was the path of least resistance. I was actually thinking Physical Geography, but didn't want to work in the Arctic or Central America. So...urban geography it was.

Now, 25 years later, I've had two children, whom I homeschooled from K-12. The best training I ever had was that general/liberal arts degree! And my father's attitude towards my interest in arts has coloured my entire approach to education. Needless to say, I'm against tracking students.

And, to top it off, homeschooling gave me the confidence I needed to step out and explore the creative side of me more. I used to paint on commission. I just self-published a book and am marketing it. I design fabric art pieces. I am having a blast!

Do I make money at it? No, not a lot. BUT DH is very happy to have me home taking care of things. His response to my periodic laments about not having a job and contributing monetarily to the household, is to be surprised. He figures I save $20K a year by not having a job and being frugal.

I think you need to look at alternative ways to be involved in aviation and flying. And think about what God's purpose for you might be. Katie Brazelton wrote an excellent book called "Pathway to Purpose for Women", which, if you are Christian, I recommend you read.

Don't let the lack of a job get in the way of you being involved in aviation. Brainstorm alternative ways to be involved! I'm praying for you. Don't give up hope. Start thinking...what other talents/opportunities do you have? Is there something else staring you in the face?

{{{Hugs}}} and good vibes,

Jean
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Hi Jean, :)

Thank you so much for your kind words and support...and for sharing your story. :) Yes, I'm a Christian...I jotted down the book you recommended. Will check for it at the library tonight! :D

I've been trying to think of possibilities for aviation activity...up here there aren't a lot of clubs...Alaska Airman's (which holds events that you fly to); Civil Air Patrol (spendy to volunteer); small flying clubs (cost of flying).

I think just "branching out" is my answer... My Dh (who is wonderful and supportive...though can be ornery ;)) said we can/should get out and do more things up here. There's lots of outdoors activities. So, in 7 weeks we're going to go white water rafting and camping!! :D I'm reeeeeally excited about it!

I'd like to find some other things like that (but not that major...it costs, but not super crazy). Things I can do in town... Things are spendy here, but the new job will provide a teeny bit more income...so more flexibility. Not wanting to just spend money to spend it...but would like to enjoy some neat activities. And get some new hobbies going. :)

Prayers please...we always want God's will in our lives... :)
 

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I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. You see, my husband was in a SERIOUS car accident. He was at his prime. I posted this on another thread but I wanted you to know.... Dreams don't stop just because of a little fork in the road.

Back in 1999 DH was at the top of his game. I wasn't married to him then, "in fact" I wouldn't even date him because he thought he was all that and a bag of chips. To this today, he even laughs at how ridiculous "INTO HIMSELF" he was. He was a Deputy for the Sheriff's Dept in our town, Jailer at the Detention Center, Instructor at the Police Academy and also had a Worlds Title for the quickest submission in a match with the UFC professionally fighting.

One day on his way to the Sheriff's Dept to check in he had a wreck that would FOREVER change his life. An 18 wheeler hit his car, it spun into air and crashed/exploded and then ANOTHER 18 wheeler hit him again. DH was in a coma for 21 days. Doctors said he would have surely died but he was in such great physical shape and the Lord wasn't done with him.

Nursing home after nursing home, rehabilitation hospitals, assisted living facilities he is now fully rehabilitated. He has a speech impairment and has lost 20% of his right side and walks with a slight limp. He is now driving but because of his speech he can't communicate that well and jobs are scarse.

It's hard for him to be around police officers, watch UFC and even COPS because he misses it so much. That's hard for him to swallow.

He was mad at God for so very long and his mentor one day told him, "God didn't cause that wreck Justin, God "saved" you from that wreck".

He is due to give his testimony to the youth at the church this summer and well, we survive and I wouldn't have it any other way. Grace and love brought us back together and I wouldn't trade him for nothing.

We still have dreams.... they just get reverted. When one door closes dear another one opens. :hug2:
 

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I've picked up and started over so many times that I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round. I think the real "trick" is to never give up and to honestly believe that it's not over until it's over. I'm sending you good thoughts.
 

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I got married young and had kids with a abusive man spent many years in a bad marriage I was very unhappy then I got really sick almost died it was a life changing experience it was the hardest thing I ever done I had no money but I work three jobs and I did it my son who has mental illness and a lot of health problems at the young age of 26 (hes about to have surgarey and a liver biopsy etc) bares the scars of this abusive marriage I had to forgive myself many times
I moved many times and it was not easy I always new I deserved better and set
out to find someone . I found him working with my brother I found someone who is kind loving has always had my back and it has helped me in so many ways . I reinvented myself and my life . I know there are things I can't change my sons
illness my dads cancer my moms health. but I can change what I can . I think theres a pray that says this right. anyway I still look back and remember how life was and know that I did this I changed everything about my life and my youngest was raised in a loving home with myself and her stepdad she has turned out to be a very good adult. we are so proud of. I am living proof that
even when life is hard just hang in there do what you can cause as long as we have another day we have a chance. my prayers are with you
I was very sick again this year and changed my life again I guess that is the way god gets my attention
 
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