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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yesterday I watched Oprah and she had a program on what goes on behind the scenes once the show is over.

Goldie Hawn was on, along with Susan (I always get her last name wrong) and Oprah. All 3 are not married but are in successful relationships. A question asked of them was how did they manage that and here is what Goldie said.

"If woman all had careers, with their own money and secure in themselves financially, marriages would be totally different than what they are today. She said money is what causes so many problems in relationships, especially if your married, and don't have your own income".

Do you agree or disagree?
 

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I saw that show too (I rarely watch Oprah but did yesterday). You know, it really disturbed me to hear her say that. The jist I got from it is that women wouldn't "need" to get married if they had their own source of income and could buy whatever their hearts desired.

I personally believe that God designed marriage and not just for procreation.;) I am married to my best friend. Even if I had all the money I could ever want, my life would still be empty without my husband. We love and respect each other and really are happier together than apart. We completment each other and that builds us up and strengthens us as individuals. I cannot imagine life without him, nor would I want to. Yes, I do find security in my marriage. He and I chose to be together for the rest of our lives because we love, respect and enjoy each other.
 

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I agree completly. To assume that women only marry for financial security is ridiculous. I had my own job as well,and it did not affect my feelings for DH. I married him for love and to be with my best friend.
 

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I guess I'm a traditionalist. I believe in marriage and one bank account.We became One on that day. I believe that women need to go to work & stand on their own 2 feet for a while before marriage and starting a family. Marry after 24 or so seems like a good idea. I also think you should know how to handle money ,turn off the water , have insurance etc. You don't become a vegetable after getting married ,lol. You still grow & learn.

I'm secure in my skin. I'm a 42 yr. old wife and mom. My name is Darlene and I am somebody. My career at the time being is SAHM & wife. Who knows what I'll do later. Our money is our money. Works for me.:)
 

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I think marriage is a great thing, I am also married to a great man and I am a stay at home mom because that is what is right for us......

I do agreee with what she said though I have friends who are married and stay home and have no money because their husbands make the money and decide how it should be spent and each dime that is spent has to be accounted for so it can cause problems in marriage.. I think this was her point..

Eileen
 

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Darlene.....AMEN to what you said!!!!!!!!!!!:D
 

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I don't like what Goldie said...

Money or no money, I would be married to Pierre. When we met and it started to be serious, neither of us, ever counted who paid what and when. I paid as much things as he did, but never counted... I worked back then and all our savings were in one account and are still are. And I have never felt dependant to Pierre.

I couldn't agree more with what Darlene said. I am somebody, even if I am married to my dh. I am intelligent and know I can survive with or without Pierre. We are together because we love each other.:heartsm:
 

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Master Dollar Stretcher aka DixieBob
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I'm grouchy today, but I think Goldie Hawn and other Hollywood 'stars' don't have a clue about the real world.
I agree with Homeschoolmom. :)
 

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First of all, I think the term "man bashing" was invented by Oprah Winfrey anyways. I do not respect her, her opinions or anything about her. But she has discoved you can make alot of money hating men.

Second of all, as far as Goldie Hawn's opinion, there are more families today with dual incomes than there are families where the wife stays home, yet the divorce rate is up over 50%. Where as 50 years ago, the divorce rate was alot lower and there were more women staying at home. Hmmm, Maybe she should just go crawl back under that rock she's been living under, since she has no clue about the real world around her.
 

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I agree with Goldies remarks, not ALL but more women would not be married if they had/made more $.

I am not 100% sure DH and I would be married if I made more $.

We had a baby and didn't get married because of money(I got better school loans and grants not being married)

But after that there was no moetary benifit to staying single, but if there was we would have probable continued to live together.
 

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Dh and I would still be married, but things would definately be different. Things that needed to get done (like termite bond for house, replacing the splintered railing on the deck, buying school clothes and supplies) would take presidence over buying "gear" for supposed future geo caching and caving events that will never take place, a new video card for the computer, getting his car that's not even registered a $35 car wash, then going to the store and buying me yet another 1000 piece puzzle so I can't say he doesn't buy me anything yet I won't have time to do for another 10 years... We'd still be married, but the house would be maintained and I wouldn't have to steal from the account to buy my kids clothes.
 

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My parents had a traditional and christian marriage. What they had belonged to 'them' there was never this is yours and that is mine.

I don't believe 'many' people marry for money, although some do. And I didn't see the show (it's not on here) But I took what she said from your post to mean not that a woman married for money but if she was married already and had the same ammount of money as her husband the marriage would be different.

In a traditional or christian marriage this would never be an issue but unfortunately most people don't live with traditional and christian morals anymore and that is WHY we see so much divorce. (I'm not preaching here ~ that would be myself included! :( )

Because we choose to 'do it ourselves' and it doesn't work, because of this reason I think she's right, if you have mine and yours mentality and you have as much or more than him that changes everything.

Did any of that make sense? LOL ~ It's ok I know what I'm on about ;)
 

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When my dh and I met, I made more money than him. I had the good job with good benefits. Now, I choose to stay home with my boys. We have only one account. He makes the money, and I pay the bills and see that everyone has what they need. It works for us. He is my best friend. We are equal in the relationship. We have had times where we have had no money, had enough money, and not so much money again. We love each other for who we are and not what is in the bank. I was independant before we met, and I could do it again if I had to.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
First off, I respect Oprah. There are some things where I tend to disagree with her, but she has done a lot of good for a lot of people. And in this show, along with many shows that I've seen of hers, she was not bashing men. Nor for that matter was Goldie Hawn.

Having said that, this may come as quite a shock to a lot of you. I agree with what Goldie said. Many relationships go sour in a marriage because of money!!! There are fights over new cars, over a pretty dress, over debt, etc. I agree, they also go sour in relationships where there is no marriage certificate, but I think both parties would know that the woman could leave, that she doesn't have to solely rely on her partner, if she is financially set, and for that reason would work harder to make the relationship work. I'm not advocating living together, but I am saying that I think woman would be better off if they had their own fiances, other than their dh's.

I've know a number of woman, who are in horrible situations (married) and won't leave because they have no money and need to rely on their dh's money. My sil is one of them. She is in a horrible relationship, but knows if she leaves she'll be out on the street. What a horrible way to have to live in a marriage.

I love my dh dearly so please don't make this out as man bashing, because its not. Its about woman having some security in themselves financially, rather than only in their dh.
 

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Before DH and I married, we opened a joint savings account and we also lived together (I'm not proud of that at all) and shared the bills. After I graduated from college, I made more money than he did when I was working outside the home. Now that I work in our home teaching our kids, we live on his income alone. There have been some very scary and tight times financially in our marriage, but we work through them together. Eventually I will go back to working outside the home when my boys all grauduate and go off on their own, but the money will remain "ours". We make financial decisions together and that is the way we have always been.

I truely do feel sorry for women who find themselves in marriages where they are "controlled" by a man and he uses money as another "tool" to maintain control over her. That is abuse, plain and simple. For those women, I can see why it would be important to have your own source of income and even keep it seperate from your husband's income.

I'm just feeling very blessed to be married to my wonderful and hard working hubby! God gave me the desire of my heart when he brought my DH and I together. BTW, my DH wants me to be able to stay at home and educate our children because that is what we felt led to do. We have also told our boys that they are not allowed to marry until they can support a wife and children on their income alone so that their wife can stay home with their children IF that is what they both desire.:)
 

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Once again I am so pleased that we Villagers can take a topic, think differently and post our views and just agree to think.:) :thumb:
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Darlene, I have to agree. I love being challenged to think, to sometimes even change my views on things. It makes us grow and become who we are today.
 

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I agree with Goldie. I don't think she was "man bashing" (she lives with Kurt Russell, who could bash men if you had that to go home to everyday ;) ) .


I think her point was that if woman are financially secure in their relationships that it takes a lot of pressure off of the relationship.

I am an Oprah fan, I think she has done a lot of wonderful things for a lot of people. I think she is a great humanitarian and that she really feels for people because she came from a poor background and she can appreciate the struggles of the common man or woman.

Thanks for the great thread CJ, I love it when we can have such a great debate and we all respect each others opinions.
 

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I agree with CJ and Kathy.

I work outside the home, but only 20 hrs./week, and make about 1/3 of what I made a year ago. To make a long story short, my previous employer relocated out of state and I didn't wish to move. My dh is wonderful about me being at home, and since the birth of ds in January he's actually encouraged it and would like to see me not working at all. I don't contribute much to our finances, but do make it so that we're not completely strapped for cash (well, most of the time). Dh has absolutely NEVER made me feel like I don't have an equal say in our finances. He makes the money, I pay the bills & carry the checkbook. We consult each other on every large purchase we make. It is truly give and take in our relationship.:D
 

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CJ- I don't want you to think I meant that you (or anyone else here who does watch and respect Opera) are men bashers. Obviously, you're happily married, so obviously you don't hate men:D

But as far as Opera, that's probably another post for another day...
 
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